Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon or delete please.

    I've posted here before about problems, but once again, I have no one to turn to.

    I don't know if I can cope anymore. I feel as if I've failed utterly in everything. I've suffered from depression, anxiety and anger problems for years now, and I'm awaiting therapy, but that won't be for months.

    All my life seems to be wasted opportunities, one after another to the point where I don't even see opportunities anymore, I can't even consider the possibility of something good happening to me. I went to a prestigious school, I was expected to go to Oxford or Cambridge. My parents split up, and I lost any focus I may have had. I stopped caring completely.

    I had one long relationship and a string of meaningless encounters with girls. After destroying me utterly, the only girl I ever loved went on to be happy and successful: she's got her dream job, house, car, boyfriend, all that stuff. Holidays, probably a baby on the way.

    By contrast I've got an average degree from an average uni, I've never had a job, I can't get a job, I don't even want a job. I have no hopes or ambitions other than creative things which I can't commit to because I can't focus on anything and have no self-discipline. I live at home now and spend all day, every day online. I play computer games that anger me to the point of smashing my room up, hitting myself in the head, breaking objects and shouting so hard my head feels tight and hot and I feel like I'm going to die.

    I have no romantic life at all. I've completely lost what little confidence I ever had in myself and I am convinced I now repel girls completely. Despite attempting to distract myself with mind-rotting games I think about girls, think about the way that I'll never be with anyone I find attractive, and that I'll never experience the sort of happiness that other people seem to.

    Anxiety rules my life when I venture from my room. I convince myself I have illnesses I don't have, although I do seem to have a lot of physical problems - coughs that won't go, constant indigestion. When I play sports, rarely, I struggle incredibly, reaching the point of collapse after fifteen minutes of running after a ball. Pathetic. I'm skinny which makes it worse, as people assume I'm naturally athletic.

    I don't know what's going to happen next. I've already wasted eight years of my life playing online games and sitting in my room, with a break for university. Part of me thinks that I fear the mundane, and feel completely different to other people. Or perhaps I just am unable to change, locked in this prison of a non-life forever.

    Thanks to anyone who bothered to read that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    hi
    im really not good at this stuff but i just wanted to say i read your post. and you have been heard.

    i think maybe you should get out more and meet up with friends and that. even i begin to feel depressed when stuck in the house for too long, going out reminds me that the world is bigger than the distance my eyes can see.

    dont compare your life to others. just focus on what you want and go for it.

    be strong and all that cliche stuff.
    night.
    • #2
    #2

    You need to understand and acknowledge that your mind, and the way you think about things, is affected by physical conditions!! I.e. if you eat rubbish, and isolate yourself, and play the same computer games all day, then you will adopt a particular depressed mindset. I dont know why this is so, but it is!! What you are feeling is not innate!!!

    Whenever I feel depressed I think: 'I am not stuck in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy! Anything more than this is just a bonus!!!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    But if you're so distraught over it...why don't you just change? Apparently you have nothing to lose. Why don't you just get out there and try to find something worthwhile to do. Getting a job may be difficult especially with a poor CV so why don't you do some volunteering? Do something that people can respect so that when you do apply to jobs you have something to talk about that shows character and commitment.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by icn06)
    But if you're so distraught over it...why don't you just change? Apparently you have nothing to lose. Why don't you just get out there and try to find something worthwhile to do. Getting a job may be difficult especially with a poor CV so why don't you do some volunteering? Do something that people can respect so that when you do apply to jobs you have something to talk about that shows character and commitment.
    Distraught isn't really the best word for it... I'd say I'm more resigned, defeated. I can't muster the strength to change. I feel like I've already failed at everything.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    depression thankfully is something i dont have any experience of so i struggle to understand it. however it does sound like you could really do with some professional help? im assuming you have been to see a dr if you are waiting on therapy?
    the problem is you wont change your life unless you WANT to. you need to get past the defeated mind set because until you do you wont have the strength to improve your life. im aware this is very much easier said than done but you really are going to have to try.
    if getting a job isnt possible right now someone has suggested vounteering? i think thats a brilliant idea! it gets you out of the house meeting new people and maybe seeing people who are less fortunate than you may help you realise things arent all that bad.
    maybe start trying to play less of these games if they make you feel angry (im sure again that it isnt easy. please excuse my ignorance, like i said i really have no experience of depression)
    i really hope you get the help you need and can see life is what you make it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Are you interested in anything? Other than computer games/internet, is there anything that you would like from life? Do you have any interests at all?

    Maybe you need to find something which you can be passionate about? And then channel all your energy into that in the hope it'll give your life some sort of meaning again. I guess you just have to realise that if you don't give yourself a chance, maybe nobody else will. And if you already think you've failed at everything, then attempting to do something else won't really add to the feelings of failure if it goes pear-shaped, so you might as well attempt it.

