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    I know it must be hard having such feelings and i have to second what alot of the posters are saying. Distraction is key whether it's taking a walk outside or cycling...etc. I've been in a position where one of my friends called me telling me she felt like cutting but she stopped knowing she had someone to vent to. And if there's no one that you can contact in that sense there's are alot of sites and forums dealing with what you're going through such as http://forum.wingofmadness.com/. Great forum with supportive people.
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    Thanks for the rep whoever that was, I checked your username to message you but I couldn't find it, feel free to pm me.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    how very ******* presumptious of you to say what my opinion will be if certain things happen.
    With all due respect you don't know the OP or what will or won't happen so if you could stop predcting the future in absoultes? Thanks.

    Of course there are better ways of dealing with things but that doesn't stop you from self harming. Sometimes I haven't been able to express myself in my writing, I haven't felt safe going outside (especially when in an emotionally unstable mood that will no doubt make me look like a victim and increase my chances of getting beaten up) and all I've found as an expressiong beyound crying whilst breathing hard and fast has been a knife.

    Now I'm not proud of that, nor am I ashamed, it's something that happened. And whilst I hope to help open more avenues of expression for the OP and other people feeling that they may start to self harm just cutting that one off and saying it's bad don't do it doesn't tend to help the situation, as I've stated, it usually makes things worse.

    The self harming is usually not the problem, it is a result of the problem, dealing with the root rather than what's caused will most likely be much more helpful.

    For this I draw upon the analogy of the gas fire. You can get rid of the fire by putting it out with say, water, and let the gas explode after a build up or you can turn the gas off. The gas being the problem. The fire being a temporary way of stopping the gas from going out of control. The turning off of the gas being the soultion.
    blahblahblahblah.
    So many people do it for attention and have no problems whatsoever. It's learnt behavior.

    I cant be bothered to reply to all this tbh as i've already relied to something like this.

    But i stand firm in where i am. Stand there and watch your mum slash her arms...your best friend slash her arms...your other friends do the same thing and having to follow them in hospital and you'll feel the same.

    It can be as selfish as suicide. But only if your one of those gimps parading your arms around because every cut you make will make a cut in the soul of the people who care for you.

    I can name about 10 people who self harm of the top of my head, so don't go thinking i don't understand it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im scared of doing it but anyone any experience with this?
    (Original post by tom_tom_tom)
    Dont do it, it is like an addiction as said, once you start it is very hard to stop, without some sort of help.

    Don't start this. I was in a similar boat to you and once you begin it just spirals down and gets worse, it is very hard to recover. Even now a few years later I don't feel fully recovered and i still think about it when i'm upset. Please don't let yourself go down this path. It doesn't help, you will hate yourself for doing it, try to hide the cuts, every time you see them it will remind you of why you feel upset. That will make you hurt yourself more and slowly you will not want to seek help for yourself.

    Talk to a trusted friend, don't listen to people telling you to cut yourself because they get 'release', it's only short term. The more you do it the more you will want to and it could put you in serious danger. Go out with some close friends, have a shoulder to cry on, talk to your sister if you can? Listen to some good music when you feel sad, you could try writing your thoughts in a diary to, I used to do this and it helped me. Seek other options not ones that make you hurt inside and out more. Talk to a professional it sounds like you really need to take the first step to get your life back on track. I'm sorry about your dad, i don't have one either. :hugs:

    Like I said, i've been there and just like Tom said it becomes an addiction that is so hard to break. Please take my advice because you will only end up more depressed and hurting the people around you in the end.
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    I think self harming would make everything worse for you. Its not a road that will lead to you being settled and happy. And that's what you want and need, therefore doing it is a bad idea. What you need to do is have some counciling. You need other people to guide you and help you with your feelings. Talking to someone else who is as depressed as you over the internet is obviously not helping. So I think you should stop talking to people like that, they're screwed up. And screwed up people are too busy trying to keep themselves together to consider you and what you need. I don't know exactly what you should do to feel happy again, but I do know that self harming is going to make everything so much more difficult to get out of. It may seem like the easiest option but it isn't. You need to make yourself stronger, more possitive and braver. Find someone to talk to and arrange it. Make possitive steps that may appear difficult but are far worse in your head. Do something instead of just giving up. Be angry. Because at least anger is stronger than misery.
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    (Original post by AshleyT)
    blahblahblahblah.
    So many people do it for attention and have no problems whatsoever. It's learnt behavior.

