Hate myself

Hello everyone!

Apologies in advance - not a thread for those who hate self-loathers/self-pitying people.

I'm not looking for sympathy, just a bit of company while I get this out, plus I know many people feel the same to varying degrees.

I'm just really hating myself right now. It's catch 22; I'm self pitying for hating myself, but then hating myself for self-pitying. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love so much, and I still find myself feeling sorry for myself. I've stuffed up my first year at University by giving in when the going got tough instead of fighting on like I used to. I deserve to fail, and feel like such an idiot.

All I ever do is moan like this, and do nothing to help myself. I really need to get over myself, so sorry... Not quite sure where this thread is going but nevermind. Anyone in a similar position?

A few things have happened this year and my head is so fed up with absolutely everything..it's too much of an effort to try anymore, and the world seems an unfriendly place. I hate myself for thinking that too, I've had it easy compared to most, and should stop moaning and get on with it.

Sorry guys :frown:

I hate you too!

twenty1

I hate you too!

Wow, that's absolutely calculated to make her feel better.

To female_engineer:

Have you considered counselling? It sounds like you have stuff on your chest you need to get off. We all feel awful at some point in our lives, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it and wait for it to go away. It sounds to me like you've been too hard on yourself and your confidence levels have dropped... maybe dropping out of University affected you more than you thought it would. Perhaps if you start being more pro-active things will start looking brighter because you'll know you're doing something about your life. Try to get your friends, family and boyfriend to understand how you're feeling so they can support you. I hope things work out for you soon. :smile:

Reply 3

bohogirlie

3

Lidia

Wow, that's absolutely calculated to make her feel better.

To female_engineer:

Have you considered counselling? It sounds like you have stuff on your chest you need to get off. We all feel awful at some point in our lives, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it and wait for it to go away. It sounds to me like you've been too hard on yourself and your confidence levels have dropped... maybe dropping out of University affected you more than you thought it would. Perhaps if you start being more pro-active things will start looking brighter because you'll know you're doing something about your life. Try to get your friends, family and boyfriend to understand how you're feeling so they can support you. I hope things work out for you soon. :smile:

I agree with you lidia. A lot of stuff has happened to me in my life and for so many years i tried to bottle it up, and thought that if i didn't show that it had all affected me, it wouldn't. Eventually it all caught up with me. I went to see a counsellor and she really helped me, she didn't do anything, she just let me talk about everything and let me cry out everything that i'd bottled up for so many years. I have so many close friends around me, but it was easier talking to her. I can now finally move on, and stop thinking about all the **** from the past. Good luck. And remember a problem shared is a problem halved! It sounds corny, but its true :smile:

Reply 4

magiccarpet

2

female_engineer

Hello everyone!

Apologies in advance - not a thread for those who hate self-loathers/self-pitying people.

I'm not looking for sympathy, just a bit of company while I get this out, plus I know many people feel the same to varying degrees.

I'm just really hating myself right now. It's catch 22; I'm self pitying for hating myself, but then hating myself for self-pitying. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love so much, and I still find myself feeling sorry for myself. I've stuffed up my first year at University by giving in when the going got tough instead of fighting on like I used to. I deserve to fail, and feel like such an idiot.

All I ever do is moan like this, and do nothing to help myself. I really need to get over myself, so sorry... Not quite sure where this thread is going but nevermind. Anyone in a similar position?

A few things have happened this year and my head is so fed up with absolutely everything..it's too much of an effort to try anymore, and the world seems an unfriendly place. I hate myself for thinking that too, I've had it easy compared to most, and should stop moaning and get on with it.

Sorry guys :frown:

chill and be still

if the world hates you you shud hate the world.

just sit down watch tv eat chocs and love yourself and your body.

Reply 5

Lidka

13

bohogirlie

I agree with you lidia. A lot of stuff has happened to me in my life and for so many years i tried to bottle it up, and thought that if i didn't show that it had all affected me, it wouldn't. Eventually it all caught up with me. I went to see a counsellor and she really helped me, she didn't do anything, she just let me talk about everything and let me cry out everything that i'd bottled up for so many years. I have so many close friends around me, but it was easier talking to her. I can now finally move on, and stop thinking about all the **** from the past. Good luck. And remember a problem shared is a problem halved! It sounds corny, but its true :smile:

Yeah, sometimes friends just aren't enough when you have problems. Though a lot of people don't like the idea of counselling, it's just easier to talk to somebody who is a) not involved in your personal life and b) trained to listen and offer advice. I'd reccommend counselling to anyone who just feels like their life has taken a downturn - and we all feel like that at some point, though we're often reluctant to admit it!

I'm glad to hear that you feel better :smile:

It helps for unhappy people to know that others have been there before and survived!

Reply 6

female_engineer

OP

1

Lidia

Wow, that's absolutely calculated to make her feel better.

