I've been best friends with this girl for around 4 years now, and i'm definitely not saying she's a complete nightmare, but a lot of the time she is very very *****y, to me, about her boyfriend, and about our other friends, for no apparent reason.
We were good friends, but not best friends when we were younger, and she was best friends with another girl. Her and the other girl used to actually bully me for quite a while, ignoring me, leaving me out, *****ing about me to others, they tried to hide my belongings, even deleted every number from my mobile phone, and the other girl even kneed me in the stomach once; over a very trivial thing, I lost most of my confidence for a while.
My now best friend and the girl gradually drifted apart, and since became not even good friends really, just friends. This event caused me and the girl to become best friends, and we became inseparable for a while. I thought the side of her had disappeared when we became friends, and it seemed to have done so, but after a while I began to notice things.
We are close friends with these 2 other girls, and she would decide for no reason whatsoever what one of them 'annoyed her' just by being there I guess, and would ***** about her behind her back, ignore her to her face and so on. She has a sister who is quite a few years older and seems exactly the same really, she and her parents are constantly having slanging matches, screaming at one another, so maybe this influence has rubbed off on my friend.
Sometimes I also used to think to myself that my friend had a Jekyll and Hyde-style personality. One minute, she would be perfectly fine, and the next, she'd have a black cloud over her head. I thought maybe she suffered from bad PMS symptoms, and I would try asking her what's up, but she'd say nothing. I'd be making all the conversation and she'd give me one-worded answers. But then, when we got to the place we were going, she would behave absolutely fine and pleasant with everybody else, but still moody with me.
Especially with acquaintances more than close friends, she'd be really chirpy, but then moody with me. It puzzled me for a long time and still does. I've started to realise that the majority of our conversations involve her *****ing about somebody or another. She had a rant to me one time just because her boyfriend sent her messages saying how much he loved her, which is very sweet but she was just being all “yeah, whatever!”.
When we were at High school together, i'd sometimes dread the mornings, wondering what she was going to be like that day, would she be *****y or not. When we went to Ibiza very recently, she had a massive rant about this girl like she was the scum of the earth, but then the next day was really friendly and sweet to her face. I cried on the first night of the holiday because she'd had a massive go at me for no reason, claiming i'd “ignored her and looked at her weirdly” which wasn't the case at all; she was dancing with somebody and talking to him, so I danced close but didn't see the need to interrupt.
She screamed at me in the club for it, and then ignored me for the rest of the night; when I tried to speak to her she'd turn away, and then she did apologise in the hotel room, and admitted that she is not a nice person, and I was reassuring her that of course she is... and then she admitted she'd been awful to me, so I thought it would be fine after that.
A couple of nights later, a guy tried to pursue me, but I was disinterested as I have a boyfriend, however, in so many words, my friend said my boyfriend was ugly, and how much better- looking the other guy was. She'd been drinking a fair amount, but i'm sure she could've controlled the urge to say that, there was no need for it at all.
I personally do not find her boyfriend attractive but I wouldn't dream of saying it to her, because looks aren't everything, and it's how you feel about them that matters, not what everybody else thinks. Majority of the time, this girl does not make the effort to contact me, for days, unless I do so first. A lot of the time, i've just bottled up my feelings, brushed her behaviour under the carpet, and tried to continue as normal.
What happened a few nights ago really angered me, and has prompted me to write this message now. Me and my boyfriend met her and her boyfriend, and 2 other friends in a nightclub, and at first, everything was fine, she was being nice, and then at the end of the night she decided to turn for no reason whatsoever. When we were outside, she asked the 2 other friends if they wanted to get a taxi with her and her boyfriend, and didn't even look at me and my boyfriend or ask how we were getting home once. She didn't speak a word to me from the moment we left the club, to the moment we got home, and I have no idea why. I probably 'did something' that she didn't like. My friend was diplomatic and suggested we all walked, because she knew we all couldn't fit in the taxi. I just stood there in disbelief as she ignored me, not giving a s**t how me and my boyfriend were going to get home.
So we all walked, her and her boyfriend charged off at 100mph, my friend walked on her own in the middle and me and my boyfriend were walking behind, so we tried to catch the girl up. But in the end, my friend and her boyfriend waited for the girl, and she walked with them, and despite the fact that I waved at her when she turned round, and she could see we were trying to catch them up, she didn't bother to wait for us.
Then, we eventually caught them all up, I said something to her and she just turned round and looked at me, and ignored me again, and carried on walking fast. My friend went home one way, and my boyfriend walked back a different way. My ' best friend' could see then that I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend, and he was about to walk home the other way, but then she didn't even bother to stop and wait for me, so I ended up walking back on my own. She didn't even say goodbye to me.
I am at my end's tether; I let her get away with so much. She is an attention-seeker, and I know i'm overly nice, too nice to her, because I don't want her to be *****y to me. My other 2 friends are the same, and we probably all look fools buttering her up. I just don't know what to do, if I accused her of anything then she'd probably blow her top and never speak to me again, and she'd definitely make the other friends take her side. I'm just so fed up, she constantly *****es about people, acts differently depending on who she is around, and belittles me in front of htoersh, and i've just had enough of her, I really don't know why i've put up with it for all these years.
I apologise for the length of the message, I'm just really fed up with it all, and that night out I described upset me so much, there was absolutely no reason to blatantly ignore us; she probably just wanted to be a b***h to somebody. I'll probably end up contacting her later, because she won't contact me, it's the same old story every time, and I'm really not sure what her problem is. I know girls can be very *****y, but I really don't believe in utter *****iness at all, I think it's pointless and unnecessary.
My so-called best friend is not a nice person at all. Watch
- Thread Starter
- 31-07-2009 10:33
- Thread Starter
- 31-07-2009 12:27
- 31-07-2009 12:30
Man, some paragraphs would be nice and write in bitesize, no one wants to read essays =/
- 31-07-2009 12:31
try bullet pointing it!! or summarising, or highlighting the important bits in bold.
- 31-07-2009 12:33
what the ****? I'm not going to read that, but in writing it you probably answered your own questions.
- 31-07-2009 12:38
- 31-07-2009 12:41
You and your other two friends should confront your friend together so that she can't make them take her side. It may not work out and if it doesn't then it's not worth being friends with her anyway.
I used to be like your friend when I was 13/14 and I was arguing with one of my now-best friends who told me exactly what I was like. I guess I used to be a bit of an attention-seeker but I didn't realise how horrible I was. I'm nothing like that now and I'm so glad I was stood up to.
- 31-07-2009 12:43
tl;dr but you'll grow out of having 'best friends' anyway.
- 31-07-2009 12:44
I just read it.
Let her go and find a better friend, she will eventually realise how much of a great person you were and regret it. And maybe she would change into a better person?
- 31-07-2009 12:51
Hi hello wall of text
- 31-07-2009 12:53
I read it all i'm so proud.
Your best friend seems like an utter *****. It seems like you're a doormat and she's just walking all over you. Lose her and find people who will treat you better.
- 31-07-2009 13:06
You seriously deserve a better friend than that. I'd just cut off all contact and let her contact you if she wants to. If she does, asking why you've been ignoring her, you can tell her exactly what you think of her. If she doesn't, you'll know she was never bothered about you in the first place. It takes a lot of guts to admit when you've been wrong, and change a negative personality trait, so I'd say she never will.