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Bisexual - but not planning on ever telling anyone. Watch

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    (Original post by Elipsis)
    A lot of girls i've spoken to about this issue masturbate whilst thinking about girls, but would never go beyond kissing whilst wasted. It might be because i'm not gay but I seriously don't get how beating off over men would work, I mean they just aren't attractive in that way, whereas women are something to be admired.
    Well... I am gay. And I don't really find women attractive in that way (though I'll grant you they're probably objectively slightly better looking in general). I don't really see your point - if you have nothing against the concept of heterosexuality or homosexuality, what's the problem when the two come together?

    (This is a bit of an off-topic discussion, I guess...)
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    You sound a bit like me OP...wasn't really planning on saying anything to anyone but it sorta came out that I might "dabble" and people don't really care...I know I'll end up getting married to a guy and having kids in the end, I guess I have a 'straight' preference. I've never had a relationshp with a girl and don't think I ever will but you never know whats round the corner, or how your views or feelings might change in the future, so I never say never...
    tbh I don't think it'll cause you any hassle at all, don't just "come out" because that makes it a big thing, just if anything like comes into conversation don't feel afraid to say something like "I think I'd be open to experimenting with girls" and you'll probably find people are just curious and then conversation naturally goes into something else and nobody really makes a big deal about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But what is wrong with a bi like myself choosing to go into a long term relationship with another man. Or for that matter a woman. I for one have been with 3 girls and 2 boys and tbh I didn't really bat an eyelid. Seriously if you are attracted to men and women then the likelihood is that your next partner could be of any sex. Does that not make sense?
    Where did I say there is anything wrong with it? I just wondered because in all honestly if I was bi I would just suppress that side to make for an easier life. I guess the majority of it is that getting sex with a gay man is thousands of times easier than pulling a woman.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Well... I am gay. And I don't really find women attractive in that way (though I'll grant you they're probably objectively slightly better looking in general). I don't really see your point - if you have nothing against the concept of heterosexuality or homosexuality, what's the problem when the two come together?

    (This is a bit of an off-topic discussion, I guess...)
    I don't have a problem with the two coming together, I was just saying I would behave like the OP for an easy life if I was that way inclined. The thing I was thinking about masturbating and so on is that women do generally think about other women whilst doing it, otherwise they would be really into gay porn. Because with straight men lesbian porn just equals twice the women which is always a good thing, but I doubt my female friends would get very titilated by watching gay porn.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Elipsis)
    Where did I say there is anything wrong with it? I just wondered because in all honestly if I was bi I would just suppress that side to make for an easier life. I guess the majority of it is that getting sex with a gay man is thousands of times easier than pulling a woman.
    Ah, but reading this post it looks to me like you are suggesting that most gay/bi men are promiscuous considering the fact that you have stated that it is easier to pull a man than a woman. At the end of the day, if you are gay, you are only attracted to the same sex so you can only really date that person and the same applies if you are straight. If you are bi however, it only depends on who is most attractive to you at the time. Sometimes it is also down to preference. For example,and I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable but I only ever watch gay porn or girl on girl porn. That is because in general, gay porn features two attractive men and lesbian porn features two attractive women. Straight porn for me is crap because the man is always as a ttractive as a gragoyle. So the point I am trying to put across is the fact that as a bi you can't help who you are attracted to so therefore, trying to suppress your attraction to the same sex would be as futile as a gay person suppressing their attractions. That is simply my two cents.
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    (Original post by Feral Beast)
    That whole sentence can be simplified to : "I'm straight". http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/images/smilies/p.gif
    I know lol. But when you go out watch women, they are more interested in checking out each other rather than men 99% of the time. Plus in most relationships I see women are much less superficial which leads me to believe their attraction to men goes far beyond just looks - and these aren't things that you can think about while your humping the shower head.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah, but reading this post it looks to me like you are suggesting that most gay/bi men are promiscuous considering the fact that you have stated that it is easier to pull a man than a woman. At the end of the day, if you are gay, you are only attracted to the same sex so you can only really date that person and the same applies if you are straight. If you are bi however, it only depends on who is most attractive to you at the time. Sometimes it is also down to preference. For example,and I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable but I only ever watch gay porn or girl on girl porn. That is because in general, gay porn features two attractive men and lesbian porn features two attractive women. Straight porn for me is crap because the man is always as a ttractive as a gragoyle. So the point I am trying to put across is the fact that as a bi you can't help who you are attracted to so therefore, trying to suppress your attraction to the same sex would be as futile as a gay person suppressing their attractions. That is simply my two cents.
    The point I was trying to make about the whole gay men being easier was that, if I had been bisexual when I was 17 I could have had sex with a man at the click of my fingers, and I probably would have done considering how desperate to lose my virginity I was. We are programmed to want to have sex all the time, and the gay community pretty much has it on tap, which could make being a suppressed bisexual very difficult if you're going through a dry patch.
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    I presume the OP doesn't mean simply that she's trying to suppress the side of her that likes girls; rather, that if she came out, it's not like she'd end up with a girl anyway, so she's weighed up the pros and cons.

