Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Wow, that's really quite cruel of them. My parents can be like that at times but not to my boyfriend. Though I could imagine them being like it, they'd probably think they were being funny when they were being downright horrible.
    I'm really sorry to hear about it, I wish I knew what to suggest - maybe you should be more forceful with them and not leave until you've had an apology, make sure they know what exactly they were saying and how it affected the both of you.
    Make them realise that they were being extremely immature and it was not only embarrassing but hurtful, and maybe ask how they'd feel if the situation was reversed. It was kind of bullying by the sounds of it.
    Are you an only child? Maybe they're jealous and worried they're losing you to your girlfriend or something, I know that's quite common.
    I hope everything picks up anyway, :console: for the crap experience but good luck x

    Edit: I've also just seen someone else's post about bringing your auntie in on the situation. That's a really good idea - your grandmother as well? As many witnesses that your parents are likely to listen to as possible.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MadJax)
    Bring your Aunt in. Explain to her that you've tried talking about it, but they refuse to believe/deny any involvement and ask if she can intervene. Just make sure you are there when you all discuss it (With aunt in tow) otherwise you'll find they will discuss one thing with your aunt and something different with you (Or worst case: start yelling at you for going behind their backs). Plus, they are more likely to listen to a sister if she is on your side (Which she must be).
    I never thought of that. I'll ring my aunt now, and see what she says.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    wot's the race of u and ur chick?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by KinkyBear)
    wot's the race of u and ur chick?
    we're both english
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by oh_adele)
    I don't get how you accused them of being criminals?
    No, neither do I. He was just really unpleasant and didn't really listen to me.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Wow, that's really quite cruel of them. My parents can be like that at times but not to my boyfriend. Though I could imagine them being like it, they'd probably think they were being funny when they were being downright horrible.
    I'm really sorry to hear about it, I wish I knew what to suggest - maybe you should be more forceful with them and not leave until you've had an apology, make sure they know what exactly they were saying and how it affected the both of you.
    Make them realise that they were being extremely immature and it was not only embarrassing but hurtful, and maybe ask how they'd feel if the situation was reversed. It was kind of bullying by the sounds of it.
    Are you an only child? Maybe they're jealous and worried they're losing you to your girlfriend or something, I know that's quite common.
    I hope everything picks up anyway, :console: for the crap experience but good luck x

    Edit: I've also just seen someone else's post about bringing your auntie in on the situation. That's a really good idea - your grandmother as well? As many witnesses that your parents are likely to listen to as possible.
    I've got three younger siblings. And me and my parents aren't even close to be honest.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by zaza2345)
    hmmmm it`s pretty dificult to tell at this moment in time exatly what the motives behind this are. Can you send over the full transcript of the incident and after further examination, I`ll get back to you. Thanks.
    Sorry, but what d;you want me to do? What details do you want of the incident?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MadJax)
    Bring your Aunt in. Explain to her that you've tried talking about it, but they refuse to believe/deny any involvement and ask if she can intervene. Just make sure you are there when you all discuss it (With aunt in tow) otherwise you'll find they will discuss one thing with your aunt and something different with you (Or worst case: start yelling at you for going behind their backs). Plus, they are more likely to listen to a sister if she is on your side (Which she must be).
    Right, well my aunt said that she doesn't want to get involved as it's between me and my parents. (in the past there was a huuge rift between my aunt's family and my mum's family, which was only fixed a couple of years ago, so she doesn't want to jeapordize that, and also i don't think she even likes my mum and dad to be honest). I told her what they'd said, and she said she'd help if she could, but she really can't 'butt in' to our family's affairs.

    great!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    IMO, your parents deflected your comments and tried to make you feel like the bad guy because they feel guilty.

    By pinning the blame on somebody else (in this case you and your lady) they feel better for the way they acted.

