Hey guys, just wanted to rant a bit and get some opinions...anon cos it doesn't make me out to look great
Me and my bf are first year uni students at oxford, been together 4 months-in holidays we live fairly close so distance isn't a factor. Everything started going a bit wrong a couple of weeks ago, he just generally got a bit distant (not texting back etc etc) plus seeing a LOT of his ex who lives in his home town. It all came to a head last weekend and we had a big fight- when i said he needed to start acting like a better bf he said he wasn't sure if he could and maybe we should break up. But he took that back and decided he was gonna try.
And he's been really really good this week, saw him on wed and spoke to him loads- really getting on well. And last night was going amazingly until (I actually hate myself for doing this) I stupidly read through his texs- NOT because I was checking up on him at all, just interested. Unfortunately I came across a v long, flirty text to his ex along the lines of 'sorry about the kissing fiasco- you were very hot and drunk!'
Clearly not what you want. I asked him about it, fairly calmly I thought and he said she'd tried to pull him and he'd pushed her away (hence the 'sorry'). When I said the text was too flirty, especially as she clearly has feelings for him, he said he was just trying to make her feel better cos she must of be feeling embarrassed about it all. Couple this with the fact they're going on holiday together (she is his sisters best mate) and it didn't make me feel great.
We talked and for a while I felt a bit better, but he just got quieter and colder to the point where he wouldn't even say anything anymore. It got worse and worse to the point where I started to cry and was just sitting there. I can't decide if he acted like that cos he felt guilty or was just pissed off.
He then just looked at me and said that he couldn't take it and wanted to break up. With no emotion or anything like that. I repsonded calmly (took a lot effort) that if he broke up with me like this I wouldn't be able to get back with him and that this fight had got out of hand and we shouldn't just give up on it. He said the best he could do was think about it and he'd let me know.
Urgh! I know a lot of guys can get awful with emotional stuff, but he's been in loads of great long term relationships, and all his female friends love him. I cannot believe he's just making me wait around not knowing if we're still together.
Opinions, what should I do?
Do you think he will get back with him?
And if he does, am I throwing away self respect by getting back with him?
Who do you think it is...