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    I can't speak to them about anything, it's reached the stage where I can't even make small talk, I feel tense when they are in the same room, and even when they are in the house I can't relax.

    My parents are critical, they shout a lot, and overreact to petty things. I never developed confidence in putting my beliefs across.

    I plucked up the courage to ask my parents' permission to follow something that I wanted to do (go travelling) and of course they were unsupportive and shouted and made me feel guilty and selfish. I didn't even defend what I wanted because I didn't believe I could ever win so I just went to bed and cried.

    I was extremely upset and couldn't look at my parents, a week after sulking my Dad said to me that if it was what I wanted to do then I could do it. And I was so happy, finally my parents have learned that all I've ever wanted is for them to allow me my independence. I saw them in a different light and believed that they loved me, they love me so much that even if it is hard for them to accept that I want to change my future plans they will support me because it will make me happy.

    From then I spent more and more time with them, talking and bonding and getting closer, and I kept thinking what cool parents I had.

    But then... I took some time to plan precisely the steps I was going to take to get where I wanted to go, and just before going to work to give in my notice I let my mum know what I was doing. And she told me that she wasn't happy about what I was doing and that it was wrong and I was making a mistake and that she was nothing like me and would never leave her mother like I was so ready to. I told her that my Dad was okay with it and I thought that I was allowed.

    She responded with a resentful "Do what you want"

    I took this as a green light, because it's what I desperately wanted to believe. And proceeded with step one which involved giving in my notice at work. When I returned my mum called me up on it and asked me what I was planning to do next, when I had already explained exactly what I wanted to do!!!! She was only asking so that she could create an argument and bang out criticism after criticism, I pre-emted this as said "I don't know" and went to my room, because I wasn't feeling strong enough to defend myself.

    The same week my two best friends were having their leaving party, I came home feeling very vulnerable as the two people I care about most and the only people who make me feel as though they care about me were on the brink of leaving me, plus knowing that soon I will be jobless, plus knowing that I wasn't free to make a better future for myself without my beliefs being approved by my parents first, plus being pre-menstrual, I wasn't in a great mood. My mum brought up my decision again and was making snide remarks and making me feel like a bad person, I said "Why can't you just support me?" and my Dad said "Because some things don't make sense"

    That remark hit me very, very hard. I thought my Dad was on my side? I thought my mum said that I could do what I wanted? I've just left my job, my best friends are leaving me, and I'm going to be controlled for the rest of my life. Why are they messing with my head?!!!

    Now I feel like I'm in limbo. I have no job and am at home with my parents and I can't look at them they make me so nervous and what sickens me is that they are oblivious to the reasons as to why I'm down and why I don't want to spend any time with them.

    Catch 22. To move forward I need to talk to them, but that's the one thing that I can't do. I can't talk to them, they aren't understanding they shout and they make me feel as though what I'm saying is unfounded or unimportant or selfish or stupid, I can't bring myself to express what I'm feeling, I'm not strong enough to handle their reactions which are unpredictable.
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    How old are you?

    For some people like us, our parents will never understand us or what we're trying to do.
    I've had similar experiences with my parents, leading to me moving out at 17 and not talking to them for over a 1 and a bit years... (The mother bumped into me when I was in my hometown and begged me to come back BECAUSE this situation was ruining their reputation -asian thing).
    ...Lucky they don't react physically to your 'talks' like mine did??

    Try and find support in your friends and maybe try and get counselling but I don't think your parents will ever understand. If it's easier, write them a letter (one to each) it'll be much easier for you to put all your thoughts down then.
    And how come you left your job? Would've been better if you could save as much money as possible so if you do ever need to leave home, you will have funds... Sorry to say this but just to make sure, you know as I was soo broke when I left home
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't speak to them about anything, it's reached the stage where I can't even make small talk, I feel tense when they are in the same room, and even when they are in the house I can't relax.

    My parents are critical, they shout a lot, and overreact to petty things. I never developed confidence in putting my beliefs across.

