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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know this might sound really twisted but it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one... I was really contemplating earlier on today. I self harmed for the first time... it calmed me down so I didnt do anything worse.... but the reasons are still there... but I seriously questioned myself... and my mental health for the first time... I felt guilty too.

    I just wish I was someone else though and I could dissappear for a while

    :hugs: You're definitely not alone there.
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    (Original post by just say hello)
    I really want to die, but only if i can come back if i dont like it.
    It's so good no one's ever come back :ninja:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know this might sound really twisted but it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one... I was really contemplating earlier on today. I self harmed for the first time... it calmed me down so I didnt do anything worse.... but the reasons are still there... but I seriously questioned myself... and my mental health for the first time... I felt guilty too.

    I just wish I was someone else though and I could dissappear for a while
    I know, a lot of people just wish they could have a break at times, and some of us wish it more seriously and have heavier feelings it feels like we need a break from.

    It is comforting to know you're not the only one, I know.

    I'm sorry to hear you self-harmed today - that's a slippery slope if ever there is one. Please be careful and try to find something else instead of self-harming to deal with how you feel. Cold showers can be good - it's almost like an unpleasantness which is temporarily satisfying but has no long term effects.

    Have you been feeling like this for a while, do you think it might be worth going to your GP?
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    never, ever, no matter how pissed off or upset i have gotten, have i wanted to die.

    if this life is really it, why waste it? might as well sort one's life out instead of ending it
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    I don't want to die, but I want others to. Does that count?
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I self harmed for the first time...
    It probably won't be the last time... I've been self harming for the last few years and I hardly ever do it now, yaay I hate all the scars on my arm though I wish they would go away but at the same time I think well it's not like I could have gotten by without doing it so there's no point regretting it. It's quite sad really, I used to get really emotional and cry whenever I got drunk and everyone would get fed up with me, I got a bit of a reputation. I found that the more I self harmed, the less likely it would be for me to start crying. If I ever felt I was gonna start crying I would just go into the toilet and cut myself until I felt in control again.
    As for the wanting to kill yourself thing, I wanted to die for about two years but I didn't want to commit suicide. I used to walk in the road without looking just in case I would get hit but would never actually try and commit suicide, simply because I know that there are a lot of people who love me and who are there for me... I hung on even though every day was living hell. One time I was on the bus home and I was drunk and I was feeling so lonely and depressed I got out all the asprins in my bag and swallowed them all, I think there was about 14? It didn't do anything, I knew that wasn't enough to kill myself anyway, I don't know what I was trying to do, I was just trying to change something... that's why I used to drink so much. Even though it never did any good because I would always end up crying, but to just feel different and to not have to think was worth it. Even if I lost some peoples respect.
    One day I was sitting on a bus and I had a revalation, I thought "What if there was a bomb on this bus right now and it blew up?" the old me would have hoped for that to happen but I thought "NO. I don't want to die now!" I couldn't bear the thought of dying that way, lonely, depressed, fat and pathetic. I thought, if I'm gonna die, it's much better to die happy, I didn't want people pittying me, when I die I want to be remembered for being happy and fufilled. I'm still waiting for that to happen but I haven't given up
    And you guys shouldn't either.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Have you been feeling like this for a while, do you think it might be worth going to your GP?
    I have felt like this more recently ... I dont know how I feel about seeing the GP. He's sort of a family friend... I don't really feel comfortable with telling him much. I should probably change but then my parents would find out and they're the ones causing this mainly. My dad's violent and my mum just treats me badly... says horrible things mums are never supposed to say to their kids... I've lost touch with my friends and even if I regained it I would never dream of telling them. But recently things have just gotten out of hand in the family... I just feel horrible, victimised... I can't even go anywhere. I'm 19, girl, an adult, but I just feel so trapped. The whole house seems to just hate me... The beating up thing, my mum not caring about it, me getting angry... everything's just spiralled. It feels like it's all my fault but if I thought about it without feelings... I'd know that what's been going on in my life for so long is really bad...

