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I have no friends! watch

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    #1

    Ok slight exaggeration, I do have friends. But the thing is I have 3 friends who are proper friends, those friends who I can hang about with on my own. I don't see much of 2 of them and the other one I'm extremely close to, I almost see her everyday and she's the reason I even have a social life. When I'm not with her I don't usually go out. She's so funny and sociable and has loads of friends, they're my other friends but they're her friends and not my proper friends, do you understand?

    I'm quiet and somewhat socially awkward and when I do make new friends they seem distant. I'm obviously the problem and I know that, so how do I make changes?
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    Firstly be yourself, there's no point in trying to be something you're not
    you just need to find people who are more like you and don't just stay with the ONE friend you do have or you'll become dependant (dependent??) on her.
    i think maybe if you have like a cousin and go out with them as a family but then take one of your girl cousins number and arrange a shopping date or something
    it should be fun try it! good luck
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    i agree - be yourself - there is no point in making fake friendships based on lies.
    are any of your friends friends the kind of people you like? maybe try hanging out with them all together and make conversation?
    dont get too hung up on not having loads of "close" friends. i have plenty of friends but only a few i would go to with problems etc. its the quality not quantity of friends that matters.
    • #2
    #2

    im the same. i realised that i was kidding myself when i thought i had quite a few friends, i really only had one, and the other people were my other friends friend.
    i suppose you could get a new job, and try and make friends, just make an effort with other people.
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    Are you going to uni any time soon? Everyone will be looking for new friends then.

    I like the "get a job" suggestion -- mine let me meet a lot of new people and also made me a million times more confident about talking to strangers. And you get money.
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    Im sure you will find this is similar to alot of people so you are in no way in the minority with this.

    As said being yourself you cant go wrong, it may take awhile but try and get yourself more intergrated with your friends other friends, if you want to spread your social side of life further.

    However i think having one or two really close friends and a band of not so close ones can be pretty good at times.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok slight exaggeration, I do have friends. But the thing is I have 3 friends who are proper friends, those friends who I can hang about with on my own. I don't see much of 2 of them and the other one I'm extremely close to, I almost see her everyday and she's the reason I even have a social life. When I'm not with her I don't usually go out. She's so funny and sociable and has loads of friends, they're my other friends but they're her friends and not my proper friends, do you understand?

    I'm quiet and somewhat socially awkward and when I do make new friends they seem distant. I'm obviously the problem and I know that, so how do I make changes?
    Do I know you?

    This seems like a bit of deja-vu here.

    When you say new friends seem distant they're probably not. You're probably just over-eager for them to like you so read into their behaviour too much.
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    this is not strange alot of people only have 1-5 really close friends, the rest are jus "friends" you go raving or have a laugh with, ive never met someone with 10-15 close/best friends. it sounds that you talk to other people not just the three friends you mentioned.just be youreself around them if not you can join a club/job to meet other people.
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    I'm in basically the same situation as you, and after having thought about it, and worrying, I realised I am just the kind of person who doesn't make loads of friends - just a few of really close ones.
    I try to just be more patient with myself. And also, in a couple of years I'll be at uni and will meet new people there.
    So, don't worry about it.
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    If your hanging about with this girl, the extremely social one, why not try and speak to her friends - the one you and her hang around with.
    Like get to know them more when your with each other, get their msn's phone numbers and just arrange things with them like cinema or a park day
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    Why not try making more of an effort with people you know who you might not necessarily be friends with? But make sure you don't grow distant from your best friend obviously I am someone who likes having a few close friends as well, you can't beat a chat with your best mate.
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    a couple of good friends is better than LOTS of friends, in my experience.
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    What's this BS 'be yourself' advice. His current self is the source of the bleeding problem, surely fixing this problem would require some self change.
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    (Original post by _glandular_fever)
    Do I know you?

    This seems like a bit of deja-vu here.

