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Girls & guys - would you date someone who'd had many casual sexual partners? Watch

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    i wouldn't mind.
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    Well of course I would, otherwise I'm saying that I myself am undatable which is kind of silly just due to how I was. I don't see anything too wrong with casual sex to be honest.
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    Hi

    Generally for me, the more sexual partners the woman has had, the lower her value to me.

    Andy
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    I would still date them. As long as they'd been sensible (condoms, checks), I really don't see the problem.
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    I wouldn't be put off but I would be extremely cautious.
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    (Original post by evantej)
    I agree your extensive sexual history might not effect the sex within a relationship, but it affects the relationship dynamics that sex has a direct relation to such as intimacy and trust. The fact you are a 20-year-old female who has had “a lot of [sexual partners]” indicates the underlying behaviour I implicated is present.
    i wouldn't say it's affected the dynamics of my relationships either tbh.

    If you enjoy sex itself then you should realise that you would receive a lot more sex in a relationship, which would make casual sex a lot less efficient.
    not necessarily true, my last boyfriend hardly ever wanted sex. we went months at a time without it.

    If you enjoy the psychological aspect of sex then you would realise that casual sex works both for and against you; if you enjoy sleeping with multiple partners, or seducing then you should realise that it is unsustainable and, because you are a woman, damaging.
    damaging because i'm a women? I really don't understand

    Your sexual value deteriorates every-time you sleep with a new partner, which destroys the psychological aspect of the sexual encounter;
    personal opinion, not fact.

    people do not sleep with you because they find you attractive, or to seduce you but because they know they will receive sexual gratification. This may sound paradoxical but it is fairly obvious; people do not have engage in casual sex to receive sexual gratification but to have sex with someone to achieve a particular goal.
    I think that really depends on the situation. In my case, yes, a lot of people slept with me because they wanted to get off. but you can easily have a fair few partners because those people wanted you as a person.

    Someone may cheat on their partner with someone relatively ugly but it is not the intrinsic value (physical appearance) of the person that is important but the psychological gratification they receive. Again, this may sound complex, but in reality it is fairly obvious. For example, people have sex with physically repulsive or inadequate partners but they consider them beautiful, or it beneficial.
    it doesn't sound complex at all, but it has nothing at all to do with my attitude to relationships.

    In summary, I would suggest that because you a 20-year-old female who has had “a lot of [sexual partners]” your relation to casual sex is perpetuating bad habits.
    which bad habits are these?

    Your approach to sex undermines your ability to maintain satisfying long-term relationships, which perpetuates your inappropriate use of sex.
    well lets see, i'm in a relationship at the moment with someone i've been very close to for over a year, before that I was with a partner for 2 and half years, and before that another relationship of the same length. in which time i didn't even consider cheating. even when I was getting no sex. No problems maintaining the relationships. No innapropriate sex.

    I would guess that you have poor self-esteem, and you use sex to undermine your self-perception. You validate your attractiveness (even though you do not believe it yourself) by engaging in casual sex, but this makes you more unsuitable for relationships, and eventually you will question an increasingly ineffective method of self-gratification and validation (casual sex) as you find it harder to find a partner, or you begin to question why no partner ever wants anything more substantial.
    I would guess that you think you're a lot smarter than you are by spouting out generic and obvious psychology and teaming it with your own, rather poor, conclusions.

    If you are homosexual, however, sexual dynamics are slightly different and not all the above will apply to you. I think you are probably heterosexual though.
    bisexual, actually. Not that it really makes any difference. you still haven't really told me what underlying behaviours I have and how my past affects my relationships.
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    It's not to my personal preference, at all.
    go go sexual conservatism
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    I wouldnt care tbh, plus I imagine they would be better in bed because of the experience
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    i wouldn't say it's affected the dynamics of my relationships either tbh.


    not necessarily true, my last boyfriend hardly ever wanted sex. we went months at a time without it.


    damaging because i'm a women? I really don't understand


    personal opinion, not fact.


    I think that really depends on the situation. In my case, yes, a lot of people slept with me because they wanted to get off. but you can easily have a fair few partners because those people wanted you as a person.


    it doesn't sound complex at all, but it has nothing at all to do with my attitude to relationships.


    which bad habits are these?


    well lets see, i'm in a relationship at the moment with someone i've been very close to for over a year, before that I was with a partner for 2 and half years, and before that another relationship of the same length. in which time i didn't even consider cheating. even when I was getting no sex. No problems maintaining the relationships. No innapropriate sex.


    I would guess that you think you're a lot smarter than you are by spouting out generic and obvious psychology and teaming it with your own, rather poor, conclusions.


    bisexual, actually. Not that it really makes any difference. you still haven't really told me what underlying behaviours I have and how my past affects my relationships.
    I cannot really make a firm assertion without knowing the number of sexual partners you have had but there are a number of inconsistencies, and I do not believe you are being sincere when you suggest that there have been a fair few sexual partners who “wanted you as a person”.

    You suggest that your relationships and sexual value have been unaffected by your attitude to sex, but you accept that a “lot of people slept with [you] because they wanted to get off”. You also admit you “went months at a time without it [sex]” while in a relationship. This does not sound like a particularly satisfying relationship (the fact it ended says enough), or satisfying approach to casual sex; taking into account my initial suggestion that you are not being sincere.

