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Feels like a long relationship is coming to and end. Watch

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    Hey there. I'm posting here because I need to get something off my chest, and I don't feel I can talk to my friends about it - so please keep anon.

    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now, we basically do everything together and have had some great times together, but recently I feel that our relationship could be coming to an end.

    Over the past few months meeting up with her has become more of a chore than something I look forward too. It seems that at every opportunity when she's not working, or i'm not working - she wants to spend time together. We've been together since we were 14, and she's been my only serious girlfriend.

    She has also been saying that she wants to leave Uni and have a baby so she can be with me. She was totaly serious and even went to Brook to talk to someone about this. This completely flipped me out as I feel like my life is only just starting, and that is the last thing in life that i'd want. I feel like I don't know her anymore.

    I'm starting to feel now that the relationship is holding me back in how I want to live my life. I can't go out at night with just my friends, and whenever I want to spend time with them as apposed to meeting her, she kicks off or insists on coming with. I'm off to Uni in September after an unscheduled gap year after a period at another Uni didn't work out for me. I feel that being in a relationship contributed to this as she ended up seeing me every weeked and kinda alienated me abit, though I can't blame her as it was my own problem too.

    The thing is, i'm not happy - I feel I want so much more freedom and so much more from life but i'm just unable to end it. I've had this feeling for ages now, but it feels like i'd just completely collapse if I broke up with her, yet I don't think I feel the same way any more

    Sorry for the long rant, i've just never had the ability to get these issues off my chest.
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    You're not anon.
    But if you feel this way you should really talk to her about it.
    I know its easier said than done, but if she is so serious about your relationship and you aren't you need to let her know sooner rather than later.
    Talking may also help you solve these problems, if you want to that is.

    Good Luck though, I know its not easy
    Ruth x
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    Firstly, your not anon!

    You need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel and either break up with her or go on break to see if a bit of space is all you need.
    You've been together a long time, of course your going to feel like you want to try new things, but is breaking up with her something you 100% want?
    It seems you've thought about things alot, so you just now need to do what you feel is right, and talk to her too.
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    The only way this will have a happy ending is if you end it with her.

    When a relationship becomes a chore, it is no longer a worthwhile relationship.
    Hell, she might even be grateful in a few months when she reflects on the fact she wanted to have a baby with you so young. Young love is very delusional y'know
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    Damn, well I have friends on here but none of them know my user so it might be ok! I clicked post thread, but it said i'd already posted (which I hadn't) so I clicked 'submit' again without thinking to check anon -.-

    Thanks for the words guys. It's tearing me apart and kinda feels like whatever decision I make will be the wrong one.
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    First of all, massive :hugs:
    You sound like a lovely guy and this must be hard for you.

    You're unusual in that most people who get with someone at 14, have lasted until this age. At 14, I thought my boy and I were going to be together forever....13months down the line and it was a different matter :p:
    But just because you've made it this far, doesn't mean it has to last forever. If you're not getting what you want out of it, then you really do have to consider your options. Consider her feelings, yes, but you've not signed anything, as it were, saying you'll never break up.

    You're showing signs of resentment aswell, which I would say is a massive warning sign - you've said it's not just her fault for you being alientated at uni, but you've acknowledged that she's played a part..and that you can't go out as you'd like to etc. Imagine your relationship continuing..marriage, kids etc. How are you going to feel in ten years time, in twenty? Will you resent her for making you feel trapped at such a young age? That's not healthy at all.


    When relationships have been going for a long time, I think it's easy to get into a rut..they become normality so much that you forget there's life outside. I mean yes, everyone goes through the honeymoon period at the start when everything is super special and amazing, and then they come out of it, and things can seem quite basic after that...but after so long it's possible you're only with her because you've forgotten hwat its like not to be with her...if that makes sense. Again, I don't think that's healthy. Life without her would be scary, yes, but it could be what you need.

    If she's changing as a person, or having thoughts you can't even entertain [ie, the baby] I think you need to talk with her soon. Expect he to get upset and maybe even become hurtful, because she is going to be devastated. She'll probably say uni has changed you etc etc, but please, for your own sake and hers, don't go along with it just to keep her happy - have the respect for her to be able to be honest wiht her about your feelings. I'd hate to know my boy was with me purely because he didnt want to hurt me. Pity is a terrible emotion.

