Hi guys, I've decided to post the following to let off a bit of steam.
Over the past few months I’ve been having problems with a male friend of mine and it has been eating away at my mind continuously. I first met said friend around 4 years ago when another friend introduced me to him, ever since we would go out as a group of three every weekend.
At first this friend was polite and gentlemanly towards me. He treated me with the utmost respect. Despite making no move, it became clear to me that this friend had a crush on me, but I couldn’t say the feeling was mutual. I liked him as friend, and that was that. Throughout my life I have had many friendships with men that have been on a merely platonic level, and I wanted it to be the same with him. I never once flirted or gave any indication that I was interested sexually or romantically in him.
Problems arose, however, when I met my current boyfriend at university. This was 2 years ago. Since then, said friend has become increasingly more aggressive, *****y and outwardly rude towards me. It’s as if he gets pleasure from making me feel bad! He has called me ‘manipulative,’ ‘annoying’ and constantly refers to me as the ‘third wheel.’ For a friend he’s also very possessive, he’ll get moody and angry towards me if I’ve been out with another friend, even if it’s just my sister. Whenever I express an opinion about something, no matter how trivial it is he’ll shoot it down or instantly disagree with it. (“I like toast” “OMG YOU DON’T YOU EVIL PERSON!” Well, maybe not that trivial :P)
I obviously know why he’s acting like this, but I wish he’d just move on with his life rather than trying to take ‘revenge’ by making me feel like poo. The problem is, he’s having a negative effect on me. Whenever I think about the things he has said and done it makes me feel depressed, and at times, angry, and I rarely ever feel angry. The things he says play like a broken record in my mind, and I know that it isn’t healthy!
At first I accepted these feelings, because I felt, in a strange way, guilty for not getting with him, even though I wasn’t attracted to him whatsoever. But now, the guilt I once felt has turned into hatred towards him, and days out with my friends has turned into a ****ging match between me and him, which I hate, as I know it puts my other friend in a uncomfortable situation and I don’t want to reciprocate his petty behaviour. I just wish he could stop being so horrible!
We’ve all arranged to meet this Saturday, and I want to use it as an opportunity to have it out with him and terminate our so called ‘friendship.’ The only problem is that I’m scared of doing it. Firstly, I’m scared that terminating my friendship with him will lead to never seeing my other friend again, who has gotten used to the little group we hang out in. And secondly I’m scared of said friend’s aggressive side, he can be very intimidating and I’m afraid of breaking down or showing weakness in front of him.
Any advice on how I could end our ‘friendship’ would be greatly appreciated!
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I need to end this friendship. watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-07-2009 15:28
- 28-07-2009 15:48
End it and explain to your other friend. This guy sounds like he has some issues to deal with.And it looks like he is trying to control or manipulate you so you feel gulity. Just tell him the truth in blunt terms till he has dealt with his problems.