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Im pathetic living like a kid but how can I change?? Watch

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    Im nearly 24 now (female) and need to change but I just don't know if I can Im confused about stuff and never know if Im in the right or wrong and have too much self pity. I still live with my parents and in a way act like a 14 year old I hardly have any friends, never had a serious bf..doesn't help that Im not seen as attractive at college I got an average rating of 4.8 for facial attractiveness by classmates lowest rating in the class lol, I posted a thread about it a while ago but yea this shows that its not me with low seld esteem as I thought Id get higher than this. Anyway I never go out at night Ive never mixed well tbh Im too quiet and introverted, I just act childish with parents and still go for days out with them. I do a lot of jogging though and sport so have my own hobbies so to speak. Even with this Im not normal though I sort of have a secret crush on a 55 year old man at the jogging club lol, yea I know..don't know why ive never fancied guys my own age.

    Now this is odd but Ive not spoke to my dad for like 7 years since he hit me but the thing is Ive wanted to start speaking to him properly for years (slightly put off when he calls me a lazy bi*** or bas****) but have been just to embarrased to ..make the change which is totally bizarre and pathetic I know but im just so used to not talking to him and time as just flown by I don't hold a grudge or anything:confused: Im very quiet and laid back with other people and people have said I let others walk all over me Ive rarely had fights or arguments in the past with friends but yea im just strange.

    Anyway I have a job I work for an agency which means I ring for shifts but I rarely do them maybe partly through laziness but mainly because I have some kind of anxiety (been to a councellor, gp several times) I'l be in work and just get all panicky as though Im trapped I know I sound like a complete nutter but I never tell anyone (only my mum who is sick to death of hearing about it) I just keep quiet and let it pass by. Even though I don't let it beat me during a shift I'l feel on edge, trembly etc on and off during other shifts I never know if Im going to feel ok.

    The councellor said that maybe the anxiety comes on subconsciously as an excuse to get out of work so i can't argue. So anyway thats why I rarely work but Im constantly telling myself that I'l change my ways and book shifts. Ive been accepted on a radiography degree next year ive not a clue if or how I'l cope. Ive had this anxiety ever since college it came on after I fainted once in front of the class.

    For the past 5 years Ive done nothing really except drop out of colleges and sleep all day and be awake listening to my mp3 or being online all night. My parents used to yell at me most nights saying I was a loser and mentally ill when I told them about the anxiety but I have to admit they have kept me this long and put up with hell of a lot of s*** off me and my obsessions such as the next door neighbours windchimes being noisy all night even though no one can do anything about it (I went round told him but no luck in fact he moved them closer to annoy me) I just take everything out on them.

    Ive overheard them saying to each other that I should be moved out and married by now and that its like having a 10 year old, my dad said that people at him workplace have told him to kick me out I then go to my room and start crying really I hate myself Im so pathetic. How can I change though if I keep getting low moods and get all anxious at work? Then again maybe Im just not trying hard enough. Some days after work Im all confident thinking I can change but I never do. I feel so guilty and lazy Im only child so guess I really am a spoilt brat Im starting uni next year (while living at home as the placements will be near here) I hope this anxiety somehow goes before them, doubt it though.

    Btw I posted a similar thread to this on another forum a few years ago so the fact that I acknowledged I was in the wrong and needed to change never resulted in me changing. I see people driving about in cars most of my old classmates from school are married with houses and kids. I wouldn't mind my own house but id never want to be married with kids which shows how immature i am.

    Anyway just thanks for reading, if you made it to the end lol just say what you think about me and I was just looking for advice:redface: (apart from going to the gp as ive been and i need to sort this on my own somehow)
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    There's nothing wrong with living with your parent at twenty-four , as long as you have sufficient reasoning , which could be due to money and not being able to afford a place else were. You shouldn't take notice of what these other people think about your looks , it's what you think of yourself that matters. They're obviously sad low lifes. You probably have a really nice persona , and it's sometimes what comes from inside that matters .

    You shouldn't be embaressed to speak to your own father , but then again he did hit you , so it could be that , that's stopping you. he shouldn't have hit you in the first place violence is wrong , and especially against your own daughter , that's obnoxious. Personally I wouldn't visit him/speak to him , that's just me though. You don't seem like a strange person at all , and there's nothing wrong with being quiet , I can be quiet sometimes aswell , it's nothing bad. And being laid back is cool :cool:.

    It seems as though you've recognised your laziness , which is a good thing , but now you must eliminate this from your life , it will haunt you , and you'll regret it in the future. Also could you be clostrophobic by any chance ?.

    You sound like you need some motivation and drive to help you , maybe your family needs to become more supportive , infact maybe if you start speaking to your father , things might get better , you never know. You're parents sound very mean , and definityl aren't helping the situation , if anything they're making it worse !. They should understand that you have an anxiety problem and support you.

    At twenty-four , you don't have to be married , infact that's quite a young age to get married and have kids. It's your life , stop letting people tell you what you can/can't/ and should/shouldn't do !. Take control , be responsible.

    Personally , it sounds like you need to take control and stop being lazy , what are your future plans ! ?. You have to be more responsible and not let other people depict what you do !. ok ?

    Just be optimistic aswell , there's always light at the end of the tunnel , but you have to create that light by being positive.

    Good luck , hope things get better for you

    Maximum Velcoity !
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    Thanks max, I actually live in the same house as my dad so it is weirder than it seems lol Im just embarrased to suddenly start speaking to him again because Ive used to not speaking it would be so weird. As for my future plans I guess at the moment they are to get this radiography degree and work for the NHS, get my own house etc. I had a desire to travel last year but I really don't see how Id cope with the anxiety. So yea I'l hopefully get a professional job and just live for my hobbies, sport etc. Just wish this anxiety neurosis thing would go it comes and goes but when I get anxious I just have a much better quality of life being bored at home than putting up with it so I don't bother working.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks max, I actually live in the same house as my dad so it is weirder than it seems lol Im just embarrased to suddenly start speaking to him again because Ive used to not speaking it would be so weird. As for my future plans I guess at the moment they are to get this radiography degree and work for the NHS, get my own house etc. I had a desire to travel last year but I really don't see how Id cope with the anxiety. So yea I'l hopefully get a professional job and just live for my hobbies, sport etc. Just wish this anxiety neurosis thing would go it comes and goes but when I get anxious I just have a much better quality of life being bored at home than putting up with it so I don't bother working.
    Try learning how to meditate, especially zen mindfulness meditation. It's really hard to learn, but once you get good at it you can kill anxiety at will

    I'm 22, post-grad student, and feel slightly similar. I think it's normal at this age. You don't feel like an adult, but you can't away with living like a teenager anymore
    Your parents sound annoying
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    Do you think it's anxiety over how you look and how others may see you that's the root of all these issues? I know I felt a heck of a lot more confident about myself and could face new challenges when I went through a makeover and felt better about how I presented myself to the world. Just a thought... maybe you're not as shallow as all that
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    Ok
 
 
 
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