    Maybe try spicing up your relationship, in order to sav eit. A weekend away in a romantic hotel perhaps? Or go abroad...do something different. Try new things [perhaps sexually]...or just have a really deep chat, which I'd think after 5 yeas you'd be able to do.


    good luck :hugs: I hope this ramble has been of some help.
    • Wiki Support Team
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    Wiki Support Team
    You've been together for so long, and when/if you do end it, things will be different, but whatever you do, you can't string her along like this. But, i know how hard it must be.
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    Dump her.
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    You need to decide whether you really wanna break up or if you still wanna be with her but talk to her about it. Tell her you're not ready for a baby yet and you wanna be able to go out with your friends on your own etc. It's not like you're asking for anything unreasonable.
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    Drop it. When it comes down to it, your happiness comes first. Don't stick with it any longer, you'll only promote your own unhappiness and the longer it takes to leave the harder it will be

    And don't draw out the actual breakup, and absolutely don't fall into the trap of getting back with her 2 weeks afterwards because you feel lonely.
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    I think this could be a case of the grass looks greener on the other side. Be very careful about breaking up with her after all of this time because if you do it then you could regret it for the rest of your life: not many people meet someone who they can spend five years of their life with; you may never find someone else.

    Personally I would try and figure out what is actually wrong with the relationship: her being too clingy, seeing each other too often etc and then attempt to correct them. When you have been with someone that long you owe it to them to try and sort out the problems before ending it.

    If you can't subtly make things better, then you should bring it up with her and talk it through together. Maybe you will find a solution and a plan for the future to sort things out.

    However if all of this fails and you still feel like ending it then you should. Try and do it quite a while before exams too.
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    I thought I wanted to break up with my bf and talked to him about it, it ended up him dumping me and my heart being broken. Think very carefully bout wht youu want
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    First of all, I would advise caution if you do continue dating her that you make sure you take care of contraception. I've known a couple of girls who have gotten pregnant to just "see how it goes", even when their partners have said they weren't ready.

    In five years you have both grown and changed as people. You will have to sit down now and discuss the future. Be honest about what you want and ask her what she wants. If you can see a compromise then you can try and rekindle the relationship. Can you imagine the next five years together?

    After such a long time, your girlfriend is probably looking for some sort of commitment and that's why she's mentioning babies and spending time with you. Have you lived together? That's usually the make or break for a relationship like this (I dated a guy for 5 years and we broke up 10 weeks after finally moving in together). You can't judge your future compatibility on your past compatibility (if that makes sense).

    You know in your heart if this can be worked out. Good luck
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    If you're not happy then you should do something about it.
    Being in a serious relationship is amazing at first and it's so **** when your feelings change when you don't want them to. I went out with a guy for 4 years from when i was 13, and when i got to 17 things had COMPLETELY changed, and because we'd been going out for so long i couldn't finish with him, because i knew it would break his heart so i was subconsiously being mean to him so that he'd finish with me, but he didn't and i ended up hating him because i was with him when i didn't want to be, (cut it short) it ended badly and now we haven't spoken for 2 years, at least now you have the chance to look back and think, realise that you've had an amazing relationship but now it's the end and if you can talk to her about how you feel you could still be friends.
    hope you figure it out, just do what makes you happy.
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    i will be totally honest and say, get out of the relationship.
    i was in a serious one from 17-22. he proposed. we got engaged.
    but i was never a crazy baby-freak going to Brooke clinic.

    then he began having the feelings YOU are having right now.
    i hated him for the breakup at first. but now, a year after it finished, im glad it's over. so that i can spread my wings and go crazy too. i have had a fantastic time single and young.

    break it off. it'll be painful for you both. but, you will both get over it. eventually. promise.
    and if you do break it off, cut contact also. facebook, msn, ignore phone calls and texts.

    if you do break it off, dont be a **** and get back with her again just to see if it works. because it NEVER WORKS AGAIN. And the pain of trying + failing once more will just be awful.

    best thing to do is stay away from serious relationships this early on in your life.

    im sure your parents would tell u the same.
    and we should take our parents advice and use it as a sword.
 
 
 
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