    I cant be bothered to reply to all this tbh as i've already relied to something like this.

    But i stand firm in where i am. Stand there and watch your mum slash her arms...your best friend slash her arms...your other friends do the same thing and having to follow them in hospital and you'll feel the same.

    It can be as selfish as suicide. But only if your one of those gimps parading your arms around because every cut you make will make a cut in the soul of the people who care for you.

    I can name about 10 people who self harm of the top of my head, so don't go thinking i don't understand it.
    "blablabla"that's all youäve really added to what you've said, I think you're an idiot to be honest, and if thatäs the extent of your reply to me it says far more about you than me. Good luck on making a more constructive post in the future.
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    I know everyone immediately thinks negative things about self-harm, and 'oh how terrible it is'. But realistically if it doesn't become obsessive or life threatening, I don't see what wrong with it. We all cope in different ways and for some people self-harm is their best way to cope.
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    Don't do it. Don't start.

    Having been a self harmer for 10+ years it is really not a route you want to go down. My arms and legs are covered in scars. And you know something, for that tiny split second you might feel better, but then comes the guilt, and the shame. You'll have to get used to hiding yourself from others. have to live with the fear that someone will find out, the stares from strangers. The fact that every time you get down the first thing you'll end up doing is hurting yourself.

    Please please don't do it. If you click on the mental health section of the TSRWiki there is a big big section on distractions, things you can do instead of hurt yourself. Things may be bad now, but you really don't want to make them any worse.
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    (Original post by ßlαcksωαn)
    I know everyone immediately thinks negative things about self-harm, and 'oh how terrible it is'. But realistically if it doesn't become obsessive or life threatening, I don't see what wrong with it. We all cope in different ways and for some people self-harm is their best way to cope.
    The way i see it, is it is a coping mechanism, but its a maladaptive coping mechanism at best.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    "blablabla"that's all youäve really added to what you've said, I think you're an idiot to be honest, and if thatäs the extent of your reply to me it says far more about you than me. Good luck on making a more constructive post in the future.
    'Blahblahblah' because i had already said in previous what i wanted to say and i wasn't going to reading another post about how harsh i was being.

    In short my opinion is:
    Self harming is extremely selfish and attention seeking from most people and i felt the OP is one of those people. I mean they must have assumed most people would go 'OH PLEASE DONT DO IT'

    For those that is is genuine in i do feel for. They are in and endless cycle of pain. But for those whom are lucky enough to have people that care for them, they are also inflicting a lot of that pain on those that care about them...because every scar that appears is going to cut their loved ones souls just a little bit more....

    And for those that don't have someone caring for them. I just hope you have enough determination to go through with life and prove all those people wrong who abused or took you for granted.
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    (Original post by AshleyT)
    'Blahblahblah' because i had already said in previous what i wanted to say and i wasn't going to reading another post about how harsh i was being.

    In short my opinion is:
    Self harming is extremely selfish and attention seeking from most people and i felt the OP is one of those people. I mean they must have assumed most people would go 'OH PLEASE DONT DO IT'

    For those that is is genuine in i do feel for. They are in and endless cycle of pain. But for those whom are lucky enough to have people that care for them, they are also inflicting a lot of that pain on those that care about them...because every scar that appears is going to cut their loved ones souls just a little bit more....

    And for those that don't have someone caring for them. I just hope you have enough determination to go through with life and prove all those people wrong who abused or took you for granted.
    Let me guess, you're one of them morons who believes suicide is "selfish" because of the pain it inflicts on the family. What's selfish is everyone else forcing a person to not kill themselves/not cut themselves/not give themselves temporary or permanent relief from the amount of agonising suffering they are going through, just because it will hurt the everyone else.

    You say you can name 10 people who self harm, I'm going to make a guess that you're not one of them otherwise you wouldn't have such a bigoted selfish attitude to it.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Let me guess, you're one of them morons who believes suicide is "selfish" because of the pain it inflicts on the family. What's selfish is everyone else forcing a person to not kill themselves/not cut themselves/not give themselves temporary or permanent relief from the amount of agonising suffering they are going through, just because it will hurt the everyone else.

    You say you can name 10 people who self harm, I'm going to make a guess that you're not one of them otherwise you wouldn't have such a bigoted selfish attitude to it.
    Actually i did for a bit. No-one knew.
    And as for suicide...A LOT of stems from having to deal with people trying to kill themselves ok? I'm not making light hearted comments. Im not someone who's just throwing out comments and has no idea what its about.

