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    Recently i have been feeling like i need to get out the relationship - to do what exactly, i don't know..

    We have had a tough past 6 months; I fell for his bestfriend who had hidden his feelings for me and let them pour out one eve - we snuck around and enjoyed a many a dinner until my bf found and forbid us from speaking.
    We continued for a while, and the other guy fought and fought to keep me, but i didnt want to hurt my bf anymore than i already had; given that he more than anything wanted it to work (He asked me to chose between them, and i chose him).

    So we have been trying to make things work - its a daily up and down, and there is a major lack of trust (for which i can't blame him). He wants things from me - commitments that I just dont feel ready to make - he wants to be able to tell me what i can and cannot do, and right now i dont want to give someone else that power over me... but he says that if you love someone you make sacrifices for them, and i do love him, but suppose am unsure if i can make those sacrifices. He has compromised, but again i just feel like i need to get out. I can manage a week before i start questioning and feel like we need to break up.

    I suppose part of me resents him for the loss of a friendship and a person that did matter to me - (but i cant tell him this because then he comes to the conclusion that our relationship meant much less).

    I just dont know what to do. i love him and i enjoy being with him, but then don't know if i am doing the right thing. part of me even feels like if i end it with him, i can see if i can make things work with the other guy (knowing full and well that it wont - i hurt him by walking away and don't think he ever wants to speak to me again)

    sorry its all jumbled and confusing, but its like this in my brain.
    I guess what i am hoping for is someone to straighten it out... and advice based on personal experience would be greatly appreciated.x
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    I'm glad to say I have no experience of this but from an outside view you clearly made the decision between him and his friend in haste and now you're realising that you needed more time to think about it. Perhaps taking a break from both guys would be a good idea while you figure out what it is you actually want.

    If you do decide to make things work with your boyfriend then you're going to have to respect the fact that you need to earn back his trust in you- and that you might not be able to.

    Gd luck
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    are you sure you love him or is it because you'll feel guilty or you don't want to hurt his feelings?
    it sounds like you need to not argue but have a proper conversation with him, get the truth out in the open you know and explain how you feel otherwise it's just gonna be kept up inside you and probably end up coming out in an argument anyway!
    maybe you should try doing something new together or something?

    i hope this helps..
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    are you sure you love him or is it because you'll feel guilty or you don't want to hurt his feelings?
    it sounds like you need to not argue but have a proper conversation with him, get the truth out in the open you know and explain how you feel otherwise it's just gonna be kept up inside you and probably end up coming out in an argument anyway!
    maybe you should try doing something new together or something?

    i hope this helps..
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    whatever you do, dont go to that other guy...

    its ok to lose a boyfriend or a possible boyfriend, its not gonna work anyway (there are two possible endings: you either get married or break up, assuming you are not gonna get married with any of these guys after all these)
    but its not ok to lose self respect...

    you are gonna break up anyway so take your time and choose the easiest way

    do not break your boyfriends heart, if you break up with him, do it because it doesnt work, not to be with his friend.

    when you chose to go out with him, you automaticly chose NOT TO go out with any of his friends... life is like this, you lost that chance way before...

    dont lose self respect, always keep your head up, and live a life that you are gonna be proud of, (maybe not so happy, or a life full of joy)

    you have your mastercard for everything,
    sleeping in peace is priceless...

    sorry for bad english, its not perfect, but this is my advice to you.

    i hope you do the right thing, and dont do anything that you are gonna regret
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    See, based on your name, this thread had so many possibilities bout anal and fingering bums and it getting messy, but you've just gone and ruined it now.
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    i have taken time, a hell of a long time, just wasnt able to come to anything sensible and it didnt feel right to drag 2 ppl along with me while i sat and tried to make a decision i just couldnt.
    Eventually the decision was made for me, and now i no longer talk to the other guy - i hurt him in my inability to make the decision.


    i do love my bf, but yeh i suppose i do feel guilty for hurting him like i did, and dont want to do it again - but i am also scared to end it because i dont really know what to do without him.. like how to get on.
    I know its best to speak to him about it, just find it difficult to get it out coherently and make sense of it myself.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    See, based on your name, this thread had so many possibilities bout anal and fingering bums and it getting messy, but you've just gone and ruined it now.

