The Student Room Group

Going to a gay club alone in London...

I already have an offer to go to a very good central London university in 2010, but I've told my parents that I need to go up to London this week to look around. I'm already certain that this is where I'll be going to study (pending grades) so going up to this week's pre-applicant open day is pretty pointless.

I've booked into the central university accommodation for one night and covered my visit to my friends and family by saying that I'm going up for the open day. I do intend on turning up for the open day for a bit, but the night before I want to go out to a gay club or bar. This is the main reason for my trip.

I have yet to come out to my friends or family. I feel so lonely at the moment in this small town and with nobody who will understand how I feel. I just need to get out and talk to other gay people and potentially meet up with somebody. I think this is what I want, but my only concern is that I'll be going alone. Should I just stay in my room all night or head to a large club near the accommodation? I've been reading up about Heaven. I don't really want to get with someone; I just want to talk to other people or be around guys who are similar to me. There's no gay culture here and the idea of anonymity for one night in London really appeals to me.

Any advice regarding clubs or the trip in general would be very helpful.
Going alone to a club is social suicide.

Can't you find a friend or meet someone online and ask them? Or at least get bladdered before you go.
gay culture in london is really open and many heterosexuals also frequent the bars and clubs. To be honest you could always just meet someone in a bar and tell them that you've lost your friends somewhere, i dont think if the person fancies u they will mind at all:wink:

Heaven is expensive and probably the most well known of the gay clubs but i imagine its probably visited by a lot posers and pr*cks for that reason. There are tons of gay clubs in soho and some in camden and transport is so good in london, especially if youre in central london and you dont have to make your way out to the suburbs, that you can go anywhere and still be back at your digs in little time.

Just be aware of your surroundings and relax. you'll have a great time

edit: just re red your post. Is there no one that u know at all that would go to a gay-friendly club with u? you don't have to pull if you havent come out yet
Reply 3
Forbidden Fruit
Going alone to a club is social suicide.

Can't you find a friend or meet someone online and ask them? Or at least get bladdered before you go.


Why would I go to a gay club with my friends who think I'm straight? I can't think of a more obvious way to out myself!

I've been to London loads of times and I've seen people in bars, clubs and restaurants by themselves quite a lot. I imagined the gay scene wold be more friendly than mainstream clubs, but I'm only guessing - I've never set foot in a gay club before.
Reply 4
I'm sure most of the gay community would be happy to lend an ear. Although most of my gay friends take pride in being the first to take other mens virginity, so i'd be aware of that element. Perhaps you could just wait until you get to uni and meet up with the massive LGBT scene that is present within every university.
Reply 5
Forbidden Fruit
Going alone to a club is social suicide.

Back when I was 16-17, I'd go out like three times a week, regardless of whether it was with friends or alone. At most clubs at the time, things got to the point I was out so often, I knew all the regulars and would always know someone there.

Now, going alone to a club alone in a city you don't live in yet, that's a different matter.
Reply 6
Forbidden Fruit
Going alone to a club is social suicide.

Nonsense. I do it at least once a week since no straights will go to gay clubs with me. I find I meet more people that way too, people always seem more shy about talking if you have friends by your side all the time. But clubs in general are horrible places to meet people. All the ones I've met in clubs who have stayed in touch have become nothing more than Facebook contacts. Waste of time really. I just enjoy the gay clubs for the music.


Be careful though, if you're even slightly good looking you'll get loads of offers ranging from sex in a toilet cubicle to going home with a 50 year old. Make sure you stay alert and don't get taken advantage of.
Anonymous
I already have an offer to go to a very good central London university in 2010, but I've told my parents that I need to go up to London this week to look around. I'm already certain that this is where I'll be going to study (pending grades) so going up to this week's pre-applicant open day is pretty pointless.

I've booked into the central university accommodation for one night and covered my visit to my friends and family by saying that I'm going up for the open day. I do intend on turning up for the open day for a bit, but the night before I want to go out to a gay club or bar. This is the main reason for my trip.

I have yet to come out to my friends or family. I feel so lonely at the moment in this small town and with nobody who will understand how I feel. I just need to get out and talk to other gay people and potentially meet up with somebody. I think this is what I want, but my only concern is that I'll be going alone. Should I just stay in my room all night or head to a large club near the accommodation? I've been reading up about Heaven. I don't really want to get with someone; I just want to talk to other people or be around guys who are similar to me. There's no gay culture here and the idea of anonymity for one night in London really appeals to me.

