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    I came across this concept on wikipedia and found it quite fascinating.


    "It's the Catch-22 of romantic relationships: The more deeply one partner falls in love, the more distant the other becomes. This is the passion trap, an emotional dynamic that results in increasing desire and desperation in the 'one down' lover, and dissatisfaction, often mingled with guilt and withdrawal, in the 'one up' ... one partner is more in love – or emotionally invested in the relationship – than the other. The more love the loving partner wants from the other, the less the other feels like giving.
    ".


    Just interested to see what people think.
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    sounds very interesting. This is the sort of pyschology i like - interesting little facts all summed up nicely in a paragraph or 2, with something to think about afterwards - but i digress.

    I can kind of see how this would play out tho, one lover is clingy, therefore the other feels like 'withdrawing' their love as a way of boosting self confidence (the thought of having someone hanging on every word etc), which in turn makes the clingy lover feel like the other is being cold.

    I must say though that my Access course had a 3hr a week madatory lesson in pysch and i despised it. hence my sentence explaining why i like this thread.
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    (Original post by stellatommo20)
    sounds very interesting. This is the sort of pyschology i like - interesting little facts all summed up nicely in a paragraph or 2, with something to think about afterwards - but i digress.

    I can kind of see how this would play out tho, one lover is clingy, therefore the other feels like 'withdrawing' their love as a way of boosting self confidence (the thought of having someone hanging on every word etc), which in turn makes the clingy lover feel like the other is being cold.

    I must say though that my Access course had a 3hr a week madatory lesson in pysch and i despised it. hence my sentence explaining why i like this thread.
    i'm like that too. i don't know how some authors can write massive books on the tiniest of concepts.

    i think i accidently over-simplified this though because I just realised I missed a part out.

    "... the feeling of being in love is biochemically linked to the feeling of being out of control. Once you feel completely in control or sure of another person’s love, your feelings of passion begin to fade: vanishing the challenge or excitement of the relationship."

    so basically the more out of control lover 1 is, the more attention they give to lover 2 which incidentally makes lover 2 more in control and they begin to not feel the same way back due to what is quoted above.

    (argh I messed the thread up) :|
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    Sounds about right, like the more you like someone, the less they like you. Or the nice guy thing (the nicer you are people, the more they take advantage).
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    ohhh i see how where the paradox is now!!
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    (Original post by Reflexive)
    like the more you like someone, the less they like you. .
    But if someone liked me, I'd be flattered and probably like them back (obviously, this depends on specifics in the situation) but I wouldn't start disliking them or steering away. :confused:
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    (Original post by Preeka)
    But if someone liked me, I'd be flattered and probably like them back (obviously, this depends on specifics in the situation) but I wouldn't start disliking them or steering away. :confused:
    Yea of course. But what if someone was really keen, doing everything you asked, always phoning/texting you, chasing you etc. It puts you off doesn't it?
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    Totally agree with this concept... And have had it happen to me and have seen it happen with others aswell. I dont think there is much you can do about it, just learn from it
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    (Original post by Reflexive)
    Yea of course. But what if someone was really keen, doing everything you asked, always phoning/texting you, chasing you etc. It puts you off doesn't it?
    True say. Don't people have too much self-respect to do that though?

    and LOL at the 'chasing you' part.. add a gun and the dialogue 'why don't you love me, god damn it!' and you have one of those movies with psycho lovers :p:
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    wow, thats a bit depressing.
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    (Original post by Preeka)
    True say. Don't people have too much self-respect to do that though?

    and LOL at the 'chasing you' part.. add a gun and the dialogue 'why don't you love me, god damn it!' and you have one of those movies with psycho lovers :p:
    haahhahaha classic, love your thinking there mate will pos rep
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    (Original post by Preeka)
    True say. Don't people have too much self-respect to do that though?

    and LOL at the 'chasing you' part.. add a gun and the dialogue 'why don't you love me, god damn it!' and you have one of those movies with psycho lovers :p:
    'True say'. Rare you see people that on this forum!

    You're right tho it means lack of self respect. But then a person who does all those things clearly likes you, a lot, prob more than anyone else. I guess that's the paradox.
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    I think this is only true of immature relationships - it often happens because as you said, it can turn into a power game...when you grow up and have a truly loving relationship, I don't think this happens...
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    (Original post by Reflexive)
    Yea of course. But what if someone was really keen, doing everything you asked, always phoning/texting you, chasing you etc. It puts you off doesn't it?
    It only puts people off because they're not that into the other partner. If you were equally into each other and all that occurred, I don't think there'd be a problem.
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    (Original post by FlyingIsis)
    I think this is only true of immature relationships - it often happens because as you said, it can turn into a power game...when you grow up and have a truly loving relationship, I don't think this happens...

    never thought about it like that. makes sense.
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    (Original post by Lex Talionis)
    It only puts people off because they're not that into the other partner. If you were equally into each other and all that occurred, I don't think there'd be a problem.
    Less of a problem, but it still happens I reckon. You need to both be into each other the same amount
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    (Original post by Reflexive)
    Sounds about right, like the more you like someone, the less they like you. Or the nice guy thing (the nicer you are people, the more they take advantage).
    How horribly true that is

    edit: minus missing out the word to
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    I don't agree entirely with this thread. I know couples who are completely sure of the others love for them and they are happy together and have been for a long time. When people show me love i like it more than when they act distant.
    When you are sure of someones love, you being to trust them more and get close to them rather than the passion fading away. Just think about people who get married. IMO anyways
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    We've already had this thread.
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    I've seen this happen. It was absolutely awful to watch, pretty much a lose lose situation. I don't think it's very common though, maybe towards the end of relationships when one person is trying their hardest to hold on, thus pushing the other away.
 
 
 
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