    Next gathering, do the same to your parents friends, see how they like it. If you get a talking to the next day, say the exact same thing they said to you. Using a parent's argument against them always works for me
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, well my aunt said that she doesn't want to get involved as it's between me and my parents. (in the past there was a huuge rift between my aunt's family and my mum's family, which was only fixed a couple of years ago, so she doesn't want to jeapordize that, and also i don't think she even likes my mum and dad to be honest). I told her what they'd said, and she said she'd help if she could, but she really can't 'butt in' to our family's affairs.

    great!
    Tell her she's not butting in, she's merely helping you resolve this situation before it gets any worse. You obviously are hurt by this, and your parents denial is making things even worse for everyone. She doesn't have to outright confront anyone about it, merely back you up and confirm that they did say these things. Is there anyone else who was witness to this event that could also help? The more witnesses you have backing you up, the weaker your parents position will be. Explain that all you want is for them to apologise to you and your girlfriend, you're not after blood or eternal sacrifice. A simple "We're sorry for our behaviour that night, and for any pain it may have cause you".

    Seriously dude, you have my sympathies with this one. I don't even see my mother any more due to a similar situation between her and my girlfriend.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Pour all their expensive alcohol (hopefully some really old wines) down the drain and hand them the empty bottles for revenge!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MadJax)
    Tell her she's not butting in, she's merely helping you resolve this situation before it gets any worse. You obviously are hurt by this, and your parents denial is making things even worse for everyone. She doesn't have to outright confront anyone about it, merely back you up and confirm that they did say these things. Is there anyone else who was witness to this event that could also help? The more witnesses you have backing you up, the weaker your parents position will be. Explain that all you want is for them to apologise to you and your girlfriend, you're not after blood or eternal sacrifice. A simple "We're sorry for our behaviour that night, and for any pain it may have cause you".

    Seriously dude, you have my sympathies with this one. I don't even see my mother any more due to a similar situation between her and my girlfriend.
    What happened with your gf then? How did you cope with it?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm gonna call my aunt again in a min, saying some of the points you made. I think it could really help if she backed me up. My grandmother won't though, and i can't ask her, as she's my mum's mum and would never speak against her.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I dunno, my grandma would give my mum a proper slap if she started going off on one like that. Might be worth a try?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Wow - this must be so, so frustrating
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Yasmeenax)
    Wow - this must be so, so frustrating
    It is! What would you suggest I do? (I'm really miserable at home now. I just anna get out of here, i don't feel comfortable or 'at home' anymore)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What happened with your gf then? How did you cope with it?
    Background: I am the oldest of two, with my sister who's 23 (today actually) and currently has a two year old daughter (My sister that is, not me). My sister has always been the favourite of the family (even by their own admission) but that doesn't bother me too much as I'm quite an independent person. I move in with my uncle and out of my mums house when I was 13(So 11 years ago) but kept contact with my mum.

    Essentially, my mother and girlfriend got on fine (Me and my gf live together with my uncle atm) until my mum just turned and started calling my gf a whore and complaining that she looked down her nose at my mum all the time. I tried resolving it by talking to her and bringing in witnesses as well as pointing out she was unreasonable and had no reason or right to talk about her like that. My gf has never said a bad word about my mother either to me or to her, so this rant came out of the blue. I gave my mother an ultimatum that she either apologise to me and her or I essentially sever contact with her so she can continue pampering my jobless sister whilst I work my arse off to go through college and now uni. She chose the latter, and two years on I have no regrets, though I hear that my mother does.

    Ideally, this is not the situation you want to find yourself in. I'm obviously older than you are, and it was still a painful and trying experience. So I'm here trying to advise you on how to resolve this situation as best as I can
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm gonna call my aunt again in a min, saying some of the points you made. I think it could really help if she backed me up. My grandmother won't though, and i can't ask her, as she's my mum's mum and would never speak against her.
    I think my grandmother would if my mum acted like that. It's worth a try. I hope everything sorts out, this sounds like a really horrible situation What has your girlfriend said about it since it happened?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MewMachine)
    I think my grandmother would if my mum acted like that. It's worth a try. I hope everything sorts out, this sounds like a really horrible situation What has your girlfriend said about it since it happened?
    If I asked my grandmother it would make my situation a whole lot worse - she would make it her job to bug me about it all the time, and I would have her on my parents side, which i don't need.
    My gf and I went outside after it had happened, and just sat and hugged each other, as we were both quite shocked. Then I was like 'what happens next' and we both kinda looked at each other, and I could see she was just thinking 'get the hell out dave' and to be frank, i was thinking I wanna get the hell out of those crazy people's house. We discussed that, and obviously it's not viable, as i'd have nowhere to go, and i can't just up and leave, what about my little brothers and sister!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Take it on Jeremy Kyle?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 1, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.