Im really confused. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now and i really do love him. He's amazing. He's very sexy, intelligent, treats me like a queen and understands me completely. But the problem is I'm 19 years old, off to uni and I feel like being so serious so early will make me resent him later because it will mean focusing on us and not on what might be around the corner. I dont want my life to be decided for me already, I want to feel like anything can happen but being his girlfriend I cant because Im always on guard always thinking about him. He's the only serious relationship Ive been in really, he's been in around 3 and tells me he want to be with me forever. He's the first and only guy ive ever slept with and though I hate to admit it, I am curious about other people sometimes, men and women, just for the sake of it you know, to see what its like. I want to live in Europe Italy and Brussels and be alone because I feel thats what I need to mature as a person. But it could mean losing him forever. Everytime I talk to him about this he gets into a panic and cries and begs me not to leave him. I dont want to leave him, but feel I'll have to out of duty to myself...does that make any sense? Love can be so cage-like. I really dont know what to do. Our universities are far apart too. Id never cheat on him but it makes me feel dishonest just thinking about other people...so what do i do?
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- Thread Starter
- 31-07-2009 23:10
- 01-08-2009 01:02
Im in an almost identical situation to you, except i've been with him for two and half years. We're both very happy together and in love but i keep thinking (and feeling awful for doing so!) that im at a changing point in my life and should be free to do what i want, including experiencing things with other guys etc, and i have my whole life ahead of me to 'settle down.' I honestly feel like i wouldnt be too upset if he broke up with me now, but it makes things so much harder that he says things like he doesnt know what he'd do without me, im the only girl he ever wants etc, and he thinks i feel the same!
Unfortunately this means i can't offer you any advice as i'm really struggling to work out what to do! I'd like to hear what anyone else has to say!
- 01-08-2009 01:11
I think the best thing to do would be to tell him what you wrote in your post. If he understands you completely he should be able to understand how you feel, he might be angry but if you're right for each other talking about how to approach the problem together is probably the best thing.
- 01-08-2009 01:14
Go to uni
- 01-08-2009 01:14
Me and my then boyfriend broke up for this reason.
He was finishing uni and wanted to settle down. I was going to uni and wanted to do my own thing and experience more of life!
If your lives are heading in two different directions there's not much point.
But then i'm a realist rather than a romantic and i'm sure many people would say there's every point
I don't regret my decision though. He was my first love and i have nothing bad at all to say about our relationship because it was fantastic.
But it is such a hard decision to make! Good luck
- 01-08-2009 01:17
I got like that with my ex. We'd been together for about 3 years at the time and I ended up just feeling like I was plodding along, weighted down by the relationship even though I truly did love him and want to be with him.
Eventually I decided that he was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be and doing the things I wanted to do and as you say OP - I actually did grow to resent this. We agreed that we'd grown apart but remained friends so that if we ever came back together we could try again. I actually now know that this won't happen because I've changed so much and I have to be honest, I feel like the person that I was supposed to be.
I'm not suggesting that you rush out and leave your boyfriends (anon 1 & 2), but if you ever get to the point where you start to resent the relationship - not the person - then perhaps it's time to be selfish and do what YOU want with life. You can still be in contact after all and relationships can work out in the future... life's too short to feel held back, don't get to that point.
Hope it works out... for both of you x