So Torn between boyfriend and old love - PLEASE help!

I’ve been with my boyfriend a year and a half and I love him (we’re 19). He’s my first serious boyfriend (and vice versa) and so I occasionally have these feelings about whether I’m doing the right thing being serious so young, but we do have a really good relationship with relatively few problems so these doubts are usually easily forgotten.

BUT there is this other guy. I’ve known him for way longer and we’re really good friends, he was probably the first guy friend that I felt really close to, we would always chat on the phone for hours. He’s had a long-term girlfriend the whole time we were friends but I was totally besotted with him until I started going out with my boyfriend. But he recently broke up with his gf and confessed that he’d loved me the whole time too. Had he known that I liked him I know he would have broken up with her a long time ago and we’d be together so it’s really weird that it’s a thing that never really happened but should have done. Our relationship is always this sort of subtle flirting.

My bf knows about it all and so I stopped seeing the other guy really because it was causing issues with my bf. But I’ve seen him again recently and all these old feelings come up.

I feel so guilty but I’m really torn. Please please help. I feel like whatever decision I make I’ll always regret. I don’t want to throwaway a good relationship but I’m always going to wonder about this other guy. If I could just sleep with him and be with him for a week or something I feel like it would get it out of my system OR realise what to do, but obviously that can’t happen in real life!

Reply 1

Lefty Leo

I am so impressed with the standard of your vocabulary that even though i have absolutely no useful advice whatsoever, i still wish you the best of luck :h:

Reply 2

Phalanges

Why are you anon, when it's obvious that you are Noirin?

Reply 3

0obrighteyeso0

So, you want to be with a guy who has openly admitted he thought about you and "loved" you the whole time he was with another girl?

So you've fallen for the kind of guy who thinks about other girls in a romantic, sexual way whilst in a relationship?

And you think you'll be happy with and trust this guy.

When he clearly was using his last girlfriend as he actually wanted you and not her.

But he recently broke up with his gf and confessed that he’d loved me the whole time too. Had he known that I liked him I know he would have broken up with her

......Lol.

Reply 4

Pickford

jonnyofengland

Why are you anon, when it's obvious that you are Noirin?

Reply 5

cowsgoquack

Why do you think sleeping with him will help?

Reply 6

frognoise

My inclination would be to break up with your boyfriend and go for it. You're only young once. (I've been in the same situation) Even if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend it means more experiences for you, and if you're meant to be with your current boy, things will work out eventually.

Controversial view I know, but there you go.

Reply 7

frognoise

Sorry, i meant even if it doesn't work out with the other guy

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

jonnyofengland

Why are you anon, when it's obvious that you are Noirin?

I'm not? If it means you'll actually give me advice i'll take anon off but not sure how..

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

0obrighteyeso0

Sorry if it came across like that, not like that at all, it's just quite a long story which I thought was pointless telling. He was completely in love with his girlfriend the whole time, I just think when he saw me we had this spark and so with hindsight he's like I always liked you really. Tbh if I was to break up with my bf who I am 100% loyal to I would probably think the same - I WILL always like this guy a tiny bit, just right now I love my boyfriend more.

Also he liked me before he started dating his gf, I rejected him, then changed my mind, told him I liked him if he still felt the same and he didn't realise I was serious, just thought I was being fickle and just stuck with his gf. Now I have a bf and he's single.

He's the most caring and trustworthy boyfriend ever, he's not some kind of two-timing player.

Reply 10

Hula129

frognoise

whats meant to be, will be.
go with your gut instincts.... if you and your current boyfriend are meant to be then things will work out that way....

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

cowsgoquack

Why do you think sleeping with him will help?

I don't really know, I just think it would. I guess for me sexual stuff e.g. kissing, sex, can rapidly change how I feel about someone. I've had guys in the past where I've thought I've really fancied them, have kissed them and then suddenly changed my mind. So I'd feel pretty idiotic if I left my boyfriend and found that that was the case.

Also maybe sex is one of the things that I've always wondered would be better if it wasn't with my bf. I enjoy it and I've worked at making it better but I've never come from sex blabla, not really relevant, but it's so frustrating not knowing if it would be better with someone else. And this other guy has a slight rep for being pretty good in bed. Stupid I know, but it makes me wonder.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

frognoise

Hula129

whats meant to be, will be.
go with your gut instincts.... if you and your current boyfriend are meant to be then things will work out that way....

If I was reckless this is kind of what I want to do. But I just don't think my boyfriend would forgive me and take me back, he'd never trust me again. So it seems too fairytale to think that it would work out eventually. argh :s-smilie:

Reply 13

Hula129

Anonymous

but you may always wonder what if ? and if you and your boyfriend didnt work out you may resent him for not going for something that may work out....
if he loves you like he says he does then he'll just want you to be happy.....whatever that may mean. and if not, well that kinda speaks for itself

**hugs**

Reply 14

frognoise

Hula129

If you think you're the kind of person who could go back to being happy with your boyfriend and forget all about this other guy, then by all means do - it's the less risky and more sensible (and maybe more rewarding in the long term?) solution.

I'm just the kind of person who very often can't bring myself to let "potential greatness" pass me by. Not always a good idea but at least I learn from mistakes.

It's your call.

Reply 15

Desperate Prayer

Anonymous

Hallo! My advice for whore-queen;

Dump small dicked boy and go with studly man muffin for whom you have more feelings otherwise these feelings you have wouldnt be feelings at all.

Goodbye!