    Thank god for TSR so that I can let it all out in the open finally. I would like to see someone about it... these feelng about suicide seem to pass though... I'm not sure I should yet...
    Feeling much better after that ^

    And anon#6... thanks for that... I hope things do end up getting better eventually
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    I've thought about going back in time to prevent my birth (if it were possible). I don't know whether or not it would have been painful.

    But yeah, I've plotted quick and painless death years ago.
    • #7
    #7

    i attempted to commit suicide when i was 14 years old. i was getting bullied at school all the time because im gay. i didn't tell anyone i was gay but i guess they assumed and although it was usually just verbal attacks and jokes, it often got physical.

    it got to a point when i didn't want to live but my method of suicide was silly: i was going to overdose with pills - a painful, risky and messy way to kill yourself. I took about 30-40 pills before my little brother walked into my room and saw the pills and started screaming. thankfully, since then ive never got to point when id consider doing such a thing.
    • #8
    #8

    when my parents were going through a rough patch and there were lots of arguments, and when my dad passed away.....
    even now at times i look around and wonder whats actually the point in being here....doubt many people would be overly bothered.... or even notice if i were gone
    • #9
    #9

    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Yes. I also take crazy people meds but the feeling is so strong they don't work most of the time. I feel like dying now, in fact. But I know a lot of people would get hurt and, let's be honest, I'm a wimp.
    I just wish the pain would go away, it aches so much. I tend to just cry and lie here aching, but there's nothing I can do about it but just wait until it passes. Also just knowing that I will have nice days in the future that are worth living for, as much as it doesn't feel like it now.
    This is an incredibly optimistic message and I don't quite know where it's coming from, it certainly doesn't feel like it's coming from me with my mental state at the moment but never mind.
    This, apart from the meds.
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    I think about killing myself all the time. But then I think about what my family would have to go through. I'm prepared to live with my problems as long as my family are okay.
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Yes. I also take crazy people meds but the feeling is so strong they don't work most of the time. I feel like dying now, in fact. But I know a lot of people would get hurt and, let's be honest, I'm a wimp.
    I just wish the pain would go away, it aches so much. I tend to just cry and lie here aching, but there's nothing I can do about it but just wait until it passes. Also just knowing that I will have nice days in the future that are worth living for, as much as it doesn't feel like it now.
    This is an incredibly optimistic message and I don't quite know where it's coming from, it certainly doesn't feel like it's coming from me with my mental state at the moment but never mind.
    Yeah, sorta the same for me. I would cause alot of pain and my familys been through enough already. I too, like you, think of good days in the future but i know for the last few years i have been king procrastinator and find it hard and will find it hard to get out of that state. I would never kill myself though, just couldnt do it, maybe its not weak but a strong sign. Anyway, good luck and i hope you feel better sometime in the near future.
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    Yes all the time. Sometimes things happen (or sometimes I'm just bored with life) and I just think "**** I wish I could just go and die right now".
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    Oh, plenty of times. It's become normal for me now LOL.
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    I express a wish to die to myself frequently, often several times a day when particularly despondent. Even when not immediately suicidal I contemplate suicide almost daily. To me life is only bearable insofar as I do not feel immediately compelled to kill myself, even when generally happy I tend to tantalise myself with it. I am permanently on the mental equivalent of the edge of the top of a tall building; suffering from perpetual existential vertigo.

    But yes, sometimes a bad event can bring it on. But only in the way that turning up a hob from 3 to 6 makes more bubbles appear.
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    I think about committing suicide every day, it's sort of a habit I've got into. I made a serious attempt when I was 18 but I failed.

    At the moment I really, really do want to end it but I keep worrying I'll go to hell for it :/
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    Occasionally in the winter, but only because I want a rest from feeling like crap - feeling depressed is surprisingly exhausting.
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    yes but i'm way too dam scared to kill myself. there's no way i could. i'm pretty depressed right now. but not depressed enough to commit suicide. just really lonely and sad. i remember the last time i felt like this. worst time of my life. but i had a really really good friend who didn't mind talking on the phone for 6 hours until about 2:00 in the morning on a school day. so i survived.
    • #10
    #10

    Yes, I then got referred to a crisis team. I saw 3 psychiatrists, 2 social workers, 3 mental health nurses and a counsellor within the space of a few days.
 
 
 
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