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Two best friends slept with each other Watch

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    My best friend from uni (male) and me are really close. Everyone thinks we're secretly going out or sleeping together. We're not, we've never even kissed really.

    My best friend from home (female) and me are also really close. We've been good friends for 10 + years and we speak to each other every day (even when at uni) and we visit each other a lot.

    My uni friend came down to see me at home this week for a few days. Before he came down, I said jokingly (not seriously as I never thought it would happen) to both of them that they had better not get with each other and it would be a bit weird! Last night they were looking a bit close, and I more seriously repeated that and said I'd rather they didn't (unless they really liked each other and it was a serious thing).

    Well they did end up doing just that. The home friend wasn't even going to tell me about it, she lied, but my uni friend was honest. It wasn't a serious thing for either of them, just a random one-night fumble, and now I'm really, really, bothered about it. It's going to be really weird forever, whenever one of them comes to see me when I'm with the other one. No one seems to think I should care.

    Am I justified in caring? Or not? Does this mean I am secretly in love with my male friend? I must admit in a way I was thinking that he was mine and that home friend had no right....

    Thanks so so so much.
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    Sorry, I realised I just put "rather they didn't" which isn't the way I worded it, it was like "I don't want you to get with each other, don't do it".
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    Ouchies. Yeah seems fair enough to me. I wouldn't want my closest uni female friend to do anything sexual with my closet male home friend. Would be insanely weird.

    Not sure what you can do about it now though :/
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    Yeah, I'd feel weird about that too. I think your right. I don't suppose theres alot you can do now though
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    If it's a one off then it shouldn't affect their friendships.
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    I think part of your feelings may be related to some kind of jealousy, perhaps that your friends were able to experience each other in a way you have not (and may not even want to) grates a bit. I dont think that it is unnatural for you to feel a bit annoyed

    I think its pretty harsh for them to hook up for kicks when youd said dont but then again...its their decision.
    i'm not sure how you allowed it to happen if he was staying at yours and you were that much against it? :s:
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    I can see why. What if one of them got really upset about it and you were stuck inbetween? TBH, I'll leave it because it's not a big deal to them. Though mates should listen to each other, so you can be annoyed...

    Edit: Do you fancy your male best mate... could explain the jealously...
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    That is very awkward! Especially when the three of you hang out from now on, it'll just be totally weird.
    Maybe it's not that you like the guy, but are just taken back that he ended up with this other girl seeing as he was closest to you. Everybody thinking you're going out and are sleeping together probably has placed the possibility/hope in your minds that it could happen one day...

    If I was close friends with a girl and everybody kept teasing that we were together, it would probably grow on me too, and I'd start thinking about it. Only you know really, these are just possible explinations to the way you're feeling. It is weird for you, but if to them it's just casual sex and they don't think much of it then it's best to just get past it. The last thing you should do is hold a grudge (or be frustrated about it for so long that you bring it up in the future) because really, you don't really have a say in what he can and can't do.
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    (Original post by Chrrye)
    i'm not sure how you allowed it to happen if he was staying at yours and you were that much against it? :s:
    We were all out, and home friend had to go home early as she had work the next day, uni friend wasn't having a particularly good time so he said he'd walk her home then meet us.
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    Yh i completely understand, it might not even be jealousy (as in you are in love with your male friend) its the fact that you want to keep your best mates apart and have each one to yourself.
    If that makes sense.
    Its worse that your girl mate lied and kept it a secret...
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    You put the thought into their heads, to be perfectly frank.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My best friend from uni (male) and me are really close. Everyone thinks we're secretly going out or sleeping together. We're not, we've never even kissed really.

    i like the 'really' bit
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We were all out, and home friend had to go home early as she had work the next day, uni friend wasn't having a particularly good time so he said he'd walk her home then meet us.
    That's pretty bad!
    home friend had to go home early as she wanted to have sex with him, uni friend wasn't having a particularly good time so he said he'd walk her home and have sex with her and then meet us.

    And you had no clue, they had not been getting with each other in the club prior to? Just decided to hook up on the walk home? :eek:

    If they did it so flippantly then that is a worse mini-betrayal to you as they went against your wishes on a whim..then again if it ment nothing then you should be less angry :s:
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    (Original post by pina.Love)
    Its worse that your girl mate lied and kept it a secret...
    Trust me, I know, I'm really hurt. She says she only kept it a secret cos she knows it would make me angry, but I don't think that's a good enough reason tbh!
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    (Original post by Chrrye)
    That's pretty bad!
    home friend had to go home early as she wanted to have sex with him, uni friend wasn't having a particularly good time so he said he'd walk her home and have sex with her and then meet us.

    And you had no clue, they had not been getting with each other in the club prior to? Just decided to hook up on the walk home? :eek:
    They weren't actually getting with each other, but he bought her a drink, they were looking a bit close, at one point they were holding hands, it was at this point I went up to each of them individually and said "please don't get with the other one, I really don't want you to" and after that I kind of lost them for about an hour but assumed they had listened to me....too trusting obviously.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Trust me, I know, I'm really hurt. She says she only kept it a secret cos she knows it would make me angry, but I don't think that's a good enough reason tbh!
    Obv its not a good reason if she was really scared that you would be angry then 1) she should not have slept with him 2) she should of thought about how you would be angrier that you found out from someone else 3) if she really wanted to sleep with him then she could of asked you (cos you might of had feelings for him etc)
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    Jealousy... it's a bad thing. I see where you are coming from. Sucks being in the middle of that, both when they are together and even worse if they break up.
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    They both knew it wasn't serious, neither of them got hurt, so what's the problem?

    Fair enough, it may be a touch weird looking them in the eye for a few days, but that awkwardness soon goes away. I agree with Chrrye that jealousy seems to be involved, why else would you mention the totally irrelevant first line unless you wanted to get with your uni friend? And if it isn't jealousy, then I don't think your feelings are justified in the slightest.
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    There is no problem here if the guy was only a friend to you. Problem is sounds like you think more of him than that, you should have let him know how you felt before this happened! Now it has happened though have a think about it, if it doesn't freak you out too much that he's been with your other best friend, tell him how you feel now!! You don't have to tell him you love him or anything, just say something along the lines of when you said you had a feeling that the male friend was yours and the female friend had no right. Then tell him why you feel like that. Communicate!
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    That's pretty awful they went totally against what you said, especially the girl lying about it. Do they know how upset you are?
 
 
 
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