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Death in my year at school.... Watch

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    yeah, this is kinda awful right, but i wanted 2 know what people thought- see, this girl in my year was killed last week and her funeral is monday, but im nt sure whether to go. Some people think our whole year should go in our uniform, as a sign of respect, but then others are saying it should be just family and close friends. The reason im nt sure is that i wasnt really friends with her- i mean, i think she would have known my name, and we were in the same form class this year, but i dunno- somehow i think i would feel kinda fake going to the funeral of someone i didnt really know, but then again, i feel i should, as she was in my year, and i have known her since i was 11: she was a living, breathing person that i knew and saw nearly every day for 5 years.
    i really cant decide- could anyone who has experienced a loss like this help me decide what would be the right thing for me to do?

    thanx
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    If you don't know her well theres no point going I would imagine her local shop keeper who saw her isn't turning up so why would you?
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    (Original post by mrs.dougie)
    i really cant decide- could anyone who has experienced a loss like this help me decide what would be the right thing for me to do?

    thanx

    there is no 'right' thing to do .

    as cheesy as this will sound , you have to do whatever you feel is right for you deep down ?
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    it's really up to you. i doubt anyone will think you're being "fake" for going..
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    I think I would go because her funeral (as silly as this might sound) is not about her but about her family. I would imagine, therefore, that seeing a lot of people attend to pay their respects would umm... give them a better memory of the event down the line (not as in they will remember it more, but they will have a better impression of it).

    That's just how I see it - sorry if this offends anyone for whatever reason.
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    If there's a kind of open invitation then you may as well if you feel that's what you want to do

    This is what happened with one of my best friends. He died during the summer (2003) and his parents, through the school, sent out letters to the whole of sixth form. Quite a lot of people, who weren't in our 'circle' ended up coming along. It's the actual burial where the close family and friends may feel they want to do it in private.
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    (Original post by mrs.dougie)
    Some people think our whole year should go in our uniform, as a sign of respect, i think she would have known my name, and we were in the same form class this year,i feel i should, as she was in my year, and i have known her since i was 11: she was a living, breathing person that i knew and saw nearly every day for 5 years.
    I think you should. Its respectful and based on what you said above, it should mean something to you. It will certainly make the family feel more grateful etc as they can see so many people cared about her or at least show enough respect to show up.
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    When I was 8, in the space of a year two boys a knew, one very well and one not so much died.

    One boy was in my class and died of cancer. I didn't know him very well but the whole school attended his funeral. It wasn't a morbid funeral, it was more a celebration of his life and a relief that he wasn't in so much pain anymore and from what I can remember his family were pleased that so many people cared about him enough to turn up ad say goodbye.

    It's up to you though, its a personal choice.
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    i probably wouldnt go as i dont think their will be enough room in the church for your whole year. i think just her friends should go
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    Having had a loss in my family whilst both myself and my brother were at school, almost the entire of both his and my year came to the funeral, as well as some of the teachers from school. The Church was absolutely rammed.

    It was really touching and I think the family will really appreciate it - we certainly did, even though I didn't "know" quite a few in my own year they were decent enough to come. I don't think you should definitely wear school uniform if you have a black suit/equivalent.
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    I think the year should go, I also find it weird how people in some schools still don't know everyones name anytime after like yr8/9.
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    If your year has been invited by the family, then go. But if I was you, I wouldn't go of my own accord if I didn't know the person. But her family might not want your whole year to turn up, if you get me? The families of some much older people who have known a lot of people in their life, don't invite everyone they knew to the funeral, because they want it to be private.
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    How about suggesting arranging something for in school for her, it would be a good way of paying respect whilst leaving the funeral to her family and close friends.
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    i would go, in my school uniform, with everybody else. respectful.
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    Did anybody else read the title and imagine 'death' sitting in his maths classes, etc? Hood and scythe and all?
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    This happened last year at my school. A girl who we'd all grown up with, pretty much, died in a car crash. Head on collision. No chance of survival. So, the school got all bleary-eyed and teary about it.

    The mother organised a funeral, and invited the year group. A lot of her friends went, and then a lot of people who didn't hang out with her, just to get out of lessons it seemed. You'd know who went because they were all outside the pub at lunchtime in orange ties/dresses 'celebrating her life' when they could have been educating themselves.

    I didn't go, and I'd known her since we were 3. Why didn't I go? Two reasons:

    1. We weren't even in the same friend group, and had totally different 'ideals'. She was the 'go out and get hammered' type, and I wasn't (until Uni).
    2. Death happens. It's a bit sacrilegious to turn up to a funeral of someone you possibly didn't know, then go out and get drunk later to "remember" her.

    What's worse is that every year, I have to put up with facebook statuses (or did, til I deleted her) from her best friend, who can't let it rest. It may seem like I'm being a ******* about all this, but, let it rest - she's gone.

    And that's my opinion:
    If you knew the person - if you were best of friends, or in her friend group - go. If you knew of the person, don't. If you are invited - go. If you're not - don't. And if people insist on harping on about it until the cows come home, don't drag yourself into it. Death is a permanent thing, and people should just remember that the dead should be left to 'rest in peace', not constantly be 'dug up' everytime there's a possible excuse to raise a glass to their memory.

    [/*******ism]
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    If you don't know her that well then don't go.

    My friend died when she was in year 11 and most of the year went along even though they didn't know her which i didn't think was right. They also went to the burial so by the time i got there there was no room left which i didn't think was fair.

    It would be a much better idea to have the school organise a memorial for her, thats what we did. We had the whole school in the hall and the family were also invited and it was quite a nice day.
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    If you knew her name but didn't talk to her much or anything like that then go if you like to pay your respects but don't make a big thing out of it, and don't think about it too much.
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    Death is a private matter to be dealt with by close family and friends... Don't go unless you personally feel that she would have wanted you there because you were genuinely close friends and you will really miss her.
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    (Original post by CatatonicStupor)
    This happened last year at my school....What's worse is that every year, I have to put up with facebook statuses (or did, til I deleted her) from her best friend, who can't let it rest.
    wut. :confused:
 
 
 
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