    It can be a pretty big deal to come out. And if you're a bisexual girl without much experience with girls and solely dating guys, then (unfairly) it will often be claimed that you are attention-seeking, trying to get men's attentions and making a fuss about nothing.

    I personally would not have been able to live my life in the closet, BUT I found it far more difficult to come out before I had had a girlfriend, because of people's confused and critical reactions.
    • #6
    #6

    im exactly the same, i have a boyfriend and am very happy with him, but sometimes when im drunk i get urges, not that i'd ever act while i have a boyfriend.
    i would 'dabble' as someone put it, if the opportunity came along, but never go with a woman for a relationship as i enjoy sex with males and couldnt go without. because of this i dont think its really worth 'coming out' as its never going to be anything serious.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone else in this situation? I'm female and I think I'm bisexual. I've had one sexual experience with a girl when I was drunk one time, but everybody just assumed it was a mistake even though I rather enjoyed it. I sometimes think about other women when I masturbate, although I have a boyfriend and am fairly sure I 'prefer' men on the whole.

    Thing is, I'm not ever planning on telling anyone about this. I don't want to tell my boyfriend in case it messes up our relationship (no threesome jokes please!) and I can't really imagine ever wanting to be in an actual relationship with a girl, just because I'm actually quite conservative and want the traditional family life, kids etc. Is this normal? It just makes me wonder how many other people there are like me keeping their true sexuality under wraps just to save on the hassle.
    Your boyfriend is very lucky!!
    proposal him to do an threesome!!! I don't believe that he will not say "not"!!!!
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    Bisexuality is the road to two things:

    a) Self acceptance that one may be gay

    b) Curiosity


    Time will tell, and whatever becomes of this you must let happen and not force it to what you *want* or think you *should* be, but what you are - otherwise you will end up unhappy and insecure.
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    (Original post by Elipsis)
    I don't have a problem with the two coming together, I was just saying I would behave like the OP for an easy life if I was that way inclined. The thing I was thinking about masturbating and so on is that women do generally think about other women whilst doing it, otherwise they would be really into gay porn. Because with straight men lesbian porn just equals twice the women which is always a good thing, but I doubt my female friends would get very titilated by watching gay porn.
    i agree, even my girlfriend (who is not bisexual..believe me, she would never do anything with a girl :P) doesnt mind watching lesbian porn, I think girls are just more open that way, as to the OP, you don't sound very bisexual, no more than most girls, so if it isnt eating at you then I dont think you should make it a big deal by 'coming out'
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    (Original post by tropical-twist3)
    You sound a bit like me OP...wasn't really planning on saying anything to anyone but it sorta came out that I might "dabble" and people don't really care...I know I'll end up getting married to a guy and having kids in the end, I guess I have a 'straight' preference. I've never had a relationshp with a girl and don't think I ever will but you never know whats round the corner, or how your views or feelings might change in the future, so I never say never...
    tbh I don't think it'll cause you any hassle at all, don't just "come out" because that makes it a big thing, just if anything like comes into conversation don't feel afraid to say something like "I think I'd be open to experimenting with girls" and you'll probably find people are just curious and then conversation naturally goes into something else and nobody really makes a big deal about it.
    OP, this is your answer.

    (Original post by Elipsis)
    I was just saying I would behave like the OP for an easy life if I was that way inclined.
    This is the problem with people being scared to come out just because of what society thinks - if more people don't come out, then it won't get easier for others to come out. Visibility is the only thing which will change society's attitudes to the better in the long run. We shouldn't do things because they're easy, we should do them because they're the right thing to do, no matter if they're difficult or not.

    Most people are accepting and don't have a problem with it, but the more people who come out, the fewer people will have a problem with it as they will know someone who is not straight, and know that not being straight doesn't define who you are, as they knew the person before they came out - it wouldn't make sense for them to shun a person they liked before simply because they happen to be not straight, and most people realise this.
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    OP its perfectly normal, you have basically described my sexuality , but I call it more bicurious than bisexual tbh. I have told my bf and he has no problem with it. Why not just try and bring it up with him in convosation and see what he says? (but not randomly of course, try and steer convosation in that direction)

    I don't really want to come out to people I know, and not my family (mainly coz its my business) and only a few friends and my boyfriend knows about it.

