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    (Original post by Matt_1991)
    Okay..
    See when you say she could find someone better, are you saying the other half of your friend is bad for her in some way?
    If she knows she should end it, is it like I just said, because the guy has wronged her in some way, or because like I mentioned earlier, she should be getting around more?
    A bit of both. He's not done anything specific I just think he's a bit of an idiot, a poser, he doesn't treat her as well as she deserves to be treated but she just accepts this as normal because she has nothing to compare it to. She also spends a lot of time wondering about whether, at 21, she really ought to have some more fun and play the field. I don't think he's bad for her in particular (though he is, as I mentioned, an irritating person and not popular with a lot of her friends), I just know that if they broke up she would find that there are guys out there who are MUCH more worthy of her time and attention.
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    Do whatever you want just don't let anyone get hurt! My bf of five years was in your position and at xmas time while I was out of the country visiting my family he went on a few dates with another girl and slept with her in an attempt to 'see what sex someone else would be like'. He said it re-confirmed that what we have is special to him and he wants to commit to me for life - but guess what ...i'm no longer interested thanks very much! Be sure your gf is on the EXACT same page if you want to experiment elsewhere. I totally understand some ppl can do the open relationship thing but it is NOT for everyone and if you try to make it 'fit' you could end up destroying what you have, like my ex did. Best not to take anyone's advice word for word as I fully think there is WAY too much pressure (particularly on guys) to sleep around before settling down. You seem like you're pretty cool with just BEING with her and chilling out but maybe it's the outside influence making you think like this?? Be honest with your gf and - above all - be respectful! Good luck! :thumbsup:
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    I think it would be silly to throw away what you have with her.
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    (Original post by Cloud Shine)
    A bit of both. He's not done anything specific I just think he's a bit of an idiot, a poser, he doesn't treat her as well as she deserves to be treated but she just accepts this as normal because she has nothing to compare it to. She also spends a lot of time wondering about whether, at 21, she really ought to have some more fun and play the field. I don't think he's bad for her in particular (though he is, as I mentioned, an irritating person and not popular with a lot of her friends), I just know that if they broke up she would find that there are guys out there who are MUCH more worthy of her time and attention.
    Oh okay. I've got to say I'm guilty of wondering about whether I'd be better off playing the field.. but if your friend wonders this because of the inadequacies of her current boyfriend, I couldn't really relate, cos my thoughts really just come as a result of my own insecurities... she hasn't really done anything for me to think less of her.

    Do you think some people are better suited to monogamy or promiscuity exclusively, or that everyone should be this, or that?
    That question goes out to you as well as anyone else who might have stumbled on it..
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    (Original post by Matt_1991)
    Oh okay. I've got to say I'm guilty of wondering about whether I'd be better off playing the field.. but if your friend wonders this because of the inadequacies of her current boyfriend, I couldn't really relate, cos my thoughts really just come as a result of my own insecurities... she hasn't really done anything for me to think less of her.

    Do you think some people are better suited to monogamy or promiscuity exclusively, or that everyone should be this, or that?
    That question goes out to you as well as anyone else who might have stumbled on it..
    I think that entirely depends on the circumstances and the person. I do however think that everyone is capable of being promiscuous and being monogamous, but that monogamy takes a lot of work! Everyone has a wandering eye even if they never act upon it (one ex told me he thought thinking about someone else was cheating...load of crap). But if you are asking yourself this question seriously maybe you ought to talk to your girlfriend about it, see what she thinks (but tactfully).
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    (Original post by lil teaspoon)
    Do whatever you want just don't let anyone get hurt! My bf of five years was in your position and at xmas time while I was out of the country visiting my family he went on a few dates with another girl and slept with her in an attempt to 'see what sex someone else would be like'. He said it re-confirmed that what we have is special to him and he wants to commit to me for life - but guess what ...i'm no longer interested thanks very much! Be sure your gf is on the EXACT same page if you want to experiment elsewhere. I totally understand some ppl can do the open relationship thing but it is NOT for everyone and if you try to make it 'fit' you could end up destroying what you have, like my ex did. Best not to take anyone's advice word for word as I fully think there is WAY too much pressure (particularly on guys) to sleep around before settling down. You seem like you're pretty cool with just BEING with her and chilling out but maybe it's the outside influence making you think like this?? Be honest with your gf and - above all - be respectful! Good luck! :thumbsup:
    New member, welcome :p:

    Thanks for writing this, it's really helped me. I do feel under pressure like what you said, and I think because of my age I'm constantly assessing my situation and thinking, is 'that what I should be doing?'
    I will be honest with her, and yes I'll tread carefully, I think you get that I don't want to rock the boat

    EDIT: Sorry to hear about the way your relationship ended up by the way, I'd hate for it to happen to me..
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    Glad that helped! Yeah **it happens right? TBH your posts all seem to be pointing towards the same ending... You're putting the feelers out there to see if the whole sleeping around thing could be your thing which is totally normal. Just don't lose sight of the fact that having sex with someone besides your gf will create distrust and feelings that neither of you will want, regardless of your attitude towards open relationships. If you truly do want to have experiences with other people make it loud and clear what you are doing and be prepared to lose her. If the thought of that gets you there's your answer!
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    (Original post by lil teaspoon)
    Glad that helped! Yeah **it happens right? TBH your posts all seem to be pointing towards the same ending... You're putting the feelers out there to see if the whole sleeping around thing could be your thing which is totally normal. Just don't lose sight of the fact that having sex with someone besides your gf will create distrust and feelings that neither of you will want, regardless of your attitude towards open relationships. If you truly do want to have experiences with other people make it loud and clear what you are doing and be prepared to lose her. If the thought of that gets you there's your answer!
    I suppose that seals it then!

    Thanks to you and everyone who put forward their views, I should be able to sleep soundly now
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    Give your girlie a hug and enjoy!!
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    (Original post by Hispanic-Impressions)
    I'm semi-tempted to try this approach some time, but I don't know if I'd get jealous and how I'd deal with that.
    Its hard to be jealous if youre also free to do whatever you want.
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    In your position, I'd never want to lose what I had for the experience of dating other women.

    I always go for the kind of girl that "would make a good wife" anyway, as I'm not really interested in playing around but maybe that reason is because really I wouldn't be capable of that.

    I do feel as having missed out on young adulthood especially the dating side though due to shyness and lack of confidence (a bit better now).

    Missing out on it with a great girl is better than missing out on it alone at least.
 
 
 
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