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Ignoring him to get his attention - weird? watch

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    It can work, but as with most games of some form or another (which admittedly, it is; you don't really want to ignore him :p:), there's a lot of potential for it to backfire as you can often work yourself into a corner. I guess logically if someone seems annoyed with you, you might be more inclined to fight to win them back. Even in non-romantic situations you often find people "over-compensating" by being particularly attentive when there's a chance that the other person, maybe a friend or family member, might have been hurt somehow.
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    He'll eventually just go 'fine' and **** off.
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    Yeh but I was spending every day sitting next to him, not with him, walking beside him not hand in hand. Getting pecks on the cheeks rather than kisses that actually meant something. What's the point? So I figured he just wanted it that way :dontknow: So as soon as I do the same, not trying to hold his hand, not trying to get a kiss when we're sitting on his bed etc, he starts giving me kisses and doing all the nice things I've been missing. I just think it's weird and as other people have said it's probably not a good idea to do it ALL the time. So I won't, only when I get fed up.
    thats fair enough
    but what would he have to do to make u stop ignoring him
    because surely if ur getting what u want u'll keep doing it
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    (Original post by oh_adele)
    It's not like she's emotionally blackmailing him. Show me a guy who wants a needy girlfriend. When it comes to (the majority) of guys, the more attention you give them, the less important you become, because they think you'll be there at their beck and call, no matter what. "The thrill is in the chase" as it were. It's really simple. Nobody likes to feel ignored. So they'll do what they can to get the attention back again.

    There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Millions of people do it.
    Making a conscious decision to ignore your boyfriend so that he'll give you some attention comes across as pretty needy. If you truly weren't needy, then you wouldn't need as much emotional reassurance in the first place, and so wouldn't have to ignore them to avoid seeming clingy.

    I'm not sure how much the "thrill of the chase" stuff applies in a long-term relationship, either. I thought that one of the benefits of a solid relationship was knowing that the other person was there for you, which goes out of the window if you're constantly wondering whether they still like you.
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    As long as you respond happily when he does give you attention, he won't decide 'fine, I'm not going to hug you anymore.' It just seems like he wants to be the one in control and doesn't want a clingy, fawning girl, so play up to it I say. If it gets to the point where you feel you are being held back too much and it's uncomfortable for you, then talk to him, but if it works, then let it be.

    I think the 'ignoring' in your thread title made people respond negatively without reading your post.
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    If a girl was ignoring me then my immediate conclusion would be that they just didn't like me, so that's probably not the best tactic to pursue
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    (Original post by Spanghew)
    Making a conscious decision to ignore your boyfriend so that he'll give you some attention comes across as pretty needy. If you truly weren't needy, then you wouldn't need as much emotional reassurance in the first place, and so wouldn't have to ignore them to avoid seeming clingy.

    I'm not sure how much the "thrill of the chase" stuff applies in a long-term relationship, either. I thought that one of the benefits of a solid relationship was knowing that the other person was there for you, which goes out of the window if you're constantly wondering whether they still like you.
    When you're on the outside, looking in, analysing someone else's situation. If someone/(your SO) ignored you, you wouldn't think "God, they're so needy" would you?
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    Seriously :eek: How bizarre... so if you're mrs doesn't come to you for cuddles, you end up going to her? 'Cause this seems to be whats happening.
    Yup Please don't ask why, it's just part of the male behavioural qualities probably.
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    (Original post by TK2 King Pin)
    how can guys stop girls doing this though, its really annoying
    Erm, give them attention? Maybe some girls need more physical assurance that their SO "loves" them?
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    (Original post by oh_adele)
    When you're on the outside, looking in, analysing someone else's situation. If someone/(your SO) ignored you, you wouldn't think "God, they're so needy" would you?
    If you make a habit of it, I'm sure people will cotton on. Several guys in this thread have admitted that they know their gfs do this.
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    (Original post by Spanghew)
    If you make a habit of it, I'm sure people will cotton on. Several guys in this thread have admitted that they know their gfs do this.
    Admitted they know, or just realised?
    It's not even ignoring, it's making a conscious effort to not make yourself appear too available. I can't actually believe that none of said guys have realised people do this?! It must be the oldest trick in the book.
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    Relationships are confusing enough without playing power games.
    Just talk to him, it will be a lot nicer for all.
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    (Original post by oh_adele)
    Admitted they know, or just realised?
    It's not even ignoring, it's making a conscious effort to not make yourself appear too available. I can't actually believe that none of said guys have realised people do this?! It must be the oldest trick in the book.
    Exactly - most people will realise what you're doing if you keep it up for long enough!!!