    Soz.
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    (Original post by chocolatefingers)
    Soz.
    So I should think.
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    hey iv recently been in your situation and i ended it and it was one of the best decisions i have ever made, im not sayng this is what you ahve to do, ofcourse it isnt, al im saying is, is look at the situation in another view, what would life be like without your bf? do you think you will be happier without him? if the answers yes or even maybe then you no that staying with him isnt the best thing to do. Also the fact there is a but... just shows that your not as happy as you could possibly be. I was scared that when i broke up with my ex that i would hurt him so i said we'd go on a break for abit and see what happens but that gave him false hope and i was just kidding myself really, and in the long run it hurt him even more and i never wanted thatto ahppen. Maybe you jsut need to be honest with yourself and look at what it is that you really want. sometimes youve got to be cruel to be kind! anyway i hope it all works out for you also just be honest with him, lying never gets you anywere, i no that for a fact!
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    You cheated on your boyfriend with his bestfriend. Shows a lot about your character...
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    (Original post by zexes)
    You cheated on your boyfriend with his bestfriend. Shows a lot about your character...
    error, i know. but realised you cant really help the way you feel about someone.
    and yes i do regret it. and if i could go back and change the way the situation was handled i would - would trade my arms and legs for the chance.
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    (Original post by chocolatefingers)
    error, i know. but realised you cant really help the way you feel about someone.
    and yes i do regret it. and if i could go back and change the way the situation was handled i would - would trade my arms and legs for the chance.
    Well, from briefly reading this discussion it appears to me that you clearly do not love your boyfriend and prefer this other guy. Surely by staying with him you are going to hurt him more in the long run?
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    (Original post by gwendii_2)
    what would life be like without your bf? do you think you will be happier without him? if the answers yes or even maybe then you no that staying with him isnt the best thing to do. Also the fact there is a but... just shows that your not as happy as you could possibly be. I was scared that when i broke up with my ex that i would hurt him so i said we'd go on a break for abit and see what happens but that gave him false hope and i was just kidding myself really, and in the long run it hurt him even more and i never wanted thatto ahppen. Maybe you jsut need to be honest with yourself and look at what it is that you really want. sometimes youve got to be cruel to be kind! anyway i hope it all works out for you also just be honest with him, lying never gets you anywere, i no that for a fact!
    I suppose i don't know what life would be like without him - i can see both the 'being happier' and realising i have made a terrible mistake and lost someone who truly cares for me.
    I know that i am not terribly happy in the relationship right now, and its frustrating because i don't know why/ can't understand what is making me unhappy.
    We have been trying the break thing, but it seems to be going on and off repeatedly, and i know what you mean about false hope.

    Im just really scared... never have i been this indecisive before!
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    I agree with zexes.
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    (Original post by zexes)
    Well, from briefly reading this discussion it appears to me that you clearly do not love your boyfriend and prefer this other guy. Surely by staying with him you are going to hurt him more in the long run?
    I do love him, and i suppose the brief relationship with the other guy was exciting and different - but it was just that.. i feel like i am longing for something that will never be and hoping that if i pretend there is no longing it will go away and i will be happy with my bf...
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    (Original post by chocolatefingers)
    I do love him, and i suppose the brief relationship with the other guy was exciting and different - but it was just that.. i feel like i am longing for something that will never be and hoping that if i pretend there is no longing it will go away and i will be happy with my bf...
    The problem is that, unfortunately, while this other guy is around those feelings are unlikely to go away- if he was so exciting compared with your boring boyfriend, leave your boyfriend and go to him, because it looks like that is what will happen anyway.
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    (Original post by chocolatefingers)
    I do love him, and i suppose the brief relationship with the other guy was exciting and different - but it was just that.. i feel like i am longing for something that will never be and hoping that if i pretend there is no longing it will go away and i will be happy with my bf...
    I no this is looking way into the future n all, but do you really see yourself with this guy in a year/5 years etc... or do you think its the excitement and good feeling about being with a new person is what you want? youv got to look at it that wya really. and anyway if your not 100% happy it just shows that there is someone else out there better for you than him, youv just got to go out and lok for him. I no its a scarey thought being on your own, i was scared myself, i hadnt been on my own for nearly 3 years! but if youv got friends and family who will support you then what ever decision you will make will be a good one just do what is best for you, i know this is not a nice thing to say, but be selfish! do what you want, not what anyone else wants, do what you want and what is best for you! but if you 2 are ment to be together then things will work out, if not there not ment to be, you will know! x
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    bluntly and honestly, there is no point toiling and stressing so much over relationships at this age.
    if you've had a rough time with him lately, its happening for a reason.
    end it. painful as it is, you'll get over it..
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    (Original post by gwendii_2)
    i hadnt been on my own for nearly 3 years! but if youv got friends and family who will support you then what ever decision you will make will be a good one just do what is best for you, i know this is not a nice thing to say, but be selfish! do what you want, not what anyone else wants, do what you want and what is best for you! but if you 2 are ment to be together then things will work out, if not there not ment to be, you will know! x
    me neither! its nearing 4 years now and i am terrified. i know that i can do it all on my own, but am scared to take the first step towards it. its lovely having someone there who cares about you and comforts you whenever things are rough. I know i have friends and family here for support, and i am trying to reach out and reconnect with the ppl i have lost over the last year.
    Im not very good at being selfish, but have been told by many ppl that often its the right way to be.
 
 
 
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