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    Being treated badly by my friends?

    I'm gonna try and make this short and sweet but would really appreciate some opinions

    Basically I had a close knit group of friends (mostly guys) and a boyfriend of 2 years.

    My relationship ended and I moved to Glasgow.

    Now I've moved back it seems that I'm being excluded from things and my feelings are being disregarded, like no-one asks me what it feels like to have my exbf's new girlfriend invited to everything we arrange nor do I get told about stuff until the last minute. I think I realised this when I organised a leaving dinner for myself in Easter, invited the ex to be polite, was told that he couldn't come then arrive down on the day to not only see him sitting there but also with his new gf who'd he'd invited himself!

    Now after a week of no contact from them, we were supposed to go to a friends house tomorrow night for a takeaway etc. but now I've been texted:

    Hey Fatal, it looks like tomorrow will probably be a man night since your the only girl who got back to me.

    So how am I supposed to react? "Oh alright, you men go have fun!"
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    u have an interesting name
    oh, and get new friends
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    You can't be pissed that your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend has made friends with your old friendship group. They're not going to leave her out just because you're home all of a sudden and you don't like her. You're 19, suck it up and be an adult. You don't have to like her, just be civil. If you can do that with your ex, you can make an effort with her.

    I don't really have an opinion on the rest.
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    this seems a bad situation to be in....may I ask if your other male friends were your ex's friends first/as well ?
    Because maybe that's why they avoid you. Since you broke up, maybe they feel they have to "choose a side" or something. If I were you I would talk to them, tell them that you breaking up with your ex doesn't mean you can't all hang out together. Unfortunately the whole " ex with new gf " situation can't be avoided. They are together now. Maybe she even asked him to go with him to your party. Personally I wouldn't be happy with my bf going to his ex's party without me. So I would want to go to.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    You can't be pissed that your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend has made friends with your old friendship group. They're not going to leave her out just because you're home all of a sudden and you don't like her. You're 19, suck it up and be an adult. You don't have to like her, just be civil. If you can do that with your ex, you can make an effort with her.

    I don't really have an opinion on the rest.
    I never said I wasn't civil to her. I am and to my ex boyfriend. Since he's coming to my uni in Sept I'm actually trying to help him out.

    Thanks for the fantastic advice.
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    (Original post by fatal)
    Being treated badly by my friends?

    I'm gonna try and make this short and sweet but would really appreciate some opinions

    Basically I had a close knit group of friends (mostly guys) and a boyfriend of 2 years.

    My relationship ended and I moved to Glasgow.

    Now I've moved back it seems that I'm being excluded from things and my feelings are being disregarded, like no-one asks me what it feels like to have my exbf's new girlfriend invited to everything we arrange nor do I get told about stuff until the last minute. I think I realised this when I organised a leaving dinner for myself in Easter, invited the ex to be polite, was told that he couldn't come then arrive down on the day to not only see him sitting there but also with his new gf who'd he'd invited himself!

    Now after a week of no contact from them, we were supposed to go to a friends house tomorrow night for a takeaway etc. but now I've been texted:

    Hey Fatal, it looks like tomorrow will probably be a man night since your the only girl who got back to me.
    You need to be over him by now. You are acting like you are not?
    (Original post by fatal)
    So how am I supposed to react? "Oh alright, you men go have fun!"
    Yeah, pretty much.
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    tbh you moved away, you can't move back and expect everything you left behind to have been on pause. your boyfriend will have moved on, he will have found a new girlfriend, and your old friends aren't going to not like her just because of you they are allowed to like her as well, and like Xristina said, i wouldn't be happy with my bf going to his ex's without me. and tbh why SHOULD they ask about your feelings? people don't go up to my ex's and say 'hey hw do you feel about emily having a boyfriend. is it ok with you?' they are an EX which means they have nothing to do with it anymore. they can't just not invite her for your sake.

