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Are you meant to feel like this in a relationship? :-( Watch

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    #1

    keep anon please

    I feel so so down. He's my first boyfriend, im 20, a late bloomer i know. but being with him makes me feel so aware of other girls and so insecure about my self. I've started to hate the way I look, my figure, my chest, my legs, my face, my hair. He always flirts with girls much prettier than me, and when he looks at them i feel sick to the stomach and automatically think "he wants her... he's only with you because he cant have those girls so he settles for you". Aren't relationships meant to make you feel happy?
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    They are, and he should be making you feel special and bringing out the best in you.
    If it doesn't feel right, you clearly deserve better.
    I'm sure you're a lovely girl and don't need these insecurites. Tell him gently that you feel uncomfortable with this; perhaps he doesn't realise he's doing it.
    Otherwise, find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Seeing the best in people i what loving relationships are all about
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    Honey please dont put up with it, if hes making you feel like that and if you dont say anything your gonna hurt yourself so much your gonna wish you'd never dated him. If he's doing that to you then you deserve better, talk to him tell him how you feel so at least he knows and if you loves you then he'll realise what he's doing if not then just dump him.
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    Please just man up, he wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to for **** sake! If he genuinely didn't want to be with you, he could be single and sleep around, so stop mopping around, I would be willing to bet those girls aren't prettier then you, you just need to actually believe in yourself.
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    I dont think it is
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    Can I ask, do you normally have a lot of confidence in yourself and your looks? I mean is this something that has only occured because of how your boyfriend behaves?
    I agree that he may not know he's doing it, nor may he know you have these insecurities. Have you spoken to him about it?
    It may also be something you need to address yourself though. Why think so negatively? Why can't the reason he wants to be with you is because he is attracted to you and really cares about you? I know its hard to be positive sometimes, but doubts like this really bring you down.
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    They are, and he should be making you feel special and bringing out the best in you.
    If it doesn't feel right, you clearly deserve better.
    I'm sure you're a lovely girl and don't need these insecurites. Tell him gently that you feel uncomfortable with this; perhaps he doesn't realise he's doing it.
    Otherwise, find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Seeing the best in people i what loving relationships are all about
    Because the OP is insecure (not helped by the BF admittedly, but still), that means that the OP can automatically do better?
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    (Original post by snipex)
    Because the OP is insecure (not helped by the BF admittedly, but still), that means that the OP can automatically do better?
    Perhaps she wouldn't be so insecure if her bf treated her right is what I'm saying. I know first-hand that guys who do this contribute a lot to insecurities.
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    My first girlfriend was a bit like this. She was 19 and I was 20, and we'd never been with anyone before. She was (and is) pretty much the most gorgeous person in teh worldz, and everyone thinks she's really, really, pretty. But she became insecure about it and worried that I would fancy her friends and all **** like that.

    If your bf is really flirting with other girls then that's a bit naughty - but if you're just imagining it... then try not to!

    When girls get like this there's not much you can say to change their mind, that's the trouble. Constant reassurances about how pretty she is and how much you like her, seem to be like rain off a duck's back.
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    Sounds harsh but yes his behaviour may be exaggerating it but you will only feel like this if you let yourself feel like it. Ditch him because you will never be happy with him. But you will only ever be happy with someone if you are happy by yourself first. He should be the icing on the cake not the cake itself.
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Perhaps she wouldn't be so insecure if her bf treated her right is what I'm saying. I know first-hand that guys who do this contribute a lot to insecurities.
    How is he treating her badly? By talking to other girls? (oh no).
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    It's normal that the boys look the best girls and the girls look the best boys!!
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    (Original post by Davezk)
    How is he treating her badly? By talking to other girls? (oh no).
    Utterly pointless.
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    (Original post by Davezk)
    How is he treating her badly? By talking to other girls? (oh no).
    If he makes her feel like **** then she should dump him...I had an ex who made me feel like that just through 'minor' things like flirting with other girls, telling other girls he didn't have a girlfriend, making funny comments about the way I look. My next bf made me feel good about myself and now I'm single and happy, mostly because my most recent ex dragged my self esteem out of the gutter and now I don't need anyone to feel happy about myself
    But basically, to the OP: it's not good to feel like that in a relationship. I would get out. I've been there myself though so if you need advice PM me.
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    I didn't even need to read the post, you shouldn't even be asking yourself this.
    Speak to your boyf, if things don't improve, say goodbye, there are loads of lads out there who would love someone as conscientious you
    • #2
    #2

    Hun I am in exactly the same position with my boyfriend but I would actually suggest listening to the boys replies to this post. Sometimes I get so upset with it all I can't even think straight, imagining that all girls, even my friends are total *****es and flirting with him. but when I calm down a bit I realise I'm not really angry at him, I'm angry at me for not being the weight I want to be, not looking how I want to look etc.
    Try to just calmly think through if this is maybe the same for you and if it is try to stop focusing your annoyance on him. I know its really hard but you will only end up doing more harm to your relationship, especially if you havn't spoken to him about it and he has no idea why you are annoyed anyway. If after you have given it some real consideration and you decide that his actions are unreasonable and making you feel this way then consider ending it.

    Good luck xx
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    Shallow relationship, drop it. Being with someone isn't about competing to make them jealous or playing little silly games. Just find someone who you can be comfortable with. Simple as.
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    (Original post by Cloud Shine)
    If he makes her feel like **** then she should dump him...I had an ex who made me feel like that just through 'minor' things like flirting with other girls, telling other girls he didn't have a girlfriend, making funny comments about the way I look. My next bf made me feel good about myself and now I'm single and happy, mostly because my most recent ex dragged my self esteem out of the gutter and now I don't need anyone to feel happy about myself
    But basically, to the OP: it's not good to feel like that in a relationship. I would get out. I've been there myself though so if you need advice PM me.
    Normally I would agree with you. If you're unhappy in a relationship you shouldn't be in it.

    BUT

    The problem fundamentally stems from her rather than the relationship itself. She is upset because essentially he is talking/flirting with other girls. The fact is whether it is this guy or another guy, she will still feel this way because of her own insecurities. He has done nothing wrong, it's normal behaviour and I think the OP needs to assess her own self esteem issues rather than blame it on him.

    That's my point. This girl seems like one who would get upset because a picture ended up on facebook with him and another girl. Whilest perfectly innocent, you can't call him a bad boyfriend or accuse him of treating her like **** can you?

    She can break up with him but she will only find herself in this situation again until the bigger issue is addressed. As far as I see it, he's with her and that is all that should matter and she should realise that yeah there might be prettier girls but who you are on the inside is more important. Maybe the OP has a better personality for example (although insecurity is definitely not an attractive trait).
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Utterly pointless.
    How is he being a bad boyfriend though? Are you the type of girl who doesn't allow a boyfriend to actually talk to other girls? (There are quite a few like that)
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    No, that's horrible.

    Get rid of him, things won't get better he sounds like an idiot.
 
 
 
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