    My mum tried to kill herself several times over the past 8 weeks during the most important exams...my A2 exams. I had to stay up till 3am with my little 8 year old brother because he was petrified because my mum was taken away in an ambulancel. I then had to get up for work at 5:30am....because of her i ****** up all my exams...my dreams...my ambitions...the reason i got out of bed in the morning. The reason i thought everything that happened when i was younger...the refuges and the abuse..it was all going to be worth it and i feel it was stolen from me.

    I sat there with pills in my hand and a bottle of wine in the other before getting a message from someone 'I have a bad feeling...are you ok?'.

    I completely disagree with suicide but i wasnt in the right frame of mind. I hadnt slept in months, i had constant anxiety feelings...i was constantly worried a worse fear was going to come true...far greater then my mum trying to kill herself...the person whom at one time was my protector and the closest person to me.

    Do i blame her? No. But im still extremely angry with her...not because she was trying to kill herself...i don't know why im angry at her...i think i just am...

    My aunt tried to kill herself by throwing herself of a bridge and would ring us at 4am every night for 2 weeks saying how she was going to kill herself.

    I found my best friend half dead because she tried to kill herself.

    My grandad whom i was very close to tried to kill his self last year the night before my exams.

    To be honest i know im making quite harsh comments and i apologies because its not me. It may be that im just so extremely angry at recent circumstances. Or maybe its because my opinions are changing. Who knows, i don't even want to rationalize them. But im not 'uneducated' or w.e the word is when it comes to suicide.

    Sorry for the long post. Im not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me and im not trying to pour my heart out because im sure you don't give a ****. But i felt i owed an explanation for my current harsh opinions.
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    (Original post by AshleyT)
    Actually i did for a bit. No-one knew.
    And as for suicide...A LOT of stems from having to deal with people trying to kill themselves ok? I'm not making light hearted comments. Im not someone who's just throwing out comments and has no idea what its about.

    My mum tried to kill herself several times over the past 8 weeks during the most important exams...my A2 exams. I had to stay up till 3am with my little 8 year old brother because he was petrified because my mum was taken away in an ambulancel. I then had to get up for work at 5:30am....because of her i ****** up all my exams...my dreams...my ambitions...the reason i got out of bed in the morning. The reason i thought everything that happened when i was younger...the refuges and the abuse..it was all going to be worth it and i feel it was stolen from me.

    I sat there with pills in my hand and a bottle of wine in the other before getting a message from someone 'I have a bad feeling...are you ok?'.

    I completely disagree with suicide but i wasnt in the right frame of mind. I hadnt slept in months, i had constant anxiety feelings...i was constantly worried a worse fear was going to come true...far greater then my mum trying to kill herself...the person whom at one time was my protector and the closest person to me.

    Do i blame her? No. But im still extremely angry with her...not because she was trying to kill herself...i don't know why im angry at her...i think i just am...

    My aunt tried to kill herself by throwing herself of a bridge and would ring us at 4am every night for 2 weeks saying how she was going to kill herself.

    I found my best friend half dead because she tried to kill herself.

    My grandad whom i was very close to tried to kill his self last year the night before my exams.

    To be honest i know im making quite harsh comments and i apologies because its not me. It may be that im just so extremely angry at recent circumstances. Or maybe its because my opinions are changing. Who knows, i don't even want to rationalize them. But im not 'uneducated' or w.e the word is when it comes to suicide.

    Sorry for the long post. Im not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me and im not trying to pour my heart out because im sure you don't give a ****. But i felt i owed an explanation for my current harsh opinions.
    Well I'm sorry to hear that but tbh, you haven't actually answered the thing that I argued, which is that self harm isn't selfish, it's the person stopping the self harmer who's being selfish. In fact if anything you've just proved that. Don't think I'm making light of what happened to you or people you know though, you have my sympathy for what you've been through but the fact remains that it's not the person being selfish. I'm pretty damn sure your mother didn't want you to **** up your exams, actually I'd bet money on it that that didn't go through her mind. I'm pretty sure the same applies to your grandad and best friend.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Well I'm sorry to hear that but tbh, you haven't actually answered the thing that I argued, which is that self harm isn't selfish, it's the person stopping the self harmer who's being selfish. In fact if anything you've just proved that. Don't think I'm making light of what happened to you or people you know though, you have my sympathy for what you've been through but the fact remains that it's not the person being selfish. I'm pretty damn sure your mother didn't want you to **** up your exams, actually I'd bet money on it that that didn't go through her mind. I'm pretty sure the same applies to your grandad and best friend.
    Okey i'll try answer your question but as of now im intoxicated so lets see how that goes:
    I know the person going through what they are going through is not selfish.
    At the instant they decide enough is enough and they try to self harm or kill themselves they are really feeling so much pain all they can think about is release.
    But as someone who cares; seeing them cutting their skin really does so so much damage to you. Like me seeing my mum cutting her skin and the ****** up comments she'd make
    'i can use ice cubes to numb the skin so i can cut deeper'
    These things used to twist my insides and make me want to throw myself out a window...i was so close to her she was all i had.
    And this was during my exams when i was trying to make a better life for myself and for her and these things ****** me up and made me extremely angry at her.

