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    Basically, I'm extremely shy, which is ok, except it's really starting to annoy my family. I've lost contact with my friends from school because I never spoke much and they understandably found that very boring. I tried really hard to be more 'normal' at school, but just can't seem to speak to people my own age without overanalysing everything and getting very nervous, and therefore just not saying anything. People seem to think that I'm either stuckup, or a bit of a freak really, for not talking, because my brother and sister are both the opposite. I can't blame them for thinking that because it's impossible for them to realise how much effort I have to put into trying to have a normal conversation.

    I never really go out anywhere except with my family. I've been trying to find a job to sort of force myself to meet people and have sent away loads of application forms but haven't had any luck yet. It's not that I can't speak to anyone at all- I seem fine with older people or children, but get extremely nervous around other teenagers. I know I'm definitely weird when school finished over a month ago and I haven't spoken to any friends since.

    I tend to get very obsessive about certain things, and all I ever seem to want to do is exercise, which also makes people think I'm strange- 16 and going for really long walks alone for a couple of hours a day. I know this worries my family, because they're all really outgoing and genuinely nice people who therefore have a lot of friends, and it understandably annoys them that I'm so quiet. Also, because I'm at home most of the time, I'm starting to really get on their nerves, and I really don't mean for that to happen. They keep telling me to go out to clubs and meet up with friends like everyone else my age, but I just can't seem to do that. Sorry for posting such a long and boring complaint, but I just really don't know what to do, and clearly can't speak to anyone else about it. It really upsets my mum in particular and she has enough to deal with already, and I honestly don't mean to cause so much trouble and tension at home but don't know how to change. Any advice would really be appreciated.
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    Don't worry, you're not weird at all, you just sound really shy... do you think it is possible that you could have a form of social anxiety disorder? I have this, although it has improved dramatically over the past year once I started uni. I think the fact that going to uni and moving away from home forced me to be more independent etc and has helped my confidence a lot. But I used to, and still do in some situations, find it difficult to speak to people, esp people my own age who I don't know, as I am constantly worrying about what they think etc...

    Sorry, not a very conclusive reply, but PM or whatever if you'd like to talk
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    Thanks for the reply. You're probably right- it might be some sort of social anxiety disorder, but I don't want to go to ask a GP about it or anything because I know that would worry my mum even more. It's a bit confusing. I don't really mind being on my own all the time etc, I mean I'd like to have friends and not be so awkward with everyone, but I'm used to it by now- I just hate having to burden my family with this shyness. It seems to be making everything really tense at home this summer, for some reason.. The only time I'm not as shy in public is when I'm with my sister, and she's moving out at the end of the summer, so I don't want to become even quieter. Not really sure how to interact with people though- I know that sounds stupid but I can never think of what to say and get nervous about even saying hello.
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    The thing is shy people tend to be shy because they think too much. In a social situation, you won't just say what you want to say, you have to think whether it'll portray you in a positive light or not before saying it otherwise it'll make you look terrible. It'll come with time, after all, you're only 16.

    Relax. It's obvious, I know but being uptight about things only makes it worse. Perhaps start by getting in touch with old school friends you want to see and see where it goes from there?
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    What I Analyse Is Ur 16 (young) And A Shy Person. Nothing Wrong With That At All.

    Id Advise U To Do A Couple Of Hours Of Voluntary Work A Week.
    Give Somone A Compliment While Passing.
    Smile.
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    No I totally understand where you're coming from, before I "left" home to go to uni, I was horribly shy, I found it terrifying to do even the smallest of things like answering the phone! I haven't actually been diagnosed with SAD, but have read up on it quite a bit and everything just seems to fit: (the irrational fear when speaking to/in front of people ( and all the side-effects, increased heart-rate, going red, sweating etc), fear that people will think I'm strange/weird from what I'm saying/look like, fear that friends will eventually work out that I'm not worth being friends with, just to name a few...) and my parents and the few friends I have spoken to about it have also said that it does sound like I have it. I didn't go to the GP, but to the student support services at uni (obv you won't have that at school, but maybe guidance...or GP if you could maybe manage to go without worrying your mum?) and the woman I have been seeing through them used to be a GP, and says I have it, but not to go to the GP as they would probs just put me on drugs for it straught off... but she has been doing a kind of counselling with me, and it really is working, setting me targets etc (i only just started going just before the summer, and only saw her a few times, but since then I have been attempting more new things that have forced me to get into situations where I have to interact with new people, and even in the past few weeks my dad has commented on how much more confident I seem, to what I was).

