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Parents dismissing university! Watch

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    I think its important you follow your desire to go to uni regardless of what your parents think. If you don't, then you will resent them and it will cause problems in your relationship with them. I think your parents have very little faith in you and I'm sure that hurts. You are not your sister and they should not judge you by her behavior. Its seems to me they are trying to punish your sister by punishing you.

    You have nothing to prove to your parents and its wrong of them not support you even if they have satisfied themselves that they have good reasons to think you will not benefit from uni.
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    (Original post by oh_adele)
    Although it would be nice to have your parents blessing for University, it's not necessary. Also, if you're as determined as you say you are about education and you do well, then they'll realise you were serious all along and I'm sure they'll be very proud of you. If you don't go, you'll spend the rest of your life thinking "What if...". My parents don't have the money to support me financially through university, so I'm getting through on a student loan and part-time job. I really don't know why people stress so much about money for university, if you have a job and you're not an idiot when it comes to spending, you'll be fine. You only have to start paying a small amount back out of your wages when you leave and are earning over £15,000. Go for it.
    Well, you still need somewhere to live in the holidays, so if they are entirely against you going it can be difficult.
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    ALmost everyone i know who went to un got into the debt themselves, they didnt have support from their parents which isnt a bad thing obv but it means that they didnt even have to have the approval from their parents in the first place.

    If you want to go to uni then go, itll be a hell of a lot better than trying to find a job in the economic situation at the minute.
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    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    Just pay for university yourself, most of us do that.
    LOL. 99% of people I know had their parents holding their hand through Uni.
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    I don't see what your parents have to do with it anyway, other than their financial help being useful. I didn't even mention what Universities I was applying to until after I already had. It has very little to do with them. Are you going to ask your parents 'permission' when you want to get married as well, or buy a house?
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    Just go for it - with loans and grants, it should be enough.
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    (Original post by PygmyShrew)
    Well, you still need somewhere to live in the holidays, so if they are entirely against you going it can be difficult.
    But living at home isn't the only option.
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    (Original post by oh_adele)
    But living at home isn't the only option.
    It's quite difficult to do otherwise without support though, surely?
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    (Original post by PygmyShrew)
    It's quite difficult to do otherwise without support though, surely?
    I see where you're coming from, it would be hard. Isn't it possible to stay at University during the holidays?
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    Can you speak to your parents again? What if you suggested that you take out loans for uni in your own name and then if/when you graduate, they pay them off? That would demonstrate your commitment and would let them give you their blessing without having to support you financially until you've proved it's worth their while. They may say no, but if you want to do this, you'll have to get the loans either way and I think your parents would "forgive" you for going to university. They've lost one daughter, they won't want to lose another.

    Don't know if you can still track down your sister (facebook?), but I think it would also be a good idea to find out why things went so wrong for her. It's a bit odd to go from being an amazing straight A student to being an alcoholic dropout in trouble with the police. She might need help, or be desperate to come home. Even if she's OK, if you get some answers from her (or her friends), you might be able to help your parents understand what happened and convince them that you can avoid the same pitfalls.
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    It's not only the financial aspect to it. I know I could more than definitely fund it; I've looked into these methods - loans, bursaries etc.

    But as has been picked up by a few individuals on here, it's also the aspect of the general family support. I know for a fact, that when it comes to holidays, I won't have anywhere to go, other than to stay at University. However, I have these bad visions and feelings, that this is probably where I'll end up going off the rails too.

    While everyone else will be returning home, I'll be all alone. I couldn't return home, because at that point, I feel once I've left - I won't be welcome. When I could do with motherly support etc, I feel I wont be able to approach her for it (even though she may be willing to give it), because of the decisions I've taken.

    I know I should grow a backbone. However, I've had such a tight relationship with my parents before this incident, and I feel that I'll be neglecting them if I go off and do other things. I know you have to grow up and leave the nest etc, but in most cases parents tend to support those decisions. I don't feel I'll get any support.
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    (Original post by DaisyEmma)
    Can you speak to your parents again? What if you suggested that you take out loans for uni in your own name and then if/when you graduate, they pay them off? That would demonstrate your commitment and would let them give you their blessing without having to support you financially until you've proved it's worth their while. They may say no, but if you want to do this, you'll have to get the loans either way and I think your parents would "forgive" you for going to university. They've lost one daughter, they won't want to lose another.

    Don't know if you can still track down your sister (facebook?), but I think it would also be a good idea to find out why things went so wrong for her. It's a bit odd to go from being an amazing straight A student to being an alcoholic dropout in trouble with the police. She might need help, or be desperate to come home. Even if she's OK, if you get some answers from her (or her friends), you might be able to help your parents understand what happened and convince them that you can avoid the same pitfalls.
    I'm sure I'll be able to prove I'm committed, I feel that I demonstrate that all the time. However, I don't know how I can embrace this conversation. I know we need to have it and soon.

