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    Anon or delete for obvious reasons please
    Anyways, I've just been feeling a bit lost recently, and I think that's pretty much entirely attributable to being alone. At school I'm popular enough, in that everyone likes me and respects me to quite an extent, and wherever I go people will always talk to me, but it never really goes beyond that; out of the hundred or more people who rhapsodise about me and almost quasi-worship me as some sort of genius, but then maybe only 10 of those are close friends, and even those, although they'd consider themselves close, aren't really; in the 6 weeks or so of the Holidays so far, I've probably only seen those 10 a combined 5 times excluding school events. I think everyone just presumes I hang around with everyone else and have a perfectly healthy social life with lots of people, but just not them. I've tried to make friends out of school, going to the gym, working in a charity shop, applying for jobs etc., but I'm just so desperate for some form of companionship that I think it'll always be difficult for me to meet new people, as I won't be able to just treat them as acquaintances at first and become closer over time - I just want the loneliness to end NOW, which creates a horrific vicious cycle of never being able to make friends.
    But I always try to keep up this auspice of normality, and, indeed, what I'd hate more than being alone is being with people but being pitied by them, so I'm never able to ask anybody to spend time with me, as I have some sort of twisted belief that if I ask them, then they'll just feel forced and do it out of pity, and I'd hate that far more than being alone. I've even considered self harm just so that someone would pay attention to me, but then that would just lead to people pitying me and feeling sorry for me, and of course I couldn't stand that.
    Yet, for all that, I don't really want friends; I just want someone who'll love me, and who'll hold me tight, as all I've ever wanted is to go to sleep knowing that someone out there was actually thinking about me, and really cared about me. But, without that, I just feel so morose all the time: for instance, I'm going on holiday next week,but I couldn't care less - I just keep asking myself "what's the best that could actually happen?"; well, I'm pretty much incapable of enjoying anything, for reasons I've never really been sure of, so the answer is of course that nothing good could happen, and indeed I've taken on the outlook almost that nothing good could ever come from anything, and that I'm just meandering along waiting for something good to happen, yet, of course, I can't really see how anything good could possibly happen.

    There's some more stuff I should probably include, but it's pretty long as is, and I can't imagine anyone would want to read this. I'm not even sure why I wrote this, and I've probably misrepresented myself horribly, but I suppose I'd just like to verbalise my feelings a bit and get it all out in the open.
    Thanks if you do bother to read any of them, although I'm not sure what sort of advice I can expect to receive
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    #1

