Thinking about self-harm

Please keep anon or delete as this is embarassing to me and my sister will recognise me

recently I finished my uni, left there graduating but didnt go on the big stage to get applauded etc and rightly so, no one really cares or noticed that i werent there.

its been 2months since no uni and theres still 3months left till my dad's 10th death anniversary and i feel depressed and have no one to talk to

I tried commiting suicide 2 days ago but failed and now im contemplating cutting myself as one of my internet friend's who is also depressed does this and says she gets relief from it. Im scared of doing it but anyone any experience with this?

thanks i guess

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Don't do it! I have done and once you get into the habit it's like an addiction, really hard to stop. It only helps momentarily and leaves you feeling worse.

Can you talk to someone about your problems and how your feeling? Family or friends? If your feeling suicidal and depressed maybe talking to a doctor would help? It can really make a difference

Reply 2

tom_tom_tom

Dont do it, it is like an addiction as said, once you start it is very hard to stop, without some sort of help. It is also very easy to go over the top with things like that and actually do some very bad damage.

Talking to someone in a professional stance will help you alot, they will be able to listen to you and help you with some of your problems, it isnt helping that you are keeping it all in and not expressing your feelings, at least think about doing this with someone that can help you.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

I used to, still get urges to, self harm. I'll tell you now it's not good. It becomes an addiction. You probably wouldn't start smoking or drinking all day every day to deal with your problems so you shouldn't self harm either, it's addictive too. Cutting leaves disgusting marks which then you'll probably feel the need to hide, wearing long sleeved tops in summer isn't fun. Worrying everytime a wedding, christening or party comes up what you're going to wear isn't fun. I have a hell of a lot of pretty deep cuts because you start small but need more and more to get an effect. It's been over a year since I last cut and still get urges most days as well as still having to be careful what I wear as. Relationships are horrible always having to either lie or have people think I'm a psycho.

Don't do it, seek help instead. Tell your GP you tried to kill yourself you'll get referred to a psychiatrist, maybe meds, maybe counselling, but self harm solves nothing it just creates more problems in the long run.

That said however, if you want to do it no one can stop you, just be aware of the consequences. Most importantly use clean tools, and take care of any cuts you make so they don't get infected.

If you need to talk to someone more about this feel free to pm a h&r mod for my username and then pm me. :smile:

Reply 4

Nahro

Thinking about self harm then think again.

u will gain nothing out of it... I beg u to get some help, talk to someone. They will help, i knew someone who self harmed and she couldnt stop... she came close to killing herself when she caught an artery, that was a wake up call for her... please dont let it get that far. Get some help there are pleanty of people around that will help, just dont self harm.

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

Please don't do it. I know nothing will stop you if you really want to, but i've been a wreck since about 13 from self harm, and im nearly 21 now. It has destroyed almost every aspect of my life, and left me with several hundred scars. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. If you're feeling that terrible please speak to someone. Call up a friend, or speak to your internet friend as he/she probably knows alot about how you're feeling. Maybe speak to family? You could likely all use some support around this time. Hope you feel a little better soon, and i'm sorry about you dad.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Im very grateful for everyones posts, i will read it properly now and thanks especially to there'stoomychlove for your great reply

I already have a problem with being addicted to smoking so maybe Im trying to stop that and get onto another addiction ladder, anyhow I cant see myself going to the gp but I'll think before I do anything bad thanks

Reply 7

jbanjeet

YOu need to take some FreSh Air ... go to the park

n Get yourself a hobby

Try Gardening ....

Reply 8

Anonymous #5

www.recoveryourlife.com

everyones lovely, just have a browse

xxxx

Reply 9

jbanjeet

Also you need to have a purpose in life

Or you need to discover it if you dont have one .....

Reply 10

conroe-killed-the-k8-star

Anonymous

You've just graduated with a degree - that should be quite a happy time I'd have thought , you've got to ask yourself if it's really worth doing something like that.

If it's something bubbling under from the past making you unhappy and depressed you've got to confront this - please seek counseling , there's a few posters round here who can direct you to services which can help solve your problems.

Reply 11

ununpentium

WARNING
....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily ...they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal!!! And years for the scars to fade! IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...it will spread when you run out of skin. Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop...and you are gaping....and you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone...praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...But you will and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips...3 or four different kinds of dressings...betadine....antibiotic cream..medical tape..scar reducers.....You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a differnent way...Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You wont even think about it ..as your eyes scan their wrists arms...hoping just hoping they will be like you....But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..Scrubbing your bathroom floor...wiping the blood of your keyboard....
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting...you will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...at the same time you love it and can not live with out of it.

you have been warned.....

Cutting warning label.

Reply 12

kashim91

Go to the GP as soon as possible and tell someone close to you, before its too late!. The doctor will hopefully sort you out. In the mean time, find something to do, anything. That way you will be to pre-occupied to think about it. Please don't self-harm, , it hurts me to even hear about torture, let alone see it.

Reply 13

~ Purple Rose ~

PS Reviewer

The fact that you have posted here suggests you want help, so please don't cut yourself.
It is a horrible cycle to get into, and you will end up doing it over everything, more often and more severely, meaning that you will be left with scars that you'll never be able to get rid of.
There are people you can talk to the Samaritans or e-mail them, or see your GP about getting referred to counselling. There are also organisations like Cruse who do bereavement counselling, which may help regarding your dad.

Reply 14

Anonymous #6

Anonymous

This. I still get urges to hurt myself, and I did it for the first time when I was about 13, and now I'm 19. Don't. Seriously. Go for a run, punch your mattress, get exhausted, cry, talk to someone, get drunk.. but don't hurt yourself!

Reply 15

Flying Cookie

Do you realize that by posting this you're basically indirectly asking us to try to persuade you not to do it? I think that's reason enough that you should not do it. Or flip a coin - if you're disappointed with the result, then you know your answer.

Reply 16

laeof

Anonymous

If you want to be ruled by addiction then go for it. You'll be surrendering everything your worth.

Theirs really no need to kill yourself. Your still young and have plenty you can do if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and grasp the determination to do it.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Thanks flying cookie, I will use your idea

Reply 18

Flying Cookie

Anonymous

Thanks flying cookie, I will use your idea

Hey I didn't mean to be mean. My sarcasmdar is broken. Are you really going to use it or what?

Reply 19

voudreau

Anonymous

recently I finished my uni, left there graduating but didnt go on the big stage to get applauded etc and rightly so, no one really cares or noticed that i werent there.

Everyone gets nervous when they graduate. They will have been focusing on going up on the stage and not makes themselves look foolish. Forget about them and focus on yourself. Not everyone gets a degree you know! You have already become more successful than 65% of the population in this country.

Anonymous

its been 2months since no uni and theres still 3months left till my dad's 10th death anniversary and i feel depressed and have no one to talk to

You are welcome to PM me if you can catch me online

I do try not to get addicted to the internetz.

Anonymous

I tried commiting suicide 2 days ago but failed and now im contemplating cutting myself as one of my internet friend's who is also depressed does this and says she gets relief from it. Im scared of doing it but anyone any experience with this?

Well it seems your just not cut out for suicide

Don't cut yourself; people become addicted and it won't make the issues disappear. Confront the issues and maybe try to help your internet friend. It will be easier to get through if you do it together.