    I feel so bad though. My parents have not asked me for anything in my whole entire life. They've worked constantly to provide for me, and I feel so bad going against what they've asked of me. I've seen how their health has deteriorated since this debacle and I can't even begin to think what they may feel if I told them this revelation - even if they may soon come around to the idea, I don't think I can take the risk.

    I've tried tracking down my sister, however, she's vanished. I have tried speaking to some of her close (or what seemed) friends, however most parted ways after the first year (when she happened to change). I'm genuinely concerned for her - but I don't have any other avenues to explore.

    I'm worried - as I'm thinking like that too. She was smart, intelligent and sociable. She wasn't a geek and went out with friends often, so it's not that she's been locked in her studies and as soon as she got freedom she went crazy. I'm also incredibly worried for her well-being, she didn't have savings that she could be relying on, and I doubt she's working. So she could potentially be in a ditch. If I think about it too much, I get sick with worry - but I know she's grown up enough to know what she's doing.
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    If you are old enough to apply to university, you are old enough to choose your own actions. Apply for uni, apply for student loans, live on campus and prove them wrong!

    My parents don't give me anything towards uni, it's all blood, sweat and loans and yes it is difficult at times but if you really want it, think of the fantastic time you'll have and the benefits in the future.

    I know, believe me, I know how scary the prospect of having no support is. I'm very lucky in that my parents are very supportive of my degree and assure me that if I ever do get in trouble they will help me. Until that time, I'm on my ow with my finances and would like to keep it that way.

    You can do it!
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    Do you honestly think your parents are going to kick you out because you chose to go to university? I don't see that happening. You need to actually speak to them about this before drawing what seem to be premature conclusions about how they'll react. Tell them that you WILL be going to university - don't ask permission - and that you'll be supporting yourself financially, through loans, grants, and a part-time job, and that all you ask for is their acceptance. If they're not happy with that, their acceptance isn't really worth fighting for. I hope that's not the case, but if it is, you can't compromise your future for them.
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    follow the dream whichever way you have to

    end of.
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    (Original post by PygmyShrew)
    You still have to pay even if it is possible. It was £11 a night to stay in my halls for the summer, apparently.
    Well, I wasn't suggesting the OP go without getting a job. Jesus Christ, £11 a night?! What University do you go to?
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    I'm so sorry about what's happened with your older sis - must be a nightmare. Don't give up - have you tried http://www.missingpeople.org.uk/ ? Have you reported her missing to the police? I hate to say it but if anything does happen to her, at least that way you'd know.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel so bad though. My parents have not asked me for anything in my whole entire life.
    They're not supposed to ask you for things, and they're supposed to support you! They chose to have children and that doesn't come with any guarantees - you didn't ask to be born. You only want to get an education, it's not like you're planning to go on the game or run away to join the circus! If they aren't going to pay for it, I can't see why they will be SO upset and I doubt they will literally have heart attacks over it either. Losing a child is a terrible strain but what you want to do isn't the same. Just sit them down and tell them (don't ask them) "mum and dad, I love you but I am not my sister and I am going to uni even if I have to pay for it myself. I hope I can have your blessing, as this means more to me than your financial support. I know how hard you have worked to provide for me and I want to get the best possible education so that I can be successful and take care of you when you're older if you need me to".

    What about your younger sister, by the way? If you give in over uni you'll make it even harder for her to go, and she may want to. Is she old enough to have an opinion already? Would she back you up when you talk to your parents?
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    (Original post by DaisyEmma)
    I'm so sorry about what's happened with your older sis - must be a nightmare. Don't give up - have you tried http://www.missingpeople.org.uk/ ? Have you reported her missing to the police? I hate to say it but if anything does happen to her, at least that way you'd know.

    They're not supposed to ask you for things, and they're supposed to support you! They chose to have children and that doesn't come with any guarantees - you didn't ask to be born. You only want to get an education, it's not like you're planning to go on the game or run away to join the circus! If they aren't going to pay for it, I can't see why they will be SO upset and I doubt they will literally have heart attacks over it either. Losing a child is a terrible strain but what you want to do isn't the same. Just sit them down and tell them (don't ask them) "mum and dad, I love you but I am not my sister and I am going to uni even if I have to pay for it myself. I hope I can have your blessing, as this means more to me than your financial support. I know how hard you have worked to provide for me and I want to get the best possible education so that I can be successful and take care of you when you're older if you need me to".

    What about your younger sister, by the way? If you give in over uni you'll make it even harder for her to go, and she may want to. Is she old enough to have an opinion already? Would she back you up when you talk to your parents?
    I don't think her sister has disappeared, she went away to uni and made a mess of it. Now her parents don't want her to go so she won't make a possible mess of it either.
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    No, she has disappeared - read the whole thread
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    (Original post by DaisyEmma)
    What if you suggested that you take out loans for uni in your own name and then if/when you graduate, they pay them off?
    Why should her parents 'pay them off'? By the time she has graduated she will be in her twenties! Bumming money from you parents at that age is a bit immature, particularly considering that she will probably be in a position to earn more money than either of her parents do.
 
 
 
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