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My break up has ended up really messy. I'm upset and scared. Watch

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    I broke up with my boyfriend on Monday. I'd had a flirtation with a friend for a few weeks, and when I went for a weekend away I realised that I was having a lot of fun without my boyfriend, and that the bad times with him were exceeding the good. I felt like it would be unfair to him to continue the relationship when my heart wasn't in it. So I broke up with him. There were tears and he tried to make me give him a percentage chance he had of us getting back together. I said that it wasn't out of the question, I still love him, and it ended up being that we'd meet up on the last day of august to discuss our relationship and see if we'd like to get back together or not.

    However the next day he turned up with roses at my house and begged for me back. We had an overall nice day in the end just watching tv being friendly, but he berated me and pinned me to the wall at one point demanding that I answer if we were going to end up back together or not. The next day, he was without a place to live in september and a basic loan to go to uni with. I called student finance and ended up getting him his full entitlement and found him a nice place to live. He thanked me. He doesn't know this, but that evening I snogged my friend. Tbh I thought I'm single so its ok isn't it?

    However, last night I was on the phone to him, and said I'd text him later, as I was going for a night out with friends. I recieved a text a while later saying "typical. i'm beginning to think that you're ignoring me" I was annoyed because I hadn't even had a bloody chance, I'd literally only caught my train by 10 seconds after running for ages thinking I'd miss it, met my mates and had just sat down in the bar. I texted him back saying he was very rude. Next time I looked at my phone I had 7 missed calls. I picked up when he called again, only to find he was outside the bar, having been searching for me. I hadn't told him where I was, he just guessed. I asked him to go and he made a scene shouting saying i was being harsh, but tbh him turning up like that freaked me out a bit, and all my mates thought it was pretty obessive.

    Today he told me how he'd told my mum we'd split up, and she said I wasn't being very fair, expecting him to hang around. I was like what? Turns out hes made it out to everyone that we're definately getting back together, and he's just letting me go out and have fun for a bit. I've said that I don't want to be with him. He went on a rant blaming me for the entire breakdown of our relationship saying its no ones fault but mine and that he no longer wants me back. I know hes angry but it just really felt like a smack in the face. He needed me more than ever this week and I was there for him, only to be accused of leading him on and being unfair.
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I broke up with my boyfriend on Monday. I'd had a flirtation with a friend for a few weeks, and when I went for a weekend away I realised that I was having a lot of fun without my boyfriend, and that the bad times with him were exceeding the good. I felt like it would be unfair to him to continue the relationship when my heart wasn't in it. So I broke up with him. There were tears and he tried to make me give him a percentage chance he had of us getting back together. I said that it wasn't out of the question, I still love him, and it ended up being that we'd meet up on the last day of august to discuss our relationship and see if we'd like to get back together or not.

    However the next day he turned up with roses at my house and begged for me back. We had an overall nice day in the end just watching tv being friendly, but he berated me and pinned me to the wall at one point demanding that I answer if we were going to end up back together or not. The next day, he was without a place to live in september and a basic loan to go to uni with. I called student finance and ended up getting him his full entitlement and found him a nice place to live. He thanked me. He doesn't know this, but that evening I snogged my friend. Tbh I thought I'm single so its ok isn't it?

    However, last night I was on the phone to him, and said I'd text him later, as I was going for a night out with friends. I recieved a text a while later saying "typical. i'm beginning to think that you're ignoring me" I was annoyed because I hadn't even had a bloody chance, I'd literally only caught my train by 10 seconds after running for ages thinking I'd miss it, met my mates and had just sat down in the bar. I texted him back saying he was very rude. Next time I looked at my phone I had 7 missed calls. I picked up when he called again, only to find he was outside the bar, having been searching for me. I hadn't told him where I was, he just guessed. I asked him to go and he made a scene shouting saying i was being harsh, but tbh him turning up like that freaked me out a bit, and all my mates thought it was pretty obessive.

    Today he told me how he'd told my mum we'd split up, and she said I wasn't being very fair, expecting him to hang around. I was like what? Turns out hes made it out to everyone that we're definately getting back together, and he's just letting me go out and have fun for a bit. I've said that I don't want to be with him. He went on a rant blaming me for the entire breakdown of our relationship saying its no ones fault but mine and that he no longer wants me back. I know hes angry but it just really felt like a smack in the face. He needed me more than ever this week and I was there for him, only to be accused of leading him on and being unfair.
    sorry, how he'd told his mum, not my mum!
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    Ignore him, don't speak to him for a good few months, abandon the meeting up in August idea, don't let him think there is the slightest chance in hell of getting back together or he'll never leave you alone.
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    Oh dear, thats a bit awful
    Sounds like he just needs to accept the fact that you're moving on
    I guess hes just still hanging onto the possibility that you'll still want him back

    I think you need to just make it really clear that you have no interest in getting back together with him (send an email if you don't like the idea of meeting with him) and tell him that you're sorry if you gave him that impression.