    When you say new friends seem distant they're probably not. You're probably just over-eager for them to like you so read into their behaviour too much.
    Well I hope OP hasn't got glandular fever.
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    just go out be yourself and talk to people
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok slight exaggeration, I do have friends. But the thing is I have 3 friends who are proper friends, those friends who I can hang about with on my own. I don't see much of 2 of them and the other one I'm extremely close to, I almost see her everyday and she's the reason I even have a social life. When I'm not with her I don't usually go out. She's so funny and sociable and has loads of friends, they're my other friends but they're her friends and not my proper friends, do you understand?

    I'm quiet and somewhat socially awkward and when I do make new friends they seem distant. I'm obviously the problem and I know that, so how do I make changes?
    Okkkkkkkk I'm actually starting to wonder if I wrote this thread long ago and have just forgotten it...? You are in exactly my predicament. I have around 4 best friends but only really see/talk to one of them every single day and I would say her and her friends are responsible for a large part of my social life. When I realised this though I started getting closer to my other best friends, y'know chatting on the phone more, inviting them out more. Things haven't changed much though but at least I'm slightly closer to them.

    My best friends friends are the ones I usually hang out with and I'm sort of indifferent to them because they're HER friends and not the ones I'd chosen for myself so if I were to ever have a birthday party or an outing I realised how stupid it would be for me to rally round her friends.

    For the social part, if you wanna be confident, practice makes perfect. Just get out there more and have experience talking to different types of people for example: maybe the goths, the cool kids at school, adults, chefs, whatever. Another thing I learnt from my own experience is never to become too dependent on your best friend. I mean, you're probably like me-scared of losing the friendship- because then we'd have pretty much nothing. Just slowly start coming out of your shell and try talking to new people and seeing if it'll lead to friendship. From now on you have to take chances and not hang around your mate so much, after all we all get tired of playing the side kick role.

    Good luck

    p.s. aren't you going university soon?
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    I'll be your friend
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    I have had a similar situation to you in the past... you mentioned that you know that you're the problem... I'm almost certain that that is not the case. A lot of people go throught it unfortunately... The best advice I can give has already been given. Just be yourself, try to get comfortable in your own skin... and I suppose everything else that you want will just fall into place...

    As for specific things you can do... talk to people you don't usually talk to, that aren't attached to your best friend? Maybe it's about time you were the centre of attention in your life rather than your friend... it sounds like you deserve it a little after your light patch of loneliness...
    • #4
    #4

    Sorry to the OP for slightly hijacking the thread, but I have a similar problem too. I've whined on this forum before about not having a single friend and I've tried to overcome it.

    At university, I'll always try talk to someone in class. I commonly ask stuff like "How was your weekend?", "Have you got any plans for the weekend?", "What are you listening to? Any good?" (if they have headphones on), "Going anywhere nice this summer?" etc etc. If they decide to respond, I try and keep a mental note of what they said and if I see them again I'll ask about it to show I've listened. As you can see...social interaction doesn't really come naturally to me, but I think these questions aren't too bad to ask someone you don't know.

    Now every lecture we have, I'm usually the first one in the room so I pick a spot and wait as people come in. So far no one has ever chosen to sit next to me at all. Sometimes people just sit 2 chairs away like I have some sort of disease and then no one bothers to sit near me.

    I really don't know what it takes to make friends. I've tried making small talk, asking all the questions and listening attentively. I don't want to force myself on anyone and appear clingy so I give them an opportunity to come to me and they never do. I really don't know what to do. Help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok slight exaggeration, I do have friends. But the thing is I have 3 friends who are proper friends, those friends who I can hang about with on my own. I don't see much of 2 of them and the other one I'm extremely close to, I almost see her everyday and she's the reason I even have a social life. When I'm not with her I don't usually go out. She's so funny and sociable and has loads of friends, they're my other friends but they're her friends and not my proper friends, do you understand?
    .

    I'm quiet and somewhat socially awkward and when I do make new friends they seem distant. I'm obviously the problem and I know that, so how do I make changes?

    this is not going to help but this is me exactly !!! to change this i'm trying to force myself to do things on my own and try to converse and relax around more people. I'm going to another country on my own in 2 weeks something i could never see myself doing....... just putting myself otu my comfort zone
 
 
 
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