To female_engineer:

Have you considered counselling? It sounds like you have stuff on your chest you need to get off. We all feel awful at some point in our lives, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it and wait for it to go away. It sounds to me like you've been too hard on yourself and your confidence levels have dropped... maybe dropping out of University affected you more than you thought it would. Perhaps if you start being more pro-active things will start looking brighter because you'll know you're doing something about your life. Try to get your friends, family and boyfriend to understand how you're feeling so they can support you. I hope things work out for you soon. :smile:

Hi Lidia,

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it.

I've had counselling in the past because I got depressed after my step dad and mum separated...for nearly 3 years in the end. It stopped because I left for university and my counsellor felt that I had made huge progress..which I have if I think about it. These feelings come and go, it's just peaking at the moment. I'll feel better tomorrow probably.

Sorry for not explaining myself properly but I haven't left Uni. I'm still here about to take my exams (end of first year). Your advice is sound, and I know I need to make more of an effort in making my life better. As I said, I'm just finding it hard to despite my moaning.

I will try, thanks.

Reply 7

female_engineer

OP

1

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far, it's nice to know I have support here. I replied to Lidia before realising loads of you had been nice and replied.

Reply 8

pkchips

1

female_engineer

Hello everyone!

A few things have happened this year and my head is so fed up with absolutely everything..it's too much of an effort to try anymore, and the world seems an unfriendly place. I hate myself for thinking that too, I've had it easy compared to most, and should stop moaning and get on with it.

Sorry guys :frown:

If the world's an unfriendly place, it doesn't affect you! Just remember that and don't pay attention to the fact that people might be unfriendly or unhelpful. And even if things ever get to the stage for you that perhaps you end up not even having friends, you do realise that you can make it on your own anyway? You don't need to worry about whatever stereotypes people may have. If people choose not to be nice to you, ignore them, because they don't have an impact on you in the long term. Just do things anyway.

Reply 9

twiga

15

I agree with what the others have said. Go and see another councillor. Do you have these bouts of depression a lot?

Reply 10

Lidka

13

female_engineer

Hi Lidia,

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it.

I've had counselling in the past because I got depressed after my step dad and mum separated...for nearly 3 years in the end. It stopped because I left for university and my counsellor felt that I had made huge progress..which I have if I think about it. These feelings come and go, it's just peaking at the moment. I'll feel better tomorrow probably.

Sorry for not explaining myself properly but I haven't left Uni. I'm still here about to take my exams (end of first year). Your advice is sound, and I know I need to make more of an effort in making my life better. As I said, I'm just finding it hard to despite my moaning.

I will try, thanks.

You're very welcome. :smile:

We all have our lows, especially if we've had bad experiences, as you obviously had with your mum and step-dad separating. Sometimes they come back and hit us for no apparent reason - I was bullied at school and I've worked (am still working) to get over that, so I know where you're coming from. Good luck with your exams, and I'm sure the world will seem a better place soon! :smile:

Reply 11

ChocoVet

Hope you feel better soon. Just want to let you know that by acknowledging your own feelings you are moving in the right direction! There are no such things as 'good' feelings or 'bad' feelings. Don't be ashamed to feel how you feel and don't brush your feelings aside! Once again hope things get better for you soon.

(((((((((hugs))))))))

Reply 12

female_engineer

OP

1

twiga

I agree with what the others have said. Go and see another councillor. Do you have these bouts of depression a lot?

Yeh but I ignore them because it is never permanent. I am also so convinced (despite feeling otherwise) that I don't have things hard, that I won't go to a counsellor again...i just moan about it and put off going. Also, I wouldn't have a clue where to start.

Reply 13

twiga

15

female_engineer

Yeh but I ignore them because it is never permanent. I am also so convinced (despite feeling otherwise) that I don't have things hard, that I won't go to a counsellor again...i just moan about it and put off going. Also, I wouldn't have a clue where to start.

Well if you're finding things hard then you're allowed to do something about it, you have to it's not fair on yourself. It sounds to me like you weren't really ready to stop counciling and this has hindered your recovery somewhat. Don't worry about not knowing where to start - that's the councillor's job to figure out. Please go and see another one, it will help you I promise, and don't leave until you're completely ready.

Reply 14

pkchips

1

female_engineer

Yeh but I ignore them because it is never permanent. I am also so convinced (despite feeling otherwise) that I don't have things hard, that I won't go to a counsellor again...i just moan about it and put off going. Also, I wouldn't have a clue where to start.

also, if you think you are happy, you will be happy, whilst if u think you are a depressed wreck, you will actually be a depressed wreck. And what you think of yourself is determined to a large extent by what you do physically. If you smile, that tends to make you happy even if you weren't originally happy. If you frown, you become unhappy.

In other words, you're feelings might well be a cycle of you thinking you are upset, as a result being upset, then continuing to think you are upset because you really are, and continuing to be upset. So you need to break that cycle by thinking of yourself differently, and you might be able to do that by doing something that makes you happier.