Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Friend who fancied me stops talking as much now I have a girlfriend Watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    furthermore she is pretty ugly
    :rofl: I didn't read it all, but that bit got me..
    Some nice friend you are! :rolleyes:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hexasol)
    :facepalm:

    To be fair, you are trying to shove the fact you're in a relationship down her throat a bit.

    You know she likes you, and you're telling her everyday about your 'amazing' girlfriend and how you love her etc, and you expect her to say "GOOD ON YER LAD, YOU GOT A FINE LASS THERE!"

    You're making the situation with her awkward by telling her all about your girlfriend when she obviously has feelings for you. And tbh, what else would someone say when you're talking about to someone about your girlfriend, or even anyone. "Yes, you seemed to have a fantastic time without me. Did you see dolphins?" There really isn't anything to say.

    Just leave her to get over it and stop shoving the fact you have a girlfriend that isn't her down her throat.

    /rant.
    This.

    It's really hard to get over someone when they keep talking to your about their new girlfriend; leave her to deal with it in her own time and don't expect her to be happy you've got a girlfriend that you keep raving about to her.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rizzletastic)
    I wonder how the responses would change if the genders in this story were reversed...
    Thank you, that's exactly my thoughts. It'd be "Well serves you right for wanting to bang her because of the way she looks, you're a shallow loser".

    (Original post by Hexasol)
    :facepalm:

    To be fair, you are trying to shove the fact you're in a relationship down her throat a bit.

    You know she likes you, and you're telling her everyday about your 'amazing' girlfriend and how you love her etc, and you expect her to say "GOOD ON YER LAD, YOU GOT A FINE LASS THERE!"

    You're making the situation with her awkward by telling her all about your girlfriend when she obviously has feelings for you. And tbh, what else would someone say when you're talking about to someone about your girlfriend, or even anyone. "Yes, you seemed to have a fantastic time without me. Did you see dolphins?" There really isn't anything to say.

    Just leave her to get over it and stop shoving the fact you have a girlfriend that isn't her down her throat.

    /rant.
    I'm not shoving it down her throat, she asks me what I've done past few days I tell her, I don't even go into detail. I don't say "oh she's so amazing, I love her so much" etc. You're just making all that bit up. I just want a bit of interest and recognition that I'm happy, that's all. I've had girls I really like get with a guy infront of my face, sure it hurts like a ***** but I've always mustered up the decency to say "hope all goes well for you" or "you look happy with him, good on you". And if I like the girl as a person I'd want to stay friends with her at least.

    That's all, it isn't hard is it? I mean, I've spent the past half year basically depressed binging on drugs and doing bugger all, I've basically gained my life back and she doesn't even give a **** because all she cares about is if my **** is available or not, what a friend.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    Can someone read through this please (I hope it's not too long winded/complicated)?

    There was a girl who I have no interest with dating or anything like that, and we naturally got talking months and months ago eventually growing to what I thought is a close friend. At first all our friends (we're part of the same group of friends) were saying things like "She won't leave you alone till she gets to shag you".

    Now this really annoys me when people say that, furthermore she is pretty ugly (I don't know how to put it nicely, but it's a forum so meh). She rarely ever seems to date guys or whatever, we talked about loads of stuff like good friends do and got on well.

    Then when I get a girlfriend who I'm insanely crazy about, suddenly she hardly ever talks and generally ***** off all the time when I put in effort to talk to her. Firstly, I've been on a bit of a downer basically the whole year and it's pretty obvious how happy I am and how I've straightened out and got my act together since I got a girlfriend... She has no interest in that at all it seems, she hasn't even gave me a 'congratulations', 'good for you' or anything like that, other friends have and their happy for me.

    I spark up conversation with her about the things she does an she goes off talking loads and I show interest like I always have, then I tell her about my day with the girl I'm seeing (I don't do much else) and she's like... "Cool..." or "oh fairplay..." and that's it.

    Secondly, I really take offence to this because I would of happily told her to **** off the second I found out she was interested in me because she wanted to shag me and that's it. But instead I took the time to see if we could just be friends. She's 19 years old and we've been 'friends' for 6-9 months.

    Doesn't it just seem a little weird, it's really annoying me. Should I just ignore her from now on, I can't be arsed to make an effort to talk to people if they just want to get me naked or whatever it is that motivated her to talk to me. I feel like going to my friends and saying how much she does my head in and I now hate her because she's acting like a ****, it'll eventually reach her which would be good.