    I plucked up the courage to ask my parents' permission to follow something that I wanted to do (go travelling) and of course they were unsupportive and shouted and made me feel guilty and selfish. I didn't even defend what I wanted because I didn't believe I could ever win so I just went to bed and cried.

    I was extremely upset and couldn't look at my parents, a week after sulking my Dad said to me that if it was what I wanted to do then I could do it. And I was so happy, finally my parents have learned that all I've ever wanted is for them to allow me my independence. I saw them in a different light and believed that they loved me, they love me so much that even if it is hard for them to accept that I want to change my future plans they will support me because it will make me happy.

    From then I spent more and more time with them, talking and bonding and getting closer, and I kept thinking what cool parents I had.

    But then... I took some time to plan precisely the steps I was going to take to get where I wanted to go, and just before going to work to give in my notice I let my mum know what I was doing. And she told me that she wasn't happy about what I was doing and that it was wrong and I was making a mistake and that she was nothing like me and would never leave her mother like I was so ready to. I told her that my Dad was okay with it and I thought that I was allowed.

    She responded with a resentful "Do what you want"

    I took this as a green light, because it's what I desperately wanted to believe. And proceeded with step one which involved giving in my notice at work. When I returned my mum called me up on it and asked me what I was planning to do next, when I had already explained exactly what I wanted to do!!!! She was only asking so that she could create an argument and bang out criticism after criticism, I pre-emted this as said "I don't know" and went to my room, because I wasn't feeling strong enough to defend myself.

    The same week my two best friends were having their leaving party, I came home feeling very vulnerable as the two people I care about most and the only people who make me feel as though they care about me were on the brink of leaving me, plus knowing that soon I will be jobless, plus knowing that I wasn't free to make a better future for myself without my beliefs being approved by my parents first, plus being pre-menstrual, I wasn't in a great mood. My mum brought up my decision again and was making snide remarks and making me feel like a bad person, I said "Why can't you just support me?" and my Dad said "Because some things don't make sense"

    That remark hit me very, very hard. I thought my Dad was on my side? I thought my mum said that I could do what I wanted? I've just left my job, my best friends are leaving me, and I'm going to be controlled for the rest of my life. Why are they messing with my head?!!!

    Now I feel like I'm in limbo. I have no job and am at home with my parents and I can't look at them they make me so nervous and what sickens me is that they are oblivious to the reasons as to why I'm down and why I don't want to spend any time with them.

    Catch 22. To move forward I need to talk to them, but that's the one thing that I can't do. I can't talk to them, they aren't understanding they shout and they make me feel as though what I'm saying is unfounded or unimportant or selfish or stupid, I can't bring myself to express what I'm feeling, I'm not strong enough to handle their reactions which are unpredictable.
    Hi, Can I just say how brave you are for staying in such an unhappy situation *hugs*. If I were you, I'd go travelling as you've planned. Get everything ready, then go and talk to your parents. Make sure you're stating a fact not asking them if you can go - threy've just got to get their heads round the fact that it's your life and you're taking control in it, and if they want you to listen to their opinions, they have to start respecting you and listening to your opinions (which are in the end, all that really matters as it's your life).

    Hope that's helped slightly If you need any more help or want to ask any Qs, please Quote me or Pm me.
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    (Original post by Trishyy)
    How old are you?

    For some people like us, our parents will never understand us or what we're trying to do.
    I've had similar experiences with my parents, leading to me moving out at 17 and not talking to them for over a 1 and a bit years... (The mother bumped into me when I was in my hometown and begged me to come back BECAUSE this situation was ruining their reputation -asian thing).
    ...Lucky they don't react physically to your 'talks' like mine did??

