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Why do women complain about lack of compliments? Watch

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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Urgh, sorry but I'd hate to have a boyfriend like you. Begrudging of a compliment. Making your girlfriend 'earn' it.
    For what it's worth, I'd hate to have a girlfriend like you. Me dedicating myself to you and you alone just wouldn't be enough, you'd have to be constantly reminded you were a ******* princess even if you did nothing to merit it. Once you've been going out for someone for so long that they've told you you're pretty a thousand times over, is it really still so important for the relationship for them to continue to tell you?
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    But she's your girlfriend... doesn't that count for anything? I just don't get why your opinion is so highly regarded that it's got to be a special event for you to give your girlfriend a compliment.

    Urgh, sorry but I'd hate to have a boyfriend like you. Begrudging of a compliment. Making your girlfriend 'earn' it. Get over yourself, seriously.
    Yeah, because people should just say things for no reason :rolleyes:

    Basically, a good boyfriend lies :rolleyes:

    great
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    I don't think comments should be used on things that are 'spectacular' or 'different' necessarily - I wouldnt expect compliments anyway, and my boyfriend doesn't compliment me when I've got all dressed up for a party or whatever, in the 'expected' situation. And Id be sort of confused if he ever commented on something like me having nice shoes!

    Instead he might just turn to me when Im sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown, and say that I look beautiful, and he prefers me without makeup and fancy clothes. Its just the little everyday noticing things like that which are lovely. I guess that, if you really like someone, you should be attracted to them and think they look nice a lot of the time, not just on special occasions when they're all dolled up. Plus even if theyre not looking too hot, there's always the fact that they make you laugh, or look after you, or remember whats important to you, and compliments about stuff like that are often more meaningful because theyre not based on transient external looks.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    But she's your girlfriend... doesn't that count for anything? I just don't get why your opinion is so highly regarded that it's got to be a special event for you to give your girlfriend a compliment.

    Urgh, sorry but I'd hate to have a boyfriend like you. Begrudging of a compliment. Making your girlfriend 'earn' it. Get over yourself, seriously.
    Perhaps that's why you don't have one?

    You've assumed a lot about me already, first of all giving many compliments can do worse for getting/staying with a girl, from the guys point of view, than it can do to help. But I wouldn't expect you to know much about this. In fact it's very naive of you to say.

    Second of all, I don't regard my compliments as so special, i'm not putting them on a pedestal, but the rarer/well timed the compliment, then the more effect it has an the girl in question. Besides, why should you give one when it's not needed?

    Of course the fact she's my girlfriend should mean something, but that should also mean something to her too, a reassurance. And it's nice to make somebody feel better with compliments. You've missed my point about compliments, i'm not saying you shouldn't give them, they're important and sometimes I do it just to be nice, but my gripe is with complaining about not receiving them, that's kind of weird.
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    Why do women complain about {insert any subject here}? I tend not to worry about it.
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    (Original post by Arteta)
    Perhaps that's why you don't have one?
    Oh, of course. It's nothing to do with the fact that I'M the picky one? Nah, course not, women aren't allowed to be the one's to say 'no thanks' are they. :rolleyes:

    You just sound begrudging to me. Like it's an effort to say something nice to your girlfriend. My Dad's the same. He rarely says anything nice about my mum and getting a 'you look lovely' off my Dad is like getting blood out of a stone. I don't blame you, you're a bloke after all.
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    I agree. This is something that really bugs me about girls. I've heard of hundreds of girls that have had boyfriend troubles and then stated something along the lines of "he never calls me beautiful anymore." As if it's decent grounds for ending the relationship. He's sticking his penis into you ladies, chances are he finds you quite nice to look at.
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    some people feel insecure so they want to feel appreciated.
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    Ok I get that you're not gona say like every 'Wow that perfumes great' - That is a waste of time. But if she's down find other ways to pick her up. Like 'you look prettier when you smile!' If you've got a girlfriend who completely rejects these things then maybe I wouldn't bother but if she's just shy about accepting that she looks amazing then obviously she's worried you're just saying it.