    IDK...i think that when people have so many people caring for them and begging them not to do it they are inflicting just as much pain on other people so in that way it's selfish.

    For those whom have no-one caring for them and have so much pain...go for it if it will help you.

    But so many people do it just for attention its unbelievable. And most of them just have depression...and lives i would beg for. Holidays every year, no abuse, parents still together...one of mine is already dead.

    I think it depends on your circumstances. This is what depends on whether your selfish or just releasing the pain inside.

    But then maybe its just because i still have a lot of built up anger and my judgment is clouded. And very sorry if i upset anyone.
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    (Original post by AshleyT)
    Okey i'll try answer your question but as of now im intoxicated so lets see how that goes:
    I know the person going through what they are going through is not selfish.
    At the instant they decide enough is enough and they try to self harm or kill themselves they are really feeling so much pain all they can think about is release.
    But as someone who cares; seeing them cutting their skin really does so so much damage to you. Like me seeing my mum cutting her skin and the ****** up comments she'd make
    'i can use ice cubes to numb the skin so i can cut deeper'
    These things used to twist my insides and make me want to throw myself out a window...i was so close to her she was all i had.
    And this was during my exams when i was trying to make a better life for myself and for her and these things ****** me up and made me extremely angry at her.

    IDK...i think that when people have so many people caring for them and begging them not to do it they are inflicting just as much pain on other people so in that way it's selfish.

    For those whom have no-one caring for them and have so much pain...go for it if it will help you.

    But so many people do it just for attention its unbelievable. And most of them just have depression...and lives i would beg for. Holidays every year, no abuse, parents still together...one of mine is already dead.

    I think it depends on your circumstances. This is what depends on whether your selfish or just releasing the pain inside.

    But then maybe its just because i still have a lot of built up anger and my judgment is clouded. And very sorry if i upset anyone.
    I agree with you on people who do it for attention being unbelievable, but tbh most people I know who self harm try to hide it as much as possible, they hate anyone seeing their scars or knowing what they do. They feel utterly ashamed of them and the last thing they're doing it for is attention.

    I'll tell you this now as someone who used to cut, the last thing I was trying to do was hurt other people or be selfish. My friend told me it hurts him so much and all that did was make it worse for me because not only was I failing myself but him aswell and that's a horrible feeling. It made all the guilt about doing it 100 times worse, I would never recommend any one to tell people that they're hurting them to try get them to stop. It makes you want to do it where they won't see, it makes you want to lie to them, it makes everything worse. And then to be told you're being selfish just hurts (not me now but at the time) because I wasn't being selfish I didn't ask him to feel hurt, I didn't want him to feel hurt, it wasn't his concern at all. That's my experience, you have yours.

    I also don't really get your "most of them just have depression". You say that like depression doesn't kill thousands every year, like it's not ******* horrible, like it's something you can brush off.
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    It's ok, I'm back now for you baby. xxx
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I agree with you on people who do it for attention being unbelievable, but tbh most people I know who self harm try to hide it as much as possible, they hate anyone seeing their scars or knowing what they do. They feel utterly ashamed of them and the last thing they're doing it for is attention.

    I'll tell you this now as someone who used to cut, the last thing I was trying to do was hurt other people or be selfish. My friend told me it hurts him so much and all that did was make it worse for me because not only was I failing myself but him aswell and that's a horrible feeling. It made all the guilt about doing it 100 times worse, I would never recommend any one to tell people that they're hurting them to try get them to stop. It makes you want to do it where they won't see, it makes you want to lie to them, it makes everything worse. And then to be told you're being selfish just hurts (not me now but at the time) because I wasn't being selfish I didn't ask him to feel hurt, I didn't want him to feel hurt, it wasn't his concern at all. That's my experience, you have yours.

