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Not sure if people will like me (details in 1st post) Watch

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    Anon or delete please.

    I'm a boy. When I was younger, like in my first 3 or 4 years of secondary school, people would tell others what they thought of them to their face (inc. me), regardless of whether it was good or bad. Sometimes it hurt my feelings but everyone did it to each other, even friends - it was just how we were when we were young. As people started moving out of these shallow early teen years, they started to say what they thought of someone less and less (perhaps they matured?), again inc. me. It became much more so in sixth form when people matured and started acting more like adults. I'm starting university this year and that's when people are real adults so I can expect no or very few comments to my face of what I'm like/how I look/act etc. People by this stage, most of the time, have matured fully.

    But this has got me worried. When I was younger, if I had a problem, people would say it to my face. I could quickly change it. But it's not so easy now. I fear that people won't tell me if I have a problem (or even a good point) but instead go about it in a shrewd way. By a shrewd way, take the example of girls. They ***** about things behind your back and gossip to get their daily thrills. Threads on TSR have confirmed this attitude girls take and because I want a girlfriend for the first time in my life, how do I know what she thinks of me? She may put on an act around me but secretly hate me/***** to her friends and all that time trying to get her to like me will be a waste. Guys won't act quite like this but you get what I mean.

    So how will I know if people like me or think I'm weird or whatever when they've matured a lot and learn to keep their views and comments to themselves? How can I possibly make friends at university and beyond if this is how people act?

    Sorry for the long introduction, I needed to explain it fully.
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    Well, you'll never truly 'know'....but the way I see it is, if someone wants to spend their time with you and invites you to things, they must like you. Just don't worry about it or be paranoid because that won't get you anywhere, just be yourself and be confident, and if people don't like you it's their loss really. Besides everybody gossips, it's human nature, and usually it's just nitpicking stuff anyway. If someone really didn't like somthing about you, they'd let you know some way or other.
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    dont worry about it so much. obviously you need to keep yourself in check and avoid dodgy reputations, but ultimately you cant spend your whole life worrying about what people think of you. if people dont like you or have a problem with you, chances are that you wont end up spending much time with them at university.
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    (Original post by Marsha2112)
    Well, you'll never truly 'know'....but the way I see it is, if someone wants to spend their time with you and invites you to things, they must like you. Just don't worry about it or be paranoid because that won't get you anywhere, just be yourself and be confident, and if people don't like you it's their loss really. Besides everybody gossips, it's human nature, and usually it's just nitpicking stuff anyway. If someone really didn't like somthing about you, they'd let you know some way or other.
    in sixth form, people were inviting me to loads of things like football after school, parties, snooker, Halo competitions, loads of stuff. but towards the end of sixth form, they invited me less and less and sometimes not even at all and I don't get where I went wrong. they wouldn't tell me, just acted really strange and sarcastic. that's why I'm worried.
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    I would say you need to do a self evaluation. Identify your strengths, weaknesses and fix up the bits you are weak in. Sounds obvious but it will help. That way you won't give people reason to talk behind your back. And usually, backbiting is used as a form of retaliation so make sure you don't say anything bad to people, especially behind their back. Plus, sometimes, people keep their views and feelings to themselves to not hurt the person that's why. Don't worry about it too much, your probably over-reacting.
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    For one not all girls are crazed *****es that pick up on everything and make an issue out of it, i would say that guys at times are just as bad as girls, as we compare girls, just as girls compare guys etc.

    I think you need to work on your self confidence a little, im not overly sure how you feel as i was never subjected to full frontal assult from people saying things to my face, it was always behind my back for me. I can imagine enough how it can feel however, as it is similar. highlights how people can be a little two faced, you think there your friend and then they say something on the contray.

    I dont think there is an easy way or a quick way of you getting to the point were you will not worry. As long as you are yourself around the new people and really get to know them there is no reason why they wont like you, you will find some people hopefully that you feel totally comfortable with. The feel at uni is alot different to that of school so you dont know how you will feel intill you get there, just try to get yourself out there and have a good time.
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    We're not all *****y and horrible! :eek: I find that like attracts like. If you hate *****iness, you won't be likely to end up hanging around with people like that. Generally, if a girl is *****y then you'll be able to tell from the way she acts; if you've got to know a girl and she's always been sweet, thoughtful, modest, or confident/whatever, but without a hint of *****iness, then I doubt she'd change personality as soon as she got with you. Very few of us (male or female) would be able to completely hide negative feelings about someone to their face; there are always clues there even if they're barely noticeable.
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    Besides, at university people are more mature - generally they have got past the sneakiness you describe (although obviously there are exceptions). If you're actually living with people and issues come up, it gives everyone extra motivation to sort them out quickly. It's not so easy to hide, like it was at school. Obviously you do still get immaturity sometimes but generally issues are dealt with in a more adult manner. I'd try not to worry too much about it.
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    (Original post by FormerlyFrisbeeFan)
    Besides, at university people are more mature - generally they have got past the sneakiness you describe (although obviously there are exceptions). If you're actually living with people and issues come up, it gives everyone extra motivation to sort them out quickly. It's not so easy to hide, like it was at school. Obviously you do still get immaturity sometimes but generally issues are dealt with in a more adult manner. I'd try not to worry too much about it.
    I do hope that what you say is true
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    Not all girls ***** :no:

    If you like a girl enough for you to consider her 'girlfriend material' then she'll be nice enough for you, and therefore won't be snide, *****y, cruel etc. If you get what I mean...
    Apologies if you don't!
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    Hmmm.. i still tell people if they're actin like an A**hole to their face.
    And i think there's a lot of people out there like me. i agree wi 'Formerly Frisbee Fan' as in 'like attracts like'..
    I don't *****, if ive somethin to say about someone i say it to them, not about them. And i find that my company is pretty much the same.
    If you worry yourself about other people's opinion of you.. you'll never really be YOU or get to know the proper you.. ul be too busy tryin not to annoy others, or tryin to figure ut what they think of u.

    People take much better to a person who knows themself, to someone who stands their ground and is proud of their views, sense of humour.. style.. everythin that makes them them.

    Stop worryin bout what others think or may be saying. Put it this way.. if people are talkin about u.. let them. Cos .. if they're talkin bout people.. are they really the kinda people ud wanna be mates wi anyway?


    apologies for the length of the post!!!!! lol x
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    (Original post by weeorla)
    Hmmm.. i still tell people if they're actin like an A**hole to their face.
    And i think there's a lot of people out there like me. i agree wi 'Formerly Frisbee Fan' as in 'like attracts like'..
    I don't *****, if ive somethin to say about someone i say it to them, not about them. And i find that my company is pretty much the same.
    If you worry yourself about other people's opinion of you.. you'll never really be YOU or get to know the proper you.. ul be too busy tryin not to annoy others, or tryin to figure ut what they think of u.

    People take much better to a person who knows themself, to someone who stands their ground and is proud of their views, sense of humour.. style.. everythin that makes them them.

    Stop worryin bout what others think or may be saying. Put it this way.. if people are talkin about u.. let them. Cos .. if they're talkin bout people.. are they really the kinda people ud wanna be mates wi anyway?


    apologies for the length of the post!!!!! lol x

    Wow, nicely said!!
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    (Original post by SianSian)
    Wow, nicely said!!
    Cheers:p: .. it's somethin im kinda realli passionate about.
 
 
 
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