    It might be ok to say that being with someone obviously means you like them, but me and my ex grew apart so obviously would didn't really like each other anymore but were still together. If he'd have done something nice for a change, such as actually looked like he missed me when he came back off holiday :mad: then it probably would have been different. I think you just need to remember that in a relationship things will get tedious when you spend a lot of tie together, and just putting little bit of effort in here and there really keeps the relationship alive.
    Well yeah you should assess the situation, as I said to Ilora (as i'm not expecting you to read everything I say) i'm not against compliments, I give them, and I think it's polite to give them, I give them more than the impression I'm giving off in this thread, and I do sometimes give them when I don't mean them, but I just think it's weird for somebody to complain that you haven't told them they're beautiful.

    As a hyperthetical boyfriend in your situation, I would recognise that you needed compliments for the good of the relationship (assuming I wanted it) and would give them to mend things. That's just a smart thing to do.
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    [QUOTE=writergirl]
    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    First of all, saying something is hardly going out of your way!

    Secondly, if you've told her the second bit in bold, you've probably gave her th impression that you're not impressed when you don't compliment. Girls really can be this paranoid.

    I understand what you mean, saying things just for the sake of it does get tedious. But it also gets tedious, imo, when you and your boyfriend are constantly doing and saying the same things. I like it when my boyfriend changes from saying 'I love you', to saying something just as nice but different. It makes a change. Little things you do and say get noticed, even a little bit of banter is better than the same old conversation you always have. Doing things out of the ordinary. Even if it's just a random kiss on the back of her head that she wasn't expecting. It's much better than feeling like the relationship has become boring, or stick in a rut, surely?

    Obviously, I think the girls should put in effort like this too. It just keeps relationships interesting.[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely!
    I love complimenting guys...i'm much more comfortable giving it out than receiving, although i've now taught myself to acknowledge it and say 'aw thank you' politely so they know its not been disregarded, even if i don't always believe them!
    Yeh it is easier to give out!

    I keep telling my boyfriend he's cute 'cause he gets fluffy hair after a bath :redface: He loves it :yep:

    I also love his biceps, so I'll give them a little squeeze when he's not expecting it. He knows that's one of my ideas of a compliment :yep:
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    (Original post by toddlers crossword)
    I don't think comments should be used on things that are 'spectacular' or 'different' necessarily - I wouldnt expect compliments anyway, and my boyfriend doesn't compliment me when I've got all dressed up for a party or whatever, in the 'expected' situation. And Id be sort of confused if he ever commented on something like me having nice shoes!

    Instead he might just turn to me when Im sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown, and say that I look beautiful, and he prefers me without makeup and fancy clothes. Its just the little everyday noticing things like that which are lovely. I guess that, if you really like someone, you should be attracted to them and think they look nice a lot of the time, not just on special occasions when they're all dolled up. Plus even if theyre not looking too hot, there's always the fact that they make you laugh, or look after you, or remember whats important to you, and compliments about stuff like that are often more meaningful because theyre not based on transient external looks.
    Actually I was using the event or spectacular situation of an example where you really should compliment her regardless, just to be polite and so you don't damage her confidence.

    I agree that the best compliments are in situations like you mentioned, and when they're more obscure. Perhaps you're highlighting something the girl never even thought about, thus giving more confidence, or complimenting a flaw and truly showing that you're taking her as an entire package, and not just that you're with her despite her flaws, but to show you like them.

