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Boyfriend has pictures of ex on computer Watch

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    Basically, a few weeks ago I asked my boyfriend if he's got pictures of his ex where they are kissing and doing stuff on the computer. I did not expect him to not have any pictures of her - after all, they had been together a year and it would make perfect sense if he had kept a few pictures for sentimental value (groups of people or holidays). He said no. In fact, he said "Of course not, my ex and I were not that touchy-feely anyways. We never had many pictures like that".

    Well, a few other things happened in those few weeks that made me doubt his honesty, so when I was using his computer and he was in the other room I looked at the folder he kept named, let's say, "John-Mary(the ex)". Surprise surprise, it turns out they were pretty touchy-feely and there's lots of pictures of them kissing everywhere (on the beach, in the club, on his bed, his couch etc)

    I don't believe in holding things in, so I said "I'm sorry, I checked the computer, I know it was wrong of me, but I'm really upset by what I saw"... I mean, it really felt like my legs had been cut off.. I'm really in love with him and it hurt to see him kissing someone else. I asked why he lied. He said it was to protect me, because he knew it was going to make me sad...

    The thing is, I really would have not asked him to delete all pictures of her, but I think kissing pictures, pictures of her in her swimming suit and just a billion pictures of her face is taking it a bit too far? He says his past is not my business, which I understand, but this person claims to love me more than anything, to never have met a girl like me before, that he would do anything to be with me etc.... so why is this a big deal? Just deleting a few kissing pics, I mean?

    He also said that I'm overreacting and "If you knew other things, you would freak out even more". I asked what he meant. He said that his ex has texted him many times (despite having a new boyfriend) telling him she's thinking of him etc. Yet, I suspect that although he's not interested in her, he doesn't "push her away", but rather encourages her. I read his facebook chat with her once (he gave me the password when we met as he didn't want to have any secrets) and he was heavily flirting with her saying "Thanks for giving my pet (at the pet society application) a kiss, he needed it. I'll clean him more often so you're not too disgusted by him xxxxxxxxxx" and she kind of brushed him off quickly, with a smilie face and "Hope you're well".

    We broke up after that and after crying a bit. He said he loves me a lot and doesn't want to be without me...

    What do you guys make out of this situation? I'm feeling really low. Does this guy sound trustworthy? Am I being paranoid? Was I right to be upset by the kissing pictures and the lie? Just don't know what to do...
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    You're right to be upset about the lie - even if it was to protect you. No good relationship can be based on falsehoods.
    The pictures, personally, I would have deleted them all if I had a new girlfriend. I would want to be able to concentrate on her and not have the past haunting me whenever I went on my PC.
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    Over-reacting imo. I have a tonne of tagged photos on Facebook of me with previous girlfriends kissing etc. If a girlfriend honestly expected me to go through deleting or detagging all of them I doubt she'd last too long.

    You need to realise she's an ex for a reason, and he's with you now.
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    So what ?

    He masturbates over his ex..

    Get over it.
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    (Original post by g_star_raw_1989)
    So what ?

    He masturbates over his ex..

    Get over it.
    :yep:
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    seriously over reacting. I have tonnes of pictures of my important ex's and i'd never dream of deleting them. they're memories of happy times in my life.
    my ex still has loads of pictures of me as well and i'd be a little hurt if he deleted them all.

    My current partner has a lot of pictures of him and his ex and it doesn't bother me at all. He was happy for a long time and i would never ask him to get rid of the pictures. What's the point? what are you going to gain by deleting them? it doesn't change history or the way he feels.

    he was wrong to lie but he probably did because he knew you'd react badly. Honestly, if you were my partner and freaked out about some photos I don't think I'd be in a hurry to make any sort of apology, in fact i'd be expecting one.
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    I keep all my photos, even ones with exes in, because it's nice to have those memories to look back on.

    That being said, I doubt he's constantly looking at them.
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    so theres a guy who has had a past with another girl, the guy cares enough about you to the point where he is trying to protect you from his past and the guy is brushing off the ex who, i assume, would pounce on him should she have the chance.

    sounds like a genuine guy really, probably a bit misunderstood, frustrated and upset.
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    Try searching his hidden folders for the nudes.

    Then you will be REALLY upset...
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    Get over it, if you found a hardcore porn video with your boyfriend his ex and your mum then thats something to be worried about, but kissing pictures? *Sigh* as it's already been said. Shes his ex for a reason.
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    (Original post by g_star_raw_1989)
    So what ?

    He masturbates over his ex..