    It seems like such a selfish act, and at the time I was starting to see the girl she was blatantly trying to persuade me it isn't worth seeing her. Again I feel like taking offence, should I? I just ignored it, because I knew she fancied me like a little teenage brat, but I thought maybe she had enough sort of maturity and intelligence to realise... I would never ever be anything more than a friend to her!

    Yea I hate her so much, even more after typing this, blaaahh. Should I let me friends know how much I'm pissed off at her selfish act? Or just bottle it up and be the nice person again. Either way, should I just ditch this so called friendship because it isn't doing anything good for me.

    i know exactly how you feel, same things just happened to me but my friend and I had been for approx 2 years and i valued him as a best friend so it's even worse. i knew he fancied me but was always straight with him that i wasn't interested and saw him more as a brother but then as soon as I got a boyfriend he said he wanted some space to get over it, which was fair enough, but then after 7 weeks of not hearing from him i'm filled with bitter thoughts and resentment that make me really angry and can't see our friendship ever being what it was. to me he was my best friend, now all i see looking back is someone that made an effort with me because they fancied me and dropped me when they realised there was no hope, somebody who was never really my friend as this hasn't been maintained just because i have a boyfriend. what makes it worse is i go to uni in september and he was one of three or four people i wanted to keep in touch with, now i don't see it happening... but to get back to your situation i'd have it out with the girl, show you understand that she's hurt but that her actions are making you bitter and if she really wants to be your friend she will make more of an effort, if she was never really a friend then you've lost nothing. it really angers me that people are this petty at our age. we're 18-21, if the person you fancy doesn't fancy you GET OVER IT. you're young it's not like you were going to get married! that's my perspective anyway, just wish other people could be less immature...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    situation is too obvious. she likes you. doesnt like knowing about your new gf.
    so she is avoiding you so she doesnt have to hear about it.
    i wouldnt expect her to give you all the good "congrats" that you get from friends, she was not a friend.
    she just fancied you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    I just don't think it's fair that I can't be friends with someone because of the way I look. That's what it feels like, I'm either a shag target or a nobody to her, that's the way I'm seeing it.

    It's like saying you can either be her boyfriend or not know her at all, there isn't a middle ground, it's stupid you'd think people have the decency and courage to at least type something on msn even. I mean face to face it might be hard, but at least put a bit of effort into pressing a ******* keyboard. Ahhh well, never mind, what a bore maybe I'm just looking to complain about things.
    So cos she fancies you, you just assume all she wants to do is shag you? she might have actually wanted to go out with you, not all girls are after one thing, it's obviously hurt her so my guess is she wanted more than a shag otherwise she'd be over it by now.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    Can someone read through this please (I hope it's not too long winded/complicated)?

    There was a girl who I have no interest with dating or anything like that, and we naturally got talking months and months ago eventually growing to what I thought is a close friend. At first all our friends (we're part of the same group of friends) were saying things like "She won't leave you alone till she gets to shag you".

    Now this really annoys me when people say that, furthermore she is pretty ugly (I don't know how to put it nicely, but it's a forum so meh). She rarely ever seems to date guys or whatever, we talked about loads of stuff like good friends do and got on well.

    Then when I get a girlfriend who I'm insanely crazy about, suddenly she hardly ever talks and generally ***** off all the time when I put in effort to talk to her. Firstly, I've been on a bit of a downer basically the whole year and it's pretty obvious how happy I am and how I've straightened out and got my act together since I got a girlfriend... She has no interest in that at all it seems, she hasn't even gave me a 'congratulations', 'good for you' or anything like that, other friends have and their happy for me.

    I spark up conversation with her about the things she does an she goes off talking loads and I show interest like I always have, then I tell her about my day with the girl I'm seeing (I don't do much else) and she's like... "Cool..." or "oh fairplay..." and that's it.

    Secondly, I really take offence to this because I would of happily told her to **** off the second I found out she was interested in me because she wanted to shag me and that's it. But instead I took the time to see if we could just be friends. She's 19 years old and we've been 'friends' for 6-9 months.

    Doesn't it just seem a little weird, it's really annoying me. Should I just ignore her from now on, I can't be arsed to make an effort to talk to people if they just want to get me naked or whatever it is that motivated her to talk to me. I feel like going to my friends and saying how much she does my head in and I now hate her because she's acting like a ****, it'll eventually reach her which would be good.