    When I said you need a stimulus, I mean after a long time with somebody you just run out of compliments to give, and after a while they become redundant. If new things aren't happening then I haven't got much to give a compliment for. I agree there's sometimes nothing better than a surprise one when they're in their scrubs. But even then you can't keep giving them.
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    (Original post by 9MmBulletz)
    what girls say and do are two different things
    don't give a girl compliments, she has to work for them

    the problem is alot of guys think that paying girls compliments will get them into her pants. girls like being challenged, not everything eeasy for them

    its psychological,
    say you want to buy a ferrari. you work your ass of for it, you get one. then when you get home, you realise there's another ferrari there. which one would you treasure more? the one you worked for because of the effort you put in made it worth it
    while girls aren't material objects, they work like that so do humans in general
    you want or like something more when you have had to work for it
    Lesson:don't pay girls unnecessary compliments unless its just being friendly, even then don't do it
    I love where you got that quote from, It's 100% true
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    My ex and I never complimented each other at all. Our relationship was never like that. I don't like compliments anyway; they make me squirm.
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    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    I love where you got that quote from, It's 100% true
    i forgot where i got that from
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Oh, of course. It's nothing to do with the fact that I'M the picky one? Nah, course not, women aren't allowed to be the one's to say 'no thanks' are they. :rolleyes:

    You just sound begrudging to me. Like it's an effort to say something nice to your girlfriend. My Dad's the same. He rarely says anything nice about my mum and getting a 'you look lovely' off my Dad is like getting blood out of a stone. I don't blame you, you're a bloke after all.
    Again you've completely assumed my personality there, and you've taken your conclusion to an extreme level.

    When did I ever even say women can't be picky and should take what they can? You made that leap on your own. Actually I think it's good that women are picky, because that means if I get a girlfriend that's right for me, then I know she'll truly like me, and will be happy. And I want my friends to be pickier, because they get with some real pricks.

    If you're picky then good for you. When I said that's probably why you haven't got a boyfriend, I meant that first of all, you assumed my personality immediately and made a conclusion that you couldn't stand me, and if you do that to me, then you most likely do it to others.
    Second of all, if you want somebody to compliment you all the time and make you feel good, just because it's of no effort to them, that screams high maintenance at me. It's to be coupled with many other similar demands women make of the their boyfriends, and their attention.
    You'll probably come back at me and argue that expecting a compliment a day isn't high maintenance, well, there's no smoke without fire, and this probably means you demand/expect other things too.

    And no, i'm not being hypocritical and assuming your personality, i'm just telling you what you're giving off. I'm not telling you what you are, and i'm not making any conclusions on your personality from a few posts.

    I'm not begrudging, as i've said twice now in this thread I actually give out more compliments than my OP would lead you to believe, my purpose of this thread was to question why girls feel they can complain about not getting them. It's not about whether a guy should give them, my opinion on that is different.
    I actually compliment my girl friends quite a lot on how they look, and most are genuine, I live with some fashionable girls and they deserve recognition. When I mentioned about my ex complaining to me, well, I didn't think so much of her taste in clothes, she wasn't really my type, and shouldn't have been together, I was with her because I liked some things about her personality, and she was good looking, but there's only so many times you can tell a girl she has nice eyes. I knew more about fashion than she did, so when I wasn't impressed I didn't usually compliment, maybe it's a little mean. I guess I should have to make her feel a little better. I gave her many other compliments about a lot of things though, just mainly at the start of the relationship.
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    (Original post by Arteta)
    If you're picky then good for you. When I said that's probably why you haven't got a boyfriend, I meant that first of all, you assumed my personality immediately and made a conclusion that you couldn't stand me, and if you do that to me, then you most likely do it to others.
    Second of all, if you want somebody to compliment you all the time and make you feel good, just because it's of no effort to them, that screams high maintenance at me. It's to be coupled with many other similar demands women make of the their boyfriends, and their attention.
    You'll probably come back at me and argue that expecting a compliment a day isn't high maintenance, well, there's no smoke without fire, and this probably means you demand/expect other things too.

    And no, i'm not being hypocritical and assuming your personality, i'm just telling you what you're giving off. I'm not telling you what you are, and i'm not making any conclusions on your personality from a few posts.
    I don't actually like getting compliments. I rarely feel they're justifed and they're often used to fill the air between conversations.
    I personally don't compliment anyone unless I genuinely like what they've said or done or something they're wearing etc. I'm high maintenance in that I expect the same back. I hate empty compliments, but that's beside the point....

