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    (Original post by riotgirl)
    Yeah I know .... its really sad


    we are south indian (indian tamil) and usually people have arranged marriages but she fell in love with this guy so she can't even moan about him because she has no one to blame but herself.... sadly.... if I were her I would have kicked him out the minute he turned into a control freak
    yh haha kick him out straight away
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    I feel I would like to add my two pence worth to this debate. I got married at 23, which may be somewhat young to some, but it was what we wanted to do. We had been together for 2 years before our wedding and it wasnt something we had rushed in to. Personally I think its up to the couple involved as to when they decide to marry, no one else. Age is irrelevant to me, only the 2 people getting married know how they feel about each other. We have just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary and are still mad about each other.

    BTW, whats this about pre marital counselling??. Cant say I have ever heard about it, but then again we didnt get married in a church, so thats probably why.

    Good Luck to Princess Ariadne and her husband

    But do you not think there is a huge difference in your own maturity between when you were 23, and 18..theres a good 5 year difference, 23, i think is the minimum age i'd get married, it'll be after uni..i'll be in a career etc

    My friend has just got engaged she's 23, but i know she's got her head on her shoulders plus they're going to have a long engagement due to not wanting to plan a wedding whilst in training
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Thanks so much, and congratulations to you. You sound very happy

    We are .
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    (Original post by Subcutaneous)
    But do you not think there is a huge difference in your own maturity between when you were 23, and 18..theres a good 5 year difference, 23, i think is the minimum age i'd get married, it'll be after uni..i'll be in a career etc

    My friend has just got engaged she's 23, but i know she's got her head on her shoulders plus they're going to have a long engagement due to not wanting to plan a wedding whilst in training
    I can see your point but no I dont think I was any more mature at 23 than I was at 18 TBH. But then I have always been a mature type of person.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Hi I am married, and we're both 18. There's no 'wrong' or 'right' in this situation, as it depends entirely on the two people involved. If they are truly in a serious and strong relationsip, and both know that they want to be together for ever, and are ready for marriage, and have thought about it for a while, then it's fine.
    If not, then I would say wait. You said they're not sure - tell them NOT to do it!! It'sa huge step, and should not be entered in to lightly. Tell them how much happier they would be if they waited until they were both sure
    Out of interest, how long were you together beforehand ?
    Sorry if this was asked before.

    (and this is not cos I want to marry my boyf I'm just curious)
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Hi I've heard of pre-marital counselling, just didn't know that Churches provided their own (I'm not religious). I think, though, that counselling is an option, it is nothing to do with being married, or the choice that you're ready to get married. Also I don't get what 'research' you would do? I found out about how to, the cost, but surely before you decide to 'jump in' you need to 'research' your own and your partners feelings, not what services people provide surrounding it?

    And, please, don't worry, I don't think it sounds like an attack
    well imo you should find out what marriage actually is, you can't look at your feelings about it unless you actually know what it is.
    I don't really know a whole lot about marriage, because I never looked any further into it than the basics, but if I were interested I know the first thing I'd do is look at all the options around marriage, where it started, exactly what it means and all that.

    edit; actually, that's another thing, if you're not religious what was your motivation for wanting to be married?
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    (Original post by Jellynubbin)
    Out of interest, how long were you together beforehand ?
    Sorry if this was asked before.

    (and this is not cos I want to marry my boyf I'm just curious)
    Just under 2 years And don't worry!
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    (Original post by Subcutaneous)
    ditto, the only reason i'll choose to get married, is when i want to start a family with the person i'm with, i'm a christian and i'd want to make that decision after much counselling, and to make the commitment in the eyes of my lord and have that spiritual bond made, thats the only difference, I'd just want my children to grow up in a spiritual and traditional family

    after much counselling? seriously? :confused: :confused:
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    well imo you should find out what marriage actually is, you can't look at your feelings about it unless you actually know what it is.
    I don't really know a whole lot about marriage, because I never looked any further into it than the basics, but if I were interested I know the first thing I'd do is look at all the options around marriage, where it started, exactly what it means and all that.

    edit; actually, that's another thing, if you're not religious what was your motivation for wanting to be married?
    Well to me marriage is marriage - it joins two people who love each other. I don't care what 'options' there are (I don't mean that in a rude way, just that it doesn't matter to me what others choose to do), the only importance to my mind is whether or not you're ready. It means to us, showing our commitment. As some people have been saying, there's no exact 'reason/point' to marriage (unless you are religious) but to a couple who are very much in love and have made the decision to stay together forever, it is just sort of 'blessing' that bond in a way.