    It seems like such a selfish act, and at the time I was starting to see the girl she was blatantly trying to persuade me it isn't worth seeing her. Again I feel like taking offence, should I? I just ignored it, because I knew she fancied me like a little teenage brat, but I thought maybe she had enough sort of maturity and intelligence to realise... I would never ever be anything more than a friend to her!

    Yea I hate her so much, even more after typing this, blaaahh. Should I let me friends know how much I'm pissed off at her selfish act? Or just bottle it up and be the nice person again. Either way, should I just ditch this so called friendship because it isn't doing anything good for me.
    I think your the one with insecurities. You knew she fancied you so you shouldnt really try to be friends with her, but then you lead her on and spark up a big friendship that she would probably class as you being interested. This shows you cant make friends easily and you had to befriend someone who was attracted to you.

    Now when you have a girlfriend, what do you expect her to do? She never was your friend, she just fancied you. You were her 'friend', but you upset her by making her jealous.

    I dont think she will want to speak to you, so stop tormenting her and get on with your life and new girlfriend if your life is so much better now. Leave her alone.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    I'm not shoving it down her throat, she asks me what I've done past few days I tell her, I don't even go into detail. I don't say "oh she's so amazing, I love her so much" etc. You're just making all that bit up. I just want a bit of interest and recognition that I'm happy, that's all. I've had girls I really like get with a guy infront of my face, sure it hurts like a ***** but I've always mustered up the decency to say "hope all goes well for you" or "you look happy with him, good on you". And if I like the girl as a person I'd want to stay friends with her at least.

    That's all, it isn't hard is it? I mean, I've spent the past half year basically depressed binging on drugs and doing bugger all, I've basically gained my life back and she doesn't even give a **** because all she cares about is if my **** is available or not, what a friend.
    Oh god. You're so stupid. You're friends say she wants to shag you as a joke, she just fancies you, doesn't mean that she instantly wants to get in your pants.

    Tbh, I feel sorry for the girl, fancying some fool like you.

    And for the conversation thing

    Girl: So, what have you been up to?
    You: Just with my girlfriend
    Girl: Sounds fun

    That is an average conversation, and i'm just going on what you've told us what it's like. She doesn't seem to be acting cold about it, just talking as usual ¬.¬
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hexasol)
    Oh god. You're so stupid. You're friends say she wants to shag you as a joke, she just fancies you, doesn't mean that she instantly wants to get in your pants.

    Tbh, I feel sorry for the girl, fancying some fool like you.

    And for the conversation thing

    Girl: So, what have you been up to?
    You: Just with my girlfriend
    Girl: Sounds fun

    That is an average conversation, and i'm just going on what you've told us what it's like. She doesn't seem to be acting cold about it, just talking as usual ¬.¬
    :laugh: No they wasn't joking, it's been said many times, even by her. What's so hard to believe? Guys do it all the time, pretend to get on with someone just so they can get laid... this girl tries do it too.

    read loulapops post, it sums it up perfectly. It's a false friendship, she was only ever friends with me so she could end up in bed, she said it from the start and maybe I should paid more attention to that.

    And no, maybe that's an average conversation for you but it isn't for most people. She had plenty to say to say on the matter while I was just seeing this girl, then once it was official, bam, out come the one word replies instead of 5 minutes chatter about it.

    She was even trying to persuade me not to see the girl because I'm going to Uni this year and it won't work out, **** her, that's being selfish right there. Trying to deprive me of being happy just so she can get what she wants, I rarely ever go out with girls I only ever do if I feel something different or special and she knows that... but she still tries to persuade me not to, if she wasn't such a dumbass it wouldn't be so see through what she was trying to do.

    Anyway, from my experience, I can put killer plans together. I'm going wait patiently then when the time comes when people ask what's happened I'm going to make her look like a shallow, selfish, desperate whore. Waste of time putting in effort for a friendship that's built on physical attraction from one person.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    Should I let me friends know how much I'm pissed off at her selfish act?
    You're the one with the problem here, not her. She liked you in a romantic way, you didn't reciprocate. What more can you offer her? Just because she fancied you doesn't mean she wants to be your friend.

    Don't get bitter over unrequited friendship. You both set out with very different ideas of what you wanted from one-another, and neither has been satisfied.