    I also don't really get your "most of them just have depression". You say that like depression doesn't kill thousands every year, like it's not ******* horrible, like it's something you can brush off.
    Well yeah, one of the worst things you can do is accuse a self harmer of being attention seeking and being selfish....even if they are doing that because if you got the wrong end of the stick...it can cause them a lot of damage. I've seen people being rushed to hospital for stitches etc before...but the majority of people i knew just did it because it was learn't behavior from friends etc.

    I've never said that to anyone in actual life that they were selfish or anything, no matter how much i wanted to scream at them just to stop it for the love of God.

    Well depression isn't something you can brush off but it is something i find extremely annoying. This is because i generally go to quite a good school where wost peoples parents are together, quite well off, take university for granted(because i live in quite a rough area where most people don't go) and most other things. And many of them are depressed and complain about the most trivial things in life. I know to them they aren't trivial but they just refuse to look on the bright side of life. It is extremely irritating when i come home and i'm trying to find the bright side to my mum trying to kill herself. Or i see mum (whom's been told by multiple councilors etc she's had the worst childhood they've ever heard of) feeling depressed for a few days but then fighting it best she can and trying to be happy and bouncy and get over it...

    I just appreciate having a bed at night, a light bulb and a house to sleep in each night...she never always had that and neither did i...and this is what stops the depression in us generally, because we appreciate the little things. And i've find those that don't are the ones that suffer depression mostly because they just feel their life is a pile of ****...when its really not the case...but i guess sometimes it harder to look on that side of things sometimes.
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    (Original post by AshleyT)
    Well yeah, one of the worst things you can do is accuse a self harmer of being attention seeking and being selfish....even if they are doing that because if you got the wrong end of the stick...it can cause them a lot of damage. I've seen people being rushed to hospital for stitches etc before...but the majority of people i knew just did it because it was learn't behavior from friends etc.

    I've never said that to anyone in actual life that they were selfish or anything, no matter how much i wanted to scream at them just to stop it for the love of God.

    Well depression isn't something you can brush off but it is something i find extremely annoying. This is because i generally go to quite a good school where wost peoples parents are together, quite well off, take university for granted(because i live in quite a rough area where most people don't go) and most other things. And many of them are depressed and complain about the most trivial things in life. I know to them they aren't trivial but they just refuse to look on the bright side of life. It is extremely irritating when i come home and i'm trying to find the bright side to my mum trying to kill herself. Or i see mum (whom's been told by multiple councilors etc she's had the worst childhood they've ever heard of) feeling depressed for a few days but then fighting it best she can and trying to be happy and bouncy and get over it...

    I just appreciate having a bed at night, a light bulb and a house to sleep in each night...she never always had that and neither did i...and this is what stops the depression in us generally, because we appreciate the little things. And i've find those that don't are the ones that suffer depression mostly because they just feel their life is a pile of ****...when its really not the case...but i guess sometimes it harder to look on that side of things sometimes.
    You understand that depression means you can't actually appreciate anything, right? No amount of trying to feel happy can fix clinical depression.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete as this is embarassing to me and my sister will recognise me

    recently I finished my uni, left there graduating but didnt go on the big stage to get applauded etc and rightly so, no one really cares or noticed that i werent there.

    its been 2months since no uni and theres still 3months left till my dad's 10th death anniversary and i feel depressed and have no one to talk to

    I tried commiting suicide 2 days ago but failed and now im contemplating cutting myself as one of my internet friend's who is also depressed does this and says she gets relief from it. Im scared of doing it but anyone any experience with this?

    thanks i guess
    you attempted killing yourself but are scared of cutting yourself? .... that sounds a bit odd to me.
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    (Original post by snoogy)
    You understand that depression means you can't actually appreciate anything, right? No amount of trying to feel happy can fix clinical depression.
    Yeah i know that's what depression is...but avoiding it...people who i know that appreciate every tiniest thing just don't really get depressed.

    Mum has diagnosed clinical depression. She can spend like three days shut in her room and won't speak to anyone.

    But because she's aware of her problems she does try to combat it with trying to think positively etc and she usually does it. She just had a breakdown a few weeks ago hence the suicide attempts etc.
 
 
 
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