    I should probably add that I don't feel ridiculously sad all the time, but then I read about and hear from other people, and their definition of sadness seems to equate my average, and they describe levels of happiness that I could never even imagine obtaining. But then again, I almost feel sometimes as though I'm more content when I'm sad, and, by trying to feel happy, I almost feel that I'd end up sadder than I am now; for instance, some of the times when I'm depressed the most are just after a supposedly "happy" event, yet all that even usually serves to do is to highlight how crumby everything is, and make me wish that my life was just non-stop happy events (but, on the other hand, I often feel as though I don't deserve to be happy, and I've almost resigned myself to never achieving it). Sorry if this is at a bit of a tangent to the first post
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    Hey, you're not alone, I've just spent a year living completely on my own with no friends near and know just how awful and overbearing loneliness can be.
    I don't really know what advice to give to be honest. Have you thought about counselling? Perhaps you want someone to love you because your parents don't verbalise or demonstrate those feelings? Sorry, I'm being useless!
    Maybe you could be a bit more proactive about arranging to meet your friends, suggest things more often, make sure they know you're free and not busy doing things with others.
    You can always talk to me >.<
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    You meet people a whole 5 times!?! I never meet people , too lazyand prefer my own company
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    (Original post by lowrax)
    Maybe you could be a bit more proactive about arranging to meet your friends, suggest things more often, make sure they know you're free and not busy doing things with others.
    The problem is I just have this crippling sense that, unless people actually express that they like me, then it follows that they must hate me; so I could never ever do anything with someone unless they arranged it, as otherwise I'd just feel as though they said yes out of pity and because they didn't want to hurt me by saying no, and I could never cope with that, and I'd just feel so inadequate
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    (Original post by Tomato_Soup1992)
    You meet people a whole 5 times!?! I never meet people , too lazyand prefer my own company
    I've always thought of myself as someone who does prefer their own company, but then again I just think that's because I want to avoid the anxiety that comes with being with other people, and so it's not that I prefer my own company, it's just I hate my own company slightly less than I sometimes hate being with others
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    Wow OP :\ we're shockingly similar, actually. I wish I had any sort of advice but I don't, despite little things changing like being at Uni and having a boyfriend etc. I'm still exactly the person you described.
    But as I can empathise I'd be more than happy to chat if you ever feel like PMing or anything. I'm sorry I can't offer any words of wisdom, but I can guarantee things are not as bad as you think they are and that your perspective of yourself and how people see you is totally skewed. I'm sorry for being useless but am here if you need anything. Chin up, :hugs: for now xx
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete for obvious reasons please
    Anyways, I've just been feeling a bit lost recently, and I think that's pretty much entirely attributable to being alone. At school I'm popular enough, in that everyone likes me and respects me to quite an extent, and wherever I go people will always talk to me, but it never really goes beyond that; out of the hundred or more people who rhapsodise about me and almost quasi-worship me as some sort of genius, but then maybe only 10 of those are close friends, and even those, although they'd consider themselves close, aren't really; in the 6 weeks or so of the Holidays so far, I've probably only seen those 10 a combined 5 times excluding school events. I think everyone just presumes I hang around with everyone else and have a perfectly healthy social life with lots of people, but just not them. I've tried to make friends out of school, going to the gym, working in a charity shop, applying for jobs etc., but I'm just so desperate for some form of companionship that I think it'll always be difficult for me to meet new people, as I won't be able to just treat them as acquaintances at first and become closer over time - I just want the loneliness to end NOW, which creates a horrific vicious cycle of never being able to make friends.
    But I always try to keep up this auspice of normality, and, indeed, what I'd hate more than being alone is being with people but being pitied by them, so I'm never able to ask anybody to spend time with me, as I have some sort of twisted belief that if I ask them, then they'll just feel forced and do it out of pity, and I'd hate that far more than being alone. I've even considered self harm just so that someone would pay attention to me, but then that would just lead to people pitying me and feeling sorry for me, and of course I couldn't stand that.
    Yet, for all that, I don't really want friends; I just want someone who'll love me, and who'll hold me tight, as all I've ever wanted is to go to sleep knowing that someone out there was actually thinking about me, and really cared about me. But, without that, I just feel so morose all the time: for instance, I'm going on holiday next week,but I couldn't care less - I just keep asking myself "what's the best that could actually happen?"; well, I'm pretty much incapable of enjoying anything, for reasons I've never really been sure of, so the answer is of course that nothing good could happen, and indeed I've taken on the outlook almost that nothing good could ever come from anything, and that I'm just meandering along waiting for something good to happen, yet, of course, I can't really see how anything good could possibly happen.

    There's some more stuff I should probably include, but it's pretty long as is, and I can't imagine anyone would want to read this. I'm not even sure why I wrote this, and I've probably misrepresented myself horribly, but I suppose I'd just like to verbalise my feelings a bit and get it all out in the open.
    Thanks if you do bother to read any of them, although I'm not sure what sort of advice I can expect to receive
    well you and i are in the same boat but i wouldn't say that i am lonely, i always find stuff that keep me and although i don't really make frinds outside school at least am occupied.
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    (Original post by lowrax)
    Perhaps you want someone to love you because your parents don't verbalise or demonstrate those feelings? Sorry, I'm being useless!
    About the parent thing, I think it's more that my mother constantly pities me and feels sorry for me and treats me as though I'm incapable of making my own decisions, I just want somebody else who'll just be different and appreciate me for what I am
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well you and i are in the same boat but i wouldn't say that i am lonely, i always find stuff that keep me and although i don't really make frinds outside school at least am occupied.
    It's not really an issue of keeping occupied, as I always have plenty to do; it's just that nothing seems to make me happy any more, however occupied I am. And, even though I imagine everything would be more enjoyable with other people, I imagine that if I actually spent more time with others I'd just get anxious and paranoid about people not actually liking me - the point being, I can't see any conceivable way of being happy
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    Get some consistent early nights, eat some healthy food, scrap listening to depressing songs, listen to upbeat songs, watch a television series that you enjoy, when friends invite you out, accept the offer go out with your friends.
    Take risks; do something new that you, think you usually would not do, if you succeed or have fun, then that is only good!
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    (Original post by jon838)
    scrap listening to depressing songs,listen to upbeat songs
    This'll sound odd, but whenever some happy little Indie number comes on the radio, that just makes me feel sad as anything, knowing that other people are so many more times happier than me.