    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    also, it isn't fair because she fancied me for the way I look.
    She fancied you only for your appearance? What gives you that idea?

    (Original post by thatsjustit)
    How can you not understand her actions? She liked you, now you have a girlfriend and it's not her, so she is jealous and hurt. She lays low, which is the best thing she could do, and you dont get that? Wow.
    I don't really see why anyone would assume she's jealous. She's simply unhappy that things clearly haven't worked out, and the OP getting a girlfriend probably showed that to her in a way that his lack of romantic interest did not.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by L i b)
    She fancied you only for your appearance? What gives you that idea?
    Because that's all she ever talked about for the first few months, before I even talked to her she was saying things like "I'm not going to leave him alone till I shag him", it's all I ever heard, from other people or simply overhearing her talking to people since we were in the same group of friends.

    Being part of the same group of 5-6 friends it's hard not to try to get to know someone, it's not like I was leading her on.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    Oh, maybe I am. But I did set the record straight time and time again from the start. I said to her and to friends, I thought she'd have accepted that and either buggered off or become friends with me.



    I want a congratulations from a friend who I thought cared about me as a person now that I'm happy. But instead it feels like she doesn't actually care about me she just wants to have sex with me, or say I'm her boyfriend.

    It just seems selfish.
    This could be true.
    Or she genuinely liked you, and can't even bring herself to talk to you because she's so hurt by the fact you've got a girlfriend/didn't like her. I think maybe she needs some "space" from the "situation". Stop talking to her for a bit?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    For someone who is complaining about their friend failing them I am not exactly being overwhelmed by your own empathy. And since when did wanting to sleep with someone And be in a relationship with them have to be mutually exclusive?

    This point in your relationship with her was always going to be difficult and maybe it just won't work out. Time to just get over it, enjoy your new girlfriend and you 'mancandy looks' :rolleyes:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    Can someone read through this please (I hope it's not too long winded/complicated)?

    There was a girl who I have no interest with dating or anything like that, and we naturally got talking months and months ago eventually growing to what I thought is a close friend. At first all our friends (we're part of the same group of friends) were saying things like "She won't leave you alone till she gets to shag you".

    Now this really annoys me when people say that, furthermore she is pretty ugly (I don't know how to put it nicely, but it's a forum so meh). She rarely ever seems to date guys or whatever, we talked about loads of stuff like good friends do and got on well.

    Then when I get a girlfriend who I'm insanely crazy about, suddenly she hardly ever talks and generally ***** off all the time when I put in effort to talk to her. Firstly, I've been on a bit of a downer basically the whole year and it's pretty obvious how happy I am and how I've straightened out and got my act together since I got a girlfriend... She has no interest in that at all it seems, she hasn't even gave me a 'congratulations', 'good for you' or anything like that, other friends have and their happy for me.

    I spark up conversation with her about the things she does an she goes off talking loads and I show interest like I always have, then I tell her about my day with the girl I'm seeing (I don't do much else) and she's like... "Cool..." or "oh fairplay..." and that's it.

    Secondly, I really take offence to this because I would of happily told her to **** off the second I found out she was interested in me because she wanted to shag me and that's it. But instead I took the time to see if we could just be friends. She's 19 years old and we've been 'friends' for 6-9 months.

    Doesn't it just seem a little weird, it's really annoying me. Should I just ignore her from now on, I can't be arsed to make an effort to talk to people if they just want to get me naked or whatever it is that motivated her to talk to me. I feel like going to my friends and saying how much she does my head in and I now hate her because she's acting like a ****, it'll eventually reach her which would be good.

    It seems like such a selfish act, and at the time I was starting to see the girl she was blatantly trying to persuade me it isn't worth seeing her. Again I feel like taking offence, should I? I just ignored it, because I knew she fancied me like a little teenage brat, but I thought maybe she had enough sort of maturity and intelligence to realise... I would never ever be anything more than a friend to her!

    Yea I hate her so much, even more after typing this, blaaahh. Should I let me friends know how much I'm pissed off at her selfish act? Or just bottle it up and be the nice person again. Either way, should I just ditch this so called friendship because it isn't doing anything good for me.
    Just shag her?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cupid Stunt)
    :laugh: No they wasn't joking, it's been said many times, even by her. What's so hard to believe? Guys do it all the time, pretend to get on with someone just so they can get laid... this girl tries do it too.

    read loulapops post, it sums it up perfectly. It's a false friendship, she was only ever friends with me so she could end up in bed, she said it from the start and maybe I should paid more attention to that.

