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Issues with finishing uni...and a girl :-( watch

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    Hi everyone.

    So basically I graduated from university earlier this month, and whilst being back home was good for a few weeks, its now really boring.
    My 'mates' from round where I live never want to do anything, and its now got to the point where they are just damn impolite - I text them askinf if they would like to go out for a few drinks, and i'm lucky if I get a reply off any of them.
    So i'm really down about this - is anyone on these forums in a similar situation to me? If so it would be great if you could offer me any advice!

    Secondly, my head's in a mess about this girl, who was one of the people I lived with at uni. When I first started I liked her, but when I found out that she had a boyfriend, my feelins stopped. Anyway, as the end of uni approached this said girl got closer to me, and on nights out would link arms and hold my hand, and generally wanted to take 'time out' with me. For the first week whilst being bk home she was texting me all the time. Then we went on a housemates holiday...again she wanted to spend time alone with me...today for instance she text me saying she was bored and wanted to know what I was up to, referring to me using my petname which she came up with.
    Prob is she is still in theory with this boyfriend who she always seems to moan about.
    So, as with my first dilemmam, can anyone offer me some practical advive in relation to how to understand what could be possibly going on in her mind?

    Thanks a lot, your comments will hopefully help!
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    Well I've just finished my second year at uni, and I know how i can feel with friends from home ignoring you etc. My boyfriend and I live in the same city, but go to different unis - when we're home he goes out a lot with his friends, but most of my friends from home are often busy, and my best friend from home had a baby recently, so she's hardly going to be up for a night of clubbing. I'm just hoping that I can get by this summer and make some more friends once I've graduated through work etc.

    As for this girl...I think you need to ask her where you stand. It's not fair for her to lead you on, or string you alogn if she has no itention of commiting to you. If she's serious about you, and wants to have a relationship with you, then she would have broken up with her boyfriend already. Is she naturally flirtacious, or have you noticed that she's just this way with you? Perhaps you've misread friendly behaviour as something more? The only way you'll ever really know is to ask her....
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    She's not normally flirtacious with other guys...i'm being totally objective here! Maybe your're right and she's just being friendly...she's coming up to stay next month, so may get a better picture of things then...
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    Is there any clubs related to your interests you can go to? When you start a job you will meet new people and hopefully get some good mates from there, dont know how close that is for you but it always a good way to meet people.

    I think that you need to leave the girl if im honest if she is still in a relationship it is best not to try and put her in a bad situation with her boyfriend and building yourself up for dissapointment. However if she isnt with her boyfriend anymore, see how she feels about you and take it from there.
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    oneitis

    only cure is approach some other women
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    (Original post by ps2mint)
    She's not normally flirtacious with other guys...i'm being totally objective here! Maybe your're right and she's just being friendly...she's coming up to stay next month, so may get a better picture of things then...

    Do you know for definite if she's with her current boyfriend? If she's coming to stay with you then she's either a very, very close friend and thinks of you as nothing more - or she wants a slice. I know that my boyfriend wouldn't be happy with me staying with another guy (esp. if he didn't know them) unless he was totally sure there was nothing but friendship between us. So do you even know her boyfriend? This sounds a bit messy...

    I think a serious chat together is in order.
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    I kind of know her bf, but not very well!
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    I kinda know what you mean about being back from unii!!... secondly I just say stop wasting your time worrying and thinking about if she likes you or not just ask her straight if she has feelings..if so and you do to tell her you do and then say buit if she wants to be with you she will have to get rid of her boyfriend.. secondly in your spare time start applying for jobs and working as much as possible..to get money to move out or travel or whatever xx
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    (Original post by chevman)
    Man I wonder what other thing you gained from uni apart from a degree if you don't have the independence to make plans for yourself and shape your life the way you want it to be.If your friends are ignoring your texts and refusing to go out with you,there is a very high possiblity that they are gradually considering you to be a pest.Why not spice up your life and start learning to do things alone.Its strange and uncommon to go to the cinema alone,but its perfectly normal and legal as well.That is just an example,and the same applies to pubs,niteclubs and even restaurants and musuems,LOL.If your 'friends' realise that your are asking them less and less,they'll get the drift that you can really survive without them and you have a life of your own.This i likely to restore your worth to them cos that seems to be very low at the moment.

    As for the girl at Uni,you have to make her realise that she has no right whatsoever to play unnecessary games with you.Without necessarily opening up about the feelings you've been having towars her,there is a way you can send a strong signal towards her that you are not available for unnecessary hookup,but at the same time you are not averse to a serious and well defined relationship.If she wants the same thing as you,then she knows what to do to secure you,but if it turns out that you've actually been receiving the wrong signals,then its still a winning situation for you as you'll be able to move ahead after a short period of serious hurt and dissapointment.

    Funny enough,both issues you are facing boils down to the fact that you tend to be unnecesarily 'over-available'
    Blunt, but to the point. This is what I'd say, albeit it, phrased more delicately!
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    (Original post by chevman)
    As for the girl at Uni,you have to make her realise that she has no right whatsoever to play unnecessary games with you.Without necessarily opening up about the feelings you've been having towars her,there is a way you can send a strong signal towards her that you are not available for unnecessary hookup,but at the same time you are not averse to a serious and well defined relationship.If she wants the same thing as you,then she knows what to do to secure you,but if it turns out that you've actually been receiving the wrong signals,then its still a winning situation for you as you'll be able to move ahead after a short period of serious hurt and dissapointment.
    Damn man, wish I'd had that advice maybe 6 / 7 months ago! Listen to him OP!

    Having said that, if I'd had that advice, I'd never met the new girl in my life... Hmmm....
 
 
 
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