    Sorry if that makes no sense, its hard to describe, but basically marriage is nothing to do with counselling to me, just to do with finding your 'soulmate' as some would say.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Just under 2 years And don't worry!
    Ah, thats so lovely to hear of a couple our age that is that strong! Every happiness to you both
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    (Original post by Jellynubbin)
    Ah, thats so lovely to hear of a couple our age that is that strong! Every happiness to you both
    Thank you, and good luck to you to
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    The sort of women who believe in sexual equality and freedom for women from the cruel men who have enslaved them in the kitchen, and pushing out child after child, but then somehow manage to miss their own point.
    Indeed, ironically funny isnt it?
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Well to me marriage is marriage - it joins two people who love each other. I don't care what 'options' there are (I don't mean that in a rude way, just that it doesn't matter to me what others choose to do), the only importance to my mind is whether or not you're ready. It means to us, showing our commitment. As some people have been saying, there's no exact 'reason/point' to marriage (unless you are religious) but to a couple who are very much in love and have made the decision to stay together forever, it is just sort of 'blessing' that bond in a way.

    Sorry if that makes no sense, its hard to describe, but basically marriage is nothing to do with counselling to me, just to do with finding your 'soulmate' as some would say.
    yeah that's where it stumps me :p:
    I really don't see the point in doing something so expensive just to say you're in it for the long haul. why not just say you're in it for the long haul? to want to prove it to everyone else seems a very 18 year old type thing to do, especially after such a short relationship in which you haven't actually lived as adults. madness.

    again, i'm sure you're secure in what you're doing so i hope what i'm saying doesn't cause offence. i really am just fascinated.
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    (Original post by stellatommo20)
    Indeed, ironically funny isnt it?
    Flipping irritating as well when they actually try and force it on other women!
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Just under 2 years And don't worry!
    Christ. I was expecting at least some "we've been together 5 years" "he's the only guy I've ever been with, but I know he's the one" type blah.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    yeah that's where it stumps me :p:
    I really don't see the point in doing something so expensive just to say you're in it for the long haul. why not just say you're in it for the long haul? to want to prove it to everyone else seems a very 18 year old type thing to do, especially after such a short relationship in which you haven't actually lived as adults. madness.

    again, i'm sure you're secure in what you're doing so i hope what i'm saying doesn't cause offence. i really am just fascinated.
    Don't worry

    It wasn't expensive, and we only had about 5 people there. The only costs were the actual marriage itself (registrar). We don't believe in expensive weddings.

    I think I expressed myself wrongly It wasn't to prove it to anyone else, which does sound very childish. I wouldn't mind if no-one else ever knew we were married. It was just something we wanted to do, as it is such a special and big step, and such a magical thing to be able to do.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Don't worry

    It wasn't expensive, and we only had about 5 people there. The only costs were the actual marriage itself (registrar). We don't believe in expensive weddings.

    I think I expressed myself wrongly It wasn't to prove it to anyone else, which does sound very childish. I wouldn't mind if no-one else ever knew we were married. It was just something we wanted to do, as it is such a special and big step, and such a magical thing to be able to do.
    but why is it a big step?
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    but why is it a big step?
    It's a legal contract, so a couple is then bound by more than just words.

    This is getting insane! I love him, he loves me, we wanted to marry because it is 'special' to us. there's noe solid reason for marriage, and I see totally why loads of people don't bother/see the point, but in the end a relationship is to make your life better/happier/more fulfilled, and if signing a piece of paper, and having your special 5 minutes committing to each other is something which makes the couple happy, it's really not an issue.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    It's a legal contract, so a couple is then bound by more than just words.

    This is getting insane! I love him, he loves me, we wanted to marry because it is 'special' to us. there's noe solid reason for marriage, and I see totally why loads of people don't bother/see the point, but in the end a relationship is to make your life better/happier/more fulfilled, and if signing a piece of paper, and having your special 5 minutes committing to each other is something which makes the couple happy, it's really not an issue.
    but it's a contract you can go back on, so it's no more meaningful than words!

    i'll leave it now as it's probably really annoying, just not very often you get someone willing to talk about it. thanks for sharing
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    Personally I think unless its exceptional circumstances and they are wildly in love, it isn't necessary to get married at such a young age, they have no idea what will happen in the future and I would expect that the vast majority of marriages that start in the teens fair miserably... not to say this couldn't be different but then if they are going to be together for life, the excitement of marriage should and could wait IMO.
    I know a girl who was engaged when she was 16, she's now 17 and nothing's happened, personally I don't see it lasting. That and won't they need their parents permission?! :P
 
 
 
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