    (Original post by jon838)
    when friends invite you out, accept the offer go out with your friends.
    The problem is, I always used to get ridiculous anxious when people asked me to places, so in the end they just stopped bothering asking me; I'm sure if I asked them then they'd be happy to go with me, but I'd just be simply unable to shake the feeling that them accepting my offer was just them taking pity, and that they didn't really want me to be there, so I can't do that either


    (Original post by jon838)
    Take risks; do something new that you, think you usually would not do, if you succeed or have fun, then that is only good
    My anxiety would just take over if I ever tried that; I think I've just got to the stage where I'm almost content to allow myself to be sad all the time, and some twisted reverse logic has made it so that I'd almost rather be sad than happy, as though I really don't deserve to be happy
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    but I can guarantee things are not as bad as you think they are and that your perspective of yourself and how people see you is totally skewed. I'm sorry for being useless but am here if you need anything. Chin up, :hugs: for now xx
    I realise that my perceptions are screwed and whatnot, but it's almost that I won't believe that people actually don't hate me until they actually tell me how much they like me and without solicitation; except, of course, that nobody presumes I'm as ****** up as I actually am, so nobody's ever going to do that, which just leads me to think I'll be stuck like this forever
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    Are you a boy or a girl? Not that it should matter, necessarily, but was just wondering. Anyways, I'm in SUCH a similar position, it's scary. But my moods fluctuate - sometimes I'm in a positive enough one to think that this certainly won't last forever. Things change quickly, circumstances change and people adapt to new situations... the point is that this won't last forever at all, even though it may feel like it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you a boy or a girl? Not that it should matter, necessarily, but was just wondering. Anyways, I'm in SUCH a similar position, it's scary. But my moods fluctuate - sometimes I'm in a positive enough one to think that this certainly won't last forever. Things change quickly, circumstances change and people adapt to new situations... the point is that this won't last forever at all, even though it may feel like it.
    I'm a boy, if you're interested. I don't really get mood fluctuations, it's more fluctuations in the way I perceive the same sad mood. I'd like to think that everything will change and I can just be happy, but I've been like this for as long as I can remember; I used to shrug it off when I was 13 or 14 because I thought about how I'd be happy when I was 16 or 18, whereas now I realise it won't just go away overnight like that, and that as soon as I reach adulthood I'll suddenly be a different, happy person, and that somehow I'll have to overcome all this
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    (Original post by Tomato_Soup1992)
    You meet people a whole 5 times!?! I never meet people , too lazyand prefer my own company
    Same, plus i never have money whereas ny friends always do
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    It's almost like a feeling of constantly wanting to cry, but I never do cry, because, when I used to as a child, that was only ever to get people's attention; but now it's the inverse of that, and I feel that any attention gained through crying would just be done by people out of pity, and I'd rather be anything than be pitied
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    Anybody else got any advice?
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    im in that position too OP, but i was never popular at school, just a couple of mates, no close friends, but thats because i didnt want any friends, only recently i have changed and feel the need for companionship, but i only have 2 months left until university, im dreading that there is a possibility i could just end up in the same position for a much longer time to come... but i dont know, since ive changed it may be completely different & i have a likeable enough personality (not boring- which is a reason why a lot of people end up lonely) so im just hoping things change, i still havent ever been to a club/party (except for family parties which just arent the same) & i havent seen a single person except for family of course, since mid june.
    But I have hope, and am confident that i will make friends, something you dont seem to be able to do at the moment, positive thinking, which is whats getting me through this 4 months of loneliness, your way of thinking is really bad for you, almost dangerous and sounds a lot like depression, especially how you dont want to do fun things and "whats the best that could happen?" - you really should see your gp
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im in that position too OP, but i was never popular at school, just a couple of mates, no close friends, but thats because i didnt want any friends, only recently i have changed and feel the need for companionship, but i only have 2 months left until university, im dreading that there is a possibility i could just end up in the same position for a much longer time to come... but i dont know, since ive changed it may be completely different & i have a likeable enough personality (not boring- which is a reason why a lot of people end up lonely) so im just hoping things change, i still havent ever been to a club/party (except for family parties which just arent the same) & i havent seen a single person except for family of course, since mid june.
    But I have hope, and am confident that i will make friends, something you dont seem to be able to do at the moment, positive thinking, which is whats getting me through this 4 months of loneliness, your way of thinking is really bad for you, almost dangerous and sounds a lot like depression, especially how you dont want to do fun things and "whats the best that could happen?" - you really should see your gp
    I know I need to think positively, but it's just so hard; I just can't think of anything that could conceivably happen in the next couple of months that could even begin to make me happy, and that just leads to me not even bothering to try and make myself happy, as I'm almost resigned to the fact that it's a practical impossibility, and yet, it was the thought of all of this stuff that's now passing me by that originally kept me going
 
 
 
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