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    I am a christian and don't think sex before marriage is a good idea. at the beginning of this year I started going out with my current boyfriend who is not a christian (although he isn't atheist either). At the time I hadn't really though about boundaries and before too long he had touched by boobs and taken my bra of and stuff. It would always feel really good in the moment but afterwards I always felt really guilty and hypocritical. He went on holiday to india for a month so I took the time away from him to think about where i should be laying my boundaries, and decided that anything that would make me feel guilty after was something we should not do. When he came back I told him I wanted to stick to kissing and cuddling. At first he was disappointed but agreed to stick with it. However, he keeps moving his hands to my boobs, even though I tell him I'm not ok with it. He makes comments like "I've already seen them" as if that makes it his right to do it again. I guess what I am really asking is; am I kidding myself that this relationship can work on my terms? or do I need to get over him and find someone who will respect my boundaries?
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    I wouldn't say that it is time for you to call it a day just yet. But then I also don't think that you should have to compromise what you believe is right.

    I think you need to have a serious talk with him about what he is doing, make it clear to him that it isn't something that you are happy with and it will become an issue if he continues to try. While I can understand that it must be hard for your boyfriend he has agreed not to do this and if it really isn't something that he feels he can do then he could decide to leave.

    I think it is worth trying to keep the relationship going (if you still love each other and this is the only probles) as it might be that he just doesn't fully understand why you have suddenly changed your mind.
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    Its a shame for him that you had to figure this out now, which is why you have to understand its a bit confusing, and a little unfair for him, but by all means you have the right to not have him touch you where you don't want to. If he can't respect this new boundary, then you may have to realise he might leave, or you may have to find someone more suited to these boundaries if its not working with this guy.
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    You'll have to be strict on yourself as well as on him. If you get caught up in the heat of the moment and let things go further than you wanted them too then your new boundaries are pretty much screwed.
    It's going to put extra strain on your relationship certainly so if you really do love him, then ask yourself,,what is it you are really feeling guilty for?
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    I realise I am not being fair on him, luckily he seems to have no intention of calling it off because of my new boundaries. I do love him, and in every other way he is a perfect boyfriend, I'm just scared that I will slip up and do things that later I will come to regret.
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    You say you're scared of doing something you might regret..
    But if you did, and then happened to stay together and get married in the long run, would you still feel guilty? I know its not helpful advice but its something i've always wondered about.
    Is it as bad to have sex before marriage, if you are going to marry them anyway?
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    Shows what an awful religion Christianity is. Why worship a god who threatens to send you to hell for enjoying the life you believe he gave you? It's even damaging your relationship. If you weren't supposed to have these urges, you wouldn;t have them. Don't get me wrong, if you don't feel emotionally ready for that kind of thing, then don't do it. But it's terrible to miss out on so much experience in the one life you have just because of a ridiculous scripture.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    Shows what an awful religion Christianity is. Why worship a god who threatens to send you to hell for enjoying the life you believe he gave you? It's even damaging your relationship. If you weren't supposed to have these urges, you wouldn;t have them. Don't get me wrong, if you don't feel emotionally ready for that kind of thing, then don't do it. But it's terrible to miss out on so much experience in the one life you have just because of a ridiculous scripture.
    although the bible says that sex before marriage is a sin, it also says that all you have to do to get to heaven is believe in Jesus. If I did have sex before marriage it would not stop me going to heaven, just like stealing some fruit won't stop anyone from going to heaven. It is a common misconception. Not having sex before marriage is and act of respect for god, and I believe that in the long run it will make me happier.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    Shows what an awful religion Christianity is. Why worship a god who threatens to send you to hell for enjoying the life you believe he gave you? It's even damaging your relationship. If you weren't supposed to have these urges, you wouldn;t have them. Don't get me wrong, if you don't feel emotionally ready for that kind of thing, then don't do it. But it's terrible to miss out on so much experience in the one life you have just because of a ridiculous scripture.
    The OP wasn't asking for opinions on if christianity is bad or not.Respect her decision regardless of what you think.
    OP, the bottom line is, if he understands your religion yet is not respecting your boundaries then he's probably not what you're looking for. Afterall, do you see yourself marrying this guy in the future? Sounds like there may be some religious issues down the tract in your relationship anyway.
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    (Original post by Ruthie!)
    You say you're scared of doing something you might regret..
    But if you did, and then happened to stay together and get married in the long run, would you still feel guilty? I know its not helpful advice but its something i've always wondered about.
    Is it as bad to have sex before marriage, if you are going to marry them anyway?
    Those are big if's. I'm still in high school, and my boyfriend is not planing on studying in the same country as me, although we might try and make a long distance relationship work there are plenty of chances for failure. By not have sex I am protecting myself emotionally, as well as atearing to my religion. However it was not sex that I wanted to discuss but the stages before sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a christian and don't think sex before marriage is a good idea. at the beginning of this year I started going out with my current boyfriend who is not a christian (although he isn't atheist either). At the time I hadn't really though about boundaries and before too long he had touched by boobs and taken my bra of and stuff. It would always feel really good in the moment but afterwards I always felt really guilty and hypocritical. He went on holiday to india for a month so I took the time away from him to think about where i should be laying my boundaries, and decided that anything that would make me feel guilty after was something we should not do. When he came back I told him I wanted to stick to kissing and cuddling. At first he was disappointed but agreed to stick with it. However, he keeps moving his hands to my boobs, even though I tell him I'm not ok with it. He makes comments like "I've already seen them" as if that makes it his right to do it again. I guess what I am really asking is; am I kidding myself that this relationship can work on my terms? or do I need to get over him and find someone who will respect my boundaries?
    Agreed , Being a christian myself i sincerely believe that 'sex' should only occur between the 'married'. But dunno how ur gonna get urself over tht 1...
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    (Original post by ßlαcksωαn)
    The OP wasn't asking for opinions on if christianity is bad or not.Respect her decision regardless of what you think.
    OP, the bottom line is, if he understands your religion yet is not respecting your boundaries then he's probably not what you're looking for. Afterall, do you see yourself marrying this guy in the future? Sounds like there may be some religious issues down the tract in your relationship anyway.
    thanks. To be honest although I do love him I don't see us getting married, If I'm going to chose to spend the rest of my life with someone I would like to know that I could spend the after life with them to, it would hurt me too much to think my husband might end up in hell. I am being really selfish wanting to stay with him for now, as I know I will hurt in the future.
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    OP you shoulda set your boundries at the start. You and him could have saved yourself the troubles then, because it WILL eventually creep up on him that all he can do is kiss and cuddle you.

