Really hard situation - how should I act?

My girlfriend's family treated her very badly, and threw her out of her home, and since then have put her life in danger, caused her to become very badly depressed, and made her in to a shadow of the person she was before.

We have now moved far away from them, and are putting our lives back together, but I am aware that there were a couple of her relatives who did not mistreat her, and I feel that she should contact them. It is 'safe' to contact her family now, as it can't have any negative repercussions (we haven't told anyone where we moved).

She tends to keep her emotions locked away, so I don't know how she truly feels about this. I do know that she felt bad/missed her grandfather and grandmother, for a long time. But when I bring this up, she just says that she has moved on from that part of her life now.

My issue is that she really loved her grandparents, and although it has been a couple of years, surely this cannot have changed?? I also think that if I was in her position, I would want to contact the family who did not abuse me, as I would feel bad for them, and would miss them.

I'm worried that, as her grandparents are very old, she will miss out on the chance to reassure them she is alright, and is still thinking about them.

What do you think - has she really just 'moved on' or is she just suppressing her emotions, as she's been so hurt over the past couple of years. And what is it best for me to do?

Reply 1

sil3nt_cha0s

How the **** are we meant to help? :dontknow:

Reply 2

chidona

Yeah dude, this is way outside of our jurisdiction. It's literally her choice, and there's not much anyone can do about it until she asks for help.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Well I don't have a big family at all, so I have no idea how it would feel to be parted from them, and I was just sorta hoping people could maybe think how they would feel, and whether it's likely that you could just 'get over' your relatives.

Reply 4

dymphna

You'd never 'get over' your relatives. Unfortunately, no matter how much you dislike them, its human nature to still have some sort of attachment to them. My friend swears she HATES her dad, but I know that if it came down to it, she would know there is part of her that would be sad if he died or something.

If she says she's moved on, take her word for it. There's nothing anyone can do until she asks for help. We can't tell you what she's thinking and feeling.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

dymphna

Well, she has no attachment to her parents or siblings now, but it's not them I'm talking about. Her grandparents were not involved much with her home-life, and did not play a part in the things that happened, and so were 'innocent bystanders' really, and got hurt by the way her parents behaved. I gather that no-one on here can help, and I guess I'm asking a lot, but I just am worried about this, and don't know anyone up here, so needed to just get it off my chest, and get some opinions from someone.

nothing tsr can do!

You just need to sit down and talk to her, let her know how you feel about this whole predicament. But other than that, i can't really see how people on here can help you more.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I think we should at least send them cards at christmas/birthdays etc, d'you think I should encourage her to do this, or just do it myself?

Reply 9

LaLaLaKas

Anonymous

I think we should at least send them cards at christmas/birthdays etc, d'you think I should encourage her to do this, or just do it myself?

Nah, don't do it yourself, it's something you'll have to discuss, she may take it as you 'betraying' her if you do this.
I know you're trying to do well by her and her family, but as people have said, just talk it through with her :yes: