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Worth splitting over? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah - sorry if I put too much emphasis on the financial benefits of staying together I swear, I want to stay with him for better reasons, it's just the money/lack of friends who live nearby that's keeping me here for the minute. Also, the financial aspect of this situation is somthing that has to be resolved pretty much immediately, as opposed to my personal life which is an ongoing thing, and can wait.

    I have been actually been looking for other flats, and am arranging to view one some time next week. I've made it clear to him that I will definitely be going, and that he can come with me, but only if he clears up his act. He seemed to be affected by that, and I hope it's for the better.

    Good for you! He will come with you if he wants it to work. And if he does, you have your answer in that he does want you and want to stay with you.
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    Personally I wouldn't stay with a guy in that circumstance but you're not me so it's got to be your decision. I think if you stay with him and act like nothing's happened then he may feel he's got away with it (as you mentioned) and who's to say he won't do it again or something even worse to see how far he can push his luck?

    If you do stay with him, how tempted are you going to be to read his texts/emails? How are you going to interpret behaviour like being protective of his phone or going out somewhere? Because I think something like this could cause massive trust issues and it may eventually break the relationship anyway because you'll be wanting to know where he is and who he's texting all the time.
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    (Original post by plerpler)
    You might be mistaking optimism for arrogance you know. To be fair it sounds like he's right too, as in the future of the relationship does seem to depend more on him.

    Personally I'd be long gone by now in your situation though. But that's me.
    Hmm... surely if he were being optimistic he'd say "I could get her back is I try." Not "if I choose to".

    The "choose" part of it makes me wonder if he thinks I'm just there as an option that he can either take or leave, when in reality that's not true. I don't want to confront him over this, though, as then I;d have to admit that I read his messages again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm... surely if he were being optimistic he'd say "I could get her back is I try." Not "if I choose to".

    The "choose" part of it makes me wonder if he thinks I'm just there as an option that he can either take or leave, when in reality that's not true. I don't want to confront him over this, though, as then I;d have to admit that I read his messages again
    Good point actually. I do wonder though percentage of even the totally perfect relationships out there wouldn't have lasted if the people involved saw what their partners were saying about them to others...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh yeah, and when I asked why he did it, he says that it was just for fun, and that he isn't interested in her personality, or having a relationshiop with her (I completely believe him on this, as she's fairly unstable). He says that he enjoyed the attention, and that he deliberately led her on so that she would stay interested in him.
    He's a straight up player and couldn't help going back to old habits. Maybe you are the one for him, but he sounds like a bit of a loser if he has to play with other girls emotions to feel good about himself

    Also if I was going out with a girl who went through my messages she would be dumped. So neither of you a perfect
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    A stern talking to the fella is needed here.
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    (Original post by kingtoke)
    He's a straight up player and couldn't help going back to old habits. Maybe you are the one for him, but he sounds like a bit of a loser if he has to play with other girls emotions to feel good about himself

    Also if I was going out with a girl who went through my messages she would be dumped. So neither of you a perfect
    Oh, I wasn't jsut going through his messages. I called him once when he was out, and the phone rang in the house because he'd left it at home. I really needed to speak to him, so I then went to his inbox to see who had invited him out, so I could phone them instead. That's when I noticed he'd sent about 50 texts to our friend's gf in the last couple of days, and then the whole situation began. I don't think I was being out of order, really :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh, I wasn't jsut going through his messages. I called him once when he was out, and the phone rang in the house because he'd left it at home. I really needed to speak to him, so I then went to his inbox to see who had invited him out, so I could phone them instead. That's when I noticed he'd sent about 50 texts to our friend's gf in the last couple of days, and then the whole situation began. I don't think I was being out of order, really :/
    I don't think you were either. My boyfriend and I feel free to look at one anothers phones, purely because neither have anything to hide. I don't see what the problem is, if you share thoughts, feelings, space why would it matter, unless there was an explicit reason i.e. a friend had asked them to keep a secret (in our case, that usually involves telling the other anyway).

    I don't see why, if he is so besotted with you, he would need another girl to give him an ego boost and make his feel wanted. In my experience, people only continue trying to play the game whilst in a relationship when they are with people who don't fully make them happy. That sounds quite harsh, but maybe it's a realistic possibilty which you should consider. On the other hand, he may have made a genuine mistake, that's not for TSR to judge.
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    this exact same thing happened to me after a year and a half of being with him, except we wern't living together. I followed my heart and gave him another chance. however, he kept on doing it with various other girls. i'm not saying this is what your bf will do, im just talking from experience.
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    (Original post by whats it to you?)
    this exact same thing happened to me after a year and a half of being with him, except we wern't living together. I followed my heart and gave him another chance. however, he kept on doing it with various other girls. i'm not saying this is what your bf will do, im just talking from experience.
    This is what I'm afraid will happen

    Thanks for sharing, btw. It's helpful to hear from people who have been in similar situations.
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    I think you did the right thing, yes he didnt do anything with her but leading her on like that and flirting etc, your spose to be the only girl he does that with, not any other girl. In my opinion thats almost as bad as cheating. Go out and find yourself someone who you deserve.
 
 
 
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