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    (Original post by Morlock)
    Humans are not dogs. Because a person has sex with another person one day, it is not a given right to have sex with them the next day, if ever again.
    Agreed. I'm just saying you can't blame the guy for feeling confused and frustrated.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    Before or after you told him he wasn;t getting sex from you?
    he knew I wouldn't have sex with him before we started going out... I'm kind of notoriously religious. To clarify the issue was never sex it was mainly to do with boobs actually.
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    (Original post by MichaelG)
    Thats a solid piece of advice in your second paragraph, which is good. The OP was not opening her religious beliefs up to debate though, so its fair to respect her wishes and to give her advice centered only around her and boyfriend.
    It's cool that we're on the same page there. Though as a clearly intelligent guy, you must see that if the problem stems from religious beliefs, to avoid that very subject would be an incomplete discussion. But here goes:

    OP, you have been cruel and unfair. Your relationship is never going to work and it'd be better for both of you to end it now and find someone who doesn't want to have sex before marriage. And to answer the subject line: Yes. You are kidding yourself.
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    Wow, lot of tangents in a lot of the posts in this topic

    Right, here's my 2 cents:

    I'm a Roman Catholic, and quite religious also - I was raised that way, and I'll die that way - God has given me strength and helped me through a lot... I'm a little grey on the area of sex before marriage... but I digress, you're not asking for advice on sex...

    As for "fooling around", things such as oral or manual sex - whilst they contain the word 'sex' - they are NOT considered sex. It is pleasurable and it makes you feel good - and it is not a sin. Oral and manual sex (and boob fondling) don't have the same emotional bonds that intercourse does - nor can you obtain a child from them.

    The Bible states that sex is used to strengthen the bond of man and woman and for procreation - therefore going against God's plan for sex IS a sin.
    Oral/Manual sex/fooling around in general is only there to serve as a stimulant, to pleasure - and a test of trust. Therefore you should feel quite comfortable with fooling around as long as you don't take it the full way.

    Perhaps the reason you felt guilty after he had taken off your bra etc. was because you THOUGHT it was a sin? But nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about pleasuring and the acts before sex are a sin.


    I've had sooooooooooooooooooo many discussions about this haha, my view has never changed

    Hope it helps,
    latot
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    This is not a thread for debating Christianity as other people have said if you want to do that then we have a whole forum for debating theology in debate and discussion.

    Can this thread please be kept solely to providing helpful and non judgemental advice to the OP.
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    (Original post by 123450)
    Anonymous fail.
    I give up
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he knew I wouldn't have sex with him before we started going out... I'm kind of notoriously religious. To clarify the issue was never sex it was mainly to do with boobs actually.
    Okay, but if he doesn;t feel the same way, it won't work long-term. But if you choose to live your life like that, i'd ask a few clergyman about it. One person's interpretation of the line between what is sex, what is a sex act and what is acceptable may be different from another's.
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    How about you conform to a relationship you want to have with him rather than what your religion says. What you need to understand is you can believe in God, and be a good person and engage in sexual activity. You should live how you want to live because one day you might look back with regret.
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    (Original post by latot)
    Wow, lot of tangents in a lot of the posts in this topic

    Right, here's my 2 cents:

    I'm a Roman Catholic, and quite religious also - I was raised that way, and I'll die that way - God has given me strength and helped me through a lot... I'm a little grey on the area of sex before marriage... but I digress, you're not asking for advice on sex...

    As for "fooling around", things such as oral or manual sex - whilst they contain the word 'sex' - they are NOT considered sex. It is pleasurable and it makes you feel good - and it is not a sin. Oral and manual sex (and boob fondling) don't have the same emotional bonds that intercourse does - nor can you obtain a child from them.

    The Bible states that sex is used to strengthen the bond of man and woman and for procreation - therefore going against God's plan for sex IS a sin.
    Oral/Manual sex/fooling around in general is only there to serve as a stimulant, to pleasure - and a test of trust. Therefore you should feel quite comfortable with fooling around as long as you don't take it the full way.

    Perhaps the reason you felt guilty after he had taken off your bra etc. was because you THOUGHT it was a sin? But nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about pleasuring and the acts before sex are a sin.


    I've had sooooooooooooooooooo many discussions about this haha, my view has never changed

    Hope it helps,
    latot
    thank you, I don't think I will ever be comfortable with it to be honest, whether or not it is a sin. It makes me unhappy so I won't do it.
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    (Original post by clare.is.rice)
    I give up
    IMO, you shouldn't really be anonymous anyway, you should be proud that you have your beliefs...
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    (Original post by randdom)
    This is not a thread for debating Christianity as other people have said if you want to do that then we have a whole forum for debating theology in debate and discussion.