Any advice regarding clubs or the trip in general would be very helpful.

hmmm well I have been to Heaven a few times and it is a bit of a dark club (as in few lights) and sometimes people are in groups and can be cliquy. It does depend on the people that night. You could always meet individual guys ... have chats ... blah blah blah ... but tbh it's best if you go with another friend or just wait.
Sephiroth
Nonsense. I do it at least once a week since no straights will go to gay clubs with me. I find I meet more people that way too, people always seem more shy about talking if you have friends by your side all the time. But clubs in general are horrible places to meet people. All the ones I've met in clubs who have stayed in touch have become nothing more than Facebook contacts. Waste of time really. I just enjoy the gay clubs for the music.


Be careful though, if you're even slightly good looking you'll get loads of offers ranging from sex in a toilet cubicle to going home with a 50 year old. Make sure you stay alert and don't get taken advantage of.


Gosh! Someone's really negative.
You can meet nice people at clubs. But that is the point of clubbing. Meeting new people and having a good time. If you get their numbers then well done and good luck, and if you don't then at least you met cool people and had a good time.
Lastly, everyone gets a desperate 50 year old hitting on them every-so-often and people have sex in any club - you should hear all my hetro 'girlfriends' going on about it. Not exclussive to gay clubs!
Reply 9
Lord Hysteria
Gosh! Someone's really negative.
You can meet nice people at clubs. But that is the point of clubbing. Meeting new people and having a good time. If you get their numbers then well done and good luck, and if you don't then at least you met cool people and had a good time.
Lastly, everyone gets a desperate 50 year old hitting on them every-so-often and people have sex in any club - you should hear all my hetro 'girlfriends' going on about it. Not exclussive to gay clubs!

It's hardly negative as I never claimed you'd not meet any nice people. I meet loads, but they don't stay in touch so to me it's not the place to be if I want to meet new people. I'm sure most people will agree clubs aren't one of the best places to meet people. If you want to go out to meet people then a quieter, smaller bar or pub is always better. Conversation is quite difficult with loud music and being drunk doesn't help. My Newcastle friends prefer the social aspect of the scene and they tend to stick to the bars for that. Quite the opposite to me though.

I find sex to be a lot more common in gay clubs, infact I've never seen it in a straight club whereas almost every time I'm in a gay club I see it at least once. By "see" I mean queuing for the toilet while people spend 10-20 minutes in the cubicle and come out in pairs. It's ridiculous in certain Manchester clubs. I can't comment on the London scene in that respect but there's no reason to assume it would be any different to northern cities. And I'd certainly feel a bit more worried if a 50 year old male was coming on to me than a 50 year old woman in a straight club. Men are stronger than women and this tends to be why women rarely go out alone.

I don't think it would be fair to tell the guy everything will be lovely, that he'll meet loads of great people and not have more things to consider than in a straight club. People told me loads of great things about uni LGBT groups before I went to uni and I soon found it to be quite the opposite. It's best to hear the good and the bad. Clubs are a bit of a lottery when you go alone, sometimes you have a great time and other times you can't wait to leave. It depends who is there, and that's far less important when you have half a dozen friends with you.

But yeah, I suggest the guy goes with the intention of having a good time and not to worry as much about meeting people because if he doesn't he'll think he had a bad time. If he has the confidence to walk up to random people and start talking he'll be more likely to have a good time than not.
Heaven is quite awesome, I'm straight and go there just beacause the dancing is incredible, you can properly go for it and no-one judges you. I also met loadsa people there, so I think going on your own is fine, although it might be a bit awkward at first.
Reply 11
I'm still undecided on whether I'll end up going out to a gay club tomorrow night. My train leaves for London tomorrow morning so is there anybody here who has any last minute advice for me? I started this thread late last night, so I'm hoping this 'bump' will get more people reading.

Thanks to all the helpful posts so far. I really want to take the risk and go for it, but it's the fact that I'll be on my own that scares me. Then I remind myself that it's only one night out and that I won't be back in London for at least another 6 months. What to do?!
I wouldn't have any great expectations if you go to a gay club in London by yourslef.

If you just want to go so you can say to yourself you have been to a gay club, and thats part of your coming out to yourself then thats cool.

It is hard to meet nice people in a club with loud music and lots of people drinking. Several posters have warned that young single fairly good looking guys can get offers they dont want. I find that there really aren't many people in most gay clubs in London by themselves apart from sad old blokes.

you are more likely to meet people to chat to in a gay bar or pub. If you meet someone you like maybe go to a club afterwards with them.

