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"I love him, but he barely knows who I am!" Discuss. Watch

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    I've always thought it a bit of a strange phrase, really. I mean surely, to be in love with someone, you have to be enamoured with the way they act towards you, as well as their personality as an individual.

    I mean, when people develop crushes on celebrities, of course it's an idealised version of that person they claim to "love"; therefore their reactions, personality etc are for the most part imagined.

    But in reality, and let's face it, it's a common enough complaint; how is it that humans can feel as if they are in love with someone who barely knows them? I'm not claiming it's impossible; I've felt it myself. Just knowing a person, speaking briefly to them, but hearing about them, and judging on what little conversation you've had etc, it's easy to become infatuated. Why is that? Why is it that we can imagine ourselves to want nobody more than the person who we've only ever made small talk with but know loads about, and feel somehow obsessed with, while someone who we've spoken to in depth and know well can be (though obviously more often isn't) less attractive?

    Is it because we like mystery? Because we don't know that person's faults? Or is it merely a romantic hope of love at first sight and so on? With things like Facebook, Myspace, blogs, Twitter etc it's getting easier for people to "get to know" somebody single-handedly, picking up on their personality, idiosyncracies, quirky ways and so on. Is this part of the problem, or does this make the idea of unrequited love too superficial?

    Have you ever claimed to be, or felt like you are, head over heels for somebody who you feel as though you know well, but they scarcely know you?


    *Sigh* It's a weird phrase, anyway. And this thread doesn't mean I'm being all infatuated with someone and need advice, I just read the phrase somewhere and it got me thinking.

    So... Discuss.
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    go out more?
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    you're good looking. end of. now go out there and get him :woo:
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    Read the ******* post guys, this isn't about ME. It's meant as a discussion of an over-used statement. FFS.
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    I've felt this before. After a lot of thinking and consideration I came to the conclusion that you're enamoured with something you've been looking for but have never found. Since it's taken ******* ages to find, you become attached to it and think about what it'd be like to bask in this ideal light.

    Or, that might be just me.
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    yeh i've been in a situation where someone doesnt know i liked them. bad times.
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    I think it's just idealising. Like when you know a restricted amount, your imagination can exaggerate for you so you end up building an image of them in your head (one that probably more than simply floats your boat). It's like your prediction of the person you become infatuated with and the more stuff you link with them - the more you start to believe theyd be perfect for you so in a way you start liking associating your version of them with them which is why you keep doing it - in turn, it makes you think you're in love with them. and the whole them not knowing you part is like a safety net in your head because then you can be cocky / hopeful enough to expect them to like you back coz u know its def not out of the question.

    Blimey, looks like a long answer ^. :p:
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    I think you can love someone without knowing them personally, but you can't be in love with someone without knowing them personally. They're different. In my opinion, anyway. The human mind works in strange ways...
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    (Original post by EducatingBrogan)
    Read the ******* post guys, this isn't about ME. It's meant as a discussion of an over-used statement. FFS.
    hmmm
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    You can't be in love with someone you barely know/who barely knows you. You just think he's a fittie :awesome:. The phrase should be more: "I fancy the pants off that guy, but he barely knows who i am!" Because that's the case, really.
    But i so know what you're talking about. I had a huge crush on a guy who my friend's friend was friends with (if you got that) for months. He was drop-dead gorgeous. I think he's left for uni now though. Boo, shame . We'd have gotten on so well. I think. :rolleyes:
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    I've wondered the same thing, OP. Personally I have never had intense feelings or infatuation towards someone who barely knew me; my brain seemed to get the hint early on that there's no point fussing over someone who doesn't know you.

    But if someone attractive and interesting acknowledges me and actively wants to see me (even if it's just friendship), that's where my emotions' auto-pilot fails and the turbulence begins to settle in :yes:
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    (Original post by EducatingBrogan)
    Have you ever claimed to be, or felt like you are, head over heels for somebody who you feel as though you know well, but they scarcely know you?
    I seem to 'fancy' a huge proportion of girls i meet, if only ever for a week or so of on-off inphatuation.

    (Original post by EducatingBrogan)
    Why is it that we can imagine ourselves to want nobody more than the person who we've only ever made small talk with but know loads about, and feel somehow obsessed with, while someone who we've spoken to in depth and know well can be (though obviously more often isn't) less attractive?
    Its because in evolutionary terms its statistically likely that such a person would be at least vaguely related to you.

    No one ever likes those kind of answers though :sadnod:
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    (Original post by EducatingBrogan)
    Read the ******* post guys, this isn't about ME. It's meant as a discussion of an over-used statement. FFS.
    I apologise on behalf of the guys, what we do is look at your picture before reading your post. Once we have judged your picture we post, whether it is relavent or not.
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    (Original post by EducatingBrogan)
    I've always thought it a bit of a strange phrase, really. I mean surely, to be in love with someone, you have to be enamoured with the way they act towards you, as well as their personality as an individual.

    I mean, when people develop crushes on celebrities, of course it's an idealised version of that person they claim to "love"; therefore their reactions, personality etc are for the most part imagined.

    But in reality, and let's face it, it's a common enough complaint; how is it that humans can feel as if they are in love with someone who barely knows them? I'm not claiming it's impossible; I've felt it myself. Just knowing a person, speaking briefly to them, but hearing about them, and judging on what little conversation you've had etc, it's easy to become infatuated. Why is that? Why is it that we can imagine ourselves to want nobody more than the person who we've only ever made small talk with but know loads about, and feel somehow obsessed with, while someone who we've spoken to in depth and know well can be (though obviously more often isn't) less attractive?

    Is it because we like mystery? Because we don't know that person's faults? Or is it merely a romantic hope of love at first sight and so on? With things like Facebook, Myspace, blogs, Twitter etc it's getting easier for people to "get to know" somebody single-handedly, picking up on their personality, idiosyncracies, quirky ways and so on. Is this part of the problem, or does this make the idea of unrequited love too superficial?

    Have you ever claimed to be, or felt like you are, head over heels for somebody who you feel as though you know well, but they scarcely know you?


    *Sigh* It's a weird phrase, anyway. And this thread doesn't mean I'm being all infatuated with someone and need advice, I just read the phrase somewhere and it got me thinking.

    So... Discuss.
    I would say that love is committment; nothing more and nothing less. Everything else is infatuation / passion etc.
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    Quine has the final word: "Nothing happens in the world without some redistribution of microphysical states."
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    There's nothing wrong with asking for advice here, you don't have to dress it up as a theoretical thing. Just talk to him and get to know him better. Not like he's going to insult your mother or anything!
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    Yep. Yep this is pretty much my life. Not that I'm asking for violins or anything...maybe just a kick up the arse from nature to give me the confidence to speak to him more? No? Okay, alcohol it is then.

    In retrospect, this sounds like infatuation - you've created an idealised version of your partner in your mind, and if this person fits one or two of the items on the bill, you can convince yourself that you're in love.

    As some 90s chick once sang, "It's just, a little crush CRUSH!"
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    So, who's the guy?
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    Because relationships merely exist in our minds.
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    I don't really think it's possible, I think you can you can love an image that you've built up of a person you don't know, but I don't think you can truly be IN love with anyone who you don't know. I think you have to know someone really really well in order to be in love with them, I think it has to come from some sort of relationship between the two of you.
 
 
 
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