    And no, maybe that's an average conversation for you but it isn't for most people. She had plenty to say to say on the matter while I was just seeing this girl, then once it was official, bam, out come the one word replies instead of 5 minutes chatter about it.

    She was even trying to persuade me not to see the girl because I'm going to Uni this year and it won't work out, **** her, that's being selfish right there. Trying to deprive me of being happy just so she can get what she wants, I rarely ever go out with girls I only ever do if I feel something different or special and she knows that... but she still tries to persuade me not to, if she wasn't such a dumbass it wouldn't be so see through what she was trying to do.

    Anyway, from my experience, I can put killer plans together. I'm going wait patiently then when the time comes when people ask what's happened I'm going to make her look like a shallow, selfish, desperate whore. Waste of time putting in effort for a friendship that's built on physical attraction from one person.
    Maybe the conversation thing was a bit magnified, bit more than one word answers :P

    But you and Lolpops are on the receiving end of the feelings people have for you, not the other way around. You're trying to find out why she is acting in that way, not how she is reacting.

    I seriously doubt she wanted to get laid, if she wanted to get laid she would have done it with anyone. But no, she liked you and wanted to get to know you. Of course she's going to have some resentment towards your girlfriends.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hexasol)
    I seriously doubt she wanted to get laid, if she wanted to get laid she would have done it with anyone. But no, she liked you and wanted to get to know you. Of course she's going to have some resentment towards your girlfriends.
    She would get laid by anyone, but she isn't good looking at all so she never does really. She says it about a lot of people not just me, I took time to be her friend though whereas others don't, only she was a little more obsessive over me from the start, maybe it was a mistake to even try being her friend. Oh well, I don't really care now she doesn't even talk when I see her, no more effort is going in if a conversation starts I can't be bothered with people like that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You keep saying all she wanted was shallow physical stuff from you, but i think if it was just about sex, she'd just move onto another unrequited lust thing. If you weren't attracted to her, and evidently are defensive about it, your friends were probarbly winding you up about her being on some kind of mission to shag you. If you were good friends beforehand she probarbly liked you for a lot more than your looks. And maybe it isn't an attraction thing, thats prompting her to act weirdly. If she doesn't date people very often and then suddenley a close friend has his life sorted and is happy, maybe its a general jealousy. If so, as a person who's got their life together and pulled themselves from dark times, you should maybe be empathetic. When you were single, depressed, bingeing on drugs etc i bet you'd have found it hard to conceal slight disapointment when you heard about your friends doing really well.

    Yes, she needs to get over it and be happy for you. But don't take it so personally. Hey if you're this bothered about her being dismissive maybe you have a thing for her after all? Obviously despite her being 'ugly' and you being the shag magnet you make out.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by serendipity_*)
    Maybe shes just trying to back off a bit - if its obvious she likes you then maybe she doesn't want to come across like shes flirting with you and stuff when you have a girlfriend.
    This is very likely.

    OP; Why are you feeling so offended? I honestly don't know what you expect her to do?
    She has feelings for you so she is doing the only thing she can in this situation; She is backing off a little and keeping her distance for a while so that she can a.) get used to you having a girlfriend and adapt to the new situation and the emotions that have been stirred up by her and b.) backing off because she doesn't want to inadvertenly interfere with your new relationship or to be seen as if she flirting with you or worse, trying to break up your new relationship...

    I think it would be weird if she just automatically accepted it and started giving you the *high fives* on finding a new girlfriend...No idea how you could expect that from her, i'm afraid it's totally unreasonable.

    People get jealous all the time you know! Try not to be so critical, especially in this case where it sounds like she really cares about you (enough to get jealous). Don't do anything rash, don't let your ego destroy your friendship (which it sounds like it potentially might), give her time to get used to you having a girlfriend. Just be patient and give her space.

    It sounds like she is doing the mature thing.

    Good luck
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I feel quite sorry for this friend actually. She likes you and has spent all this time with you and now you have a girlfriend who you want to talk about? That would be pretty gutting. I think you need to get some perpective and think about how it would feel if it happened to you.

    Just give her space so she can get over you.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 24, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.