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A friend of ours has developed big problems! watch

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    Me and my mates have been struggling for a solution to this. We want to help the guy and I'd really appreciate advice, I know it's a long post and I apologize!
    Basically I am in a close circle of about fifteen friends, we are all outgoing, up for a laugh people and we always do stuff together like holidays and whatnot.
    The problem lies in one of the group members. He's been mates with us for about two years and he's a little bit more eccentric than us and has had a very sheltered upbringing, he didn't really have many other 'best' mates but we thought he was a cool guy so we didn't mind him being mates with us.
    He then went to uni. He made zero friends in his first year and is having to share a house with his female cousin and her female friends next year. At uni he NEVER goes out, all he does is study for law and other not-very-social things. When he's home he spends a lot of time with us, which is really good but here's where the problem is:
    -He can no longer have fun.
    -He looks at EVERYTHING in the most pessimistic way, then voices is pessimism to us all, which is annoying, especially when we're on a lads holiday and all he wants to do is complain.
    -He talks constant drivel. Nothing he says is really true anymore but he tries to impress us with facts but they just aren't true!
    -He is very, very irritable and shouts at us for nothing.
    -He cannot take a joke. At all.
    -He is incredibly egocentric, (he actually, in all seriousness, claimed that his taste in music was the 'correct' one! No joke.)
    -He has delusions of grandeur. He claimed he can have Amir Khan in a fight and that he is a better batsman than Monty Panesar. He wasn't joking.

    We want our mate back, but he's just becoming this enormous arse. What to do? He's just becoming less and less tolerable!

    Thanks for any help.
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    Tell him, seriously. Just say to him maybe not all 15 of you but 1 or 2 maybe?
    He will probably go back to the way he was or tell you why he's changed.
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    if you don't like him anymore just stop hanging around with him. don't expect people to radically change their personalities to please you.
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    Remind him of how he used to be and just try to bring out your old mate again slowly. It won't be an overnight thing, but good luck, sounds like you're a good mate for caring about him.
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    Isn't Monty more of a bowler, to be fair?
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    When I see or hear of people like that sometimes I get concerned that there's an underlying problem that isn't being detected or something. I'm no doctor so I have no idea what that could be... I mean, maybe he is just being an arse, but it would be sad if something was wrong with him and he wasn't getting help for it.

    Options are either being straight with him (I agree, just one or two close mates speaking to him) and laying the cards on the table. Say that you don't appreciate the pessimism and how he talks to you all. Maybe even ask if there's something wrong?

    If you were concerned about his mental health (it's just an idea, I could be totally totally wrong here) I would talk to his sister or mum/dad or someone close that you're concerned about his pessimism and the sort of things he has been saying which you find odd. Maybe even discuss how he's become quite anti-social and introverted. If it sounds like you're concerned they shouldn't take offence! I hope you get it sorted.
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    (Original post by Eric Arthur)
    Isn't Monty more of a bowler, to be fair?
    He probably used Monty as an example of a world class cricketer but not the best batsman, so his mate probably just thinks it's realistic to say he's better, but it wouldn't be as Monty wouldn't have made the team if he couldn't bat well. Or something.
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    I WAS JUST JOKING.

    No need to try and rationalise it, jeez.
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    A lot of people can bat better than Monty. If he had said KP, then it would be different.
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    (Original post by Eric Arthur)
    I WAS JUST JOKING.

    No need to try and rationalise it, jeez.
    LMFAO!

    OP, I think one or two of your mates should talk to him privately and tell him exactly what you've just written.
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    I would ask him if he is generally ok. It's no good telling him he's being an arse and making you all hate him if there is an underlying reason. Tell him he's a lot different to how he used to be, that you're a little concerned because he doesn't seem as happy, ask if there's anything going on that he wants to talk about or wants help with. If he doesn't tell you then there is probably not much you can do. I doubt he'll change unless he can accept that he's not the same as he used to be.
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    It's quite possible that he has mental health issues - he's depressed, and he argues and acts like he's better than everyone else in an attempt to make himself feel better or feel worthy or something.

    However, it's also possible that he has just become an absolute prick.

    You guys need to talk to him about it.
    EDIT: I should probably point out that if you're going to say all that you've said to us to him, he will not take it well. It will make him feel ******* than he already feels, if that's the case. You need a VERY softly softly approach, as well as remembering that he might not realise he's being an absolute knob.
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    To be fair, I think my Gran's a better batsman than Monty Panesar
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    tell him to cut it out.
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    Your gran's a batsman?
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    My best suggestion is that you talk to him directly about these 'issues' and why they concern you. If he is having difficulty making friends at uni try to suggest ways that he can meet new people- join clubs etc.
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    Im no expert whatsoever but from previous experience and from my own experience from the litte info I have mayb someone should look into the possibility of him being on the autistic spectrum
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    I'm more interested in the Panesar thing. Monty averages like 8.5 in first class cricket for Northants. That average is probably pushed up quite a bit by his regularly finishing an innings whilst still "not-out", which is common for a tail-end batsman. In fact, 47 of his 130 first class innings (36%) have ended in that manner.

    If your friend is a pretty good club cricketer (or very good youth cricketer) who is mainly a batsman, then I don't think it'd be ridiculous for him to claim that he's better than Panesar.
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    He's obviosuly had a **** year at uni which has taken it out of him. A few bad weeks can mess some one up, can't imagine how he is feeling after a year of it. You and your friends seem to care about him so don't give up, it'll take time, but be there for him when he needs it. If he starts moaning, just get straight to the point, ask him why he thinks it, then give him a solution/end the depressing conversation and go onto something more fun.
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    (Original post by cchilstonev1)
    Me and my mates have been struggling for a solution to this. We want to help the guy and I'd really appreciate advice, I know it's a long post and I apologize!
    Basically I am in a close circle of about fifteen friends, we are all outgoing, up for a laugh people and we always do stuff together like holidays and whatnot.
    The problem lies in one of the group members. He's been mates with us for about two years and he's a little bit more eccentric than us and has had a very sheltered upbringing, he didn't really have many other 'best' mates but we thought he was a cool guy so we didn't mind him being mates with us.
    He then went to uni. He made zero friends in his first year and is having to share a house with his female cousin and her female friends next year. At uni he NEVER goes out, all he does is study for law and other not-very-social things. When he's home he spends a lot of time with us, which is really good but here's where the problem is:
    -He can no longer have fun.
    -He looks at EVERYTHING in the most pessimistic way, then voices is pessimism to us all, which is annoying, especially when we're on a lads holiday and all he wants to do is complain.
    -He talks constant drivel. Nothing he says is really true anymore but he tries to impress us with facts but they just aren't true!
    -He is very, very irritable and shouts at us for nothing.
    -He cannot take a joke. At all.
    -He is incredibly egocentric, (he actually, in all seriousness, claimed that his taste in music was the 'correct' one! No joke.)
    -He has delusions of grandeur. He claimed he can have Amir Khan in a fight and that he is a better batsman than Monty Panesar. He wasn't joking.

    We want our mate back, but he's just becoming this enormous arse. What to do? He's just becoming less and less tolerable!

    Thanks for any help.
    Just speak to him. Let him know that he's burning all his bridges and pretty soon he's going to be without a friend in the world so he should take a good hard look at himself and try to resurrect the person he used to be.
 
 
 
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