    Try and find support in your friends and maybe try and get counselling but I don't think your parents will ever understand. If it's easier, write them a letter (one to each) it'll be much easier for you to put all your thoughts down then.
    And how come you left your job? Would've been better if you could save as much money as possible so if you do ever need to leave home, you will have funds... Sorry to say this but just to make sure, you know as I was soo broke when I left home
    wow!!! u were only 17 and left ur parents??? how did u survive without them?? 1 whole year!! whoa nice work O.O
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by FAILINGKID)
    wow!!! u were only 17 and left ur parents??? how did u survive without them?? 1 whole year!! whoa nice work O.O
    I left my parents and my family when i was 16, and it wasn't as hard as that - the fact that i could live my life without being frightened and under someone's control, made the financial struggles fade away.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by FAILINGKID)
    wow!!! u were only 17 and left ur parents??? how did u survive without them?? 1 whole year!! whoa nice work O.O
    And I've been living independently of them for 3 years now, and it was the best decision I ever made.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And I've been living independently of them for 3 years now, and it was the best decision I ever made.
    how did u accomplish that? did u have a job? i have to give u kudos for that... i mean work and school is pretty tough. unless ofcourse u dropped out
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't speak to them about anything, it's reached the stage where I can't even make small talk, I feel tense when they are in the same room, and even when they are in the house I can't relax.

    My parents are critical, they shout a lot, and overreact to petty things. I never developed confidence in putting my beliefs across.

    I plucked up the courage to ask my parents' permission to follow something that I wanted to do (go travelling) and of course they were unsupportive and shouted and made me feel guilty and selfish. I didn't even defend what I wanted because I didn't believe I could ever win so I just went to bed and cried.

    I was extremely upset and couldn't look at my parents, a week after sulking my Dad said to me that if it was what I wanted to do then I could do it. And I was so happy, finally my parents have learned that all I've ever wanted is for them to allow me my independence. I saw them in a different light and believed that they loved me, they love me so much that even if it is hard for them to accept that I want to change my future plans they will support me because it will make me happy.

    From then I spent more and more time with them, talking and bonding and getting closer, and I kept thinking what cool parents I had.

    But then... I took some time to plan precisely the steps I was going to take to get where I wanted to go, and just before going to work to give in my notice I let my mum know what I was doing. And she told me that she wasn't happy about what I was doing and that it was wrong and I was making a mistake and that she was nothing like me and would never leave her mother like I was so ready to. I told her that my Dad was okay with it and I thought that I was allowed.

    She responded with a resentful "Do what you want"

    I took this as a green light, because it's what I desperately wanted to believe. And proceeded with step one which involved giving in my notice at work. When I returned my mum called me up on it and asked me what I was planning to do next, when I had already explained exactly what I wanted to do!!!! She was only asking so that she could create an argument and bang out criticism after criticism, I pre-emted this as said "I don't know" and went to my room, because I wasn't feeling strong enough to defend myself.

    The same week my two best friends were having their leaving party, I came home feeling very vulnerable as the two people I care about most and the only people who make me feel as though they care about me were on the brink of leaving me, plus knowing that soon I will be jobless, plus knowing that I wasn't free to make a better future for myself without my beliefs being approved by my parents first, plus being pre-menstrual, I wasn't in a great mood. My mum brought up my decision again and was making snide remarks and making me feel like a bad person, I said "Why can't you just support me?" and my Dad said "Because some things don't make sense"

    That remark hit me very, very hard. I thought my Dad was on my side? I thought my mum said that I could do what I wanted? I've just left my job, my best friends are leaving me, and I'm going to be controlled for the rest of my life. Why are they messing with my head?!!!

    Now I feel like I'm in limbo. I have no job and am at home with my parents and I can't look at them they make me so nervous and what sickens me is that they are oblivious to the reasons as to why I'm down and why I don't want to spend any time with them.

    Catch 22. To move forward I need to talk to them, but that's the one thing that I can't do. I can't talk to them, they aren't understanding they shout and they make me feel as though what I'm saying is unfounded or unimportant or selfish or stupid, I can't bring myself to express what I'm feeling, I'm not strong enough to handle their reactions which are unpredictable.
    Pretty much the same here.

