i'm in a pretty huge dilemma now and i wish someone can help me out from this. any advice would be appreciated.
i have been together with her for 25 months. from the end of year 11 until now, end of year 13. neither of us are the ONS type so the relationship has been lasting for pretty long. we love each other pretty much, although i would say she loves me more than I do as I have found myself no longer passionate about everything in life. It's not like i dont love her, but I seldom get excited by things happening in my life as I used to before.
So, in the past few months, we had to start applying for unis. We are both studying in Hong Kong and I'm planning to go UK while she WAS planning to go to Canada. We both knew this is gonna be a dilemma that we have to find an answer to what do we do with our relationship, but we had been escaping and avoiding from it until few weeks ago, when we no longer have the room to escape.
I said to her, okay. I dont think LDR would work between us since i'm such a lousy lover (i've had 2 affairs on her during our relationship) and I know, deep from my heart that I wont be able to stay focus on her only, especially when we'll be half the earth away from each other and the only chance we could meet is summer, back in Hong Kong.
I know she loves me very deeply and would give up anything for me, for maintaining the relationship at all cost. until recently, i found out that she's attempting to give up her school offer from canada and trying to apply to UK through UCAS Clearing and applying to private art colleges/ institutes. I said to her. look, i dont want you to give up one of the most important chance in your life for me. I dont think i'm worth it for you. look back in 20 years, you will regret for doing this. she says, I want to come as close to you as I can to maintain our relationship, and i dont wanna lose you.
again, i really love her and she's one of the very few really nice girl you can possibly find. she is an ideal girlfriend who's almost perfect. but thinking of this in a logical way, i reached the conclusion that we should not force the relationship from breaking up. we will be opening our new pages of life, and university is such a great opportunity to meet people, to do exciting things, to learn, etc. i do not want to dedicate so much time on sitting in front of my computer in dorm room, giving up chances of going out with new friends and stay on with her.
i know i do sound very mean and selfish. but I would hate myself if she is giving up her canadian offer and come to UK ( the canadian school is much better) for some lousy school just to stay with me, although there is still a chance of us breaking up.
i feel really helpless as she cries almost every night, over and over and over this matter. uni is so close that i've bought my ticket and applied for my student visa, but we are yet to make a final decision on what should we do.
I've told her explicitly that if she attempts to go to schools around me for the sake of the relationship, i will not hesitate to break up. but i will do my best to keep the long distance relationship if she will go to the best school she can find, UK or not. (instead of the closest school from me) i saw it as the only mean of keeping her from giving up her canadian offer as a better education.
help, please. i've never felt so helpless in my life as most of my best friends have left for university and there are little people who can truly understand the dilemma we're in and give a solution to this...
thanks for reading such long story anyway
Big Fxxxxxg Dilemma watch
- Thread Starter
- 01-08-2009 23:05
- 01-08-2009 23:13
Dump her and run. In her best interests
- 01-08-2009 23:19
get her to read what you just wrote, it'll help her to understand what you're thinking.