    People will notice, and they will think you're needy and manipulative.

    Why would you not want to "appear available" to your boyfriend, anyway? What's the point of even being in a relationship if you're not even willing to admit that you're commited to the other person?
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    (Original post by Spanghew)
    Exactly - most people will realise what you're doing if you keep it up for long enough!!!

    People will notice, and they will think you're needy and manipulative.

    Why would you not want to "appear available" to your boyfriend, anyway? What's the point of even being in a relationship if you're not even willing to admit that you're commited to the other person?
    Just because you're aware that sometimes people play hard to get, doesn't mean you'll be actively thinking about it 24/7. Also, I don't recall advising the OP that she should ignore him completely forever. I don't know why you're focussing your point around people who aren't even involved in the relationship and them thinking that she's manipulative? It's got nothing to do with anyone else. I wouldn't advise announcing that you're ignoring him in your Facebook status, or anything.

    You're making out that people who play hard-to-get are needy and manipulative?

    P.S - I mean available as in "free" not as in single. E.g. available to go to the cinema.

    P.P.S - Don't ask me why you wouldn't want to go to the cinema with your bf, Spanghew.

    P.P.P.S
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    As long as you respond happily when he does give you attention, he won't decide 'fine, I'm not going to hug you anymore.' It just seems like he wants to be the one in control and doesn't want a clingy, fawning girl, so play up to it I say. If it gets to the point where you feel you are being held back too much and it's uncomfortable for you, then talk to him, but if it works, then let it be.

    I think the 'ignoring' in your thread title made people respond negatively without reading your post.
    Yeah agreed, I should have worded it better. It's just something I've noticed without trying to provoke and now I'm wondering if that's actually what he wants!!



    Please people, those who are saying I shouldn't need to do it and that he's gona tell me to **** off if I keep on, yeh fair enough I probably shouldn't think of doing this all the time but I'm not gona be with someone who doesn't give or receive any kind of affection happily am I?

    I think I've maybe realised that I can be ott and maybe me ignoring him this once has showed me that the two of us actually should just find a happy medium!!
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    It works on me at first for some reason. But eventually it gets old...
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    (Original post by Spanghew)
    Making a conscious decision to ignore your boyfriend so that he'll give you some attention comes across as pretty needy. If you truly weren't needy, then you wouldn't need as much emotional reassurance in the first place, and so wouldn't have to ignore them to avoid seeming clingy.

    I'm not sure how much the "thrill of the chase" stuff applies in a long-term relationship, either. I thought that one of the benefits of a solid relationship was knowing that the other person was there for you, which goes out of the window if you're constantly wondering whether they still like you.
    Needy? How? I'm not pretending he doesn't exist I'm just stopping myself from pushing for attention. It seems to make him happier to give affection when I'm not constantly giving it. If I back off too much I am aware he'll get fed up. I'm just wondering if it's normal for guys to want girls who are cuddly, like myself, to back off a bit. If so, then maybe I should take a hint. If not, then my boyfriend confuses the hell out of me!!
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    Update from my earlier post: I won. :awesome:
    Is there a song called 'Irresistable'?
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    (Original post by DaneCook)
    Update from my earlier post: I won. :awesome:
    Is there a song called 'Irresistable'?
    Oh you big big meanie!

    Give the poor lass some affection. I was ready to tell my boyfriend I didn't know if our relationship was working 'cause he clearly didn't enjoy my attention as much! Glad I ignored him, least I know he is interested, only on his terms it seems lol
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    This could sound very strange but, do I have to ignore him to get affection

    I posted a thread a few months ago wondering if it was possible that I was too cuddly :o: My boyfriend stopped being as cuddly as he used to be so I felt like when I wanted a cuddle or kiss or whatever I had to really push for it (I promise I wasn't being over the top )

    Yesterday I gave up, I decided that if he didn't want a cuddle or a kiss, fair enough and maybe I really was just too cuddly :eek:

    But no, instead of not getting any love, he came creeping round me for cuddles and kisses, help my hand randomly, started stroking my hair - which he hasn't done in about a year. What is this?? Have I got to ignore him to get the love??

    Sorry if this sounds pathetic I just think it's weird. Is it possible that he just likes it this way? When we first met he spent a year chasing me while all I did was try to avoid him because I wasn't interested. Maybe that's what he wants? Sounds a bit strange in my head
    All men love the chase in my experience, but this takes it a little too far - this would irritate me.
 
 
 
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