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how do i change my personality? watch

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    How do i change myself?

    People often see me as 'quiet',
    I hate my personality. I feel really boring and don't have fun doing anything because i don't know what to say to people, im not spontanous and i feel awkward around people.

    I don't even feel i know who i am so i end up just doing things to please other people. I always end up worrying about what people around me think of me or i just can't think of what to say.

    I wish i was more laid back and easy going so instead of taking things seriously and trying to work people out i just am chilled out.

    I have finished my first year at uni and do drink alcohol but it doesnt really help.

    please keep anonymous.
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    Lobotomy?

    In all seriousness, you don't need to 'change' your personality. There's nothing wrong with who you are (at least as far as I can see), you just need to get a bit more confident. Make sure you remember that.

    And try doing some stuff. I've been going to the gym regularly this summer, and even something as apparently prosaic as that has made me feel better than I do otherwise. And travel is always a good option. Go to somewhere where you wouldn't normally go, and build up your interests and experiences.
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    Weed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do i change myself?

    People often see me as 'quiet',
    I hate my personality. I feel really boring and don't have fun doing anything because i don't know what to say to people, im not spontanous and i feel awkward around people.

    I don't even feel i know who i am so i end up just doing things to please other people. I always end up worrying about what people around me think of me or i just can't think of what to say.

    I wish i was more laid back and easy going so instead of taking things seriously and trying to work people out i just am chilled out.

    I have finished my first year at uni and do drink alcohol but it doesnt really help.

    please keep anonymous.

    I think Kaplan offer a course.
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    Just start doing more. Watch films you want to watch, read books- funny books- Terry Pratchet etc etc. Do things that actually make you laugh and smile. This is usually by doing a variety. Try things you've never done, even just cooking new things, or learning guitar. Then you may realise that these things you're doing to make yourself more interesting you actually enjoy. Then you become happier. And that's really the key.
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    I'm a "quiet" person too. But that's just the way I am. I try to be outgoing and chatty and flirty like many other girls but it seems so fake. I'm not like that, so I not going to pretend to be something that I'm not. :dontknow: I'm not completely mute and dead though.
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    Your personality and values wont change and I'm sure you don't need them to!
    Your lacking self confidence and worrying about what other people think of you, is something that will take time... you need to do something to build your confidence, you need to accept who you are and try out as many new experiences and opportunities as possible this is the only way you can discover who you are! But you need to seek them out!

    I often get told that I'm 'nice', well nice is boring- I'm guessing you have thoughts in your mind you don't say out loud? Well why not allow yourself to speak up (to an extent) people love honesty and a bit of sass!
    It will be a slow process- but you will get there... trust me you'll look back on this in a few years time and see how far you've come.

    If you want it, it will happen, just stop being a control freak and focus on other people or things- steer your thoughts away from thinking about yourself!!!

    'Those that matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter'- Dr Seuss quote to live by!

    Try to do something new everyday!
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    I used to be quite shy and stuff... I think I found confidence by being around people more, working (retail assistant...you're forced to find confidence!) Having friends with big personalities, but are kind and who look out for you too, helps I think. They kind of bring you out of your shell a bit.

    Why not be spontaneous...do something different this year. Join a society you wouldn't normally, do something your friends don't, get involved in an event at uni or some other extra-curricular activity. Be pro-active and think positively. You shouldn't have to change who you are, but do something that's character building and you might discover something new about yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do i change myself?

    People often see me as 'quiet',
    I hate my personality. I feel really boring and don't have fun doing anything because i don't know what to say to people, im not spontanous and i feel awkward around people.

    I don't even feel i know who i am so i end up just doing things to please other people. I always end up worrying about what people around me think of me or i just can't think of what to say.

    I wish i was more laid back and easy going so instead of taking things seriously and trying to work people out i just am chilled out.

    I have finished my first year at uni and do drink alcohol but it doesnt really help.

    please keep anonymous.
    Electric Shock Treatment

    Or get a 'Wacky' hat
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    Drink more alcohol, son. That will give you all the confidence you'll need. The ladies will love it.
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    (Original post by Joel4fun4u)
    Drink more alcohol, son. That will give you all the confidence you'll need. The ladies will love it.
    I'm a girl, and alcohol makes me feel depressed
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl, and alcohol makes me feel depressed
    Don't worry about gender/depression. The ladies love both and so do the guys.

