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    I just need a rant. Can't talk to anyone I know about what's going on at the moment

    Currently trapped at home under an agreement between my parents and psyc team (I'm 21) to keep me out of hospital. I'm not considered "safe" at the moment

    I did something really stupid this week. Like so so so so awful I can't believe it. But I still feel as high as a kite. I want to run and swim and feel like I could fly. I've had this a few times and it lasts for a few weeks normally ending up with something dramatic happening. I am constantly aroused, more creative than ever (but never actually do my set work, I just get carried away with "personal projects" which are just the most "amazing ideas ever"), always want to go on adventures, carry on the night. Sometimes it ends in paranoid fantasies where I believe everyone around me is plotting against me. I get paranoid every now and then.

    This is a huge contrast from my normal state. I'm under psychoanalysis (sp?) For my depression and anxiety.
    I've stopped taking my antidepressants and we're going to watch my moods to work out if I need something like lithium. It's all very overwhelming and I have lots of support around me. But no one will put a definite diagnosis to what this is until they know.

    Sorry. I'm just so overwhelmed and sick of going into "crisis" every few months. And trying to stop myself swimming in my pond!
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    To continue as I cannot edit

    I notice when I'm going into a depressive state. I've been having them long enough I can tell. I'll call up the crisis team or even just go home to my parents

    But these, I suppose, "enlightened" states (they won't officially diagnose it as mania yet though they've mentioned the term often) I don't notice. I suppose I get so carried away with having energy and thoughts I just go with it! I can mark down the dates of at least 2 of these episodes (lasting at least a week, if not longer). But this is the first time I've been aware during, I guess because my actions have hit me so hard. Now my head is a confused mess.I feel like I've taken a handful of ecstacy, though there's a tiny part of me that realises the impact of my actions

    Please tell me I'm not alone
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    I kind of know what you mean (I think!) and tbh, I'm no shrink, but it sounds a lot like bipolar from what I've read about manic phases.

    Sorry...what is it you were asking?
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    You're definitely not alone, so so so many people experience phases like this. I used to myself.
    It does sound like some kind of bipolar disorder, is anything planned with regards to further therapy, further doctor's appointments etc?
    And what awful thing have you done? :console:
    I know it feels like you could do anything right now and you probably feel like you're completely losing control. What could help is trying relaxing techniques - you probably feel like that's the last thing you want to do because you're too "high" and you can't stop. But just try and bring everything back to your body for a minute, focus on your breathing, become aware of the sensations in your body and your skin and your clothes, everything. Lie down, listen to the environment around you with your eyes closed just focusing on your body and physical sensations.
    I know that sounds really airy fairy and silly, but it really can work if you let it.
    I wish I could say something more constructive but if you haven't already, you should probably describe how you're feeling to a GP and perhaps they'll refer you for an official diagnosis. We obviously don't know your history here but that's what I would start with.
    Good luck and look after yourself! Feel free to PM if you need anything. x
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I kind of know what you mean (I think!) and tbh, I'm no shrink, but it sounds a lot like bipolar from what I've read about manic phases.

    Sorry...what is it you were asking?
    I'm not even sure. I just have so much going through my head I need to write it down somewhere. Plus I guess there's part of me hoping someone will read this and can tell me they relate. I'm just very very scared right now of what I'm capable of the minute the sensible part of my brain stops!
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    You pretty much sound like you're in a manic episode atm...
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    You're definitely not alone, so so so many people experience phases like this. I used to myself.
    It does sound like some kind of bipolar disorder, is anything planned with regards to further therapy, further doctor's appointments etc?
    And what awful thing have you done? :console:
    I know it feels like you could do anything right now and you probably feel like you're completely losing control. What could help is trying relaxing techniques - you probably feel like that's the last thing you want to do because you're too "high" and you can't stop. But just try and bring everything back to your body for a minute, focus on your breathing, become aware of the sensations in your body and your skin and your clothes, everything. Lie down, listen to the environment around you with your eyes closed just focusing on your body and physical sensations.
    I know that sounds really airy fairy and silly, but it really can work if you let it.
    I wish I could say something more constructive but if you haven't already, you should probably describe how you're feeling to a GP and perhaps they'll refer you for an official diagnosis. We obviously don't know your history here but that's what I would start with.
    Good luck and look after yourself! Feel free to PM if you need anything. x
    That actually worked! I think I might be able to sleep In a bit! It's nice just getting out of my head for a bit! So many streams of thought!!