    Get over it.
    :rofl:

    Cruel but funny.
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    I'm sure i've probably got photographs of my animal of an ex on here somewhere.
    As and when i spot things I get rid of them, but i care so little about this computer I'm not going to sit through all the pictures i've got on here and weed every last little one out.

    Chances are he probably didn't even realise.
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    He was wrong to have lied to you
    But i understand why he did.
    I have lots of photos of me & my ex's and i wouldn't delete them for anyone. They are memories..and the ex is an ex for a reason, he's with you at this moment not her
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    I've still got pictures of an ex and me (kissing pictures etc)

    My boyfriend knows I have them, I have all my pictures, but he wouldn't ask me to delete them.

    At the end of the day they are memories in his life, I sometimes like to look back at those pictures and remember the summer they were taken. It's not like I'm in love with my ex, it was over 3 years ago we were together, but it's a memory of someone who made an impact in my life which I would never erase, and even if I didn't have the pictures, I could still remember it.

    You'll have to examine why he lied, probably because he knew you would be upset. Purposefully I would not want to flaunt the fact that I had pictures like that just to avoid an argument, frankly i'm with my boyfriend and he knows I love him, hanging on to a couple of old pictures isn't going to change that. It's not like he's built a shrine to her in his wardrobe.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    seriously over reacting. I have tonnes of pictures of my important ex's and i'd never dream of deleting them. they're memories of happy times in my life.
    my ex still has loads of pictures of me as well and i'd be a little hurt if he deleted them all.

    My current partner has a lot of pictures of him and his ex and it doesn't bother me at all. He was happy for a long time and i would never ask him to get rid of the pictures. What's the point? what are you going to gain by deleting them? it doesn't change history or the way he feels.

    he was wrong to lie but he probably did because he knew you'd react badly. Honestly, if you were my partner and freaked out about some photos I don't think I'd be in a hurry to make any sort of apology, in fact i'd be expecting one.
    Thats the most sensible advice your going to receive. I certainly cant better it.
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    (Original post by JC.)
    I'm sure i've probably got photographs of my animal of an ex on here somewhere.
    As and when i spot things I get rid of them, but i care so little about this computer I'm not going to sit through all the pictures i've got on here and weed every last little one out.

    Chances are he probably didn't even realise.
    Read that as photos of my animal sex :woo:
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    (Original post by danpr)
    You're right to be upset about the lie - even if it was to protect you. No good relationship can be based on falsehoods.
    The pictures, personally, I would have deleted them all if I had a new girlfriend. I would want to be able to concentrate on her and not have the past haunting me whenever I went on my PC.
    You seem to be the only one to think I'm not overreacting, heh. I guess it's one of those things where people will have really divided opinions... so I'm gonna have to go with my gut instinct and base the break-up on other things that have been on my mind, rather than the pictures... Kind of like the pictures triggered the break-up, but the actual reason for it was luck of trust for other reasons. Thank you!
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Over-reacting imo. I have a tonne of tagged photos on Facebook of me with previous girlfriends kissing etc. If a girlfriend honestly expected me to go through deleting or detagging all of them I doubt she'd last too long.

    You need to realise she's an ex for a reason, and he's with you now.
    Thank you for the reply. I think I might have overreacted too. Although it's maybe different with Facebook... Like his ex had tagged him in lots of pictures, but when she got into a new relationship, she deleted those photos of him... I wouldn't expect him to detag something that's been there before he even met me..

    Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You seem to be the only one to think I'm not overreacting, heh. I guess it's one of those things where people will have really divided opinions... so I'm gonna have to go with my gut instinct and base the break-up on other things that have been on my mind, rather than the pictures... Kind of like the pictures triggered the break-up, but the actual reason for it was luck of trust for other reasons. Thank you!

    Well if it's the straw that broke the camels back then good luck with it! I think on it's own I wouldn't care about the pictures but it does sound like he's been flirting with the ex a bit and her sending him texts (he should have told you) would probably make me angry.
    I guess the reason your upset is because your using the pictures as proof that he's still hung up on the ex. Good Luck anyway!
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    (Original post by MichaelG)
    so theres a guy who has had a past with another girl, the guy cares enough about you to the point where he is trying to protect you from his past and the guy is brushing off the ex who, i assume, would pounce on him should she have the chance.

    sounds like a genuine guy really, probably a bit misunderstood, frustrated and upset.
    Nah, see, that's the thing... I just had my suspicions he's not brushing off the ex, but rather he's encouraging her when she has moments of weakness (like when she might text saying she's missing him and he'll be really flirty rather than cut it off)... That's more the reason for the break-up and the pictures are more what triggered it. Thanks a lot though
 
 
 
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