    so no. your friends aren't treating you badly at all. i imagine if you are giving them grief for any of this then YOU are the one acting badly. . .
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    (Original post by Xristina)
    this seems a bad situation to be in....may I ask if your other male friends were your ex's friends first/as well ?
    Because maybe that's why they avoid you. Since you broke up, maybe they feel they have to "choose a side" or something. If I were you I would talk to them, tell them that you breaking up with your ex doesn't mean you can't all hang out together. Unfortunately the whole " ex with new gf " situation can't be avoided. They are together now. Maybe she even asked him to go with him to your party. Personally I wouldn't be happy with my bf going to his ex's party without me. So I would want to go to.
    Yep, we've all been close friends since early secondary school. Its been difficult because most of the guys went away for uni as well, so my ex was left at home. I knew that it would be at least a little difficult, but I hate phoning them for example to see if they want to go to the cinema to find out that they went the night before..or phoning them to see where they are and find out that they are all playing pool. When we are as a group its like no one respects me, I get mocked and my opinion is usually ignored. I just don't know what to do because these were my friends and I don't want to drop them, but I feel so undervalued..
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    Giving notification that he was coming and bringing his girlfriend would have been more polite.
    But still. No big wrongdoing here
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    (Original post by emilina)
    tbh you moved away, you can't move back and expect everything you left behind to have been on pause. your boyfriend will have moved on, he will have found a new girlfriend, and your old friends aren't going to not like her just because of you they are allowed to like her as well, and like Xristina said, i wouldn't be happy with my bf going to his ex's without me. and tbh why SHOULD they ask about your feelings? people don't go up to my ex's and say 'hey hw do you feel about emily having a boyfriend. is it ok with you?' they are an EX which means they have nothing to do with it anymore. they can't just not invite her for your sake.

    so no. your friends aren't treating you badly at all. i imagine if you are giving them grief for any of this then YOU are the one acting badly. . .
    OK. it was not a party. It was a dinner amongst friends. I don't mind him having a new girlfriend, trust me I've moved on. But what I do not appreciate is how easily she's replaced me. At the dinner, my ex didn't even speak to me, or introduce her. Is it only me that would find that a little hurtful?
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    maybe when they said it was going to be a man night they weren't saying not to come, just warning you you wont have much female company.
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    (Original post by Chrrye)
    You need to be over him by now. You are acting like you are not?

    Yeah, pretty much.
    For the last time, its not him that is the issue! Its our friends choosing him over me all the time! I don't know how to react, whether to make more of an effort or to just let them get on with it?!
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    (Original post by fatal)
    I never said I wasn't civil to her. I am and to my ex boyfriend. Since he's coming to my uni in Sept I'm actually trying to help him out.
    You sound like such a ****. What are you making such an issue out of it for then? Unless you still like your ex, which is how it sounds.

    no-one asks me what it feels like to have my exbf's new girlfriend invited to everything
    Jealous much? Like I said before, they aren't going to leave her out just because she gets to you. Maybe that's the exact reason your friends don't want to be around you any more.
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    (Original post by fatal)
    Yep, we've all been close friends since early secondary school. Its been difficult because most of the guys went away for uni as well, so my ex was left at home. I knew that it would be at least a little difficult, but I hate phoning them for example to see if they want to go to the cinema to find out that they went the night before..or phoning them to see where they are and find out that they are all playing pool. When we are as a group its like no one respects me, I get mocked and my opinion is usually ignored. I just don't know what to do because these were my friends and I don't want to drop them, but I feel so undervalued..
    :console: it sounds bad. My advice is talk to them ! Ask them why they treat you like that. Maybe your ex has turned them against you. I don't know under what conditions you broke up, but maybe he wants you to be cut out from the group. Talk to them, if you see no result, just IGNORE them. If they don't care about you then they are not worth it. I'm sure you 'll find better friends than them...Hope it all works out well in the end.
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    (Original post by fatal)
    OK. it was not a party. It was a dinner amongst friends. I don't mind him having a new girlfriend, trust me I've moved on. But what I do not appreciate is how easily she's replaced me. At the dinner, my ex didn't even speak to me, or introduce her. Is it only me that would find that a little hurtful?
    it is hurtful, that's why everyone says that being friends with your ex can't work. I know this affects your relationship with your friends as well, but I am afraid that's how things are. Inviting your ex to your party was weird ( I understand you did it because he is your friends' friend and all that, but still ), his gf coming was expected.
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    (Original post by fatal)
    For the last time, its not him that is the issue! Its our friends choosing him over me all the time! I don't know how to react, whether to make more of an effort or to just let them get on with it?!
    Organise a girls night then. Or do something yourself. Make them come to you. And if they dont, or dont even respond then it is time to find new 'friends'
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    Apart from not telling you he was bringing his new gf to your leaving dinner, nothing here seems to be too out of the ordinary.
    You say you don't like how easily she's replaced you, but there's not a limit on the number of members in a group of friends! Have you let yourself be replaced? Do you think and act like you can't be your happy, friendly self when she's there? If it was me and I really didn't want to lose my friends, I would push my way back in there, phone one of the group every afternoon/evening or so to see if anything's happening that night, go along for the takeaway with just the lads (if they are genuine friends), be fun and cheerful and let the group know I'm happy with myself, my life and my choices, so they don't feel awkward and have no reason at all to exclude me from things.