    I think hes pushed you away with this whole obsessive thing, and yeah it sounds like you don't want him anymore so you should definately tell him you don't want to meet him in August anymore.
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    You're a Bi-ach, I'm afraid of girls like you. Although he seems a bit clingy and weird...
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    post his name and details on a gay site and see how he likes being stalked. :rolleyes:

    or better still, ignore him, ignore his calls, dont text him, dont facebook him, dont msn, dont talk to him or about him and just freeze him out...he'll get the message soon, hun. but if hes really scaring you, you might wanna talk to your mates about keeping an eye out for him when your out so if hes stalking you or something your aware x
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    if your scared of her...you'll hate me! :P
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    I think you just need to make it clear to him, however harsh it seems. Tell him you have no interest in getting back together with him, and don't do the meeting in August because that's just giving him reason to hope you'll get back together when you know that you won't, it's not fair on him.

    He is being overly clingy I think, you need to show him where he stands and that you really aren't going to take him back.

    Good luck!
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    He's being clingy yes, but what the hell do you expect he just lost something he loved and cared for dearly. Why would you expect him to just sit back and ponder the thought.

    And to be honest, the fact you're asking if it's okay that you're snogging your friend implies you're unsure with your own decision. And i'm going to go and say that it wasn't okay, purely because you had to ask that question. Only you know the underlying reasons as to why you needed the reassurance.

    Plus it seems to me you rushed into things a bit too quickly with this new guy who you happened to have a few good times with, but meh.
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    (Original post by J.Ferdi)
    You're a Bi-ach, I'm afraid of girls like you. Although he seems a bit clingy and weird...
    How so? I thought sorting out his finance and accommodation so he's able to go to university was pretty nice, but meh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How so? I thought sorting out his finance and accommodation so he's able to go to university was pretty nice, but meh.
    It seems like you made your mind up when you were away from him, of course anyone can go away from their boyfriend and have a good time, but its not because they're not there, unless you meant you had a good time with other guys. You don't really seem like you've given him much of a chance, I can only imagine how he feels from previous experiances with girls that aren't too nice, and you may have just hurt someones heart right there sweetie. But you have fun getting off with other guys & getting over him
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    So you broke up with him because the other guy was more fun or was it other stuff too?
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    Ok, he's a bit odd, but you've not helped in having him round your house, and helping to sort his accommodation and things. It's giving him mixed signals.

    You need to have a firm word with him and tell him that you don't want to be with him anymore, and this is it. If you're not happy in a relationship, you shouldn't have to carry on with it, for both of your sakes.
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    (Original post by xSkyFire)
    So you broke up with him because the other guy was more fun or was it other stuff too?
    No no it wasn't like that! Things have been difficult before he showed up, I just realised that our relationship wasn't really a healthy one. I know all couples bicker but I was ending up in tears on a regular basis, and I don't think a relationship should be like that.

    I know I've hurt him, but that really can't be helped. I don't want to come across as a *****, the only way he'd be happy is if I stayed with him/went back to him and I don't think that is the best direction to go in for anyone.
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    (Original post by psychocustard)
    Ok, he's a bit odd, but you've not helped in having him round your house, and helping to sort his accommodation and things. It's giving him mixed signals.
    Very true, but he turned up uninvited, and I was just trying to be nice.
    But you are completely right.
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    I think you just need to cut him out completely - seems like he can't deal with the uncertainty so just do it for the best and let him get angry etc on his own. I also think that doing something nice (sorting out his finances) obviously fuelled his hope and made it worse, so definitely steer clear of doing anything similar again even if you do stay in touch.
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    he sounds very needy.
    best thing to do is completely cut all contact.
    ignore phone calls, texts, emails, block and delete from MSN, facebook.
    you have to be cruel to be kind.
    dont let him in your house again and dont help out with anything else.
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    He's still clung to you and is especially needy. Block him from your life for a bit.
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    Oh that's just great. I knew you'd end up putting you're twisted side of the story on here.

    If you'd spent half the time you do browsing this ****ing website with me then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess...















    /Jokes :p:

    (I'm not the OP's ex!)

    On topic: does sound like a creep, stay away, ignore, be polite if you see him in person and leave asap?
 
 
 
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