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Was I right to break up with him?

Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I'm not sure whether I was wrong in doing this or not. One of my best friends seems to think that he "loves me" and he is one of the best people she has ever met. The problem is I'm not even sure what love is anymore. I don't feel ready for a relationship as serious as the one we were in. My friend seems to think that this feeling will pass. I don't want to listen to her. After all, he doesn't really trust me and he's always getting angry for one thing or another. So I'm putting it to whoever will answer my post: do you think I should have just stayed with him and endured it or was I right to break up with him?

Reply 1

harlar

If you weren't happy in the relationship, then yes, you were right to do it. They're meant to enrich your life, not make you miserable. It's common to feel a bit unsure after you've done it, but it sounds like you've done the right thing so that will pass with time.

Reply 2

ThisBeatIsSick

If you don't believe that you're ready for a serious relationship then you were right to break up with him, you shouldn't feel that you have to stay with someone because your friend is telling you so. Only you can decide if it's right to stay in that relationship, because if it doesn't feel right then it most probably isn't.

Reply 3

ilovewaffles

from what you said, you did the right thing.
does your best friend fancy him or something?

Reply 4

shorty.loves.angels

16

I think tbh, if you've actually managed to break up with him, then it probably is right for you! I endured about a year of suffering with my ex, and when the time was right I knew it had to be done. If you feel like a weight is off your shoulders, it's the right thing :smile:

Don't worry if you miss him/worry about him/panic that you've made a mistake. All these feelings are normal ( I hope :p:

) and they will pass. I think I would have doe the same thing if I felt how you explain you did.

Reply 5

O_Bugger_its_Hitler

1

If you weren't happy then you were right to break up with him, after all it is what YOUR opinion is about it that matters and not your friends.. However maybe you should talk to him about these feelings before you drift apart too much, and clear the air

Reply 6

tom_tom_tom

18

If you were not 100% sure and envolved with the relationship then yes, it is not fair on both of your feelings if you were to drag it out and make it even harder for both of you to get to a point where you could end it down the road.

Take some time to collect your thoughts and see where you stand on the whole thing.

Reply 7

becca_mae57

Yes, you were right to break up with him.

Reply 8

Crystal89

I think you've done the right thing and also the kind thing by being honest about the fact that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship and ending it now rather than leading your boyfriend on. He may well be one of the best people that your friend has ever met, he may be a great person but all that doesn't necessarily mean that it's right for you to stay with him. Also, personally, I couldn't hack being with someone that didn't trust me, I'm very independent and if I was constantly getting quizzed about my whereabouts and what I was up to/who I was seeing it would piss me off big time. Probably to the extent of me ending it. Truly, I cannot see the point of being with someone that you don't trust fully as you will never be totally comfortable with them or secure. You've been brave and admitted you're unhappy so tough it out with your friends and if you start to tell yourself 'better the devil I know than the devil I don't.' To be honest if you're having to 'endure' a relationship you're better off out of it in my opinion.

Reply 9

skagitup

1

people here appear curiously (and, in my rather humble opinion, wrongly) enthusiastic to advise people to break up in times of difficulty. the general consensus seems to be "if you aren't happy then break up". i just don't agree with that. all relationships experience difficult times and i think it's ridiculous for this to necessarily result in a break-up. if it's evident that things aren't going to recover then fair enough, but whatever happened to talking and sharing your thoughts with your partner? perhaps you needed a bit of space and time away, perhaps your feelings would of passed... perhaps this person isn't right for you. three years, though, would certainly seem to suggest otherwise.

i don't know. you've offered very little in the way of specifics and it's extremely difficult to advise you which way or what, but i would of opted to stick it out for a while and see. you could regret this very much.

Reply 10

emanuel_arsenalfc

11

skagitup

people here appear curiously (and, in my rather humble opinion, wrongly) enthusiastic to advise people to break up in times of difficulty. the general consensus seems to be "if you aren't happy then break up". i just don't agree with that. all relationships experience difficult times and i think it's ridiculous for this to necessarily result in a break-up. if it's evident that things aren't going to recover then fair enough, but whatever happened to talking and sharing your thoughts with your partner? perhaps you needed a bit of space and time away, perhaps your feelings would of passed... perhaps this person isn't right for you. three years, though, would certainly seem to suggest otherwise.

i don't know. you've offered very little in the way of specifics and it's extremely difficult to advise you which way or what, but i would of opted to stick it out for a while and see. you could regret this very much.

thank you..a sensible person!!

Reply 11

Ang|ophi|e

12

This is an interesting post and I'm going to dissect it, based on how I see it. Really, I'm in the mood to fully analyze. :p:

Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I'm not sure whether I was wrong in doing this or not.

When I first broke up with an ex, I was quick to question whether I made the right choice or not. What I can tell you is that it's normal to sometimes second guess. As with my first serious relationship, I thought I made a mistake and got back with him, only to end it a few days after again. Why? I was more sure than ever that I made the right choice originally. Don't make the mistake that I made. Did you see him as the one? If not, at some point you guys would have ended anyways. Therefore, there is no use in questioning your choice. If you thought he was the one, then maybe you made the wrong choice. Does he still want to be with you? Here it gets complicated, but I don't think you're feeling this way, so onto the next:

One of my best friends seems to think that he "loves me" and he is one of the best people she has ever met.

Forget about her. Listen to your heart and only you. Friends are good at advising but they can never fully understand what was in the relationship. More on this next:

The problem is I'm not even sure what love is anymore. I don't feel ready for a relationship as serious as the one we were in. My friend seems to think that this feeling will pass. I don't want to listen to her.

I question love with every guy I've been with. I only felt in love once and I think love is something that you just know it when it happens. I don't think love is uniform. I believe it's different with every different relationship. If you have to question it, you probably aren't in love. In reference to the ex I mentioned above, I felt things were getting too serious as well. I don't regret ending it. Yes, the feelings will pass. It's been three years with the guy same, after all. But if after three years you're feeling this way for the first time, it's a clear sign that you made the right choice. If you don't want to listen to your friend, don't. Heck, you don't have to listen to my looong :p:

reply either. She is only offering advice not ordering you.

After all, he doesn't really trust me and he's always getting angry for one thing or another.

You've been in a relationship for three years and this guy doesn't trust you? Don't you think something is wrong with that? And anger doesn't sound good either.

So I'm putting it to whoever will answer my post: do you think I should have just stayed with him and endured it or was I right to break up with him?

I think, subconsciously, you've already answered the question. First, you don't want to listen to your friend when they are telling you to be with this guy. Second, you don't want anything serious now, and you don't know what love is after three years with this guy. And last, the section I bolded in the quote. So, I think you made the right decision. You're just looking for validation.

Reply 12

oo_Lucinda_oo

11

The only people that really know what's going on in a relationship, are the people that are in it.

For example, I was in a relationship that all my mates thought was amazing, because in front of them we were fine. Behind closed doors, the arguments occured, it wasn't something we wanted to do in front of them, obviously. He was also very different in private to how he was with them.

It's up to you, and if you aren't happy, it's not fair on you or your boyfriend if you continue. If it turns out to be a mistake, you'll just have to live with that, unless he is willing to take you back.

Reply 13

kayz92

OP

thanks everyone for your opinions. oh, and i don't think my friend fancies him. anyway as tom_tom_tom said i will take some time to collect my thoughts and decide if it was the right choice.

Reply 14

x-Disenchanted-x

12

Don't let other people influence your decision.
YOU were the one in this relationship, not your friend. If you feel happy with your decision, you've done the right thing.
Doing something to please others on the other hand, will only make you unhappy.

Was I right to break up with him?

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