    In fact, you do not sound at all confident with how your partners perceived their encounter; it sounded like wishful thinking, or an assumption based on probability – 'some had to want me for me'. There was a hint of self-depreciation too, which somewhat justifies my suggestion that you are not confident with your looks. I would guess you have no problem establishing casual or serious relationships, which is partly due to the frequency and speed at which you 'put out', but the actual problem is sustaining relationships.

    I apologise if I have offended you at any point; it was not my intention. You intrigue me, and I really appreciate your honesty that is all.
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    (Original post by RoosterUK)
    I wouldnt care tbh, plus I imagine they would be better in bed because of the experience
    And looser. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    And looser. :rolleyes:
    i've never understood that attitude. you don't lose muscle tone by using something now, do you?

    (Original post by evantej)
    I cannot really make a firm assertion without knowing the number of sexual partners you have had but there are a number of inconsistencies, and I do not believe you are being sincere when you suggest that there have been a fair few sexual partners who “wanted you as a person”.
    I'd really rather not say how many. I wasn't talking about partners who wanted me, but saying that you could easily have, say, 10 partners by the age of 20 who had genuinely wanted you as a person. I would say that about 6 of my partners really cared about me, and 5 of them still do.

    You suggest that your relationships and sexual value have been unaffected by your attitude to sex, but you accept that a “lot of people slept with [you] because they wanted to get off”.
    I don't see why that should affect it. A lot of people did sleep with me to get off, that really doesn't affect my relationships.

    You also admit you “went months at a time without it [sex]” while in a relationship. This does not sound like a particularly satisfying relationship (the fact it ended says enough), or satisfying approach to casual sex; taking into account my initial suggestion that you are not being sincere.
    I was perfectly happy in that relationship and it ended because we wanted different things from life, not anything to do with sex.

    In fact, you do not sound at all confident with how your partners perceived their encounter; it sounded like wishful thinking, or an assumption based on probability – 'some had to want me for me'. There was a hint of self-depreciation too, which somewhat justifies my suggestion that you are not confident with your looks.
    again, you got the wrong end of the stick there. You're right, I'm not entirely confident with my looks. I don't think i'm a stunner or anything, I'm just average. But i'm happy with it because it really doesn't matter when it comes to having a relationship.

    I would guess you have no problem establishing casual or serious relationships, which is partly due to the frequency and speed at which you 'put out', but the actual problem is sustaining relationships.
    I honestly don't think I have any problem sustaining relationships, I've gone a lot longer and a lot happier than the majority of friends my age.
    Nor have I put out particularly quickly in my relationships. the current partner i've known for over a year, he said he loved me about 6 months ago and we slept together a couple of weeks ago.
    The partner before that i'd known for about 3 years prior to sleeping together and the partner before that i'd known for years and been dating for 6 months.

    I apologise if I have offended you at any point; it was not my intention. You intrigue me, and I really appreciate your honesty that is all.
    I'm not offended at all, because i'm confident that my past hasn't affected my relationships in the slightest, and it certainly hasn't affected my attitude to sex within a relationship. I'm just curious as to how you manage to decide all these things about someone while knowing nothing about them bar the fact they've screwed a lot of people.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    i've never understood that attitude. you don't lose muscle tone by using something now, do you?
    Of course not, that something isn't designed to stretch like your something is.
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    Yes..i have and he turned out that a leopard truly cant change their spots. So i wouldnt now, and if i did they would have to be pretty amazing and proved they had changed.
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    (Original post by Les_Etoiles)
    Yes..i have and he turned out that a leopard truly cant change their spots. So i wouldnt now, and if i did they would have to be pretty amazing and proved they had changed.
    :console:
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    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    I wouldn't be put off but I would be extremely cautious.
    That they just wanted you for sex or that they would cheat on you?
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    That they just wanted you for sex or that they would cheat on you?
    Both. Most likely the latter though.
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    :console:
    Thankyouu :o: im well rid though! So i count myself lucky i found out what he really was like before i fell for him. Just so annoying that even though he is the man whore he made me feel like a dirty **** for even going near him! blahh :mad:
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    (Original post by Les_Etoiles)
    Thankyouu :o: im well rid though! So i count myself lucky i found out what he really was like before i fell for him. Just so annoying that even though he is the man whore he made me feel like a dirty **** for even going near him! blahh :mad:
    Don't feel like a ****, your really not (i think) lol. You can PM me if you wanna talk about it
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    If they have cheated or slept with someone they know is in a relationship then near 100% NO. If they haven't cheated or slept with someone they know is in a relationship then maybe.
    • #2
    #2

    Hmm, i went out with someone who who has had casual sexual partners. he slept with about 4 people in the first year at uni, but on some occasions he had sex with 2 different people a week. (dont know whether that counts as 'many'). He was also with a girl for 2 years and when they were on a break he slept with someone else.

    I couldn't go out with someone who had casual sexual partners again because sex is important to me and is very emotional, i wouldn't like knowing they think about it differently, and i would feel insecure and paranoid that they wern't really interested in me.
 
 
 
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