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    Please keep anon

    My brother is 17. Hes in the army and leaves for Germany in a few weeks. However, tonight he got really drunk with my older brother and started crying and he told my brother that he was raped in the showers.

    My little brother is now passed out in bed, i havent had chance to speak to him or anything, this has all come from my older brother. He also said he didnt want mum to know, because she worries too much as it is about him being in the army.

    Ive got to tell my mum, right?
    I feel so angry and upset. Should i try and talk to my little brother about it? He isnt the talking, feelings type and he has never let on that anything bad has happend, it sounded like he was have a great time and he was loving every min of it. But obviously for him to break down and cry in the middle of town he is deeply affected by all this and it makes me question how much of the other stuff he has been saying is true.

    Argh!!! Any advice?
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    I have a friend of the family who is a nurse, and she specifically deals with rape victims who come forward and need to be 'inspected' for 'evidence'. She says there are very, very few male victims who come forward, and when they do they are generally dismissed.... even if this incident with your brother is reported, nothing may come of it.

    Rape of women isn't really taken very seriously, but it's a lot worse for men.
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    I'm not sure if telling your mom right now is a good idea. Maybe she can be told eventually, but first you need to decide what's going to be done about it (if you're going to report it).
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    That is very sad to hear but i don't think you should tell your mum if he specifically asked your brother not to. Try and bring it up another time or maybe get your brother to then maybe once you've spoken about it with him he might tell her himself? I'm not sure what else you can really do. Good luck
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    Yeah. I would feel bad telling my mum if he doesnt want her to know.
    But i feel so helpless
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    Speak to your brother first of all. Make sure he knows that you know otherwise he may start to saying his elder brother is making things up. He really needs to speak to someone because thoughts in your mind can be very dangerous. Especially if he starts to blame himself.
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    I find this very hard to of happened so bluntly. Ive been in the army and for starters there was more likely more people in the shower if it was after an exercise like 5/6 I just dont see it going unnoticed without disciplinery action.

    I am not dismissing your brotehrs claim at all, I just find it hard to comprehend such action coming from the army myself and knowing that after what people go through in training 99% of the time you make some of the closest friends youll ever make. Not everyone gets on but its always a respect and willingness to work as team this seems very out of character. Alot of the stories you hear are over exagerated and not the whole truth when it comes to a squaddies life.

    I think you should wait to hear it from him and not your older brother to get all the facts
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    Don't tell your mother whatever you do. Talk to your brother first see if he is prepared to talk about it. If he has joined the army he should be mature enough to make his own decision about how to deal with the situation.
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    Well isn't the army probably the one place you could shoot someone and pretend it was an accident? If I was your brother I would wait until I was in a war-zone somewhere and then shoot the *******
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    You need to deal with this somehow as it is not a nice position for your brother to be in. Try and talk to him about it, not going to be easy to bring up the topic but i think he has to have someone that he can confide in which can be you and your brother. Then maybe try and encourage him to talk to someone if he needs to and talk to the person in a senior level at the army to try and sort it out. It is terrible and needs to be sorted out.
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    This is shocking, but I also think you shouldn't tell your poor mum. I'd talk to your older brother and decide the next move (whether you're going to report it or not) together. Hope everything goes well.
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    thats really sad, i think you should talk to him about it first before telling your mum otherwise it might make things worse.
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    OP you are going to have to deal with this somehow but telling your mum might not be the best way of dealing with things at least for now.

    Perhaps for now you should concentrate on talking to your brother and if he allows it, finding out whatever happened and then deciding on a course of action even if it included leaving the army.

    Your brother would also need to get some kind of psychological/counselling help although I'm guessing he might refuse this.
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    Assuming he knows who they are get a group of people together and kick the **** out of them? A friends sister was raped at a party whilst asleep and when everyone found out the guy who did it got the biggest beating of his life and the police refused to prosecute those who assaulted him.
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    OP, you're in a very difficult situation but I think that you should talk to your older brothers initially.
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    You don't need an IQ to know that rape is a very horrible thing (at least that's what I thought till I read your post) and the OPs brother was probably not raped by women not that that should matter because rape is a very horrible thing anyway.
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    That is sad

    What goes on in the army, stays in the army though, I imagine. I don't agree with the guy who said it was unlikely that it happened, because you make such good friends. It can happen anywhere to be honest, and regardless of the disciplinary actions that could ensue; you don't know who the rapist was. You sometimes get hyped up, power mad Sgts who like to put youngsters in their place. Given OPs brother is only 17 it could have happened.

    I'm not saying that its the most likely scenario to have occured, but definitely a possibility.
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    But regardless of that trivial matter, you need to try and talk to your brother about him and if he doesn't want to go to the drs or army etc at least try and pursuade him to engage in some form of counselling?

    Does he HAVE to go back to the army? I'm not really too sure as I don't know anyone in the army etc and I'm quite sheltered in regards to knowing about army life, but surely if he reported it they would give him some sort of leave to sort himself out??

    Stay strong <3
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    (Original post by princessnavi22)
    Women can legally rape men actually.
    No they can't. You're confusing assualt by penetration (s.2) with rape (s.1) which is the only gender specific offence in the 2003 Act. Wholly irrelevant though, don't you think? The idiot whose post I qouted was highly insensitive and that was my point.
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    OP - I think right now the last thing you should do is tell anyone without consulting your brother. Rape, and indeed any kind of abuse is so hard to contend with and talk about; if you tell someone else he may feel as though he can't trust anyone and clam up about it.

    Rape for a man is such a huge issue because not only is it an unforgiveable violation of his body, but it also shatters their pride and their masculinity. Anal rape often goes hand in hand with degradation and humiliation - make sure your brother knows you are there for him and try and persuade him to seek professional help.

    Do NOT pressurise him into telling people. The worst thing in the world that you can do is either to tell someone or to say, 'If you don't tell them, I will.' I have had a similar (though less significant) experience and was made to tell people. It didn't help, it just made me feel even more violated than before.

    Please tread carefully, I know you are worried and it must be so awful for you to go through, but it's such a tender issue for your brother and sometimes people can care too roughly and make things worse.
 
 
 
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