Anon. because he uses this site.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up mutually at the start of this year, after a year and a half of being together and happy for the majority of the time. We basically ended up feeling like we were arguing too much and both wanted to experience the single life for a while and it was the most amicable break up I've ever had.
Of course, we decided to stay friends and have done, we see each other a lot, speak every day, etc. He is honestly one of my favourite people in the world even though I definitely don't have feelings for him.
The thing is, sometimes he can be really really weird with me. Quite soon after we broke up I went on a couple of rebound dates with a guy and he did the same with a girl and we both found intense dislike for the 'other man/woman,' which we've since laughed about and branded as the old residual feelings.
NOW I actually feel like I could be happy for him finding a good girl to be involved with, and I don't mind about him discussing his love life with me, but since the girl a couple of months ago it's been pretty non existent for him. I, on the other hand, have recently started seeing someone, and it's going well. The thing is - my ex has been really weird with me ever since he found out (I haven't hidden it from him OR rubbed it in his face). Whenever I see him when I'm out with the new guy, he seems to try and speak to him in a cocky fashion, as if he wants to stress the point that he knows me better. On one occasion, I went over to hug him and he refused, saying to me "I'm not going to hug you or be nice to you anymore, thats new guy's job now" (He was drunk at the time, but still...)
That's not the end of the weirdness. He regularly discusses how 'weird' the new guy is, or how much he doesn't like him, and disapproves. I explain that new guy is actually great and nice and looks out for me, but I get the feeling he doesn't like me talking about it much, so when HE brings it up its difficult for me. On top of this, new guy, sensing hostility, thinks my ex is a **** I shouldn't waste time on.
A few weeks ago (before new guy and I actually decided to upgrade from 'talking' to 'seeing' each other) he told me that he had a free house in a few weeks and that I simply must 'basically move in' and that 'we can have sex but just not discuss it afterwards'
He often makes me feel guilty that I have totally moved on, and I'm not sure if he has, because he often has nostalgic moments (mostly late at night or drunk) when he says he wishes he could flip back to the middle of year 12 when we were 8 months in and going good.
All of my friends say that they think he's still in love with me or at least still has feelings for me, but I'm not sure. Its been like 7/8 months since we broke up and I feel like he MUST be over it by now. I love him so much as a friend and can't bear for him to be unhappy in any way. I have no idea what to do. Sorry for the long post...but I have NO idea!
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My Ex = Confusing. watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-07-2009 00:16
- 28-07-2009 13:07
He's not over it. He's jealous of your new boyfriend and is probably feeling worse because he hasn't got anyone new/interested in him at the moment.
You sound like a really nice girl though, I can understand why you still want to be friends but maybe you should just leave him to cool down a little bit, not speak to him so much until he stops coming out with charming lines such as 'we can have sex but just not discuss it afterwards.'
- PS Helper
- 28-07-2009 13:18
I don't think there's any way to fix that problem really because it's his problem by the sound of it. Just seems like he's jealous either of your new boyfriend or of the fact you're moving on and he hasn't got anybody himself. Either way, yeah, it's pretty weird.
- 28-07-2009 13:22
"Staying friends" doesn't work, at least I've never known it to. One half is always unhappy/jealous
- 28-07-2009 13:50
Yeah, staying friends doesn't always works.
I broke up with my then girlfriend and she kept talking to me like we were still dating and things were confusing. I ended up talking to her like a full idiot I fell back to her because I missed her in one hand and I dunno...
Still I feel that things are not going to hold on.
- 28-07-2009 13:57
I think you should distance yourself from him for a while, avoid having things get worse between you, which would have an effect on your new relationship. Let the ex get a bit of perspective on things and see how he's treating you now. He may one day be fully over it and be able to be mature around you.