    I'm simply seeing it from an outsider's perspective. You're wondering why women complain about not getting compliments, it's either because they are high maintenance or are used to it and feel insecure when they don't get complimented - maybe they were 'spoiled' in a previous relationship, who knows.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I don't actually like getting compliments. I rarely feel they're justifed and they're often used to fill the air between conversations.
    I personally don't compliment anyone unless I genuinely like what they've said or done or something they're wearing etc. I'm high maintenance in that I expect the same back. I hate empty compliments, but that's beside the point....

    I'm simply seeing it from an outsider's perspective. You're wondering why women complain about not getting compliments, it's either because they are high maintenance or are used to it and feel insecure when they don't get complimented - maybe they were 'spoiled' in a previous relationship, who knows.
    Sorry but you've just reiterated what I was originally saying. Yet you criticised me for it :\

    I said I don't usually give them when they don't deserve one, and you came back at me saying that I think so highly of myself that compliments have to be earned :confused:. Which is partly true as they should be earned. And your quoted message above agrees with me.

    And for what you say about other women that may hate lack of compliments; A) it's their fault if they're high maintenance, not the boyfriend. B) If they were used to it in a previous relationship then that's no fault of the boyfriend either.
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    (Original post by Arteta)
    Sorry but you've just reiterated what I was originally saying. Yet you criticised me for it :\

    I said I don't usually give them when they don't deserve one, and you came back at me saying that I think so highly of myself that compliments have to be earned :confused:. Which is partly true as they should be earned. And your quoted message above agrees with me.

    And for what you say about other women that may hate lack of compliments; A) it's their fault if they're high maintenance, not the boyfriend. B) If they were used to it in a previous relationship then that's no fault of the boyfriend either.
    I'm not the one with a girlfriend here. I'm talking about compliments in a long term relationship. What I compliment my girlfriends on, is different to what I may compliment a future boyfriend on.

    And to end: Why is it assumed that it's her fault? If she's with a guy who gives compliments out willy-nilly then it's his own fault that she's come to expect it.

    I think the key here is to be able to decide whether you're going to placate an already high maintenance woman for a quiet life, or be stingy with the compliments and take the wrath
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I'm not the one with a girlfriend here. I'm talking about compliments in a long term relationship. What I compliment my girlfriends on, is different to what I may compliment a future boyfriend on.

    And to end: Why is it assumed that it's her fault? If she's with a guy who gives compliments out willy-nilly then it's his own fault that she's come to expect it.

    I think the key here is to be able to decide whether you're going to placate an already high maintenance woman for a quiet life, or be stingy with the compliments and take the wrath
    Oh I don't have a girlfriend either, and for the most of my posts i've been talking about complimenting a girlfriend (if I had one), not just friends that are girls, I only decided to mention them in the last post.

    Actually I'd compliment my friends and girlfriends quite similarly. I think the only way in which it differs is when it comes to more private issues. And with guys it's definitely different, haha, there are limits.

    I didn't say it would be the girls fault, I was just saying it's not the boyfriends fault. If anybody it's the previous boyfriend.

    Haha I finally agree with you on the last point. I'll go with being stingy and taking the wrath, over-complimenting can lead to her being bored of you, and for your compliments to mean less. Lack of compliments keeps her more interested (yet angry at times), and makes her happier when you do give them, at least you don't lose her with the last option, and you get to be honest
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    (Original post by Arteta)
    Haha I finally agree with you on the last point. I'll go with being stingy and taking the wrath, over-complimenting can lead to her being bored of you, and for your compliments to mean less. Lack of compliments keeps her more interested (yet angry at times), and makes her happier when you do give them, at least you don't lose her with the last option, and you get to be honest
    ......And I hear make up sex is fantastic :p:
 
 
 
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