    The best thing to do would probably to force yourself into a situation, that you can't just back out of kinda thing, it's working for me... you said you've tried getting a job, believe me I know how hard it's been this summer ( i had to go away and do a course, and then do a months intense work on a farm - staying on the farm-, to get a job cos there was nothing else coming up! ...but it has helped my confidence a lot!)... maybe find a volunteering project or something you could help out with?
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    Thanks for the advice voluntary work sounds like a good idea. I worked in a charity shop for a few months last year but found it extremely boring to be honest- there was only like one customer an hour, but there's probably a few other projects in the area so I'll definitely consider it.
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    Why is everyone saying voluntary work? i would of thought you need to be pretty confident to be able to do it effectively
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    Try these sites, my sister found them helpful when she was going through the same thing
    http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/shyness/tips.html

    http://www.social-anxiety-shyness-info.com/

    Hope this helps.
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    i think u shud just relax and talk to ppl like u dnt care about how u r perceived by dem (not overly rude of course!). maybe u shud get really drunk to loosen urself?
    I used to be rather shy but im quite the opposite now!
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    (Original post by bright-eyes)
    Try these sites, my sister found them helpful when she was going through the same thing
    http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/shyness/tips.html

    http://www.social-anxiety-shyness-info.com/

    Hope this helps.
    Thanks for the links- they actually seem really good.
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    I have/had a similar kind of thing. Used to get worried about giving an opinion on anything to someone, in case they didn't agree. Couldn't really talk to new people as I had very low self-esteem. God forbid talking in front of a group, I still have a lot of trouble doing that now. I think it's all about confidence. It comes with age and experience so don't worry.

    Try joining a club or society involving something you're interested in. You'll meet new people, make friends with common interests, have fun and socialize. I don't know you but if it's possible you sit in front of a pc all day try not to, it's not the same as socializing and could make you even more shy.

    I hated using the phone so I got a job where I took 80-100 calls a day. Had another job working in a team with lots of people and this helped too. Just try to have casual conversations even if you don't know someone very well.

    By the way you're not abnormal for being shy. I'd rather have a quiet chat with a non-outgoing guy/girl than a boisterous mouthy fecker.
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    Sorry for bringing back an oldish thread, but someone sent me a message a while ago asking if I would update this thread at some point because they are in a similar situation and wanted to know if I had tried anything that worked, so I will, incase they're still curious. :p: I started sixth form at school and seem to find talking to people a wee bit easier this year as although it's all the same people from before sixth form, everyone's mixing more now that we've been put into new classes, after being in the same class for so long, so that helped a bit. And I've got a job in a busy shop (but haven't started it yet), so I'm hoping that will help with confidence- well, I'll probably hate it for the first few months, but it will kind of force me to talk to more people which will maybe help in the longrun :confused:
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    Hey

    You say you seem fine with older people or children, but more nervous around teenagers, so I think that you're worried that teenagers will judge you.

    There are alot of social conditions around acceptance with teenagers, and maybe this is what is making you over analyze things. Fitting in is the done thing during teenage years. Are you looking for acceptance? Personally I think you might be if you are trying to be more "normal."

    I believe you are fine as you are, don't try and change. Things will get better with age, trust me, I am 27 and have been there myself. I was a very shy teenager. The older we get, often we start to care far less about what other people are thinking of us. I wouldn't stick a social anxiety label on yourself You have proved that you can operate fine in social situations around adults and children. and you are doing the right thing forcing yourself to talk to more people so you're doing the right thing! Confidence will continue to grow! If you're anything like me you perform best in social situations when you know that you're not going to be judged.

    Going for long walks is cool by the way, nothing wrong with that. I do that all the time.

    If you want any advice then drop me a PM
 
 
 
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