    Do your parents know about your situation? Do they know that you are awaiting therapy? Do they offer you any emotional support?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you will change but, only if you want to.
    i know you have gone through alot in your life. And your parents splitting up wasnt exactly the easiest thing, but hey your not the only one who had to face this, alot of people have gone through alot of shyt and still managed to power through it.just keep in mind that you are alott better than millions of people around.
    at least you got average education,many qualified students around the world never made it to university because they could not afford it financially. thousands of people would kill to be who you used to be, and you should appreciate that.!

    so now lets not cry about the spilled milk, and lets move on.!
    stop wasting years of your life,
    i want you to leave your room and just go out make friends, apply for a job even though you might not get it but still you will get to see people and become more experienced.
    and how about to go to gym, you will become more fit and you can also make new friends there.
    buy new outfits ,change your hairstyle and change yout attitude about life

    and hey! stick a note on your computer just to remind yourself not to play any computer games.
    good luck with everythyng,! and feel free to pm me if you want! ;D
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by randomgirl)
    Are you interested in anything? Other than computer games/internet, is there anything that you would like from life? Do you have any interests at all?

    Maybe you need to find something which you can be passionate about? And then channel all your energy into that in the hope it'll give your life some sort of meaning again. I guess you just have to realise that if you don't give yourself a chance, maybe nobody else will. And if you already think you've failed at everything, then attempting to do something else won't really add to the feelings of failure if it goes pear-shaped, so you might as well attempt it.

    Do your parents know about your situation? Do they know that you are awaiting therapy? Do they offer you any emotional support?
    Supposedly my creative pursuits, but they're not going very well at the moment. I just can't motivate myself to do anything other than play games and occasionally go out with the only friend I have in this city and get drunk.

    I don't really talk to my parents much, let alone about this stuff. I don't feel particularly close to them anymore.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Please read a copy of "Staying Sane" by Dr.Raj Persaud, it explains a lot of things about life and reasons behind depression and anxiety.

    You say you stay in and play a lot of violent shoot-em-up and beat-em-up games? You need to take up a more productive hobby that gets you out and about for starters, like maybe amateur theatre or something at the gym like yoga or aerobics, perhaps?

    And please see a counsellor ASAP.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by robocop1andahalf)
    Please read a copy of "Staying Sane" by Dr.Raj Persaud, it explains a lot of things about life and reasons behind depression and anxiety.

    You say you stay in and play a lot of violent shoot-em-up and beat-em-up games? You need to take up a more productive hobby that gets you out and about for starters, like maybe amateur theatre or something at the gym like yoga or aerobics, perhaps?

    And please see a counsellor ASAP.
    I didn't say this. I play online games, you know, the ones that suck your life away.

    And I've seen more counsellors and therapists than I can remember. I also said in my first post that I'm waiting for my next therapy appointment. It's not until September.

    As for hobbies, well they involve being around other people and I don't want that. Especially now, my health anxieties are in overdrive with the whole swine flu thing. I can only be around large groups of strangers if I'm drunk.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    this may sound pointless to you, but tell me what you have ate in the past 24 hours.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by H.JJJ)
    this may sound pointless to you, but tell me what you have ate in the past 24 hours.
    I usually eat one healthy meal a day in the evening, then a sandwich (usually ham) on brown bread, sometimes toast at night, a couple of chocolate bars and bags of crisps, maybe a cereal bar too. So could be better, could be a lot worse.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't say this. I play online games, you know, the ones that suck your life away.
    What, like WoW and the like?

    Not good!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    ever thought that your diet could be a factor into your lack of motivation to do things? Some people who dont have a source of protein in the morning usually feel tired throughout the day. Not saying this applies to you, but it does show the importance of a decent diet and how it affects our day

    Cut out some (not all!) of the junk food like choc bars and replace them with something that has more nutrional values? Eat some more fruit maybe, have more vegetables maybe? Heck within a few days of doing this you may find you have the energy to do more.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by H.JJJ)
    ever thought that your diet could be a factor into your lack of motivation to do things? Some people who dont have a source of protein in the morning usually feel tired throughout the day. Not saying this applies to you, but it does show the importance of a decent diet and how it affects our day

    Cut out some (not all!) of the junk food like choc bars and replace them with something that has more nutrional values? Eat some more fruit maybe, have more vegetables maybe? Heck within a few days of doing this you may find you have the energy to do more.
    Milk doesn't agree with me so that kinda limits the whole "healthy breakfast" thing unfortunately. I also have a thing about food really... I get paranoid about it making me ill.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Milk doesn't agree with me so that kinda limits the whole "healthy breakfast" thing unfortunately. I also have a thing about food really... I get paranoid about it making me ill.

    How so? not eating enough of the right things makes you far worse i think! Dont have to have milk for breakfast, i mean a few slices of buttered toast with a nice cold glass of orange juice is perfect. Even after that, if this doesnt satisfy your hunger, eat a portion of fruit. Sometimes i have a handful of blueberries + blackberries as a side dish for breakfast.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by H.JJJ)
    How so? not eating enough of the right things makes you far worse i think! Dont have to have milk for breakfast, i mean a few slices of buttered toast with a nice cold glass of orange juice is perfect. Even after that, if this doesnt satisfy your hunger, eat a portion of fruit. Sometimes i have a handful of blueberries + blackberries as a side dish for breakfast.
    I get very paranoid about food poisoning. Also, a lot of food seems to give me indigestion. I seem to have it constantly sometimes.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Tonight I smashed a pool cue in a pub because I lost a repeatedly.

    I came home, disgusted with myself and held a knife up, ready to plunge into my chest. I don't think I would have done it.

    But I can't cope anymore, with being this pathetic person.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    That should read "because I lost repeatedly."
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 7, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.