    I hate it when girls get you attached in a relationship just to blam you with "oh and I don't believe in sex before marriage but hurr durr if you actually love me it won't matter".
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    Shows what an awful religion Christianity is. Why worship a god who threatens to send you to hell for enjoying the life you believe he gave you? It's even damaging your relationship. If you weren't supposed to have these urges, you wouldn;t have them. Don't get me wrong, if you don't feel emotionally ready for that kind of thing, then don't do it. But it's terrible to miss out on so much experience in the one life you have just because of a ridiculous scripture.
    If you want to have a paddy about religion, go to the theology thread, otherwise if you haven't got anything constructive to give to the OP then don't bother posting here.

    OP - If you've fully explained to your boyfriend that you don't want anymore than kissing or cuddling for religious reasons then its up to him if he wants to commit to a relationship where he should abide to these boundaries. Did you explain to him before you starting being with him, that your religious beliefs meant you did not want anymore than kissing or cuddling?

    Think of it from the boys point of view; you and him were clearly intimate at one point, then you were apart for a month and you can pretty much guarantee he was thinking a lot about you..then for him to get home and for you to suddenly tell him to stick to kissing, when he has already been intimate with you is a frustrating thing for him to go through. If he is a boyfriend worth having, he will respect and abide by your beliefs. But you must give him time to adjust.
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    (Original post by anon)
    thanks, I do realise how unfair I am being on him, I will try not to judge him too much
    He deserves your understanding, particularly if he isnt religious himself. It can be a tough situation to be in for both of you but as long as you're open and honest with him and you're certain he understands or appreciates your beliefs then its just up to him if he wants to commit. i hope it goes ok for you
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    poor guy
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    (Original post by MichaelG)
    If you want to have a paddy about religion, go to the theology thread, otherwise if you haven't got anything constructive to give to the OP then don't bother posting here.

    OP - If you've fully explained to your boyfriend that you don't want anymore than kissing or cuddling for religious reasons then its up to him if he wants to commit to a relationship where he should abide to these boundaries. Did you explain to him before you starting being with him, that your religious beliefs meant you did not want anymore than kissing or cuddling?

    Think of it from the boys point of view; you and him were clearly intimate at one point, then you were apart for a month and you can pretty much guarantee he was thinking a lot about you..then for him to get home and for you to suddenly tell him to stick to kissing, when he has already been intimate with you is a frustrating thing for him to go through. If he is a boyfriend worth having, he will respect and abide by your beliefs. Give him time to adjust though.
    First, it wasn't a paddy, it was an opinion which was invited with a forum post. Second, you're being quite rude by telling me what to do. Third, it was constructive; shaking off religion would be an answer to this problem, and most likely several others.

    Fourth, I totally agree with you when you say she was wrong to flip her behaviour like that. If you reward a dog one day, then punish it the next day for the same behaviour, people will say you're being unreasonable and unfair. She's also being unfair in staying with a boy she has no intention of being with forever unless she's told him about it. I doubt she has, as not many guys who don't share her beliefs will stick around in abstinence if they're not going to at least get a long term relationship. He must love her dearly to have put up with this up until now and she's being awful to him.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    First, it wasn't a paddy, it was an opinion which was invited with a forum post. Second, you're being quite rude by telling me what to do. Third, it was constructive; shaking off religion would be an answer to this problem, and most likely several others.

    Fourth, I totally agree with you when you say she was wrong to flip her behaviour like that. If you reward a dog one day, then punish it the next day for the same behaviour, people will say you're being unreasonable and unfair. She's also being unfair in staying with a boy she has no intention of being with forever unless she's told him about it. I doubt she has, as not many guys who don't share her beliefs will stick around in abstinence if they're not going to at least get a long term relationship. He must love her dearly to have put up with this up until now and she's being awful to him.
    actually I have told him
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    If you reward a dog one day, then punish it the next day for the same behaviour, people will say you're being unreasonable and unfair.
    Humans are not dogs. Because a person has sex with another person one day, it is not a given right to have sex with them the next day, if ever again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    actually I have told him
    Before or after you told him he wasn;t getting sex from you?
 
 
 
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