    Unless they simply don't like me of course, in which case, it's time to get some new friends.
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Apart from not telling you he was bringing his new gf to your leaving dinner, nothing here seems to be too out of the ordinary.
    You say you don't like how easily she's replaced you, but there's not a limit on the number of members in a group of friends! Have you let yourself be replaced? Do you think and act like you can't be your happy, friendly self when she's there? If it was me and I really didn't want to lose my friends, I would push my way back in there, phone one of the group every afternoon/evening or so to see if anything's happening that night, go along for the takeaway with just the lads (if they are genuine friends), be fun and cheerful and let the group know I'm happy with myself, my life and my choices, so they don't feel awkward and have no reason at all to exclude me from things.

    Unless they simply don't like me of course, in which case, it's time to get some new friends.

    I think part of the problem is that I've changed since I've been away but they've all stayed the same. Its like we've been sucked into a time warp and its this time last year! The same jokes, the same chat and they still have the view of me despite the fact that I've become a lot more secure in myself through the year and have become a lot more mellow person. When I'm with them I don't feel like I can be the happy person I am with my friends in Glasgow, it feels like I have to squeeze back into the person I was a year ago.

    (Original post by Chrrye)
    Organise a girls night then. Or do something yourself. Make them come to you. And if they dont, or dont even respond then it is time to find new 'friends'
    I have to an extent done that, I made girlfriends on hols last year and they've been fantastic. They really supported me through the exams and were with me when I found out I'd passed I find them a lot more supportive and a lot more fun.

    (Original post by Xristina)
    it is hurtful, that's why everyone says that being friends with your ex can't work. I know this affects your relationship with your friends as well, but I am afraid that's how things are. Inviting your ex to your party was weird ( I understand you did it because he is your friends' friend and all that, but still ), his gf coming was expected
    I would have been put on the spot by the other guys if I didn't invite him. Or they would have brought him themselves. I think it's time just to let go of that group of friends and move on.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    You sound like such a ****. What are you making such an issue out of it for then? Unless you still like your ex, which is how it sounds.



    Jealous much? Like I said before, they aren't going to leave her out just because she gets to you. Maybe that's the exact reason your friends don't want to be around you any more.
    Yet again, if you bother to read the damn thread she isn't the problem. It was just hurtful to be dismissed by my long time friends and see her involved so fervently, of course now I understand that shes a neccessary part of the group due to her being my ex's gf.

    Your the **** if you don't understand why I don't know how to react to my friends cutting me out.
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    Erm ... It could be possible that your ex is at the centre of this circle of friends and that none of the other friends want to upset him, so they do the things that they think he will agree with, for fear of argument. Also (sorry if this sounds harsh, not intended) were they his friends initially? Did he introduce them to you? If so, maybe they were just being nice to you because of him?
 
 
 
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