    Drink more. Live Big.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by magic_unicorn)
    Your personality and values wont change and I'm sure you don't need them to!
    Your lacking self confidence and worrying about what other people think of you, is something that will take time... you need to do something to build your confidence, you need to accept who you are and try out as many new experiences and opportunities as possible this is the only way you can discover who you are! But you need to seek them out!

    I often get told that I'm 'nice', well nice is boring- I'm guessing you have thoughts in your mind you don't say out loud? Well why not allow yourself to speak up (to an extent) people love honesty and a bit of sass!
    It will be a slow process- but you will get there... trust me you'll look back on this in a few years time and see how far you've come.

    If you want it, it will happen, just stop being a control freak and focus on other people or things- steer your thoughts away from thinking about yourself!!!

    'Those that matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter'- Dr Seuss quote to live by!

    Try to do something new everyday!
    I'm already focused on other people, but am paranoid they think im boring or too quiet or something
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Joel4fun4u)
    Don't worry about gender/depression. The ladies love both and so do the guys.

    Drink more. Live Big.
    surely seeing an unhappy drunk person is not going to be attractive
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm already focused on other people, but am paranoid they think im boring or too quiet or something
    If you think about everyone youre around, they're probably too focused about their own issues.
    You need to try to focus your mind on what other people are talking about, rather than thinking 'what should I say, what if they think I'm boring' Try to make a comment, don't worry if you end up saying something silly, you'll get there in the end.

    I personally find it easier to talk one to one, so maybe you could identify someone to talk to when your out in a crowd and ask them questions about them and see if you have anything in common to talk about.

    I used to be that person who would sit amongst a group of friends and not speak up incase i said something wrong (I'm a bit of a control freak- doesn't help) then I started hanging out with a friend who gave the impression they didn't care what anyone thought! and started being silly, and stopped taking myself seriously, of course I felt really embarrased when I did say something I didn't mean, but then I realised i was the only one focusing on my mistake.
    Now I'm the sort of person who can casually chat to most people ( though still working on the approaching strangers thing)

    Identify someone you want to be like and try to imitate their behaviour or spend time with people like that and try to feed off their energy.
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    (Original post by geetar)
    Lobotomy?

    In all seriousness, you don't need to 'change' your personality. There's nothing wrong with who you are (at least as far as I can see), you just need to get a bit more confident. Make sure you remember that.

    And try doing some stuff. I've been going to the gym regularly this summer, and even something as apparently prosaic as that has made me feel better than I do otherwise. And travel is always a good option. Go to somewhere where you wouldn't normally go, and build up your interests and experiences.
    Agreed. I had a friend who was nice but very shy and self conscious like the OP. She went to Africa for a year and came back totally changed. She was still independent and different but somehow she came back alot more confident and with a sort of honesty and openess that everyone likes in her now. Dropping yourself in at the deep end is the best way to get over most fears and anxieties i reckon.

    (Original post by magic_unicorn)
    Identify someone you want to be like and try to imitate their behaviour or spend time with people like that and try to feed off their energy.
    Thats good advice too. Everyone should have a role model.
    • #2
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    maybe write down everytime you avoid something due to lack of confidence.
    i think the only way you can conquer your fears is by facing them.

    say like your nervous about asking for job applications and your avoiding alot of places ..maybe write down what is the worst that can happen. just force yourself to do it, then once youve done it you will feel like youve achieved something. if bit by bit you keep conquering your fears, you will get more and more relaxed

    its strange that not even alchol helps you. i suppose if your feeling sad, it will make you depressed. try listening to some upbeat music to make you feel positive. maybe when your tipsy, give yourself challenges because your more likely to do them..say like talking to someone...
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    I totally know the feeling. But I have been improving through the years. I think its a matter of time and experience. More you see and do, more confident you get. And most importantly you must like yourself - do thigs you want to do, take yourself as you are, kinda "cultivate" your personality
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    I would be hesitant about changing everything about you, there has to be some really good traits that you have, and im sure that you know them yourself if you think about them.

    As for confidence there is no easy way of getting confidence, it is a gradual process that takes awhile, best way to to try and go out there and just face it head on and gradually you will feel more at home, with more confidence.
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    To quote Baz Luhrman, "do one thing every day that scares you". I think if you try to stick to this you'll find you're faced with all sorts of weird and wonderful situations and people, and it'll maybe help you build up more confidence. Doing things you don't normally do force you to come out of your comfort zone a bit, which every now and again, can be a good thing i think.
 
 
 
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