    I can't even use words on my parents now, I can only stand to sort of grumble at their general direction. I don't want to talk to them. I want them to back off, and let me do my thing. They're not reasonable people, and they don't understand that abuse and spite can't be relentless. Sometimes life is just a struggle to survive their criticism or narkiness.

    I hope when I'm at uni being away from them will completely change the situation.

    Good luck with you.
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    I have friends who moved out and supported themselves at 16. Its hard, but not impossible.

    Personally, I very rarely speak to my parents. Not through any dislike or disagreements, just ive alwasy been very independant of them (they live in another country now).
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by FAILINGKID)
    how did u accomplish that? did u have a job? i have to give u kudos for that... i mean work and school is pretty tough. unless ofcourse u dropped out
    I had had a job for several years, and had saved up enough to get by. i was forced to leave my job after a few months though, as i lived in a small town, and my parents managed to turn it against me, so going out was a no-no. I didn't drop out of school no, I stayed on, and tried my best, although my family harassed and threatened me throughout the term and then the exam period, so i failed most of my exams.
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    (Original post by FAILINGKID)
    wow!!! u were only 17 and left ur parents??? how did u survive without them?? 1 whole year!! whoa nice work O.O

    I was very very fortunate actually, a friend's family took me in with open arms! I did live with a couple of mates beforehand but one's family couldn't make it permanent and the other was the same (their house stank of dog anyway...). So that's where I lived through my 2nd year of college until I started uni! -I had a job too so I was able to buy my own food etc, even though the family said I didn't have to pay for anything as I was a student -their house rules: students don't pay anything, fulltime working kids: oay rent.
    Just goes to show, there are truly some awesomo people around >_< -sniff sob-

    I got off my A-level exams okay, they weren't as bad as I thought they would've been but if my parents weren't harassing me at my college (they knew my tutor and tried to get to me outside of college when I was going in) I know I could've done a lot better but I got into uni still so yayy ;D.
    Just goes to show, in some situations your blood family aren't best people for you o__O

    But ja, Anon #1 -Focus on what you want to do, you WILL need funding so make sure you get a job asap! if you feel really awful, try calling the Samaritans You WON'T be controlled by your parents, don't worry, you can make your own future! -With or without them!
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    (Original post by Trishyy)
    I was very very fortunate actually, a friend's family took me in with open arms! I did live with a couple of mates beforehand but one's family couldn't make it permanent and the other was the same (their house stank of dog anyway...). So that's where I lived through my 2nd year of college until I started uni! -I had a job too so I was able to buy my own food etc, even though the family said I didn't have to pay for anything as I was a student -their house rules: students don't pay anything, fulltime working kids: oay rent.
    Just goes to show, there are truly some awesomo people around >_< -sniff sob-

    I got off my A-level exams okay, they weren't as bad as I thought they would've been but if my parents weren't harassing me at my college (they knew my tutor and tried to get to me outside of college when I was going in) I know I could've done a lot better but I got into uni still so yayy ;D.
    Just goes to show, in some situations your blood family aren't best people for you o__O

    But ja, Anon #1 -Focus on what you want to do, you WILL need funding so make sure you get a job asap! if you feel really awful, try calling the Samaritans You WON'T be controlled by your parents, don't worry, you can make your own future! -With or without them!
    What happened with you and your family which led to you leaving home?
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    I never got on with my parents until I left home. I'd hate to be controlled too, that's my biggest hate!!! So have you decided to go travelling no matter what they say?
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    Well. I'm sorry. Just look forward to leaving that place. I have the same relationship with my dad, only worse. He's paranoid and patronizing and everything, but the next minute, I'm not exaggerating, minute he goes back to being decent and reasonable and normal. He's got a serious case of bipolar disorder if you ask me.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    Well. I'm sorry. Just look forward to leaving that place. I have the same relationship with my dad, only worse. He's paranoid and patronizing and everything, but the next minute, I'm not exaggerating, minute he goes back to being decent and reasonable and normal. He's got a serious case of bipolar disorder if you ask me.
    sounds alot like my dad. weird
 
 
 
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