If you dont make it to a club tommorow, dont worry. If you end up at any big city university there will be a LGB society and several gay bars to chose from. You will quickly meet other gay folk and work out which ones you get on with and which ones you don't. There are also of course the gay dating sites such as Gaydar.
Reply 13
Sephiroth
It's hardly negative as I never claimed you'd not meet any nice people. I meet loads, but they don't stay in touch so to me it's not the place to be if I want to meet new people. I'm sure most people will agree clubs aren't one of the best places to meet people. If you want to go out to meet people then a quieter, smaller bar or pub is always better. Conversation is quite difficult with loud music and being drunk doesn't help. My Newcastle friends prefer the social aspect of the scene and they tend to stick to the bars for that. Quite the opposite to me though.

I find sex to be a lot more common in gay clubs, infact I've never seen it in a straight club whereas almost every time I'm in a gay club I see it at least once. By "see" I mean queuing for the toilet while people spend 10-20 minutes in the cubicle and come out in pairs. It's ridiculous in certain Manchester clubs. I can't comment on the London scene in that respect but there's no reason to assume it would be any different to northern cities. And I'd certainly feel a bit more worried if a 50 year old male was coming on to me than a 50 year old woman in a straight club. Men are stronger than women and this tends to be why women rarely go out alone.

I don't think it would be fair to tell the guy everything will be lovely, that he'll meet loads of great people and not have more things to consider than in a straight club. People told me loads of great things about uni LGBT groups before I went to uni and I soon found it to be quite the opposite. It's best to hear the good and the bad. Clubs are a bit of a lottery when you go alone, sometimes you have a great time and other times you can't wait to leave. It depends who is there, and that's far less important when you have half a dozen friends with you.

But yeah, I suggest the guy goes with the intention of having a good time and not to worry as much about meeting people because if he doesn't he'll think he had a bad time. If he has the confidence to walk up to random people and start talking he'll be more likely to have a good time than not.


Well I can't really comment on manchester gay clubs, but i certainly can on the ones in London. I go quite a lot, at least 2 times a week, sometimes 4+. well anyway, I for one have never been offered sex in a toilet (although i have been offered a bj on the bus home afterward.. :s-smilie:) and have never seen it happen, because there are always toilet attendants that will stop you going in together, and if you somehow get in, you will be caught and kicked out. In fact the staff wondering around the club will tell people to stop any particularly heavy petting. This is the same for str8 clubs too. Security is quite high in London clubs.

And to OP, this may be too late, but I don't see why you have to go now? Can't you wait til uni when you can go with the LGBT? If its Imperial you're going to, I know that club nights are planned with loads of people, and everyones really nice :smile: If its UCL, then i know loadsa ppl there, and theyre nice guys too and will probably be going out too.

Going alone probably isnt the best plan, as it can be quite un nerving. The first time i went i went ith 1 friend, and it was such a change from straight clubs. People are much more forward and look at u and grab u occasionally, whihc may freak you out somewhat. I lost my friend on this occasion and ended up dancin, with like 4 30ish old guys dancin around me, which freaked me out so i rn away haha.

And with goin to a bar instead, this may be better idea, but be aware that being so young, you will get lots of people looking at you probably and you may feel rather self conscious, i know i do when im there. But hey, you may love it haha.
miiiiil
Well I can't really comment on manchester gay clubs, but i certainly can on the ones in London. I go quite a lot, at least 2 times a week, sometimes 4+. well anyway, I for one have never been offered sex in a toilet (although i have been offered a bj on the bus home afterward.. :s-smilie:) and have never seen it happen, because there are always toilet attendants that will stop you going in together, and if you somehow get in, you will be caught and kicked out. In fact the staff wondering around the club will tell people to stop any particularly heavy petting. This is the same for str8 clubs too. Security is quite high in London clubs.

And to OP, this may be too late, but I don't see why you have to go now? Can't you wait til uni when you can go with the LGBT? If its Imperial you're going to, I know that club nights are planned with loads of people, and everyones really nice :smile: If its UCL, then i know loadsa ppl there, and theyre nice guys too and will probably be going out too.

Going alone probably isnt the best plan, as it can be quite un nerving. The first time i went i went ith 1 friend, and it was such a change from straight clubs. People are much more forward and look at u and grab u occasionally, whihc may freak you out somewhat. I lost my friend on this occasion and ended up dancin, with like 4 30ish old guys dancin around me, which freaked me out so i rn away haha.

And with goin to a bar instead, this may be better idea, but be aware that being so young, you will get lots of people looking at you probably and you may feel rather self conscious, i know i do when im there. But hey, you may love it haha.

You ran away! haha! That sounds funny. And since when were gropes unnerving? I have never had problems with them :coma: ...

It probably is late. I went past Heaven today and was wondering if the OP was around waiting for it to open or something :tongue:
please please please be protective or stop going to gay clubs, there are very high risk of hiv spreading please please be safe!!!!
Have a look at the "PINK london" app, it's got all the gay events and clubs listed and it's free.

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