    I can't say what I did. But it was incredibly stupid and I could have ended up in a much worse situation than I did. Though it's still pretty bad

    Seeing my social worker tues, and hopefully meeting my new psyciatrist next week.
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    (Original post by ThisisZAK)
    I bet you are... lol! I'm just kidding.

    I'm glad to know some people can be even more inappropriate than me. Except I only do inappropriate things when I'm having these episodes. What's your excuse?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm glad to know some people can be even more inappropriate than me. Except I only do inappropriate things when I'm having these episodes. What's your excuse?
    Don't use episodes as excuses. :facepalm2:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That actually worked! I think I might be able to sleep In a bit! It's nice just getting out of my head for a bit! So many streams of thought!!

    I can't say what I did. But it was incredibly stupid and I could have ended up in a much worse situation than I did. Though it's still pretty bad

    Seeing my social worker tues, and hopefully meeting my new psyciatrist next week.
    Ahhh I'm glad it worked, that's excellent at least you're able to bring the focus back to you and you alone which might help with control a bit more and not doing anything too crazy! If you lie down and try the relaxing for a while everyday it might give you a bit of perspective on things. Someone who taught me about this once told me to imagine there was a river of my favourite colour flowing through my veins, which was actually surprisingly relaxing in itself. I'd suggest trying to think of imagery which is positive and nice to you but totally relaxing like nature etc. If you're lying on your bed, just let your bed take your entire weight and let yourself just float. It's so nice.

    Sorry to hear about what you've done - obviously I can't comment but I hope it's okay and doesn't affect you too badly.

    Make sure you just say all this stuff to your social worker and psychiatrist. Hopefully they'll be able to offer you a bit more support.
    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm glad to know some people can be even more inappropriate than me. Except I only do inappropriate things when I'm having these episodes. What's your excuse?
    I did write my excuse right next to my claim! I'm kidding! that means that I'm not serious!

    D-o Y-o-u f-a-l-l-o-w?
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    To "thisiszak"

    Clearly you think what I'm going through is funny. Have a go at being the one begging not to be sent to a psyc ward, or the one who has to watch what they're putting their parents through. It's far from a joke and if you want a comedy audience why pick a thread talking about psyciatric crisis? It's incredibly insensitive

    And to "suicidecommando"

    Actually I can use episodes as an excuse when I'm out of touch from reality. It's an illness I'm seeking help for before I do something that really hurts myself or someone else. And if everyone takes your opinion then I'm screwed because no one will ever forgive me for things I do when I'm sick

    To everyone else who thinks it'll be fun to wind up the crazy girl

    I'm exhausted but full of energy. My head is all over the place and full of noise. I can't talk to friends about this but I need to open up somehow. I'm so ashamed and hate every inch of myself right now. So please, if you don't have advice, leave this thread alone
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    You suffer from Manic Depression? I studied it in A2 Psychology, and I know 3 people at college (not including me) who suffer from it... dunno if that helps...

    Not to be horrible, but maybe it's better you go in, for your own safety, and it would be worse if people are know saw you in state I guess...
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    I know how you feel. I've just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've also had many crisis teams at home etc as I am too thought to be unsafe. If you want to talk i'm here
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not even sure. I just have so much going through my head I need to write it down somewhere. Plus I guess there's part of me hoping someone will read this and can tell me they relate. I'm just very very scared right now of what I'm capable of the minute the sensible part of my brain stops!
    feel free to rant here, you can ignore/report the morons and just listen to the good advice - sometimes people can come up with interesting things.

    I know what you mean about being scared of what you're capable of, I know how **** it can feel to feel like that and whilst I can't relate to the manic-ish side of your comments, I do see what you mean there. But you have your parents around right? They're a great support network talk to them when you're feeling crap, they can sometimes really help. Or rant here, or on recoveryourlife.com (a really good board for mental health problems). Do you have a CPN or crisis team number? If you use them when you're feeling bad rather than resorting to other less desirable methods, it shows that you're willing to stop yourself, it shows them you can be trusted and stuff and helps keep you out of hospital if you don't want to be there.

    Good luck anyway :hugs:
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    To Whoever it may concern,

    Thanks for the neg rep because what I said was SO different from what other people did.
 
 
 
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