    Its nothing to be afraid of, just learn to accept that its you. After all sexuality is only about 5% of someones personality.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone else in this situation? I'm female and I think I'm bisexual. I've had one sexual experience with a girl when I was drunk one time, but everybody just assumed it was a mistake even though I rather enjoyed it. I sometimes think about other women when I masturbate, although I have a boyfriend and am fairly sure I 'prefer' men on the whole.

    Thing is, I'm not ever planning on telling anyone about this. I don't want to tell my boyfriend in case it messes up our relationship (no threesome jokes please!) and I can't really imagine ever wanting to be in an actual relationship with a girl, just because I'm actually quite conservative and want the traditional family life, kids etc. Is this normal? It just makes me wonder how many other people there are like me keeping their true sexuality under wraps just to save on the hassle.
    same situation, i'm a male
    dont plan on ever telling a single person ever
    want a traditional life as well
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    (Original post by huangcjz)
    OP, this is your answer.


    This is the problem with people being scared to come out just because of what society thinks - if more people don't come out, then it won't get easier for others to come out. Visibility is the only thing which will change society's attitudes to the better in the long run. We shouldn't do things because they're easy, we should do them because they're the right thing to do, no matter if they're difficult or not.

    Most people are accepting and don't have a problem with it, but the more people who come out, the fewer people will have a problem with it as they will know someone who is not straight, and know that not being straight doesn't define who you are, as they knew the person before they came out - it wouldn't make sense for them to shun a person they liked before simply because they happen to be not straight, and most people realise this.
    It isn't wrong not to come out if you're bisexual though. There are plenty of things you could be doing right now to benefit other people, but you aren't doing them, is that wrong? Whether or not society is right or wrong to behave the way it does towards bisexuals doesn't matter, if your life would be easier if you didn't come out, why bother? Obviously gays pretty much have to, but someone could easily sit on a secret like their bisexuality for many years without it causing a problem to themselves.
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    I consider myself straight, but I often think about women during sex - how can I not? Takes both bodies to have sex. It's the same with porn. I laugh at girls who say they can't watch porn because they don't want to look at girls, not quite realising that guys have to look at men.

    Sexuality is complicated. No one is just straight or gay, there's always a middle ground whether they want to explore it or not. Just accept it's a part of you and that it doesn't need saying.
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    (Original post by Elipsis)
    It isn't wrong not to come out if you're bisexual though. There are plenty of things you could be doing right now to benefit other people, but you aren't doing them, is that wrong? Whether or not society is right or wrong to behave the way it does towards bisexuals doesn't matter, if your life would be easier if you didn't come out, why bother? Obviously gays pretty much have to, but someone could easily sit on a secret like their bisexuality for many years without it causing a problem to themselves.
    yeah but you shouldn't have to think of it as a secret, ratyher than consciously keeping it from everyone or making an effort to tell people it, just mention it if someone asks you or if it comes up in convo? :dontknow:
    it doesn't really matter...
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    Maybe I'm being naive, but I don't see why you feel you have to tell anybody anyway, unless you happen to fall in love with a member of the same sex and want to have a full relationship with that person. Until then (and in fact, even then) it's not anybody elses business. I think if you can admit it to yourself and you're not trying to convince yourself that you're something you're not, then it's not a problem at all in my opinion.

    It actually really bugs when people feel they have to announce their sexuality to me upon meeting, as if they are trying to prove something or test tolerance. I couldn't give a crap if you're gay, straight, bisexual, asexual or triangular. Why would I? I'm not interested in you anyway, my only love is food.
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    (Original post by Elipsis)
    It isn't wrong not to come out if you're bisexual though. There are plenty of things you could be doing right now to benefit other people, but you aren't doing them, is that wrong? Whether or not society is right or wrong to behave the way it does towards bisexuals doesn't matter, if your life would be easier if you didn't come out, why bother? Obviously gays pretty much have to, but someone could easily sit on a secret like their bisexuality for many years without it causing a problem to themselves.
    Surely it does matter? Of course, people should only come out if and when they feel comfortable doing so, but they shouldn't be ashamed of it or actively hide it, unless they're very scared that they'll get an adverse reaction, in which case they can just tell the people they're comfortable with telling and not the people they're not. It's a small thing to do which will also help the person themselves as they're being more open and honest with themselves as well as others, and not that difficult unless you're still having trouble accepting your own sexuality. The easiest way would probably just to be honest if someone asks you, you don't have to make a big deal out of coming out.
 
 
 
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