    Can this thread please be kept solely to providing helpful and non judgemental advice to the OP.
    I reassert my point that the crux of the issue is religion and that if it's going to be included in the original post it's fair to discuss it in the thread. Plus, the OP admirably never objected to discussing it, just the busybodies.

    Nothing I said was unhelpful or judgemental either. The OP never complained and clearly has some guts.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    OP, you have been cruel and unfair. Your relationship is never going to work and it'd be better for both of you to end it now and find someone who doesn't want to have sex before marriage. And to answer the subject line: Yes. You are kidding yourself.
    I actually agree with you here, I know I am being a selfish *****, but whilst he still wants a relationship, I can't bring myself to break it off
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    (Original post by clare.is.rice)
    thank you, I don't think I will ever be comfortable with it to be honest, whether or not it is a sin. It makes me unhappy so I won't do it.
    No problem... but perhaps your aversion to fooling around is personal/psychological rather than religious.

    Here's a link to a Biblical discussion about oral sex et al - you may find it might bring up some questions that could help you:

    Oral Sex Discussion - Christianity


    latot
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    OP, the only way in which you've been unfair is being in the relationship to begin with. One of the major reasons that Christians shouldn't pursue relationships with non-Christians is because of sex. Christians aren't supposed to have premarital sex, yet with most other people, sex is considered an important part of a healthy relationship. The two views are simply not compatible.

    One of three things always happens in these kinds of relationships: 1) the non-Christian partner eventually gets the Christian to have sex with him/her, or 2) the non-Christian decides they can't handle a relationship without sex and dumps the Christian, or 3) the Christian realizes that it's unfair and breaks up with the non-Christian.

    The best thing for you, in all blunt and brutal honesty, is option 3.


    Otherwise, there's no need for you to feel bad about this. Don't let people make you feel bad for sending mixed messages - it's admirable that you've managed to maintain your values even through the temptation.
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    If he can't respect what you want and its making you unhappy, then he is not right for you. It dosen't matter if its sex or anything else. You can't have a relationship if trust and respect are not at the centre of it. If he truly loves you, he will respect your wishes.
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    (Original post by clare.is.rice)
    thank you, I don't think I will ever be comfortable with it to be honest, whether or not it is a sin. It makes me unhappy so I won't do it.
    If you'd never be happy with it, then you shouldn't do it. But don't be surprised if he dumps you or cheats on you.

    It seems clear that you're using the fact that he loves you to keep him around, but only until you meet someone who shares your beliefs and wants to marry you. I think it's immoral to do that to someone.
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    (Original post by clare.is.rice)
    I actually agree with you here, I know I am being a selfish *****, but whilst he still wants a relationship, I can't bring myself to break it off
    Stringing a guy along is the worst thing you can do. How can you go on about your religious morals and then string him along like this because you're afraid of breaking up. That's worse than anything.
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    It's cool that we're on the same page there. Though as a clearly intelligent guy, you must see that if the problem stems from religious beliefs, to avoid that very subject would be an incomplete discussion. But here goes:

    OP, you have been cruel and unfair. Your relationship is never going to work and it'd be better for both of you to end it now and find someone who doesn't want to have sex before marriage. And to answer the subject line: Yes. You are kidding yourself.
    I don't like to comment on what my stance is on religion, but can you not see; you're preaching to her that the best thing to do is to stop believing in religion. Thats no different to someone preaching to her that believing in her religion is the right thing to do.

    I understand that you see religion is the problem in her situation, but you should appreciate the fact that she has chosen to believe and therefore you and I should respect that by giving her advice - keeping in mind she believes in religious values - and that changing those values is not what she is asking the forum for.

    Believe what you wish, but don't encourage others to believe is the important point here.
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    (Original post by MichaelG)
    Believe what you wish, but don't encourage others to believe is the important point here.
    People are discussing morality, which is a believe as much as religion. If we can't discuss that, we can't discuss anything.
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    (Original post by Davezk)
    Stringing a guy along is the worst thing you can do. How can you go on about your religious morals and then string him along like this because you're afraid of breaking up. That's worse than anything.
    Agreed. Neither of you have the balls to accept this is going nowhere and you're just going to break each other's hearts. You're clearly using him though, so you deserve it. He doesn't.
 
 
 
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