Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My girlfriend and I have been going out with each other for a few years now. We both love each other, and I've always thought about spending the rest of my life with her.

    The thing is, she was the first girl I slept with.

    Am I missing out on life as a young person, to settle down with one girl instead of chasing new girls every month or so, as some of my mates do?a

    I've talked to adults and young people about this, and the general consensus is that I am indeed missing out on my 'young adulthood', by thinking about settling down.

    This thought terrifies me. I don't want to feel that I've 'missed out', but equally terrifying is the thought that I'll never find anyone as special as her.

    Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this?
    Thanks in advance, and sorry for not keeping it short and sweet.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Promiscuity FTW!!!!

    If you are having doubts, then it's likely you don't love her enough to want to be with her forever, so end it now, before there is even more hurt.

    I know a girl who is in a similar situation and can't get out. It's horrible watching her suffer.

    Enjoy your life while you are relatively free of responsibilities!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    im in exactly the same position lol - and i worry sometimes my bf will maybe feel he's missed out later on as well. the thing is, i dont want anyone but him lol and i dont think i evah will. you can still do all the mad stuff ur sposed to do when ur young lol, drinking...partying...travelling and that, its the dating side thats diff. dont stay with this gal thru fear lol but the point o dating is to find someone you wna be with...and you may have already done that lol. so the way i see it you should just relax
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry, but I think you are missing out. Have fun! The longer you are in a relationship the harder it gets. Despite some rough times, I would absolutely HATE to be with the first guy I had sex with....
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I'd rather have a boyfriend and just have sex with him than play the field and sleep around. But I've already done the latter at some point so... :dontknow:

    I (sort of) understand how hard it must be though, not knowing what sex with anyone else is like etc. However... If you're really serious about wanting to settle down with your current girlfriend, and you really love her, I'm not 100% sure how you could entertain the thought of leaving her to sleep with other people?

    How old are you by the way?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'd say finding that special someone is amazing, but i don't believe there is only one person for all of us. To be fair, you probably will look back if it all goes wrong and regret all the experience and fun you could have had now, but it's a lot to throw away. It's a tough one.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Whatever you're happy with.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Siobherz)
    im in exactly the same position lol - and i worry sometimes my bf will maybe feel he's missed out later on as well. the thing is, i dont want anyone but him lol and i dont think i evah will. you can still do all the mad stuff ur sposed to do when ur young lol, drinking...partying...travelling and that, its the dating side thats diff. dont stay with this gal thru fear lol but the point o dating is to find someone you wna be with...and you may have already done that lol. so the way i see it you should just relax
    I think this is my favourite so far

    I want to stay with her, I really do. But it sort of contradicts with the philosophy of grabbing life by the balls, which I aim to follow the rest of the time..

    I think relax is what I need to do. I tend to think too much.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Ive experienced both, and right now im completely happier with the second. I am still close to people, and have relatively long relationships but they can sleep with other people and so can i. It takes away alot of conflict, unsatisfaction and distrust which usually creep in slowly into monogamous relationships.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Personally, I'd rather have a boyfriend and just have sex with him than play the field and sleep around. But I've already done the latter at some point so... :dontknow:

    I (sort of) understand how hard it must be though, not knowing what sex with anyone else is like etc. However... If you're really serious about wanting to settle down with your current girlfriend, and you really love her, I'm not 100% sure how you could entertain the thought of leaving her to sleep with other people?

    How old are you by the way?

    19.

    I understand what you mean about not being 100% sure that I really love her... it's just when it comes to love is it possible to ever be that certain?
    I suppose my uncertainty, like you say, comes from not having been with a lot of other girls.
    Sex wise, though I'm not in any position to comment, we both have a great time... so I'm not unsatisfied in that department.

    I'd never want to hurt her by walking away..but at the same time, I sometimes get the niggling thought at the back of my mind that she thinks the same thing, that she's not getting around enough. This wouldn't bother me, I think it's natural, but if she broke up with me, and told me that she just wanted to sleep with other people, it'd freakin' kill me.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    haha nah ur not thinkin too much; it is a big deal in ur life lol. the point is, ur young - grab by life by the balls lol the diff is uve got someone with u to support u n come along for the ride, like you will for her. ask her if she feels the same bout life and that if ur still not reasured. if u notice as well, the ppl who tell u to dump her n go wild are the ppl who havent got someone lol so it seems clear cut. uve got it all Matt lol..hence 'relax'
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SoundDevastation)
    Ive experienced both, and right now im completely happier with the second. I am still close to people, and have relatively long relationships but they can sleep with other people and so can i. It takes away alot of conflict, unsatisfaction and distrust which usually creep in slowly into monogamous relationships.

    Don't I know it!
    We're both very jealous people. It's not making the relationship bad, but it can be a bit of a pain sometimes
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SoundDevastation)
    Ive experienced both, and right now im completely happier with the second. I am still close to people, and have relatively long relationships but they can sleep with other people and so can i. It takes away alot of conflict, unsatisfaction and distrust which usually creep in slowly into monogamous relationships.
    I'm semi-tempted to try this approach some time, but I don't know if I'd get jealous and how I'd deal with that.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Siobherz)
    haha nah ur not thinkin too much; it is a big deal in ur life lol. the point is, ur young - grab by life by the balls lol the diff is uve got someone with u to support u n come along for the ride, like you will for her. ask her if she feels the same bout life and that if ur still not reasured. if u notice as well, the ppl who tell u to dump her n go wild are the ppl who havent got someone lol so it seems clear cut. uve got it all Matt lol..hence 'relax'

    Thanks again for the words of comfort

    She's been away for the past fortnight or so in a country with no amenities such as telephones.. so the isolation has really gotten to me, and made me think about this sort of thing a lot.

    I think I might talk to her about it, make sure she's on the same page. Cos frankly, I'm happy how things are, I just think there's so much pressure on people to get around..
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cloud Shine)
    Sorry, but I think you are missing out. Have fun! The longer you are in a relationship the harder it gets. Despite some rough times, I would absolutely HATE to be with the first guy I had sex with....

    Thanks for the input.

    When you say you'd hate to be with the first guy you had sex with, do you mean because of that particular guy, or the dilemma I'm sort of facing?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Matt_1991)
    Thanks for the input.

    When you say you'd hate to be with the first guy you had sex with, do you mean because of that particular guy, or the dilemma I'm sort of facing?
    Absolutely both. I couldn't imagine my life without the experience I've gained from various relationships. I have a friend in your position and she knows she should end it but she's almost too scared because the relationship has become so very familiar to her now, and she's not sure she will ever find someone else she loves as much. I 100% know she could find someone better, but she just can't see it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    **** 'em stay true to yourself.... thats all u need to do in this life.
    If you're happy continue as you do.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Do both. Sleep around until you get bored of it/find it unsatisfying or meet someone you really like. Then once you get bored of them go back to sleeping around.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by IJI147)
    **** 'em stay true to yourself.... thats all u need to do in this life.
    If you're happy continue as you do.

    That's exactly what I should do. Yeah.

    Cheers
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cloud Shine)
    Absolutely both. I couldn't imagine my life without the experience I've gained from various relationships. I have a friend in your position and she knows she should end it but she's almost too scared because the relationship has become so very familiar to her now, and she's not sure she will ever find someone else she loves as much. I 100% know she could find someone better, but she just can't see it.

    Okay..
    See when you say she could find someone better, are you saying the other half of your friend is bad for her in some way?
    If she knows she should end it, is it like I just said, because the guy has wronged her in some way, or because like I mentioned earlier, she should be getting around more?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 7, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.