I'm at a lost end. I have no idea what is going on now. I have had feelings of loneliness for over 2 years. I have tried consistantly to meet new people but I constantly keep getting rejected. I have these conversations with people and I keep feeling like I have to drive the conversation cause from the onset they seem to want to avoid the whole thing. People seem for the most part seem to want to sit alone in lectures than near me. Now, I should point out here that it is not all bad I do have a few people in most lectures and stuff but they are old friends and not particularly close ones. When I try to create new friends they seem to be offended and like my short shallow conversation is an imposition. I mean I ask things like what they think about the unit and what year they are in. I mean what reasonable person could take offense at that!?!? It's like I've got a bad smell or something. Actually, just now thinking about that maybe I stick of loneliness maybe that's my problem. But what am I to do? It seems the large majority of people don't want to have anything to do with me, they seem antisocial you know. I can't take it anymore, I want to cut myself off from society and to hell with all of them. I mean if they find such a hassel when I try to fit in then screw it, I'm not going to foster a sense of low self esteem by constantly getting rejected by people and accepting it as completly my fault.
But this brings to a more important point. I seeked counselling about this, initially to try and improve myself and find the apparent fault in my behaviour that has caused this situation. However after that I went in and told them that I was going to stop trying to be "better" and that if they had any last words now was the time cause otherwise I didn't see any other point in continuing. But they draged it out and refused to make any real statements and now I'm seeing them again apparently on a regular basis. I go in and they give me crap like, "You say you think alot of people are selfish do you think this is just our Western Society or do you think it extends to Eastern Society?" (at this point I should say I'm white and born and raised where I am), I say, "What is the point of this I'm in a Western Society, this is my society and I don't know Chinese or anything to move". They ask "What are you going to do for the rest of the day.", I mention I haven't had breakfast and it turns into a discussion for 10 minutes about what type of muffin I like. They ask me who I think is popular and it turns into a bloody quiz show. Actually, that is what I hate the most they seem to derive some pleasure from pretending to be a quiz master and playing 20 questions. I mean if they know the answer just tell me so we can make progress. Then there is the point that they feel counselling has to be a drawn out process. Like they say, "I have some ideas that we'll discuss next week", I mean why not tell me the bloody ideas now!! Seeming I'm in pain now!! It's like your drowning and their making a film about it, they want a happy ending but they want to drag it out for suspense. Also how when I try and guess what they are trying to get at to move the session along and then they say I've missed the point and then go along to state the same thing in a slightly different way. The one I'm currently with seems to derive much pleasure in claiming that I always jump to conclusions and that I don't know as much as her about this stuff. Then they give me this pointless **** to read. I get this thing about why people get divorced and stuff and I mean I agree with it but I don't see how it can practically help me. I've never been kissed romantically or hugged or anything, if I ever have a marriage to ruin I'll be fairly stoked, heck if I can get a forth conversation with people now I'd be happy. Another thing is something on brain development, I mean I'm trying to meet people not study psychology.
I think I know what is going on. They don't have a bloody clue but their own self importance is making them feel like these sessions are 'good for me' and they are constantly bringing me back and playing for time. Every day lately I feel awlful and sad, I don't want to goto uni and stuff and I have to deal with these counsellers who seem to have little idea what I'm going through. They keep telling me there are no immidiate solutions, well I've been going for over a year so expected some solution to be in the process of creation and they won't even commit to the fact that there is even a solution. I mean how they act seems strange and harsh to me. So the question is what should I do about my current problem and should I stop going to these inept counsellors?
My experiences with Counselling and Loneliness Watch
- Thread Starter
- 29-07-2009 09:46
- 29-07-2009 09:58
i am having the same problem as u here in new zealand. i am new to the country but everyone in school is treating me differently. i would like to ask u how u managed to study with all this pressure on u? i am having the same problem but what makes it worse is that i can't study because i am depressed
- 29-07-2009 10:15
How to deal with our emotions? Big problem! Although we have grown older – beyond the ‘teenage’, we more often fail to grow beyond ‘teenage’ mentally. You know, our body grows in a particular sequence. In the first seven years, the physical body grows but the intellect does not grow; then up to fourteen years, the intellect grows. The period from 14 to 21 years is for emotional maturity. So the general belief is that you become physically mature, then intellectually mature and finally, you become emotionally mature.
However, many do not grow to that maturity at all. Lack of emotional maturity is always worrying about your emotions – feeling as though you are a victim of your own emotions: “Oh! I feel like this! I feel like that! What to do?” What will you do? Who cares about your feelings? Why do you worry so much about your feelings? Your feelings keep changing. Sometimes you feel bad; but the bad feeling doesn’t stay with you forever. It changes and you start feeling good once again; but even that ‘good’ feeling does not stay forever. Nobody can feel bad or good ALL the time; the good and bad feelings come like waves. You can’t stop a wave that has already arisen; nor can you make a wave rise just like that. Just as waves come and go, clouds come and go, so also emotions come and go. Waves of different emotion come. And they disappear. But we make it such a big issue: “Oh, I feel good! Oh, I feel bad! I feel this way, I feel that way, nobody cares for me…” – all these complaints keep bombarding our minds. This emotional garbage is so useless; and it is also a sign of emotional immaturity.
Emotional maturity, intellectual maturity, physical maturity; you need all these three ‘maturities’ to be a complete personality. Are you sharp and focused? Are you interested in learning and in growth? If yes, you have matured intellectually. And once you have matured intellectually, do not let emotional immaturity cloud your intellect. By the age of 21, you’re supposed to be emotionally and physically strong, and intellectually sharp. Hence, you acquire the right to vote, because you are supposed to be mature – an adult. But this seldom happens!
But what is the big deal about your feelings? I tell you, bundle them up and throw them into the ocean! Once you are rid of your ‘feelings’ you can be happy, in good spirits. Just examine why your spirits go down? More likely than not because somebody said something stupid to you. And why did they say a stupid thing? Because they had some garbage they needed to throw out; and you were there, ready to catch it. And once you have caught it, you hold on to it so passionately! Come on! Wake up! Don’t let your smile be snatched away by anybody!
In this world, everything cannot be perfect all the time. Even the best, the greatest of actions, performed with the noblest of intentions, will have some imperfections. It is but natural. Unfortunately, the tendency of our mind is to grab the imperfection and hold on to it. And in the process, we end up making our moods, our minds imperfect. Our souls reel with this nonsense.
It is imperative to get out of these cycles, and to become strong and courageous from within. And that which gives you that strength, that courage, that smile and that helps you to become unconditionally happy and loving is what is called spirituality.
- 29-07-2009 10:24
hye..i dont know wether i could help with this or not..but i will try to give a piece of my mind..
why you let yourself to be the victim in circumstances that you created on your own?
---> yourself is the best person that you could ever trust,you have been born with great mission,you have your own place and role in this societies,if they(your friends) abandoning you,let it be,there is nothing can make you feel down,unless youself.not them..you have to be the first to appreciate yourself,and they will appreciate you..
remember,you still have your family,who is close with you and will be available everytime you need someone to talk to.
there is a reason for everything that happened in your life,God knows the best..probably,friends that suits for you is not yet to come,thats why you dont have any right now,..
sorry for my english..i just wanted to help..
cheer up friend...